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Old 09-04-2007, 05:11 PM   #1
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Chez19 HB User
very moody boyfriend

Hey guys,

It's been ages since i've posted on this forum!! Which I suppose is a good thing

My boyfriend of over 2 years is being SUCH a moody you-know-what at the moment. Moody for no reason... Moody because I've done something that annoyed him... Moody because he has to go to work...

Last night we were going out and he had to go back home to get my ID caus I forgot it. (I don't drive). About 15 minutes out of his way in total. I appreciate the gross inconvenience of it and apologised at least 3 times... And yet he was FILTHY with me the whole night. Not even just at me.. He was performing (singer) and his performance was terrible because he just looked like he was in a vile mood. Surely thats not normal!!

We talked about it and he said how he knows its unfair and he's really sorry and he DOESNT KNOW WHY I TEND TO ANNOY HIM SO MUCH. I told him I don't think it's me, I think it's you. Getting depressed about going to work isn't any fault of mine...

Anyway. In another relationship if we hadn't been together for a while I would call it quites because I think he's treating me like dirt at the moment. But I think this is something deeper with him and we stil love each other very much, so I dunno I'm guessing its working on communication skills... In the meantime I have to tread on glass and try and help him realise he's being immature and very unfair!! Don't know how to do it.

Argh. Any advice would be helpful
Ta guys

 
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Old 09-04-2007, 05:21 PM   #2
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happymom28 HB User
Re: very moody boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chez19 View Post
In another relationship if we hadn't been together for a while I would call it quites because I think he's treating me like dirt at the moment. But I think this is something deeper with him and we stil love each other very much, so I dunno I'm guessing its working on communication skills... In the meantime I have to tread on glass and try and help him realise he's being immature and very unfair!! Don't know how to do it.
Well, he obviously knows he is being immature and unfair (at least on some level) because he say "how he knows its unfair and he's really sorry and he DOESNT KNOW WHY I TEND TO ANNOY HIM SO MUCH". But that really doesn't help matters does it? He knows what he is doing, appologized, and then does it again. Why should you "tread on glass" because he has a stick up his ***? You are not going to make him realize anything by doing that except that as long as he appologizes you won't dump him.

So why would you put up with his treatment just because you have been together for over 2 years? That doesn't excuse his behavior towards you. You don't need to work on communication skills, you need to tell him the next time he treats you with no respect he find himself another girlfriend. The more you put up with it the more he is going to think it is okay for him to do it. Don't allow him to treat you this way. You can stop it, but you have to have the will to do it.

EDIT: I just wanted to add that putting the blame on you for his actions is a form of abuse. Many abusers use this to make their "victim" feel responsible. Don't let him wear you down. Demand respect!

Last edited by happymom28; 09-04-2007 at 05:22 PM.

 
Old 09-04-2007, 06:00 PM   #3
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Re: very moody boyfriend

If nothing else, the moment he starts to treat you so horribly, cut him off mid-jerk-sentence, tell him you'd rather not be in his presence when he's being such a putz, and walk away. Get a cab if you have to... I guess he thinks he can keep treating you like this and that definitely isn't a habit you'd like to see him form right??

I'm with happymom - demand respect, he shouldn't be able to treat you like that on a frequent basis (ie: if this happened once for one week out of the blue.. sure, forgiven, all of us have 'pms' sometimes... and can be snappy and childish... but if this has been going on for a month or two... or even more than a few weeks... that's pushin' it if you ask me).

I'm not sure what else to say, does he get annoyed with anything/one else and snap like this in their general direction, or do you just have to deal with all of his pent up annoyances? Ugh.. no fun for you!

 
Old 09-04-2007, 06:07 PM   #4
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Re: very moody boyfriend

I agree with happymom. I just ended a 6 month relationship because my ex-boyfriend was also very moody and would "try" to put all the blame on me whenever something went wrong. It drained me so much that I finally said to him "I had enough of this!"

It is a form of abuse and you need to ask yourself if you really want this kind of relationship.

I don't understand why people do this (male and females). My guess is they can't face their own problems and insecurities so they try to make themselves feel better by putting another person down and making them feel bad.

Either you accept your boyfriend for what he is or get out of this relationship and move on with your life. He is NOT going to change so don't expect that.

I wish you the best,
Sunny

 
Old 09-04-2007, 06:21 PM   #5
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Re: very moody boyfriend

I don't think you are compatible and geting rid of him is a best thing you can do. You are obviously not a type he fears and respects. I was in abusive relationship at work, at home. I can't do with these kind of people. Even if you learn to stand up for yourself with him, it wore you off. You better off find a person who treats you right or be alone.

 
Old 09-04-2007, 08:01 PM   #6
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Chez19 HB User
Re: very moody boyfriend

Mm... thanks guys. Unfortunately I find myself agreeing with a lot of the things you're saying to me!

There is another side to this though. He's not a jerk: He cycles (mood). Ive known him for 3 years and in this time it's been... a few months of life is great, followed by another few months of life is pain. This is generally when he starts smoking, and when he quits it is MUCH worse. Usually they are 6 month cycles but this time it has only been 3 months. He used to be on anti depressants when he was 15 so i'm thinking there is something else going on here. Its not only me he does it to. He does it with everything. One down period, the first I experienced when we were together, he cut off all of his friends for 6 months. He was a homebody and had nothing going on in his life apart from me. He pushes people away during these "downs" and naturally i'm the first one to cop it.

I think I may have to focus on helping him treat the problem before just cutting him straight off. I think it needs to be, get some therapy and try to address the real issue here, or accept the fact that I will have to walk away if this continues.

In terms of my position in the relationship, he definitely thinks I would never leave him, which is probably why he thinks he can get away with the rude mistreatment. Unfortunately, for the most part of our relationship I did form an unhealthy dependence on him which is why he thinks I'd never leave. I have been on anti-anxiety medication for the past 3 months and am feeling really great. I told him last night that any preconceptions he had about me hanging around forever are very incorrect, and that i'm much more independent now than he would like to think. I think I should exert this independence and show him i'm not afraid to walk away from a not nice situation.

Ironically, it seems I am dating my father. My mum has had the same treatment for 26 years.

 
Old 09-04-2007, 08:52 PM   #7
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Re: very moody boyfriend

You're Moody each and every time you have your period......Right?

 
Old 09-04-2007, 09:41 PM   #8
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Chez19 HB User
Re: very moody boyfriend

Yes, but not for 3 months at a time with little to no relief...

 
Old 09-04-2007, 10:24 PM   #9
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coty HB User
Re: very moody boyfriend

Maybe he is going through some hormonal changes, or any mild health problem, but still that does not give you the right to trat you bad.
My fiance is a supersweet person, but when he gets in a bad mood and he is sharp at me I simply tell him that I don't like him talking to me like that, that it hurts and makes me sad. That is enough for him to calm down because he understands how I feel.
Maybe you should tell him something of the like, being very calm, not going crazy and shouting or being overly emotional.

 
Old 09-05-2007, 07:58 AM   #10
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Re: very moody boyfriend

He may be a bipolar. My mother is very phisically sick and it affected her mentally. We had to put up with that. She wasn't like that at the beginning. If person like that before you even tight the knot, it is going to be just worse. Life is very hard and you are not becoming any younger. With the age it become much harder to tolerate that kind of things, plus all you put up with now will backfire you. My advice is to leave him. There are man who will treat you right. If you are not lucky to find one, you much better be alone when nobody abuse you, otherwise it will cut your life short and I am not exadurating.

 
Old 09-05-2007, 10:10 AM   #11
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Re: very moody boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chez19 View Post
There is another side to this though. He's not a jerk: He cycles (mood). Ive known him for 3 years and in this time it's been... a few months of life is great, followed by another few months of life is pain. This is generally when he starts smoking, and when he quits it is MUCH worse. Usually they are 6 month cycles but this time it has only been 3 months. He used to be on anit depressants when he was 15 so i'm thinking there is something else going on here.
With cycles like that he could very well be bipolar. Have you ever asked or has he ever told you why he was on anti-depressants?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chez19
Its not only me he does it to. He does it with everything. One down period, the first I experienced when we were together, he cut off all of his friends for 6 months. He was a homebody and had nothing going on in his life apart from me. He pushes people away during these "downs" and naturally i'm the first one to cop it.
Just because you are the only one he does it to doesn't make it right. You don't deserve to be at the recieving end of his issues. He needs to know how it makes you feel and he needs to get it taken care of.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chez19
I think I may have to focus on helping him treat the problem before just cutting him straight off. I think it needs to be, get some therapy and try to address the real issue here, or accept the fact that I will have to walk away if this continues.
Well, I hope you are not going to sit there and hold his hand while he continues to treat you this way. You need to put it in a way that lets him know that either he gets help or your gone. If he chooses not to get help then you should stand by those words and leave. Facing that he may in fact lose you may be the push he needs to take care of this recurring problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chez19
In terms of my position in the relationship, he definitely thinks I would never leave him, which is probably why he thinks he can get away with the rude mistreatment. Unfortunately, for the most part of our relationship I did form an unhealthy dependence on him which is why he thinks I'd never leave. I have been on anti-anxiety medication for the past 3 months and am feeling really great. I told him last night that any preconceptions he had about me hanging around forever are very incorrect, and that i'm much more independent now than he would like to think. I think I should exert this independence and show him i'm not afraid to walk away from a not nice situation.
This is exactly why you need to put it to him like I said, and not be affraid to walk out the door if he thinks you are bluffing. He needs to know that he really will lose you. Don't let your words and feelings be empty. You need to prove it to him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chez19
Ironically, it seems I am dating my father. My mum has had the same treatment for 26 years.
Very interesting. How did that turn out? Did you talk to your mother to see what she would say about this?

 
Old 09-06-2007, 03:52 AM   #12
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Re: very moody boyfriend

Ok well, this is where it gets interesting...

Yes he has been on anti depressants in the past. Many years ago when he was 15. "Life wasn't worth living". Anyway he was on them for a few months but I don't think any positive results came from it.

Coty: I have considered hormonal changes in the past. Especially when he has given up smoking. But bad moods lasting 3-6 months?? I don't know why his hormones would be changing that drastically and frequently?

Happymom: I have considered bi-polar. My mother is actually bi-polar... and my boyfriend has a history of mental health problems in his family (his grandmother in particular is a dillusional schizophrenic). I think it's very possible. Bringing this up with him would be such a disasterous conversation though. He thinks mental health problems are bad excuses for people not having the guts to deal with their problems. Quite hypocritical seeing as though he has trouble dealing with his own!! And no, i'm not going to sit there and hold his hand. I am hoping to be supportive but focus more on my own life. Meeting up with old friends etc. Things that I don't normally do. Might give him a reality check. And about my dad... not so much extreme long lasting mood swings, but more like, being extremely moody over petty things and taking it all out on mum. It wasn't until she had a nervous breakdown that he eased off.

I confronted him last night and he could see I was very upset about the situation. He agreed that he needs to sort himself out and that it is in no way fair on me. I asked him if he would consider someone and he said he could do it on his own. So I guess I need to give him time to try and figure it out, but if it continues it might have to be, seek help or your lady walks..

 
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