Ok me and my finace have been together now for four years. Sometimes I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him. We just had to move back in with his parents. Everything is going good but sometimes I feel like im not appreciated for anything. He has his days where he is the sweetest man I know and then theres days that I just want to cover my head and scream. Every morning he wakes up and wants me to get up and get his clothes for him. Ok I do but say I dont get something he likes he gets mad at me. We both work for my brother. I am the secretary and he is a clean up guy for drywall. If he gets mad about something my brother has him to do I get the blame for it. He dont want to call him for anything. Why should I get yelled at for something I had nothing to do with. We spend time with his family all the time. I mead we live with them. But he never wants to see anybody in my family. Every weekend he decides what we do and never ask me anything. If he dont get his way than im automatically to blame. He says I lie all the time about stupid stuff. Half the time I dont know what he is even talking about. I love him with all my heart and would do anything in the world for him but when do you say enough is enough. He constantly wants me to do stuff for him and if I dont get up and do it, I get a argument saying that he'll do anything for me but I dont want to do anything for him. He says I never listen to anything he says blah blah.....I hear everything he says. He admits that he has a very bad anger issue. But just because you admit doesnt fix it. It seems like here lately he has had a attitude about everything. What should I do?????
What should you do? Demand respect right now or walk out the door! Enough is enough now. He is a controlling jerk and you are allowing him to treat you that way. Every time you get his clothes for him or do what he demands that is you okaying his treatment. You know it's wrong of him to treat you this way or you wouldn't be looking for advice about it.
Trust me, my ex-husband was a real jerk. He was manipulative, controlling, mentally and verbally (and occasionally physically) abusive and he was a cheater. I took his crap for so long. He always promised a change for his "anger problem" but it never happened. I went back and forth for so long until one day I had enough and I never looked back.
You need to talk with him and let him know exactly how you want things to be. If he can't or won't do it then you need to move on. Life is too short to waste with someone who doesn't respsect you, and he clearly doesn't. His claim of loving you isn't enough. He needs to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and you should never settle for anything less.
When you have to ask that question then you know it is enough. You may love him but I dont think he loves you. A person that loves you isnt going to treat you like that. So enough is enough now. You can do one of two things. The first being tell him you are tired of the bs and now he needs to step up to the plate and treat you are a equal in the realtionship. He needs to get his own clothes take the blame for his onw issues. And so with that choice. The second is pack your stuff and tell him you have had enough and you are done. Walk out that door and get to a friend's or family's house and focus on yourself.
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Yes as Blastoff said...if you have to ask..then you know it is enough.
First off, I believe that your man has some insecurity issues and that is why he is taking it out on you. You said that you guys had to move in with his parents. Was the for financial reasons? If so, this might be bothering him deep down. He may feel less of a man for not being able to support you and having to move in with his parents. Men have high egos and when they feel terrible about themselves, they tend to take it out on others...wives especially. Yikes!
If you don't feel like getting his clothes, etc...than he has no right to put you down. You are not his maid. Some nerve!
Remember that movie with J Lo "Enough". Need I say more!
Hopefully things will work out once you put your foot down, but if they don't...you know what you need to do.
Cut him loose NOW before you get married! Otherwise you're in for a really miserable life with a jerk for a husband. That would suck and I'd hate that. That's why you have to get out NOW. Don't wait another minute!
I agree with the others. Lots of smart women on here. GET OUT.. If he treats you like this NOW it will only get worse in time and/or if you marry him. It will be tough but you can move on away from him. My ex-husband was very controlling and it took alot but I have a much better life now because of it.