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Old 10-10-2007, 08:20 AM   #1
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2.5 years...we're over

I ended it with my bf after my best friends wedding. I dont trust him enough. There were too many lies for me to feel comfortable staying. It hurts and it just sucks. I have no interest in anyone else. I think I need to just be on my own for a while and live life and focus on making money because now I have to pay all the bills by myself!

I loved him, I thought he was it for me. I am holding up ok. I think I made the right decision because trust is so important and he told me that all the lies he has told me in the past (About 8-10 over a 2.5 year period) shouldnt effect me as much as they have.

I really wish it could have been different.

To anyone out there with my problem...life is not supposed to be spent worrying and snooping due to the fact that you have caught your guy in lies. It's not right...and most likely it will keep happening!

 
Old 10-10-2007, 08:28 AM   #2
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

I looked up your posts about your boyfriend - it has been heading this way for a while. I think you are doing the right thing; there is no point in a relationship where trust has gone out of the window. You will be heartsick for a time, but weigh this up against a lifetime of misery and doubt. It is very hard to leave even a spoiled relationship, and I feel for you. Let yourself grieve and be sad, the positive thoughts for the future will surface eventually in good time and then you will be ready to move on with your new life. Look after yourself, Sera

 
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Old 10-10-2007, 08:56 AM   #3
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Thanks Sera! You're right. It has been in the making for a while but when you love someone it is so easy to think "This can be fixed". He blamed me for not trusting him...he told me it shouldnt effect me so much (his lies)...he told me it was because of me that he did lie. AUGH! I hated hearing all that. It was his choice to lie, it was his choice to say he would NEVER do it again, and it was his choice to continue to do it.

I am going to really focus on...me. Just me. No boys, just my finances and my happiness and my friends of course.

There was more to it then the lies, his lifestyle was a problem for me.

I tried!

 
Old 10-10-2007, 09:49 AM   #4
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

I read your other posts also. I was waiting to see that he cheated or did something worthy of being untrustworthy..well..I couldn't find that in any of your threads. I hate to sound mean but this looks like one where he will be better off without you. He's in a band so there a certain "lifestyle" in that itself. What were the lies about? Were they lies to keep from causing trouble in your relationship? Not that lies are good. But sometimes they are needed when the other person in unreasonable or insecure. I prefer brutal honesty. But thats not always a good thing. I've had a lot of arguments that could have been avoided either way by just not saying..or twisting the truth. If its not cheating or doing something outside of relationships moral boundries..then whatever. Anyway...2.5 years is a long time to throw away over small stuff. And so far it looks like small stuff.
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Old 10-10-2007, 10:09 AM   #5
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Trust is a very important thing in a relationship. If you can't trust them, you'll never be happy. be glad you ended it before you got married...

 
Old 10-10-2007, 10:49 AM   #6
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
I read your other posts also. I was waiting to see that he cheated or did something worthy of being untrustworthy..well..I couldn't find that in any of your threads. I hate to sound mean but this looks like one where he will be better off without you. He's in a band so there a certain "lifestyle" in that itself. What were the lies about? Were they lies to keep from causing trouble in your relationship? Not that lies are good. But sometimes they are needed when the other person in unreasonable or insecure. I prefer brutal honesty. But thats not always a good thing. I've had a lot of arguments that could have been avoided either way by just not saying..or twisting the truth. If its not cheating or doing something outside of relationships moral boundries..then whatever. Anyway...2.5 years is a long time to throw away over small stuff. And so far it looks like small stuff.
Well you're rude. I am going through a terrible break up and you come on here and critize me like this telling me he is better of without me. I was honest, faithful, and supportive of everything he did. I was a great gf to him. Just because I didnt run here everytime he told me a lie doesnt mean he didnt do it.

Examples...said he went home at 1am but was out until 7am and LIED about it...went to a bar with another girl and LIED about it...wrote his exgf an email that was relatively inappropriate and LIED about it...went to lunch with his ex's sister and LIED about it.

There are a few others and the whole point is...when you are planning on spending your life with someone you can only take there word for things and if every few months you turn around and you find out that something else they have told you wasnt true...you start to question that very important trust factor. It doesnt matter what the lie is even about...if you lie everytime you think you may get in trouble for something...what is that? It is being a coward. And breaking trust. Like I said, I had nothing but his word to go by.

And i'm sorry, but once you are 30 and are in a serious relationship you need to settle down a bit, not continue being out until 3am everytime you decide to go out (even during the week).

And the fact that he justified every lie by blaming me and told me how it should or shouldnt effect me...not what I can be in. I was always 100% honest with him and I deserved the same back, I begged for the same back...and it didnt seem like I was going to get it.

Oh, and the night before we broke up he spent 3 hours in the middle of the night behind a bar in a parking lot with his best friends ex. "TALKING!"

Last edited by ash519; 10-10-2007 at 10:52 AM.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 11:12 AM   #7
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
I read your other posts also. I was waiting to see that he cheated or did something worthy of being untrustworthy..well..I couldn't find that in any of your threads. I hate to sound mean but this looks like one where he will be better off without you. He's in a band so there a certain "lifestyle" in that itself. What were the lies about? Were they lies to keep from causing trouble in your relationship? Not that lies are good. But sometimes they are needed when the other person in unreasonable or insecure. I prefer brutal honesty. But thats not always a good thing. I've had a lot of arguments that could have been avoided either way by just not saying..or twisting the truth. If its not cheating or doing something outside of relationships moral boundries..then whatever. Anyway...2.5 years is a long time to throw away over small stuff. And so far it looks like small stuff.
WHAT?!?!?!?! In my book, lying is unacceptable behavior! I never lie to anyone and cannot accept being lied to! Of course everyone has their acceptable behavior and how much BS they will take from a partner.
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Last edited by hoopty; 10-10-2007 at 11:12 AM.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 11:20 AM   #8
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Quote:
Originally Posted by hoopty View Post
WHAT?!?!?!?! In my book, lying is unacceptable behavior! I never lie to anyone and cannot accept being lied to! Of course everyone has their acceptable behavior and how much BS they will take from a partner.
Thank you Hoopty!!!!

 
Old 10-10-2007, 11:37 AM   #9
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Ash, you don't need a man who down plays those types of lies, or any lies to that matter. And telling you that you are making a big deal out of nothing is wrong. These lies that he has told are not little lies, and you have no idea what he was actually doing out all night long. Even though you feel ready to settle down he is obviously not at that point yet. My first husband lied continuously about all kinds of stupid things, and it got to the point where I didn't believe a thing that came out of his mouth, whether it was about him being unfaithful, or something as stupid as did he wash his hands after he sneezed into them. It was ridiculous!! At least you did not marry this guy. You are better off without him. maybe someday he will grow up, maybe not, I know my ex still continues to lie about stupid s***. I thought he would grow up and grow out of it, but he never did. I wasted 11 years of my life blaming myself for his lies, and telling myself that I was not good enough for him to respect and treat right. He moved away and was living with one woman, and when he would come here to see his son he would be out with other women, so he still has not changed. Good luck, get over this guy and be glad that you did. It will be hard for a while, but you will thank yourself later. Nikki

 
Old 10-10-2007, 11:39 AM   #10
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

see. now those lies are unacceptable. i agree with the too old to be out that late. AND i don't think couples should be at a bar PERIOD. just spells trouble. as for an "acceptable lie"...i would say if he went out with a friend..male..that you didn't like but told you he was out with one you did like..still a lie..but to keep from having an arguement..an acceptable lie. most people tell little white lies every now and again to keep from getting into trouble with an SO..or kids....like you have no idea how that ding got in the bumper of the car..or you don't know who left the dog out and he ran way...if you've NEVER told one..well you are a lier...
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Old 10-10-2007, 11:45 AM   #11
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
see. now those lies are unacceptable. i agree with the too old to be out that late. AND i don't think couples should be at a bar PERIOD. just spells trouble. as for an "acceptable lie"...i would say if he went out with a friend..male..that you didn't like but told you he was out with one you did like..still a lie..but to keep from having an arguement..an acceptable lie. most people tell little white lies every now and again to keep from getting into trouble with an SO..or kids....like you have no idea how that ding got in the bumper of the car..or you don't know who left the dog out and he ran way...if you've NEVER told one..well you are a lier...
Those lies he told were unacceptable and they caused me so much stress!!! I am glad to see you understand. It was hard to read he is better off without me. I was soo great to him. He knows it.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 02:39 PM   #12
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Ash I am in a VERY similar situation, 2.5 years and over too. Basically the straw that broke the camels back was finding out that he was emailing his ex behind my back. That was enough, especially after other things I had put up with. People dont understand unless they are in the relationship the degree to which something harms someone else. For me, finding out something as significant as communicating with an ex who caused problems in the past (over and over!) is enough for me to move on. And they can say they are doing nothing else but they have already proven they lie. But, my ex is the same way.....he tries to make me think that I am childish for "making such a big deal" out of emailing his ex. Best of luck.

Last edited by missbrit; 10-10-2007 at 02:40 PM.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 05:42 AM   #13
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

MissBrit- I know! It is so hard and it is so frustrating!!!!!

I want people to just not tell me about him. My brother is really good friends with him and it makes it hard.

Then I come into work this morning and have a message in my yahoo saying that someone with my boyfriends name has requested me as a friend on my space. Uhmmm...i cant check at work because that site is blocked but he better not be requesting me as a friend right now. I'll just say no. I need time and the more people bring him up the harder it makes all this. If it is him he must have just opened it.

I was doing so good and then a combination of that and my brother bringing him up has me stressing again!!!!! I hate it! Damn it is so hard. I have to try and NOT look at his page. I wonder if i can block his page from existing to me. HAHA! I doubt it. Maybe it's not him, but if it is he will have to be REJECTED.

I have to keep reminding myself as to why we broke up!!!

 
Old 10-11-2007, 05:53 AM   #14
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Ash, you did the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 06:29 AM   #15
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Re: 2.5 years...we're over

Ash- 2.5 years is a long time....i think that is why it is so hard! Just keep reminding yourself why things didnt work. I was at this point last year too with him and couldnt handle the pain so I made things work. Well, the result is that a year later I am back to square one! Now, my friends keep telling me "you can hurt now or hurt later, you have to choose to hurt now". They know that even though we love each other we just don't work together in a relationship. For me it helps to keep busy. He keeps asking me when we can be friends and why cant things work? I am avoiding him because it is time I put myself first! I dont see the pull of the ******* thing....it might be him manipulating you like "see, I am moving on and look at my page and all the friends and girls I have!"....I am glad you rejected it! Keep me posted and keep busy for now!

 
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