Lack of communication - Relationship Health Message Board

Nina000 · 09-02-2007, 05:28 PM

I feel that my partner (husband) and I are flatmates rather than a couple. I am writing up my PhD and I do need and appreciate personal space, but our lack of communication has almost become overboard. He also stays at his desk (in a different room) working (He's also doing his PhD and so into graphic design and spends an awful lot of time doing that). So, a typical day would go like this: we don't talk for hours, him in one room and me in another!!!! I have also developed very unhealthy habits like online gambling!!!

I have lost over £900 last week.This is the only way that I treat myself , and I am feeling quite down and withdrawn as a result of losing. We normaly have ONE meal together, he cooks it and we watch something on the tele but that's it for time together.

He does nice things for me: He is very affectionate , understanding and caring WHEN we talk. BUT MOST of my time I spend on my own: part-time job, studying and ...gambling

! I didn't even tell him about my losses and I feel quite guilty. What should I do????

MCMA · 09-02-2007, 05:55 PM

First, Im quite impressed with both of your desire for education and furthering it. Which means your neither one of you are settlers so to speak. I totally understand lack of communication, that must be very common between couples from what I read. But, I share this trait with my husband. We rarely ever talk. And now I do not have a desire to talk to him and he crowds me when he is in my space. Amoung other issues but thats not for here.

Here is a thought , now I happen to not be against gambling. What if you guys toke a trip to like a casnio or something?

I wish you strength and peace, love and happiness!

Nina000 · 09-02-2007, 06:04 PM

MCMa, thanks a lot, your post is very sweet and it did make me smile, I like the idea of the Casino

I should definitely suggest it and drag him into that

In fact, he suggested the idea to me before but we never took it further

Thanks again, you made me feel better.

MCMA · 09-02-2007, 08:04 PM

Dont beat yourself up.... Win some, lose some. Ha! And....I happen to "crisis shop" thats what I call it when I go online and buy stuff just to feel better and there is never a chance I will make money at it. So, at least you win some of the time. Ha! I may be feeding you instead helping you.

galinaqt · 09-02-2007, 09:16 PM

Hopefully when you both done with your Phds you have more time for other stuff. If you ever have a baby, it is a common interest. Gambling is an expensive hobby. May be you can find something else. I watch tv to relax. You may go to museum, theater, park, movie, beauty parlor, shopping and so on.