Well its been one month since i got with my bf and thing have been going great. We have fallen in love with each other and he treats me like a princess.
Before i got with him i told him that i would be moving to england in september for college. That i planned to come home every two weeks but that nevertheless i was going. After i told him this he decided that it would be better to remain friends. That he didn't want it to be a case that he falls for me and then i have to leave, that it had happened to him already and he couldn't do it again. I was pretty upset but respected what he wanted. He was trying to protect the both of our hearts. After out chat we txted a lil him telling me some things like about how he felt about me, me becoming even more confused by his txts and what he originally said he wanted. I said to him that i repected what he wanted but that in life you have to take a chance now and again and go for it cos you just never know what life holds for you. So as far as i was concerned that was that.
Next day i get a txt asking me to ring him.So i did. He said that he'd been to the gym and did some thinking and wanted to meet up to chat. I was well nervous and not sure of what he wanted to talk to me about. So we meet up and he said that he'd done some thinking and realised that he was to quick in his decision the previous night and that he wanted to continue seeing me and that if we where still seeing each other by the end of the summer we would continue to do so when i went. A day later we became bf and gf.
So that was a month ago and in this time i reckon there been maybe all of 4-5 days in total that we haven't seen each other. He told me first that he loved me, has told me on nurmours ocassions that he wants tospend the rest of his life with me and has also a few times asked me to marry him, two of which he got down on one knee ( all of those times i've said no) scary thing is he was deadly serious. HE tells me all this stuff like i'm amazing and i'm all he's ever wanted in a girl, would be lost with out me and lots lots more in between.
So we've spoken about england a few times. Each time it being hte same conversation. Agreeing that yes its gonna be hard, yes we're gonna miss each other but that if we actuallty feel the way we say we do about each other we'll get through it but that it needs work. We'd be a 40 min plane journey away that really doesn't cost that much.
So tonight things totally changed. It like he's done a total U-Turn. i'll try keep this short but i'm gonna write out eh conversation we had
Him(h) sept is creeping up fast.
Me(m) Yeah i know but we need to keep positive.
H:Positive, What positives can be taken from the woman i love being in another country.
M: That you want it to work. That what we feel for ach other will get us thoug it. If both of us are feeling that we never wanna be without each other (yes it been a month but these things can happen)we can get though it.
H: emma i dont' want you to go its that siple. Oviously your career is more important but everthing comes at a cost.
M:That being our relationsip
H: No emma. i'm just saying that it will be ont he line when you leave. I think you alreayd know that(EH NO!) You've nevr ben though this before have you.
H:Can i drive you to the airport when your going or do you have plans. I feel pretty ****** do emma but you have no idea what this is gonna be like 4 us.
M:I'm getting the boat over. can i ask u honest.Can u see us lasting.
unno emm. I do love you but this is worse thana break up. I dunno if i can do this again. I mean havin some one leave me and expect me to wait for them.
M:i'm not leaving you though for 9 whole months. You shuldn't have to wait for me you should want to. It feels like your giving up before you've even given it a go.
H:Emma i never asked t be put in this postion. Anf for the record i dont wanna be sitting around missing someone i'm in love with. Lifes to short to wait.
M:Am i to read between the lines here and gues that you'll pron end i after a few weeks withough even giving it a try.
H: I dunno emma i honestly don't know. All i do know is tht i love you more that i culd ever imagine or even begin to word.
M:I really don't know what to say. You've given up already. I don't wanna lose you. i'm willing to put in the effort and work at it but it seems your not.
H: Thats because i'm a selfish rik who only cares about looking after himseld.There i said it. cuz we where both thinking it. We'vethe rest of the summer lets just enjoy it together.
M:no i wasn't thinking that actually. Iw as thinking for soeone who loves me so much your throwing it away without even trying. i'm in love with you thats why i'm going to give it all i have but it can't be just me.
H: Your putting me in a really hard situation. You want me to try my hardest to make this work while you go of an basicaly put us on hold. What about me r about how i feel huh.
M:I'm not asking you to put us on hold. We wouldn't be on hold.
H:So what we'd be in a realtionship where we hardly see each other and are livin in different countrys. oh sounds fantasic emma....sounds like we're on hold.(he's starting to get tick with me now)
M:When we had that chat in your car before we got together you said that if we wher still together by the end of the summer we'd stay together when i go away. Your having second thoughts now.
H: i;m going to sleep now goodnight.
M:Night you need to decide again what you want. Cosi can't do this. I've fallen head over heels in love with you and want to give it a real go, so you need to deicde what u want.
H;I want you ere with me. but thats to much to ask. Your leaving nt me. I think we need to talk face to face i can't say what i want through txt.
M:What do you mean thats to much to ask. You knew i was going away to college. Bottom line i'm willing to give this all i've got your not.
Then i told him i was going asleep.
Well what do you all think of that.. i'm actually sitting hter thinking of not going. how crazy is that. i'm having money issues to but thats not the point.
Theres a few things i want to point out. the reason i'm so angry is because it was him to said to remain friedns and it was him who then changed his mind and decided he wanted to be with me. i respected what he wanted from the start..
His comments like "i'm just saying that it will be ont he line when you leave. I think you alreayd know that" - - eh no, our conversaton was him talking saying he wanted to be with me and if it was still going by the end of the summer it would continue to go.SO no id didn't already know that!!
"Emma i never asked t be put in this postion" i didn't put him in any position, it was HIS decision to see each other. he changed his mind, i didt' force him.
"Your putting me in a really hard situation" again, not he knew the situation when he changed his mind.
He talks to about how we're gonna be put on hold, but only 2 weeks previous we soke about how i'd be home every 2 weeks and that he could come over to. Its only 40 mins away.
Anyways i'm gonna wrap this up now. I repected his decision at the start to be friends, it was his idea to then change it and start seeing each other and now he's sayig i'm puttig him in a position, no way. he knew from the start. i'm so confused. His words up till now have just totally contradicted what he's saying to me now.
Sorry it was SOO long, i needed to get all that out!! I am totally in love with this guy but if it a case of he's nt gonna put he effort in and wants to enjoy the summer with the benifits of sex on tap then he's not gonna have it that way.