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Old 07-21-2007, 01:26 PM   #1
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Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

I met this guy last friday at a party, through a friend..then happened to go back to his (partly because I had nowhere to go - kind of complicated). I only left his place at 2pm the following day..we just talked a lot and spent some time together and did random things like look at photos. He then drove me somewhere and before we got to the car, he held my hand. He said that he felt he needed to explain that he doesn't usually bring girls home back from clubs, and I said it's not something i do either (have never gone back to someone's house!). he asked if it's ok to have my number, and I gave it to him. Now..i met him through my ex, which is slightly awkward..he asked how long we went out for and when we broke up, hmm. He doesn't know him very well, though..but he asked twice when we broke up..
The next day he didn't call or text me, but he added me on facebook and wrote a message saying he had a lovely time on friday evening and it was lovely meeting me, etc..he said 'hopefully will talk soon and can arrange to catch up'. then we messaged each other back and forth..then he said he'd call, but never did! He said he'd TRY to call on tues evening, but he gets back v late on tuesdays..so he texted on tues night, saying something along the lines of 'just got back and so tired that bed is all i want..although it was nicer when you were in it too :-) have a nice eve and chat soon xx'
There was no communication on wednesday..on thurs I texted him, but cant even remember what i said..it was just asking him how he was..he texted back with his sunday weekend plans (didnt mention friday eve/saturday)..and asked what my plans were. I also only had plans for sunday, so i told him abt my sunday plans - the truth! i was hoping he'd ask to meet up on saturday, in that case..but he didn't. He texted back to comment on my sunday plans and to say 'sleep well'!!! And..that's it! I'm not too sure what to make of it..whether or not he's interested. He seemed interested on saturday morning/afternoon..but perhaps he has changed his mind?? I don't know whether I should wait for him to contact me again (if he does) or if I should just ask to meet up?!?! Some girls I know think it's very wrong to ask to meet up and that some guys find it a turn-off..having spoken to one male friend, he thinks I should def. ask he meet up..and another male friend thinks I should ask to meet up because I have nothing to lose..not sure if that's entirely correct, though. I have never been one to initiate things and have always thought that surely if the guy is interested, he would ask?! He did say that we should 'arrange to catch up', but perhaps he was being polite??? or maybe he did want to and has changed his mind..or maybe he's 'shy'..? I did respond to that message, but only other aspects of it..not the catching up part of it, so maybe he thinks i dont want to? Although I did text him myself on thurs...hmm.
Any help would be appreciated!!!

 
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Old 07-21-2007, 04:02 PM   #2
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Hey, innocence! It's nice to see that you've moving on to new guys after that complicated stuff before From the way you describe things I would say this bloke is interested but a bit scared of coming on too strong; he's playing it cool. Not calling you was a bit flaky, but maybe he was worried that it might be difficult to keep the conversation flowing. Do you think that is a possibility?

On a general note I would say don't be afraid to be the one to make the running. I think I would die from shock if a girl asked me out. In fact, it was amazing when my ex asked me if I would like to go on holiday with her before we were even going out as a couple! I know the act of doing these things is very nerve-racking, but if you get the outcome you want then you will look back and think you made the right choice. Whereas, if you fail to act you will always regret not taking the chance!
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Old 07-21-2007, 05:29 PM   #3
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ErimusValidus View Post
Hey, innocence! It's nice to see that you've moving on to new guys after that complicated stuff before From the way you describe things I would say this bloke is interested but a bit scared of coming on too strong; he's playing it cool. Not calling you was a bit flaky, but maybe he was worried that it might be difficult to keep the conversation flowing. Do you think that is a possibility?

On a general note I would say don't be afraid to be the one to make the running. I think I would die from shock if a girl asked me out. In fact, it was amazing when my ex asked me if I would like to go on holiday with her before we were even going out as a couple! I know the act of doing these things is very nerve-racking, but if you get the outcome you want then you will look back and think you made the right choice. Whereas, if you fail to act you will always regret not taking the chance!

Hi there! Thanks so much for your reply! Yes, I've moved on...I don't think it would be a good idea for things to go anywhere with that friend of mine. I really like this new guy! And i noticed that you're male - it's good to have a guy's perspective on this. And you're from the UK as well!
I don't think he was worried that we wouldn't be able to keep the conversation flowing, since we had so much to talk about last time..we talked for hours. And i dont know..why a guy ask for the girl's number and message her to say we should 'catch up soon' if he didn't mean it? I'm worried that he was either being polite or has changed his mind...more worried about the latter. He also seemed really shocked when I told him my age - 19. Because I kept talking about a type of job which only graduates would usually have, he assumed that im a graduate..but im only on a gap year! So, he's this sucessful guy who has bought his own place, went to Eton..then Oxford..is now working in the City, and I'm just this 19 year old girl who's only just starting uni. Hmm. He's almost 25, by the way...so it's not a huge age difference, but completely different lifestyles.
It's a bit strange that I know him through my ex..and he asked me a couple of times how long ago that was. it was a year ago, and when I told him, he sounded relieved..and i thought it was a good sign?!

Anyway, I'm not expecting him to be texting/calling tomorrow (especially since he said he's going to the cricket). So you dont think it'd look as though I'm too desperate if I text him tomorrow evening/monday morning and ask if he wants to meet up next weekend?!

Thanks, once again!!

 
Old 07-21-2007, 07:58 PM   #4
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Here's my 100% honest advice Innocence; you should most assuredly NOT call this man looking for a date, because the moment you do something awful will happen. Get ready for it - YOU WILL DECREASE YOUR DESIREABILITY IN HIS EYES.

Do not call/text/mail or send smoke signals either, lol. You should withdraw your contact entirely and let HIM - CALL - YOU! And there are too many reasons for that for me to include here. You're better off typing the name Mimi Tanner into a search engine and looking up her book 'calling men'. It's all about the psychology of calling men (or more precisely NOT calling them! lol) Everything this woman talks about on that subject tallies with the seventeen years experience I've had with men and I honestly believe most of what she says is 100% accurate.

(People sure must be sick of hearing me banging on about that book, lol!)

 
Old 07-21-2007, 08:02 PM   #5
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

LOL! No sicker than they are of me banging on about He's Just Not That Into You, which I highly recommend as well, because it says the same thing, only from a man's perspective.

I think every situation is different and you have to follow the flow of contact according to each situation. But in this case, he came on hot and heavy, told you HE'D call YOU, then didn't, was too busy, too tired, etc. Believe me, if he were all that excited, he'd make time to contact you.

In this particular case, I agree, contacting him will appear very desperate, and he will think you have no other options and you are eager to glom onto him because you nothing else going on. Instead of you freaking out about an opportunity you may be missing, why not give him a chance to wonder what HE'S missing?

 
Old 07-21-2007, 09:44 PM   #6
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
..contacting him will appear very desperate, and he will think you have no other options and you are eager to glom onto him because you nothing else going on.
Mimi makes that exact point almost word for word Larrylou'smom!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Instead of you freaking out about an opportunity you may be missing, why not give him a chance to wonder what HE'S missing?
And this one too!!!

(maybe you should write a book of your own and advise us all how to sort out of love lives, lol - and reserve me a copy - I could really do with it at the moment!)

 
Old 07-22-2007, 02:56 AM   #7
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Ok, so all of you women seem to think that I shouldn't contact him. All of the men I've asked have said the opposite, though! I have never ever called or asked out a guy, and have always waited for the guy to initiate things..but what if he doesn't?! Then there are plenty more fish in the sea, yes..yes.
I wonder what made him change his mind so suddenly!

Thanks for all of your replies!

 
Old 07-22-2007, 03:10 AM   #8
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by innocence View Post
Ok, so all of you women seem to think that I shouldn't contact him. All of the men I've asked have said the opposite, though! I have never ever called or asked out a guy, and have always waited for the guy to initiate things..but what if he doesn't?! Then there are plenty more fish in the sea, yes..yes.
I wonder what made him change his mind so suddenly!

Thanks for all of your replies!
Hey, innocence It's so complicated, isn't it?! When you pointed out that the conversation had previously been flowing nicely that did set alarm bells ringing in my head, I have to admit. With that in mind I might be inclined to agree with the girls and suggest that you wait for him to make a move. Perhaps, from what you tell us about him, he is put off by the age difference etc. And if that's the case then don't bother with him. If he wants to be like Ziggy on Big Brother and would only be truly interested in you if you were more his age, then perhaps you're better off not going there. I'm sorry for my complete u-turn there
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Old 07-22-2007, 04:04 AM   #9
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ErimusValidus View Post
Hey, innocence It's so complicated, isn't it?! When you pointed out that the conversation had previously been flowing nicely that did set alarm bells ringing in my head, I have to admit. With that in mind I might be inclined to agree with the girls and suggest that you wait for him to make a move. Perhaps, from what you tell us about him, he is put off by the age difference etc. And if that's the case then don't bother with him. If he wants to be like Ziggy on Big Brother and would only be truly interested in you if you were more his age, then perhaps you're better off not going there. I'm sorry for my complete u-turn there
Don't apologise - thank you for your honesty. It's better knowing the truth, rather than fooling myself into thinking he's interested in me. I don't even know why I'm so bothered by all of this. I've only met him once! I was far less bothered by things when I broke up with my bf of two years (admittedly the relationship wasn't a great one!). I think I'm perhaps blowing things out of proportion a bit (with the crying, etc! :-$). I don't know which bothers me more - that he seemed so -perfect- (I know it's wrong to think like this!) or the fact that he probably just used me and didn't want a relationship?
Thanks for the honesty, though!

 
Old 07-22-2007, 05:47 AM   #10
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

I'm kinda in the middle here.
On one hand i'm thinking you've contacted him already through txt asking about plans and he didn't make the move to ask you out after acting very keen( i HATE when that happens) so i'd be inclined to say don't contact him, if he's interested let him contact you.

But then on the other hand i'm thinking 1) its like the year 2007, why can't a girl make the first move why does it have to be the guy and 2) isn't it like playing silly games to be thinking no i'm gonna wait for him to txt or for him to call and ask me out.That really bugs me when i meet a guy, waiting for him to txt or call or make plans.

Maybe i'm just to forward but to me it just feels like thats playing games and if you like someone then why hang around. It took me 2 years to get with my ex so maybe thats why i feel like that, why waste time.

Give it a few days, then if it where me i'd prob joke, yet be kinda serious and say so are you going to ask me out..yes i'm strange but its never failed!!!

oh and as for the i wonder why he changed his mind so quickly, i've had two guys do this, and no i hadn't been forward at this point..i'd love to know why guys act so keen, say all this stuff then just disappear!!

oh and ErimusValidus totally agree with the whole ziggy thing..theres NO WAY he's have gone for chanell(sp) on the "outside" after he found out she 19,there comical to watch though!!

Last edited by emma j; 07-22-2007 at 05:51 AM.

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:12 AM   #11
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by emma j View Post
I'm kinda in the middle here.
On one hand i'm thinking you've contacted him already through txt asking about plans and he didn't make the move to ask you out after acting very keen( i HATE when that happens) so i'd be inclined to say don't contact him, if he's interested let him contact you.

But then on the other hand i'm thinking 1) its like the year 2007, why can't a girl make the first move why does it have to be the guy and 2) isn't it like playing silly games to be thinking no i'm gonna wait for him to txt or for him to call and ask me out.That really bugs me when i meet a guy, waiting for him to txt or call or make plans.

Maybe i'm just to forward but to me it just feels like thats playing games and if you like someone then why hang around. It took me 2 years to get with my ex so maybe thats why i feel like that, why waste time.

Give it a few days, then if it where me i'd prob joke, yet be kinda serious and say so are you going to ask me out..yes i'm strange but its never failed!!!

oh and as for the i wonder why he changed his mind so quickly, i've had two guys do this, and no i hadn't been forward at this point..i'd love to know why guys act so keen, say all this stuff then just disappear!!

oh and ErimusValidus totally agree with the whole ziggy thing..theres NO WAY he's have gone for chanell(sp) on the "outside" after he found out she 19,there comical to watch though!!

Haha, i was also thinking of saying something as if it were a joke, but actually being serious about it..although he may think I'm a bit immature? I will give it a few days, though..although the last contact we had was when he texted on thursday night, telling me to 'sleep well' after asking me about my plans and me telling him...it's now Sunday! I don't know..perhaps I get too obsessive, and most people don't feel the need to contact the other person every single day, even if they do like the person?! I don't want to seem too clingey..
I dont watch Big Brother, so I'm very intrigued about this situation that you guys talk about...
And thanks for replying!

P.S. When he wrote a message saying 'it was lovely meeting you, I had a great time with you..we should arrange to meet up sometime soon' etc, and then said 'it was even nicer with you in it too'..was I meant to respond to that somehow and say 'yes, it'd be nice to meet up again' ??? I just left it...

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:16 AM   #12
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Oh btw, I didnt contact him through txt, asking about his plans for the weekend! He was the one to send a random txt saying 'it's another kick boxing day for me, and it's manic at work, etc..then im going to see the cricket on sunday all day. Have you got any plans?' So I texted him about my sunday plans...I was hoping he'd ask to meet up on saturday, in that case, but no...i guess he just sent a random text about his plans, making polite conversation?!

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:17 AM   #13
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

"P.S. When he wrote a message saying 'it was lovely meeting you, I had a great time with you..we should arrange to meet up sometime soon' etc, and then said 'it was even nicer with you in it too'..was I meant to respond to that somehow and say 'yes, it'd be nice to meet up again' ??? I just left it..."

Yeah i prob would have replied back to it.
the guy i'm with now said something similar about the first night we meet. he said he'd like to meet up again..i replied i'd love to meet up again..we're now together. See my forwardness works sometimes..
oh and i prob wud have replied to the "'it was even nicer with you in it too'" i prob would have agreed with him or something..maybe he thinks your not interested?! hmm i didn't think of that one.

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:21 AM   #14
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by emma j View Post
"P.S. When he wrote a message saying 'it was lovely meeting you, I had a great time with you..we should arrange to meet up sometime soon' etc, and then said 'it was even nicer with you in it too'..was I meant to respond to that somehow and say 'yes, it'd be nice to meet up again' ??? I just left it..."

Yeah i prob would have replied back to it.
the guy i'm with now said something similar about the first night we meet. he said he'd like to meet up again..i replied i'd love to meet up again..we're now together. See my forwardness works sometimes..
oh and i prob wud have replied to the "'it was even nicer with you in it too'" i prob would have agreed with him or something..maybe he thinks your not interested?! hmm i didn't think of that one.
Hmm, I kind of wish I had replied to him saying he wants to meet up again. The reason I didn't was because it was a statement, rather than a question..he wasn't asking if I wanted to! He just said we should arrange to meet up and will hopefully talk soon...hmm.
And the reason i didn't reply to the other comment was because he added 'have a good evening and chat later'..so I couldn't reply after that!
I really am overanalysing things, aren't I!!

 
Old 07-22-2007, 06:25 AM   #15
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Re: Is it ok for a girl to call/ask out a guy?

lol yeah just a little.
I would have replied back to it saying "yeah it was nice wasn't it!! chat to you later" that way your replying and letting him know by your reply that your interested.
Just because he has said good evening, chat later doesn't mean that you can't reply back to it saying good night also and whatever was in his previous txt.

 
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