hurt - Relationship Health Message Board

Nina000 · 07-26-2007, 06:29 PM

Ok...well I don't know what to do...but I feel like running a 1000 miles away from my husband. It is getting unbearable....The bottom line is I have become very irritable and it is sometimes unjustified. BUT I have begged him to consider that I am overwhelmed with my thesis and that I am also working for a couple of weeks in a very demanding atmosphere..but I only get 3-4 hours rest a night because he likes to take it easy while I feel in a race against time...I am suffering physical, work-related stress....I get short of breath frequently and feel stomachaches day on day on. I wish he could feel how tired I am but he thinks that I am available on demand...just like a machine with a switch

I love him, I really REALLY do and it bothers me that I can't be fun now...In fact, part of my frustration is that I hardly get enough time to spend with him....I also have started to be negligent of our relationship....like I fall asleep as soon as I put my head on a pillow (normally quite late 3 am)....don't do anything remotely romantic, not even in the weekend.

I am hurt because he does not show me the support I need. Is it too much to expect him to be patient here?

Any advice on bettering my relationship under such circumstances?

Laylah · 07-26-2007, 07:04 PM

Have you thought about saying all these things to him Nina?? As for romance, when you are very busy and tired and have no time for any big gestures, just a loving cuddle and a little back rub in the bed can be very romantic! Give him a few little kisses while you're doing that and tell him you need him at this time and dont know what you'd do without him. Men love to feel needed by their woman, it does a lot for their ego and self-esteem; honestly, that is a fact! (Pendulum, correct me if I'm wrong!)

Have you discussed your feelings of being overwhelmed with him? Maybe he dosent understand how you feel and thinks you're just being cranky, or are tired and taking it out on him? You two need to talk.

Keep on soldiering on through the thesis. It's a nightmare honey, I know! But you will get there in the end and when you have your degree and can put it to good use in bettering your lives it'll all be worth it. Just keep that thought at the forefront of your mind. You poor thing! {{{hug}}}

Nina000 · 07-27-2007, 11:49 AM

Thank you Laylah for your reply. I already feel better but I just can't keep being good for 3 days on the run. I feel very impatient, and I feel that my future with him in suspense, given that I am obliged to travel to work abroad and he 99% won't be going with me. It will be really hard for him to adjust to a new job...new climate ...new language/culture...all that. So, on the one hand, I am looking forward to finishing my degree and concentarting on a job that I like doing. On the other, I feel like I am wishing my life away. I will try to take it one day at a time and maybe live the moment and not worry about tomorrow today......but thanks honey...you are right on the money in everything you said, esp that men love the attention...

Have I got it right that you are intending to tie the knot soon? Best of luck and I do hope that things work out great for you both, I will read your thread thoroughly... just meant to thank you for your post...it helps me a great deal to read your posts...

ncyky · 07-27-2007, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laylah

Men love to feel needed by their woman, it does a lot for their ego and self-esteem; honestly, that is a fact! (Pendulum, correct me if I'm wrong!)

Amen! You are so correct! haha

Destea · 07-27-2007, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nina000

I feel that my future with him in suspense, given that I am obliged to travel to work abroad and he 99% won't be going with me. It will be really hard for him to adjust to a new job...new climate ...new language/culture...all that.

Hey Nina, I'm sure you're dealing with TONS of added stress right now with all that's going on - who wouldn't?! Anyone can understand how exhausting that can be, I hope he'll be patient.

I'm confused by what I quoted above.... your husband won't move with you when you have to go work abroad? Is it just travel or do you have to go live somewhere for a long period of time!? I assume he married you knowing full well that your job will probably take you elsewhere... what kind of husband would agree to marry but not agree to deal with some of the difficulties that come with a partnership that requires moving...? It's certainly hard, I wouldn't harp on him for that - but to say he won't go move with you ... that seems really odd to me. You'll have two homes and never see eachother as a married couple..? Or am I way off?