Just want to vent! Some of you may remember a few weeks ago I posted a thread about a friend of mine. Her husband had been seen out with a woman who I was told had Hep C? Well, I did finally tell my friend all this. I wanted to update you all because the things that have happened is amazing!
After I told my friend about this other woman, she began to follow her husband. She has caught them in the car together once and at the other womans home 3 times. All three times was in the early morning hours when her husband didn't return home when expected. The first time she went to the door and asked him to come home. He did. The other two times she just drove by and noted he was there, but didn't stop.
Here is my vent......what is she doing? When I asked her what all this meant for her marriage after catching him the second time, she stated that IF SHE CAUGHT HIM A THIRD TIME.......yada yada yada.
Now, he has been there a third time and she KNOWS! What would make my friend lower herself to this kind of treatment? Why is she still sharing a bed with this creep? The sad part is....and all of you who read my earlier post know that I really struggled with telling her about this woman.....but now she doesnt seem to want that much to do with me anymore. What time she spends with me....she wants me to drive her around and spy on him! I don't want to do that anymore because 1). I am sick of driving around and using my gas in my car when it doesn't make any difference in how she feels. I think if she wants to do that she should do it on her own money and time. 2). She hasn't left yet, why would knowing where he is.....at any given point in time make any difference? It isn't like he is EVER where he tells her he will be when we go looking.
I guess I just don't get it. How can you pretend (they still attend church together as a loving couple) that everything is alright when it isnt. She tells me how miserable she is, and at times that he is going to stop what he is doing, but I know in our small town most everything he does is common knowledge and he doesnt seem to be attempting to even hide it anymore.
Do any of you know what my friend is doing? I never get a direct answer from her, except if things dont change.....she is going to end the marriage, then the next time I go to church and sit behind them...she is cuddled up to him, and even rubbing his back!!!!! What the hell?????
I don't know what the heck your friend is doing. She must think pretty badly about her self to stay with a man that she knows (and everyone else knows) is screwing around on her. How sad, pathetic really.
Maybe she has delussioned herself into thinking that if she ignores it the whole thing will go away. Maybe she thinks that if she "shows him more love and attention" he won't stray elsewhere to get it. Who knows?
I would advise you to keep being friends, but not chauffer her around town to see what he is up to. When she asks just tell her "We both know what he is doing. I don't see the point of wasting the energy and gas to confirm something we already know and that you are going to do nothng about.". It may seem harsh, but it's the truth, right? Why sugarcoat it at this point. She needs to see the reality for what it is.
It's simple. Your friend is an idiot. And if she is going to be such an idiot, then why do you even want to stay friends with her? She obviously doesn't have the first clue about anything, so you're not missing much if you dump her as a friend. Seriously, do you honestly want that kind of drama in your life brought on by something that isn't even your problem?
Oh Kzsan! So harsh. No, I don't need the drama, but my friend is a really good good person! She doesn't deserve what this man is doing to her. Yes, maybe she is an idiot....but what concerns me most is that she is kind of shying away from me now. I try not to be judgemental at all about her staying....though I do give my opinion on occasion.
I told her when I first had to bring this woman up that the reason I didn't want to tell is because in the end (in my experience) most women will stay with a husband who strays.....and convince them someone is lying. If she believed him then that makes ME a liar. I wasn't that worried about that once she saw it for herself, but in the end the outcome is still the same, she is still with him, and avoiding me! I see and talk with her only rarely now. In a way I am sorry I ever told her.
That's why I'm saying you should dump her. If she's going to stay with her probably-STD-carrying husband-who-cheated and actually blame you for being the problem (because you told her), then I don't see why you'd want to continue the friendship.
See, YOU are not the problem in this friendship. You didn't do anything wrong. I mean, you were honestly trying to help. But she's treating you like a pariah now, and why, because she is .... well, not that bright. And the bottom line is that if she treats you this way, then she's not a true friend. Because a True Friend would honestly thank you for trying to help. And she would be grateful that you tried to save her.