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Old 07-30-2007, 07:40 PM   #1
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unsure of what to do..

Hi all,
Well its been one month since i got with my bf and thing have been going great. We have fallen in love with each other and he treats me like a princess.

Before i got with him i told him that i would be moving to england in september for college. That i planned to come home every two weeks but that nevertheless i was going. After i told him this he decided that it would be better to remain friends. That he didn't want it to be a case that he falls for me and then i have to leave, that it had happened to him already and he couldn't do it again. I was pretty upset but respected what he wanted. He was trying to protect the both of our hearts. After out chat we txted a lil him telling me some things like about how he felt about me, me becoming even more confused by his txts and what he originally said he wanted. I said to him that i repected what he wanted but that in life you have to take a chance now and again and go for it cos you just never know what life holds for you. So as far as i was concerned that was that.
Next day i get a txt asking me to ring him.So i did. He said that he'd been to the gym and did some thinking and wanted to meet up to chat. I was well nervous and not sure of what he wanted to talk to me about. So we meet up and he said that he'd done some thinking and realised that he was to quick in his decision the previous night and that he wanted to continue seeing me and that if we where still seeing each other by the end of the summer we would continue to do so when i went. A day later we became bf and gf.

So that was a month ago and in this time i reckon there been maybe all of 4-5 days in total that we haven't seen each other. He told me first that he loved me, has told me on nurmours ocassions that he wants tospend the rest of his life with me and has also a few times asked me to marry him, two of which he got down on one knee ( all of those times i've said no) scary thing is he was deadly serious. HE tells me all this stuff like i'm amazing and i'm all he's ever wanted in a girl, would be lost with out me and lots lots more in between.

So we've spoken about england a few times. Each time it being hte same conversation. Agreeing that yes its gonna be hard, yes we're gonna miss each other but that if we actuallty feel the way we say we do about each other we'll get through it but that it needs work. We'd be a 40 min plane journey away that really doesn't cost that much.

So tonight things totally changed. It like he's done a total U-Turn. i'll try keep this short but i'm gonna write out eh conversation we had
Him(h) sept is creeping up fast.
Me(m) Yeah i know but we need to keep positive.
H:Positive, What positives can be taken from the woman i love being in another country.
M: That you want it to work. That what we feel for ach other will get us thoug it. If both of us are feeling that we never wanna be without each other (yes it been a month but these things can happen)we can get though it.
H: emma i dont' want you to go its that siple. Oviously your career is more important but everthing comes at a cost.
M:That being our relationsip
H: No emma. i'm just saying that it will be ont he line when you leave. I think you alreayd know that(EH NO!) You've nevr ben though this before have you.
H:Can i drive you to the airport when your going or do you have plans. I feel pretty ****** do emma but you have no idea what this is gonna be like 4 us.
M:I'm getting the boat over. can i ask u honest.Can u see us lasting.
Hunno emm. I do love you but this is worse thana break up. I dunno if i can do this again. I mean havin some one leave me and expect me to wait for them.
M:i'm not leaving you though for 9 whole months. You shuldn't have to wait for me you should want to. It feels like your giving up before you've even given it a go.
H:Emma i never asked t be put in this postion. Anf for the record i dont wanna be sitting around missing someone i'm in love with. Lifes to short to wait.
M:Am i to read between the lines here and gues that you'll pron end i after a few weeks withough even giving it a try.
H: I dunno emma i honestly don't know. All i do know is tht i love you more that i culd ever imagine or even begin to word.
M:I really don't know what to say. You've given up already. I don't wanna lose you. i'm willing to put in the effort and work at it but it seems your not.
H: Thats because i'm a selfish rik who only cares about looking after himseld.There i said it. cuz we where both thinking it. We'vethe rest of the summer lets just enjoy it together.
M:no i wasn't thinking that actually. Iw as thinking for soeone who loves me so much your throwing it away without even trying. i'm in love with you thats why i'm going to give it all i have but it can't be just me.
H: Your putting me in a really hard situation. You want me to try my hardest to make this work while you go of an basicaly put us on hold. What about me r about how i feel huh.
M:I'm not asking you to put us on hold. We wouldn't be on hold.
H:So what we'd be in a realtionship where we hardly see each other and are livin in different countrys. oh sounds fantasic emma....sounds like we're on hold.(he's starting to get tick with me now)
M:When we had that chat in your car before we got together you said that if we wher still together by the end of the summer we'd stay together when i go away. Your having second thoughts now.
H: i;m going to sleep now goodnight.
M:Night you need to decide again what you want. Cosi can't do this. I've fallen head over heels in love with you and want to give it a real go, so you need to deicde what u want.
H;I want you ere with me. but thats to much to ask. Your leaving nt me. I think we need to talk face to face i can't say what i want through txt.
M:What do you mean thats to much to ask. You knew i was going away to college. Bottom line i'm willing to give this all i've got your not.

Then i told him i was going asleep.

Well what do you all think of that.. i'm actually sitting hter thinking of not going. how crazy is that. i'm having money issues to but thats not the point.
Theres a few things i want to point out. the reason i'm so angry is because it was him to said to remain friedns and it was him who then changed his mind and decided he wanted to be with me. i respected what he wanted from the start..
His comments like "i'm just saying that it will be ont he line when you leave. I think you alreayd know that" - - eh no, our conversaton was him talking saying he wanted to be with me and if it was still going by the end of the summer it would continue to go.SO no id didn't already know that!!
"Emma i never asked t be put in this postion" i didn't put him in any position, it was HIS decision to see each other. he changed his mind, i didt' force him.
"Your putting me in a really hard situation" again, not he knew the situation when he changed his mind.
He talks to about how we're gonna be put on hold, but only 2 weeks previous we soke about how i'd be home every 2 weeks and that he could come over to. Its only 40 mins away.
Anyways i'm gonna wrap this up now. I repected his decision at the start to be friends, it was his idea to then change it and start seeing each other and now he's sayig i'm puttig him in a position, no way. he knew from the start. i'm so confused. His words up till now have just totally contradicted what he's saying to me now.
Sorry it was SOO long, i needed to get all that out!! I am totally in love with this guy but if it a case of he's nt gonna put he effort in and wants to enjoy the summer with the benifits of sex on tap then he's not gonna have it that way.
Emma

 
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Old 07-30-2007, 07:42 PM   #2
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Re: unsure of what to do..

I think thats my longest post EVER!!!! ok its nearly 3 in the morning sleep time

 
Old 07-30-2007, 08:14 PM   #3
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Emma, I hate to say this but to me it sounds like he is giving himself permission (by forcing the issue) to not be committed in the relationship while you are away. He doesn't want to be held down without getting the benefits of you being with him. I don't think that this means he doesn't love you, but it does mean that he doesn't love you enough to commit. You are willing to see him every couple of weeks, he is not prepared to put in the same effort. The sad part of this is that he wants you to endorse this stuff, by forcing you into a position where you will agree just so you get something while you are away. Don't agree. Hold out for what you want. Its not that much, many couples have this sort of arrangement. If he really loves you he will be your BF even if you are away. If he won't then he doesn't love you enough, and you need to decide whether that is enough for you. Sera

 
Old 07-30-2007, 08:24 PM   #4
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Hi Emma,

Personally, I think you would be making a HUGE mistake to pass up this wonderful opportunity because of someone you've only been seeing a month. He sounds like a wonderful guy and it's obvious he really cares about you, but your future should really be your number one priority right now.

When I went off to college (10 years ago!), my high school boyfriend did a lot of the same things your guy is doing. He became super-serious and was always proposing or saying desperate things about us being together. He didn't tell me NOT to go to college, but he'd always dwell on the distance (which was only 30 minutes by car!) and was always threatening to back out on the relationship because I wasn't going to stay behind. I thought about doing lots of drastic things like not going to college and moving in with him....wow, what a mistake THAT would've been!

College was the best time of my life. I made the best friends I've ever known and had so many crazy adventures that I will cherish forever. I made some awful mistakes and broke some hearts and had mine broken a few times. I learned how to take care of myself and how to be confident in who I am and how to really fall in love with someone. Incidentally, my high school boyfriend and I ended up making it two and a half years before we realized our lives had gone separate ways, and I'm VERY glad I was still with him my first few years at college. We helped each other through some tough times, and things ended amicably. That being said, at 18 I had no clue what I wanted in a partner and didn't have the maturity to realize we were completely incompatable should we ever get married or live together. That's not to say that the changing you do in college is bad....I used to get so scared when people would say I'd "change" in college, I thought I was going to turn into some sort of monster. Really all that means is that you will stay the fundamental person you are, but you will develop a love and understanding of YOURSELF that being on your own can give you. You owe that time to yourself.

From someone who's 28 and been there, probably the most practical advice I could give you would be to go to college completely unattached so you can embrace the experience with open arms. As someone who was head over heels in love with someone at 17, though, I suggest you go to college and try to make this relationship work the best you can. Let him know you want to keep things going and do your best to make it so, but don't let him or his emotions dictate your future. You have such a wonderful time ahead of you....I'm excited just thinking about it and it isn't even my life!!!

Best wishes. I hope the two of you can figure out a plan before you leave that you are both comfortable with, and I hope you have a great time at school. Enjoy every minute!!

 
Old 07-30-2007, 08:42 PM   #5
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Re: unsure of what to do..

I agree with the others. Don't compromise your future for a guy. EVER. You will totally end up regretting it. I speak from personal experience which still devastates me to this day. I really, really hope you don't let it happen to you.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 03:36 AM   #6
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Hi,
Thanks for your replies. they really helped. I didn't sleep a wink last night and i feel so so sick.
I got a txt from him this moring saying ididn't sleep at all last night. I replied saying me either, i feel sick to the stomach at all this, i'm applying for a loan today and my heart isn't in it anymore. He replied saying i miss you. I wrote back saying i missed him to and that i loved him and jus wanted him to hold me. He replied just now saying. Emma its not that easy i really can't put myself through all of this i mean it hurts just thinking about all of this and me holding you isn't gonna change it. I replied saying I think i know deep down where this is heading and it terrifies me because i thought you felt the same about giving it a go. We need to talk face to face.

I agree if he truely loved me he'd at least give it a shot.

Just so you guys know i'm acutally 23 and he is 20.

I'm really angry though. He let me fall in love with him knowing that he woudn't be able to do this.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 06:31 AM   #7
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Re: unsure of what to do..

I would be mad too, if I were you. I know you said he was a great guy and everything, but his total inability to even give this thing a try and see what happens, and some of the stuff he has been saying, it's just not the kind of stuff that a "great guy" would be doing or saying.

I know it's really hard, Emma, but to be honest, guys will come and go. But opportunities like the one you have right now are very few and far between. So, if he can't be supportive and patient, then what do you need a guy like that for? Most guys, if they are really and truly in love, they would go to any lengths to keep a relationship going, despite distance or circumstances or whatever. But the fact that this guy doesn't even want to try or to talk about it or anything, it's just weird. And strange. And I think it's very telling of what his true feelings are. I agree with whomever it was that posted that he probably wants to be able to date around and go out with other girls while you're gone, because a lot of guys, particularly his age, can't handle the idea of long distance relationships. But now you have to ask yourself whether you want that kind of guy, or if a guy who would wait for you at any cost would be more worth your time. Personally, I know what my preference would be.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 06:38 AM   #8
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Re: unsure of what to do..

I don't know, I guess I don't really blame him for feeling the way he does. I don't think it's right of him to want you to stay or to try and guilt trip you into changing your mind just to see what will become of a one-month relationship. However, he's hurt and scared for your relationship and is trying desperate tactics to get you to stay. That's kind of sweet, but you need to ignore it because he's so blinded by love that he really isn't taking your best interests to heart.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 06:52 AM   #9
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Quote:
Originally Posted by emma j View Post
i'm actually sitting hter thinking of not going. how crazy is that.
Emma, do not even think like that! If loved you as much as he says he does he would never ask you to give up an opportunity (that he knew about when you met) for him. That is so wrong and he knows it, that is why he was saying all of that in such a roundabout sneaky way.

I'm not going to deny your feelings for him. I know feelings like that can develop very quickly. But you have known him for a month and he is basicly wanting you to gamble with your life and your future for him. What ever happened to wanting what is best for the person you are with?

I have to be honest with you here, he sounds a bit like a selfish spoiled jerk. He knew what he was getting into but it appears that somewhere in the back of his mind he thought you would change your mind of your will and not go because you have fallen for him. Now that it's time to face the reality of the situation he is acting like a child. If he continues to act this way after thinking you would be better to cut the contact now and move on with your life before you move in September. You don't need the burden of an unsupportive boyfriend who is going to make you feel guilty for something you worked so hard for. What an ***hole he is for wanting you to give up on such an opportunity!

 
Old 07-31-2007, 07:08 AM   #10
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Re: unsure of what to do..

I have to be honest here as well. He knew the deal, he isnt a child and he isnt stupid. He said ok to this bf gf thing because maybe he wanted a summer thing and didnt think too far into the future. He's 20 so that could happen.

Now he thinks wow she is really going and I'm 20 and stuck with her and I cant be with anyone while she is gone hmmmmmmmmm ! So of course now he wants to get you to stay or get you to break up.

He has no right to tell you to stay and no right to ask you to . THIS IS your life and you need to go to college no matter where that is.

He wanted you to stay and asked you to marry him...what would have happen if you would have said yes? Would he expect you to say yes or did he just say that because he knew you would say no?

Selfish is an understatement !

I think he screwed up when he wanted a fling and realized that he thinks he fell in love and not that the he cant have you he wants you to screw yourself and stay. If you stay what makes you thinkhe wont dump you?

Go to college and if he is there when you get back then it was meant to be.

I screwed up! I met someone at 17 it wasnt the right time for either of us. He was 25 and dating someone else. I married someone at 19 and wound up separated after almost 3 years with a 7month old baby.

I wound up seeing this guy again from when i was 17 about 8-9months after I left my husband and he and I have been together ever since. Let me tell ya tho it was hard since i was all screwed up in the head BUT we did it. So it was meant to be.

You will know but when it is your time NOT when someone says you must!

Good luck with school dear have a great time and please be careful with meeting new people and be safe.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 10:40 AM   #11
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Thanks for all the replies. Its made me think alot clearer and get things into prospective.I went to the bank this morning and applied for my loan so i'm going ahead with it. Its what i've been planning for the last 2 years, i'm going.
So an update from this morning. We've agreed to meet up tonight to have a chat face to face. Then he said would i please stay that he wants to at least wake up next to me one last time. i replied saying that it was quite clear from his txts what his intentions where and that i'd see how i felt. (And for the record there will be NO goodbye or breakup sex. NOT gonna happen) So he said that knowing him he won't be able to talk about it and the only thing he'll he thinking of is kissing me and holding me and loving me. I said well knowing me i'll be trying not to cry like a typical girl. he replied saying he'd try not cry to.

But a few other things have also happened. first i was thinking he was going to end it tonight but i went to a friend earlier and she siad that he had txted her fiancee saying we should all have a few drinks during the week. now i knwo that he wouldn't go up there without me cos there my friends and i introduced them. Then he started talking about putting money away cos we're planning on going away for the weekend before i go. i'm so confused. Then when i said well we can have a look on the net during the week for prices. He said yeah cool, sure we see what happens. see what happens with what??
Why would he say all that if he was gonna end it tonight. Or is he planning on keeping it going till the end of the month.I now think that he won't end it tonight but have this horrible feeling that he's just gonna keep it going till the end of the summer.
i'm so confused. He's saying all this yet i'm still getting txts of him saying i miss you and love you loads. So tonight i'm gonna tel him basicaly that i want him to at least give us a try. If after that its not working then i'd respect what he wants. That i put him in no position or situation he knew from the start what the story was. If i get the feeling that he just wants to continue is for the rest of the summer or a tiny bit after i go away i'll end it. I deserve better.
i'm angry with him but i also know that his head is as messed up as mine. He's scared. He's fallen in love and now he's scared. He thought maybe he could change my mind before i left and it hasn't worked.
If we are meant to be and he does truely love me it will work out otherwise i'm not gonna waste my love on someone who doesn't have the same love back for me.

 
Old 07-31-2007, 02:49 PM   #12
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Emma , seriously don't take this the wrong way, but I don't trust this guy. He is trying to get you to dump your opportunity of college for him, a man you barely know. He is being selfish to say the least. The next thing he will probably say to you is , 'if you love me, you wouldn't want to leave me'.

My partner went to university for three wholes years, I was in my mid thirties at the time, he told me about his plans at the beginning of the relationship, although I wasn't happy about it, I had no right to try and make him feel guilty about going. I knew he wanted to better himself, and it was my choice whether to wait for him or not. Well I choose to wait, we saw each other every two weeks for three years, and yes it was very lonely. But I did it, cause I loved him, and only wanted to be with him, so my actions spoke volume to him. Well at least I hope.

The thing is, this is a test really, if he really means what he says to you, I know for a fact, he would choose to wait for you, and want to wait for you, and respect your original choices that you made before you met him.

Time will tell, best of luck

 
Old 08-01-2007, 11:00 AM   #13
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Re: unsure of what to do..

Hi,
ok. Firstly brook, yes he is being selfish and i always thought that. if it was the other way around sure i would be upset and woudn't want him to go but i'd never tell him and i'd support him in what ever he wanted to do.
So we had out chat last night. It went on a while so i'm just gonna try and remember the main bits.
I told him how i felt. Started with the fact that i didn't put him in any position of situation. He knew the score about me going away. i told him i respected that he wanted to just be friends. IT was then him who changed things, him that wanted to start seeing me. He said that he didn't mean it like that. I'm still no quite sure what he meant. He siad that when he said that he wanted to start seeing me he was thinking aw september is years away and now its becoming a reality. He says that he doesn't wanna believe that i'm going, he doesn't want it to become real.
I said that he was saying all this stuff to me, like he loves me and wants to spend his life with me and has never felt like this before, yet it seems like he's not even fighting for me. He says that what we have is so special, that you don't just meet someone and fall in love with them instanly or have such a connect, yet he's just gonna throw it away with out even trying.
I told him yeah its gonna be hard but not to assume that its going to be so hard that he's not gonna be able to handle it.
He said that when i do come home that i'm gonna want to spend time with my family andmy friends that i'm not gonna want to do what we're doing now(we where just laying on the bed) I said yeah i'm gonna want to see my friedns and family but not to assume that i'm not gonna want to see him. I said that when i come home all i'm gonna want to do is see him and i'm gonna want to spend all my time with him so not to assume that i'm gonna do things.
He said that what if one of us does something poxy adnd break up. I said what kinda poxy thing(thinking if we meet someone) he said no as in if its to hard for us. He said does that mean its it for us. I said i didn't know. He said that he would defo want to see me when i get back.
Then we got down to the real stuff and why he was really like this. He is terrified that i'm going to meet someone else. In his words he said what if you meet someone that you have stronger feelings for or who is perfect. I looked at him and said but i've already found someone that i think is perect. I explained to him that i'm not like that.when i'm with someone then i'm with them, that i won't even be looking at anyone else becuase all i'm gonna be thinking about is him. My last relationship ended because he cheated and the whole time( three years) that i was with him i never looked at another guy. Its just not me.
When i said that when i'm with someone i'm with someone i also said what if you meet someone. He said yeah but i'm not someone. He said that to him i was more than someone, i was the most special person in his life.That he had never felt this way about someone before. That someone would never compare to me. So i took that in his strange way that no-one else will be coming along.
He turned over and got a bit emotional and i realised that he was actually getting teary. Teary was an understatement. I turned him over gave him a hug, then the floodgates just opened. Bless him he got so upset. He pulled away and wiped his face. He said that no matter how much we talked about it that nothing would change and that he didn't want to loose me.
I sat up and told him i loved him and that i didn't want to loose him either but that i felt like he was slipping away from me. I said tht i was willing to to put effort in and really try but that he wasn't. I said all i want you to do is just try.I told him that when i go away that yes i'm gonna miss him yes i'm going to be hurting but that there is not going to be for one second where i'm going to be thinking i want to break up with him. I said this a few times to get it into his head. Then i started getting emotional and felt the tears coming into my eyes. I didn't wanna cry but once i start thats it. So i turned over and tried to not let him see i was crying. He cuddled into the back of me and but still didn't realise. Then he tried to feel me up(typical guy!!) i pulled his hand away and told him to stop. He asked what was wrong, i said nothing just give me a second. He tried to get me to turn around and again i said will you just give me a min, then he realised i was crying. He turned me around and hugged me. Then he pulled away and started wiping my tears saying now come on no more crying.
I turned back around and i don't know if it was the tears or what i said about not wanting to break up with him but he suddenly took a U-turn again. He said ok.Theres three things(these all blurred into one!) when u go over there your not to look at another guy or talk to another guy.If you have a male teacher then your not taking that class. When u come home don't be talking to be about guys that you know over there. I got a giggle out of all this so before you's all say it yes he said that but in a pure joking way, not in a controlling way. We both laughed about it and i said yeah sure no problem. He then said that he would pay for me to come home at least once a month. He then said so we're gonna give this a go.
So that was that, talk over. So we're gonna give it a try and work on it and see how it goes and thats all i wanted him to do. I realised that he's scared and frightened of whats going to happen to us and that his feelings for me are the strongest he's ever had for someone, but that he really does love me.

Ok so i'm done. i'm so so sorry this was so long but i don'treally talk to my friends about this.One of them is jealous that i have a bf and the other now knows my bf and now works with her fiancee so i don't feel right telling her. More so i just needed to get all this out of my head and onto paper, or computer. My head is so much clearer now and i'm glad that i didn't throw away my college and stuck my ground with him.
I don't even mind if i get no replies after this, i'm happy ad looking forward to the furture..
Emma

 
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