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Old 09-21-2007, 04:51 PM   #1
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Really didn't want to do that...

Really didn't want to do that... now more confused.

Me and partner of 4 years broke up last week and I feel so confused with no where to turn or even think. We have to remain in the property though due to a contract clause which is another 4 months!!! I don't think were even going to last as we arguing every day some 3 for 4 times. Anyway to add more confusion I did something yesterday I shouldn't of, maybe someone could help me with all this? because right now I'm not sure what to think.

To help, here is an extract from my diary.
Quote:
What a difference a day makes

In one week I managed to leave my job, broke up with with my partner of 4 years and spend a night with another girl. The job was always **** so no shock there really and there will be other jobs. My ex and me splitting was a collation of not being happy for the last few months, moving in together to soon and me changing and no longer wanting what my ex wants, and the other girl is someone who gets me and is there for me. From now on tho we'll refer to ex-partner as 'A' and the other girl as 'B'. Anyways It was a really good night with 'B' we laughed, got drunk and I even gave her a back massage; oh how I enjoyed that massage, ive not touched another girl in about a year and it felt so good but im getting ahead of myself. The reason I ended up all night with 'B' is because 'A' and I argued all day we both went to coupling councilling and argued there too, so bye the end of the evening I couldn't stand to be in 'A' company. So I went to 'B' and co's house and spent the night, at first we all stayed in and i did my usual thing with flirting with her and we all got merry; they all decided to go out after some persusion I did too, we had another good few hours dancing and drinking then for some reason everyone wanted to go minus me and 'B' so we both stayed behind, drank some more and danced; It was good fun untill we got a slow song and we danced really close, she smelt so nice and it was so nice being with her after everything; it just felt right. Anyways I got really close to a kiss and I think she wanted the same; heart racing a 1000 miles an hour and I stopped myself so I was like "want to make a move" she agreed, the walk back was nice again we talked and had a laugh. We got back to the house and stayed up the whole night laughing, getting drunk and getting close; we flirted loads and messed around and there was diffently a connection if not physical, emotionally. There was five times I nearly kissed her, maybe even more but one I can remember is when we got onto the subject about how tense she was and she never had a massage before, so I volunteed at first it wasnt that good as I was trying to do it with her top on but she moved the top down and I got into it. Safe to say I really got into it, like the slow dance and we got really close again; nothing happend but again it could of; hearts racing and man I wanted to kiss her, her skin was so soft and I wanted to know what those sweet lips would taste like. So it's the day after the night before, me and 'A' have argued the entire day and thats without even telling her about me and 'B' staying up the entire night together. So it's now 11.50am and ive spoken to 'B' (surprisingly she got in contact with me first) and it was a quick chat but I know she hasnt said anything which is good because I know 'A' mind will trail and thats all I need right now. So right now thats where I'm in my life; single, confused who I like/if I do like anyone/if they like me and no idea what to do next, this is going to be a very hard time and I think it's not going to get any easier all I know is I cant stop thinking about 'B' and the other night, maybe im reading to much into it and I hope I am because if it turns out that she does like me then I wont know what to think because right now I'm looking at it's one sided from my POV.

Lets see what tomorrow brings will we? I partly know; I have a mate over that likes 'B' but 'B' doesnt feel the same; so that will be fun to work out weather he should know what happend or didnt happen between me and 'B' but I brought this on myself and it could be worse or not.

Last edited by MyOwnPrisonIsMe; 09-21-2007 at 06:37 PM.

 
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Old 09-22-2007, 12:25 AM   #2
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Re: So directionless...

Welcome!

How come it has been about a year since you have touched another girl but this has been a 4 year relationship you have just ended? How come couples counciling?

Sounds like you are very bored in your current relationship with A but not so bored that you give entirly why else therapy? You seem quite concerned what A would think if she knew of another girl. What are all of your fights about?

My thought is this, you really want advice on going for B but need some form of approval to do so. Is it approval, quilt or just confused?

Whats the worst that can happen in letting your lease go? Keep the deposit? Move out if its really her that is making you upset.
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Old 09-22-2007, 02:26 AM   #3
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Re: So directionless...

How come it has been about a year since you have touched another girl but this has been a 4 year relationship you have just ended? How come couples counciling?

It's because last year we were having problems and we were on a break, and I ended up spending some time and getting close to another girl, nothing happend; we just spent some time at a party; lying down together and talking. The couples councilling is because we are living together for 4 months and I thought I owed it to the relationship to see if there is a future there; but now I really don't know.

Sounds like you are very bored in your current relationship with A but not so bored that you give entirly why else therapy? You seem quite concerned what A would think if she knew of another girl. What are all of your fights about?

Well it's her friend too and I think her mind would think otherwise and give me a hard time, it's innocent enough? or is it? either way need to keep things simple now.

My thought is this, you really want advice on going for B but need some form of approval to do so. Is it approval, quilt or just confused?

It's a bit of everything, I'm really not sure what to feel and right now I'm going on that she only see's me as a friend so I can try and ignore anything more.

Whats the worst that can happen in letting your lease go? Keep the deposit? Move out if its really her that is making you upset.

The landlord only has this property and I asked for a property surrender and he didn't accept it unless we pay the remaining rent; which is alot and which we don't have right now, so were financially stuck together.

...hope that answers your current questions, and thank you for taking time out with me.

PS: Should I tell my friend that likes 'B' what happend? He is a good friend and Iv'e told him everything else.

Last edited by MyOwnPrisonIsMe; 09-22-2007 at 02:34 AM.

 
Old 09-22-2007, 03:36 AM   #4
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Re: So directionless...

Best case senerio someone will get hurt. Try not to be dishonest but use caution when relveiling to much info to friend and A. Sounds tricky but so is the dating life. Ha!

You sound kinda young so enjoy your life and when the right girl comes along then settle down. When your lease is up and you part ways, you see where your direction lies.
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Old 09-22-2007, 03:47 AM   #5
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Re: So directionless...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MCMA View Post
Best case senerio someone will get hurt. Try not to be dishonest but use caution when relveiling to much info to friend and A. Sounds tricky but so is the dating life. Ha!

You sound kinda young so enjoy your life and when the right girl comes along then settle down. When your lease is up and you part ways, you see where your direction lies.
What you mean to much info?

 
Old 09-22-2007, 05:12 AM   #6
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Re: So directionless...

HI,
I am going to really surprise you by what I am going to say...
When I first read your diary I thought you were a girl!!! I read so much guilt into this flirting and touching, that I got confused and I was going to give you advice as on a confused bisexual! Then I checked your gender!!.
So, what does this tell me?
It tells me that you have managed to build so much guilt into both relationships , even with you male friend who likes B, that no wonder you sound so confused..
Things are so much simpler. You didn't get on well with your girlfriend, you even went into councelling and you ended it. That's that. The fact that you still live together, even though it complicates matters, does not alter the fact that YOU DO NOT GET ON WELL. And she knows that. You set her free and she set you free. So?
Next. You like B. She does too. Why are you confused? Keep seeing her and see what happens.
As for your friend who likes B, well tough! You got there first.
I am sorry if I make it sound very simple, but this is the way I see it.
Do not torture yourself with unnecessary guilt when none is due.
Good luck

 
Old 09-22-2007, 05:32 AM   #7
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Re: So directionless...

So you and "A" are officially broken up, right? You two are only living together because of the lease and finances? Are you two still sharing a bedroom or are you sleeping separately right now?

If this is a complete and total split (not sharing a room, not having sex, etc..) then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Yes, it is a sucky situation living with your ex, but you need to just make the best of it.

Be honest with "A". Let her know that you are seeing someone. If nothing else this could make her feel free to start dating as well. I mean, the two of you shouldn't not live your lives because you are stuck in a lease for another 4 months. As long as you and "A" are on the same page regarding your relationship status this shouldn't be too much of a problem.

If you honestly like "B" then just take things slowly. You don't want to rush because you are on the rebound from this relationship. I'm not saying "B" is a rebound, but 4 years is a long time to be with someone and you want to be with "B" for the right reasons and not just to be with someone, if that makes any sense.

As far as your friend that also likes "B", well, sometimes that's life. She obviously likes you so it is what it is. Unless he was dating her and you snatched her away I don't see why you should feel guilty.

 
Old 09-22-2007, 07:29 AM   #8
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Re: So directionless...

thaliak
Right so I come across as a girl erm... thanks? Lol, I don't care I know I'm not the ordinary type of guy when it comes to feelings; with me when im angry im angry, when im upset im upset but doing phsychology helps you express yourself with a better understanding. How can you be sure 'B' likes me? I thought I may have read the siuation wrong and anyways right now I think getting someone else involved with help things? especially when 'A' is still not over me but I want to, I just cant stop thinking of 'B'.

happymom28
No in that sense I have done nothing wrong but lol still feel bad? I'm a little confused as to why there is something going on with 'B' let alone I haven't kissed her? again I thought I may have read to much into it, anyways to answer your question I'm sleeping on the sofa, there is no sex, no hugging... all that is out there was the councilling but that turned out to be a disaster and I know longer want to go but 'A' keeps holding the councilling to me by saying you arent even trying to save this relationship are you? plus she keeps saying Ive got no where to go, my dad got rid of my room but I know for a fact her parents wouldn't see her on the street and I got a phone call later that I might be able to find some new tenants for this flat which means I could move out, but I really don't want to see 'A' wrong...

Last edited by MyOwnPrisonIsMe; 09-22-2007 at 09:13 AM.

 
Old 09-22-2007, 09:13 AM   #9
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Re: So directionless...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyOwnPrisonIsMe View Post
I'm a little confused as to why there is something going on with 'B' let alone I haven't kissed her.
Well, I would say there is something going on between you and "B" because you both feel something. There is nothing wrong with that. I'm guessing you haven't kissed her because you don't want to complicate your living situation by bringing someone else into it. I'm guessing she didn't kiss you for the same reason.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyOwnPrisonIsMe View Post
all that is out there was the councilling but that turned out to be a disaster and I know longer want to go but 'A' keeps holding the councilling to me by saying you arent even trying to save this relationship are you?
Well, I hope the fact that you are not trying is speaking to her. She has to realize that she can't force you to go to counselling or force you to try on this relationship. So you are officially broken up or is this some weird grey area in her mind? I think (if you haven't already) you need to be very direct about not wanting to continue or save your relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyOwnPrisonIsMe View Post
plus she keeps saying Ive got no where to go, my dad got rid of my room but I know for a fact her parents wouldn't see her on the street and I got a phone call later that I might be able to find some new tenants for this flat which means I could move out, but I really don't want to see 'A' wrong...
So she's using the "we don't have anywhere to go" card? It sounds like that can be another plea to keep you around. Honestly, if you don't want to be with "A" you really need to tell her so and don't give her any false hope. If she keeps holding onto this fairytale ending after that then that is her problem.

So would you be able to go back home or have somewhere else to go if you are able to find other tenants?

 
Old 09-22-2007, 09:15 AM   #10
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Re: So directionless...

Oh I'm pretty much sorted, I have a friend I can move in with or even go back into hall'd accommodation, so yeah I'm ok on that front. As for 'B' liking me that's all I need. You see the person I could move in with would be the one that like's 'B' so yeah me and 'B' can't have anything; would be to awkward and unfair on my friend though that sounds hypocritical considering how close I have become to 'B' and I still can't ignore 'B' and right now were talking more then ever before...

...think the shits about to hit the fan.

Last edited by MyOwnPrisonIsMe; 09-22-2007 at 09:21 AM.

 
Old 09-23-2007, 05:48 AM   #11
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Re: So directionless...

Hey,
I still don't get it!
This girl, B, let you massage her and caress her and you had a good time together and you still have doubts whether she likes you?
To my mind, she was openly flirting and letting you have a glimpse of what's to come. The fact that you took things slowly only shows that you are a caring person and that you respect her. This , if nothing else, should make her want you more!!!
As for you going to live with your friend who likes her, I would still say 'tough' for him!! Come out clean with him and tell him that you got there first, even if you didn't mean it!!!. After all he wouldn't like you to have been fondling his future girlfriend would he? So, tell him before you move in with him and see how good a friend he is. It could be for the best if you two do not see eye to eye after you tell him. In any case, I think you will still have the girl.

 
Old 09-23-2007, 06:51 AM   #12
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Re: So directionless...

Quote:
Originally Posted by thaliak View Post
Hey,
I still don't get it!
This girl, B, let you massage her and caress her and you had a good time together and you still have doubts whether she likes you?
To my mind, she was openly flirting and letting you have a glimpse of what's to come. The fact that you took things slowly only shows that you are a caring person and that you respect her. This , if nothing else, should make her want you more!!!
As for you going to live with your friend who likes her, I would still say 'tough' for him!! Come out clean with him and tell him that you got there first, even if you didn't mean it!!!. After all he wouldn't like you to have been fondling his future girlfriend would he? So, tell him before you move in with him and see how good a friend he is. It could be for the best if you two do not see eye to eye after you tell him. In any case, I think you will still have the girl.
Ok, lol maybe I admit 'B' does like me but right now I really don't want anyone, it's a shame but I'll get over it at the end of the day I still have to live with 'A' and still care for 'A' and this will really hurt 'A'. Also I don't want 'B' to feel she's a rebound or anything I like 'B' to much for that she's a great girl, just not mine.
Thank you all for your time, I have no one to speak to you see and more then anything it has helped me to reflect on everything and today I'm feeling a lot more better about things, so thats where I lie; no more flings, no more girls and just lots of fun with friends lol.

Last edited by MyOwnPrisonIsMe; 09-23-2007 at 06:59 AM.

 
Old 09-23-2007, 11:07 AM   #13
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Re: So directionless...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyOwnPrisonIsMe View Post
Ok, lol maybe I admit 'B' does like me but right now I really don't want anyone, it's a shame but I'll get over it at the end of the day I still have to live with 'A' and still care for 'A' and this will really hurt 'A'. Also I don't want 'B' to feel she's a rebound or anything I like 'B' to much for that she's a great girl, just not mine.
Thank you all for your time, I have no one to speak to you see and more then anything it has helped me to reflect on everything and today I'm feeling a lot more better about things, so thats where I lie; no more flings, no more girls and just lots of fun with friends lol.
This is a bit ironic, since blowing off "B" and not pursuing a relationship with her is now probably the GREATEST way to show her that she was in fact nothing more to you than a temporary rebound thing. But if you don't want to pursue things with her, for whatever reason, then you need to stop talking to her so much, and for pity's sake keep your hands OFF her naked back!!! You're just leading her on and you're not being fair to her.

 
Old 09-23-2007, 12:51 PM   #14
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Re: So directionless...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
This is a bit ironic, since blowing off "B" and not pursuing a relationship with her is now probably the GREATEST way to show her that she was in fact nothing more to you than a temporary rebound thing. But if you don't want to pursue things with her, for whatever reason, then you need to stop talking to her so much, and for pity's sake keep your hands OFF her naked back!!! You're just leading her on and you're not being fair to her.
I have to agree with this statement.

The thing is, you are really making things more complicated than they have to be. I know it seems all confusing and jumbled because you are in the thick of things, but in reality it sorts our pretty simply. If you like "B" then go for it. If you don't want to pursue something with "B" then don't lead her on. If you still have feelings for "A" then work on that relationship. If you don't have anymore feelings for "A" then move on and don't let her think that you do. Be honest with your friend about your feelings for "B" because you don't want him to hear it from someone else, like "B".

I guess you just really need to figure out what YOU want once and for all and then pursue it. Don't worry about everyone else's feelings. You are only responsible for you and your happiness. It may seem harsh, but in reality "A", "B", and your friend don't have your best interest in the forefront of their mind.

 
Old 09-26-2007, 12:53 PM   #15
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Re: So directionless...

Well that was messy, I went against what I said and spoke to 'B' and she was like I really can't see you more then a friend; your a great guy and everything but 'A' is my friend too, so there's that barrier. So yeah, guess I'm just a friend and probably nothing now as it'll be too uncomfortable for us being together. I also told my mate and he didn't take it too well so have to leave him alone for a while as well. Also I bluntly asked 'B' if she thought 'A' would find out because if so I would like to tell 'A' myself and deal with it, 'B' said she wouldn't say anything and I haven't spoke to her since.

...So yeah wish I left it but I didn't and now got to see what tomorrow brings, any advice would be great

 
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