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EDC_Light 10-10-2007 09:53 AM

Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
Those who know my story, I have somewhat of an update. In June, after the divorce was finalized, I got in contact with my ex wife's grandma (Mary), and Mary told me that my ex broke off contact with her too. My ex, Diane, never cared for them all that much. Her selfishness shining through. Anyway, Mary told me that her husband (and Diane's grandpa), name of Jack, was in the hospital after surgery for lung cancer. I was going to visit Jack, but Mary said that I should wait because Jack was heart broken that Diane broke contact, and that "after Jack got better", Mary would call me to come visit (Jack associated me with Diane, and Mary thought it would make it harder for him to see me and not Diane as well). Diane never went to see him in the hospital.

Well, I hadn't heard any word, and got ahold of Mary on Monday. She said that Jack passed away in July. Diane didn't go to the funeral either.

I think it makes things more clear, and gives evidence that this was all her doing and that she is really messed up. It doesn't bring me the Joy I'm after, but I can see that it was all Diane's selfishness, how life can be bent to serve only HER desires, . . . her lack of care/interest in those who care(d) for her.

rosequartz 10-10-2007 10:09 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
wow, I'm awfully sorry to hear about Jack's passing......
that's sad that his grandaughter didn't even care enough to go see him.
I guess it's confirmation that you're better off without her....
what kind of person would write off their own grandparents?
I hope you stay in contact with Mary, it sounds like she could use some support......

tarheel247 10-10-2007 11:01 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
rose are you going soft on us? ;)

you really shouldn't be in contact with her family at all. i know its hard. i'm going through that withdrawl too. but is best to break away. best for you for sure. you can put all the blame on your ex all you want too. if it makes you feel better...then go for it. whatever it takes for you to move on and get over this.

so have you found any lady friend prospects yet? any good news to tell us? i'm waiting for the "i'm finally out and about" thread from you...:D

rosequartz 10-10-2007 11:04 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
[QUOTE=tarheel247;3251162]rose are you going soft on us? ;)

you really shouldn't be in contact with her family at all. i know its hard. i'm going through that withdrawl too. but is best to break away. best for you for sure. you can put all the blame on your ex all you want too. if it makes you feel better...then go for it. whatever it takes for you to move on and get over this.

so have you found any lady friend prospects yet? any good news to tell us? i'm waiting for the "i'm finally out and about" thread from you...:D[/QUOTE]


LOL you're onto me.....I DO have a soft spot for elderly people and animals.....LOL
Although I can see both sides....in a way maybe he shouldn't be in contact with her family.....I don't know.....
:angel:

EDC_Light 10-10-2007 12:13 PM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
[QUOTE=tarheel247;3251162]rose are you going soft on us? ;)

you really shouldn't be in contact with her family at all. i know its hard. i'm going through that withdrawl too. but is best to break away. best for you for sure. you can put all the blame on your ex all you want too. if it makes you feel better...then go for it. whatever it takes for you to move on and get over this.

so have you found any lady friend prospects yet? any good news to tell us? i'm waiting for the "i'm finally out and about" thread from you...:D[/QUOTE]

It is a tough call, but Mary still considers me family. These past few weeks have made me realize that I am best being out of the ex's life. It is a **** poor thing to do to your grandparents, so I have no desire to have the ex in my life again. But for Mary, she's an old lady and needs to enjoy the few remaining days of her life. There's no telling how long that will be. It may be best to break off contact, but in this case, she's had enough loss in her life and if she still considers me family, on some level, I will do what I can while she's still here.

As for "lady friend prospects", there is absolutely no one. Not even any "possible prospects". I may find myself surprised, in the future, with a "special someone", but as of now, the well is dry.

bulletproof 10-11-2007 12:06 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
While it's great that you are now seeing that your relationship with your ex was unhealthy, I think that you are also grasping for reasons why she was totally in the wrong. When a couple breaks up, we each have to accept our responsibility for our part. Continuing to label her as selfish and screwed up might be doing you a greater disservice than you think.

When you are truly over it, chances are you won't care about what Diane is doing or not doing with her family. You will be indifferent.

EDC_Light 10-11-2007 09:29 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
[QUOTE=bulletproof;3252361]While it's great that you are now seeing that your relationship with your ex was unhealthy, I think that you are also grasping for reasons why she was totally in the wrong. When a couple breaks up, we each have to accept our responsibility for our part. Continuing to label her as selfish and screwed up might be doing you a greater disservice than you think.

When you are truly over it, chances are you won't care about what Diane is doing or not doing with her family. You will be indifferent.[/QUOTE]

I care because I know how it hurts them. I would feel the same if anyone did such things. Fact is, she is in the wrong and there is no question about it. To be honest, I have no desire for her to be in my life, or to even see her again. But Mary deserves better, and Jack certainly deserved better as he lay dying in the hospital. It is horrible to think of him dying while in grief. :(

happymom28 10-11-2007 10:46 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
How terrible and shameful of Diane to treat her grandparents in such a way! It's just more proof of how much better off you are without her.

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't stay in contact with Mary. She is an innocent victim to her granddaughter, just as you are. Just because your marriage didn't work out doesn't mean you have to cut all ties with her family. Diane is the one the messed up, why should you and Mary have to not speak because of that? I'm sure she could use a good friend right now.

EDC_Light 10-11-2007 11:49 AM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
Thanks, happymom28. Fortunately, Mary has neices that have done a lot for her during this time. One doesn't work and is able to keep her busy. They will be in North Carolina this weekend. :)

bulletproof 10-11-2007 02:04 PM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
I certainly don't think anyone is right to treat her grandparents that way. But like I said, I think that you are looking for other examples of her bad behavior so you can continue to cast her as the villian in your previous relationship. It sounds like you are a long way from forgiving her, which is perfectly understandable as it hasn't been much time. But once you are able to forgive her and also accept whatever your role was in the demise of the relationship, you will feel so much more at peace with yourself.

None of this is meant to hurt, only to help.

EDC_Light 10-11-2007 03:18 PM

Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?
 
[QUOTE=bulletproof;3253383]I certainly don't think anyone is right to treat her grandparents that way. But like I said, I think that you are looking for other examples of her bad behavior so you can continue to cast her as the villian in your previous relationship. It sounds like you are a long way from forgiving her, which is perfectly understandable as it hasn't been much time. But once you are able to forgive her and also accept whatever your role was in the demise of the relationship, you will feel so much more at peace with yourself.

None of this is meant to hurt, only to help.[/QUOTE]

IF . . . I had a role in it, . . . it was very small, almost not worth being called "a role". This isn't just "my side of the issue". My counselor, who didn't take sides, and was trying to make things work out, recognized that she had absolutely no desire to save the marriage, and it was litterally all her doing. There was nothing I did that warranted her response. She just wanted to be on her own. So, she IS "the villian" here, in that she caused it.

Now, I can forgive her for what she did, but unless she changes her ways, I will have nothing to do with her. I really wish she would because she is living a self destructive life.

I know you're trying to help, and I do appreciate it! :) Just trying to clear up some possible confusion about what actually happened.

:angel:


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