Unhappily married - Relationship Health Message Board

hopeyo · 08-31-2007, 05:32 PM

Hello,
I just found this webpage and I would like some input on my situation. I have been married for quite some time and have three beautiful children. In some way or another me and my husband have just seemed to grow apart. I do all the normal mom duties while he makes the money for the household. Yes I do work but he is the one who makes the most between the two of us. It just seems like as time has went on we have lost what we used to have. I met someone at work who I get along with so well it is like we are soul mates. Nothing has happened but I still feel guilty because I spend all of my time thinking about him. Can anyone help me.

Music4All · 08-31-2007, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopeyo

I met someone at work who I get along with so well it is like we are soul mates.

Take the advice of those here that have seen and heard this over and over by many...it may seem like it, but you aren't.

First things first. Work diligently and with great effort to fix your marriage, after this genuine effort has been exhausted, decide to either stay because you two have made it better or leave. Only then can you start to see who is and who isn't your "soul mate".

And these soul mates must be fairly common, as lots of folks here have claimed to have married one or left their spouse for one, only to find out later it was apparently just a temporary soul mate.

Work with you husband to address your relationship issues first and without the distraction of outside influences. The outcome of that effort will give you better clarity about what you should do long term.

dammie · 08-31-2007, 08:56 PM

I agree with the last poster, first try to work on your marriage. Sometimes people are in a rut and hardly notice that things aren't going so well. Talk to your husband, maybe things will get better or maybe he'll tell you that he's not happy either and then you can take it from there. BUT you did marry this man and have his children, there has to be something about him that you love- always remember that.

MCMA · 09-01-2007, 04:32 AM

Welcome

Glad you run across this board it is overall a great place to vent.

( removed )

Now, at least you know your not alone in your feelings. Yes, I think its common to grow apart from your spouse especially in the roles the two of you are playing. Husband providor, you caregiver. It gets stale, no common link etc.

Do you have contact outside of work with this guy? Do you talk, email etc?

Hugs and smiles to you my friend

MC

ErimusValidus · 09-01-2007, 05:38 AM

Hey, hopeyo

Yeah, I'm not gonna say right off the bat that this guy isn't your soul mate. I personally believe we all have several "soul mates" in our life times and they're all fabulous in their own ways. I can relate to how you feel about your colleague. I have an ex-colleague with whom things very nearly developed into a relationship. Looking back I am very grateful that we never spoiled things by taking it to that level, because now I have a very good friend for life. Currently I work alongside a girl who is practically the only reason for staying in my job. She is in a relationship but I like to think to myself that something could happen if she were single. I've probably got it all wrong. I'm not saying you've got it all wrong with this guy at your work but, like other posters, I think your attitude towards this relationship is skewed by the stale nature of your marriage.

The guy at work might seem like your soul mate because you never argue and you're free to discuss interesting things instead of whose turn it is to do the washing up etc. But imagine for a minute if you were to leave your husband for this dude. What would it be like living with him? Would it be so different to what you've got with your husband? Doubtful. Making a relationship remain fresh takes serious hard work. It sounds to me like you and your husband have neglected your marriage. It would be far more rewarding to work at that than it would be to throw in the towell and have a fling with your colleague only to realise that he ain't so great after all. I wish you luck whatever happens