Big time confusion - Relationship Health Message Board

dannygirl2007 · 07-25-2007, 07:40 PM

Hey...I am 31 and have been with my BF for 5 years. We have 3 kids, 1 of which is not his. (the oldest) He gets mad at me sometimes for the most ridiculous things. Like today. He asked if I could drop off a check for him today to pay a bill he had. He did not, or as I remember, did not specify a time...I went at 4pm...they were closed. I called and left them a message apologizing and letting them know it was my fault as I did not realize they closed so early. I let them know I would bring it in the morning...he blew his top. "

"I told you to drop it in the morning!!" etc etc...I didn't mean to, apologized SEVERAL times and let him know I would drop it off first thing tomorrow...he said "forget it...I'll do it myself. You said that you would take it this morning to."

What do I do? I feel like I never do anything right sometimes.

Seraph · 07-25-2007, 08:11 PM

Has he always been like this? If so, then he probably always will be and you will just have to stand up for yourself as best you can. If it is happening because he is under stress, then hopefully it won't last. Clearly in this incident you both have different memories of what was said. There is a lot to be said for checking things out to avoid miscomminication. Is he the type of person who vents and then is over it, or does he harp on for ever? Tell us more, as this particular incident could happen to any couple even if there is no real issue there. Sera

dannygirl2007 · 07-25-2007, 08:22 PM

Well he has left twice. Once last summer and once the summer before. He usually leaves for a week and then slowly comes back as he feels he might be losing me...or my efforts in "getting things to work."

He harps...you think that he has let it go, and then months later...even years, he will bring it up again. I think he might be verbally abusive, as I am not allowed to discuss anything with anyone, he is very jealous and can also be SO DEMEANING. But he also can be so sweet you wouldn't believe it.

CONFUSING is the word.

Seraph · 07-25-2007, 08:37 PM

It sounds like he is somewhat abusive, if he does this controlling thing as well as throwing his weight around. He is well into the carrot and stick routine, but from what you have said, you have more power than you are using with him. An abuser needs an abusee. Make sure that you are not one. Assert yourself. Never fall into "its too much bother to resist" trap, that is setting your feet well on the road to victimhood. He is a bit of a bully and everyone knows that bullies need to be faced down. Use your power, and refuse to be bullied.