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Old 07-19-2007, 04:39 AM   #1
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Exclamation question about men disappearing without a word

My question pertains to my daughter and some of her friends who have all experienced this multiple times. They meet a guy. Different places. Some online. The guy smothers them with attention. Calls everyday. within weeks is telling her how much of a conection he feels with her. Talks about the fact that he wants a relationship and not a week or two of dating. Takes the girl out a few times. Keeps calling. Keeps saying how interested he is and how much he likes her and wants to get to know her more. THEN, drops off the face of the earth. Not another word, no reason, just stops calling and doesn't return calls. It's obvious he isn't interested, none of us are dumb BUT why all the theatrics???? If they don't like the girl why don't they say so. Why go through all of this and make the girl THINK they're interested and then never a word???? I don't understand this and have seen it happen too many times to too many girls. These women are not kids. They are all late 20's , professional, nice looking, good personalities and senses of humor. They don't sleep with them immediately and most times before the guy disappears so I can't even say they got what they wanted. Any ideas? I am baffled. If I didn't want to see someone I would never put that amount of time into the constant calling and dating. I would just tell them it's going nowhere or back off.

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Old 07-19-2007, 07:16 AM   #2
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

yes....the age old question that's been pondered by women of all ages......
the only thing I can come up with is men are flaky......

 
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Old 07-19-2007, 07:42 AM   #3
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Men are fickle. Sometimes it's easier to just stop all contact then just be honest with someone. It doesn't make it right but it does happen.

 
Old 07-19-2007, 08:00 AM   #4
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Icy,

I went through that in my late 20's, too- I was attractive, intelligent, good job, etc. Nothing wrong with me.

But I think HappyMom has it right- men find it easier to just stop contact than to deal with cutting off a relationship. Afraid of tears or emotions, whatever. It took a while for me to find the right guy, but I sure did (and the wait was well worth it).

Dustoff

 
Old 07-19-2007, 08:20 AM   #5
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

That what men normally do. Everything can go great and suddenly they disappear. I don't think they even realize that women take seriously all their talks and promises. At one point they may want to shop around or don't want to be in the relationship. Just stop calling is the easiest thing to do.

 
Old 07-19-2007, 08:27 AM   #6
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

A man's primary goal in dating is to get laid. I know a lot of guys who think that if a woman doesn't put out by the third or fourth date then she is not worth wasting any more time on. So if they aren't getting what they want, that is probably why they are moving on.
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Old 07-19-2007, 08:29 AM   #7
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Men, especially young men these days, feel no responsibility toward the young women they date. I suspect these men come on strong because they want to appear sincere and commited so these young women will have sex with them. They lie to these women and pretend they care and put on all these theatrics because they think that's what will get the woman into bed. When they don't get sex right away, they get tired of waiting, and since they don't care about these young women as people, they just disappear. Even the most loving, devoted, commited husband has treated some girl like a piece of meat at some point in his life. That's just how men are.

It seems to me that men, especially young men, don't see women as human beings, as fellow people who are deserving of a certain amount of respect and honesty simply because they are human beings. Men just don't think that way. They want sex, and they just see women as these warm hunks of meat they can satisfy themselves on. It's sad, but really, our society is so busy with this "get over it" attitude, that we've begun to think "well, so what if I use you, lie to you, cheat you, hurt you, betray you, it's your job to just get over it and if you can't, it's not my fault, it's your character flaw."

It was a nice gesture, but sort of silly that the Pope issued that edict about road rage that says "feel responsible to each other." Unfortunately you can't just insist that someone feel responsible if they just don't. Like that character in that movie Knocked Up when she sees all the sex offenders living in her neighborhood and her husband is cavalier about it, she snaps "Care more!!!" It's ridiculous. You can't make someone care about something they have chosen not to care about.

It would be great if we could somehow insist that young men care more about the young women they lie to and use and play like a Nintendo game. But it starts in the home. If these young men aren't raised that way by their parents, they aren't going to change their ways now, especially when sex is on the line.

The only thing you can do as a mother of a young woman in the dating scene is to tell her to keep doing what she's doing, hold her self respect high, keep her BS radar tuned, don't give up sex until the guy has proven he's not just out for sex and isn't going to disappear. Because when a man does meet that one woman that he can and does fall in love with, he kisses her hiney and treats her like a queen and will bend over backwards to make her happy. A smart girl ferrets out the losers and users and waits for that guy who will wait for sex and who won't disappear. Good luck to your girl and her pals.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 07-19-2007 at 08:34 AM.

 
Old 07-19-2007, 08:42 AM   #8
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Oh Lord girlfriends...thank you all so much. The way you all explained it is the way I saw it but seeing my daughter hurt time and time again made me post it. You know these girls will tell you they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Give it up easily and they don't call back, make them wait and they don't call back.

Dustoff........I hear what you saying!

Larrylou'smom......You put it beautifully. I am actually going to e-mail or print all of your responses for her. I think she already knows what's going on BUT it just pisses her off that people are so shallow and dishonest. Believe me I have seen women do this to men also.

God bless all,

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Old 07-19-2007, 09:01 AM   #9
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

p.s. Love ya (hugs).

 
Old 07-19-2007, 09:05 AM   #10
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Dustoff....Love you too!



Hugging you back,
ICY

 
Old 07-19-2007, 09:31 AM   #11
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Quote:
Originally Posted by ICC View Post
Oh Lord girlfriends...thank you all so much. The way you all explained it is the way I saw it but seeing my daughter hurt time and time again made me post it.
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Most of the people especially women experienced it until they hit a right person. She should just take it easy, there are so many things in life which can go wrong compare to which this is very minor.

 
Old 07-19-2007, 06:02 PM   #12
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

gosh people!! women do this too!! i can think of at least 5 women that have done this to me in the last yr.

men and women are HUMAN. there's not one thing anyone can attribute only to one gender. PEOPLE do strange things when they don't know any other way to handle a situation. rejection is not easy; from either perspective. people change their minds. men ask for phone numbers and not call. women give them out knowing they don't want you to call. its life. you can say that they haven't met anyone "nice" yet but you'll be surprised how "nice" people act when they like you and how "rude" they act when they don't.

probably what happens is that those guys were "dating" more than one women since in the past they've been burned when women flaked out on them; who knows. i know right now i'm not going to be talking to only one girl at a time. a lot of women change their minds too quickly. as i've said before, i never believe anything a woman says until i see it and i assume any date/phone call/whatever is the last i'll have with her no matter how well it went.

guys, there are SSOOO MANY men out there that none of your popular stereotypes apply to.

 
Old 07-20-2007, 03:45 AM   #13
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Thanks Lance for your input. I did mention in my post that I know many girls who have done the same thing so I don't want you to feel I think all men are bad 'cause I certainly don't. I totally agree with you. My daughter has met many a guy who has had his heart torn out my a gold-digging cheat. Now he is afraid to give another girl a chance. What do nice people do? How does a nice girl explain to a guy ( I guess she really can;t) that she has never cheated on any of her BF, but has been cheated on and wouldn't do it to a dog.???? I'm not saying there should be instant romance, but I know my daughter would be happy meeting a guy she at least could remain friends with . Someone to travel with, go to a movie, a comedy show, a ball game. Sometimes there is just no one around to do these things with. Sometimes she would feel safer doing things with a guy/or maybe just enjoy male company instead of the frivolity of the girls all the time. I think alot of singles feel if they meet someone they like the Church will be booked the next day. NO! have a good time. Get to no different people. Let things happen as they should. I feel so bad for anyone in this situation. My words of wisdom to my daughter are " Meet everyone. if you meet a guy and 2 weeks later you meet another , date them both. Sleep with none. Don't trust anyone until they've proven that they don't have a hidden agenda. Don't get close until you're sure. Have a good time"


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Old 07-20-2007, 04:06 AM   #14
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Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Yes, some men are just afriad of the words "COMMITMENT" AND "LOVE"...yet they are not afraid to have sex. Go figure! It really is sad that some guys are just so immature and not responsible enough to even stick with a good girl who has brains, body and a good job. They rather sleep around and run away from the "real life" and just play these stupid games over and over again sad to say!
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Old 07-20-2007, 04:17 AM   #15
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Cool Re: question about men disappearing without a word

Well said Lance!!!

 
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