Need advice! Not easy watching manic episodes. - Relationship Health Message Board

chevyblues · 09-02-2007, 02:11 PM

Posted a week or so ago. Lots of lookers...no replies. I'll make this short. This is my son's girlfriend with whom they have an 8 month old. She was extremely stressed last week over family issues and still confides in me.. They are starting their 2nd counseling session this week for couple therapy. Her perception of things, of course, is distorted when they do occur. Now, I am upset because she has said she is taking her son to her mothers' and my son will see him for 3 days each week, keeping him overnight and to the sitters each morning. He has not said one word to me about this. She has told me that this arrangement is fine with him. This separation may be fine, but to what ends. I need some advice....I always support her and I will in this case...but I don't have to like it. So, just because they don't get along, the baby is now being shifted about. My son can't take her episodes and is sick of her coming in each day from work with an "attitude". This feels like you're watching a movie ( meaning, the whole family sees what's going on) and not being able to intervene. I read posts all the time from family members who are suffering because of their partner being bi-polar. The baby seems to be the real issue and her perception of what she expects from my son. She is over-whelmed, I can see it...What to do???

marshmallow · 09-02-2007, 02:41 PM

I sure wish I had some good advise for you but sadly this is not in your hands. I know as a grandmother you must be hurting with all that is going on and the child is the number one priority but I don't know what you can do I just wanted to say I am sorry you have to deal with this and it does not seem right for her to cut you out of the childs life so to speak. I hope things work out better for you. Maybe someone has better insight than I do

tsohl · 09-02-2007, 03:14 PM

I'm sorry to be obtuse, but I don't quite understand the living arrangements. Does your son live with his girlfriend and son? Is she taking the baby to her mother's to live?

Is the girlfriend seeing a psychiatrist for her BP and is she on medications? Until she is stable and mostly free of episodes, it is going to be difficult for her to mother effectively or to be in a loving relationship with anyone.

I'm glad she at least still talks with you.

I'm afraid the therapist will have a difficult time unless s/he understands all the dynamics that are brought on by bipolarity.

xxTsohl

goody2shuz · 09-02-2007, 08:55 PM

I think that the best thing you can do for your grandbaby is to be as supportive to the mom as possible. It is good that she will be going to her moms....I am sure that she needs as much support as she can get until she is stable.

Something that you might want to do is offer to take the baby for the day one day a week. That way you will take some stress off of her as well as allow your grandbaby the opportunity to be around other famiy members who can expose him to a less hectic lifestyle. Your efforts should really be to alleviate as much stress on your son's girlfriend's life so that she can get better.

I know that your son will have the baby for the three days and that will be another good thing for the baby. It sounds as if the girlfriend returning home to her mom was somewhat a mutual decision and it is good that she will be with her mom who will be able to keep an eye on things and help out with the baby too.

You sound like a good grandmother and supporting your grandbaby's mom will in the end be the best thing you can do for your grandbaby.

Hoping that things will get better all round for everybody.

~ Goody

chevyblues · 09-03-2007, 04:05 PM

In answer to your question. My sons'girlfriend and their son live in his house. She will go to her mothers' house with their son. She will commute each day to work and bring the baby in to the sitters on Monday. On Monday afternoon, after work my son will pick him up and keep him and take him to sitters each day which is 2 blocks away from his house. He will keep him overnight until Thursday and girlfriend will pick him up and go to her mothers. I saw her today at a family function and my son still never has said a word to me. Her Mom and she will have the baby Friday through Monday. Soooo, her Mom watches him on Friday and Monday.
Regarding her counseling. She was going to a psych and is on medication. She has not gone to a session for some time. This new idea of couple therapy may be great, but from what I understand, the therapist is not a Dr. and does not give rx's. It seems to be a holistic approach and " let's clear the slate and start from this day forward. WOW! You can see that she is trying to fix everyone except herself. She believes that this is what they need. She was very talkative today....How can I help her...she should be in counseling herself at least once a week. I am so sad today because my son did not communicate a thing to me. Does he know that she is telling me all of this? What to do? I feel so much better when people respond,,,this is a wonderful site. Peace to all!