It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-10-2007, 08:53 AM   #1
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Missouri
Posts: 791
EDC_Light HB User
Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

Those who know my story, I have somewhat of an update. In June, after the divorce was finalized, I got in contact with my ex wife's grandma (Mary), and Mary told me that my ex broke off contact with her too. My ex, Diane, never cared for them all that much. Her selfishness shining through. Anyway, Mary told me that her husband (and Diane's grandpa), name of Jack, was in the hospital after surgery for lung cancer. I was going to visit Jack, but Mary said that I should wait because Jack was heart broken that Diane broke contact, and that "after Jack got better", Mary would call me to come visit (Jack associated me with Diane, and Mary thought it would make it harder for him to see me and not Diane as well). Diane never went to see him in the hospital.

Well, I hadn't heard any word, and got ahold of Mary on Monday. She said that Jack passed away in July. Diane didn't go to the funeral either.

I think it makes things more clear, and gives evidence that this was all her doing and that she is really messed up. It doesn't bring me the Joy I'm after, but I can see that it was all Diane's selfishness, how life can be bent to serve only HER desires, . . . her lack of care/interest in those who care(d) for her.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 09:09 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,224
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

wow, I'm awfully sorry to hear about Jack's passing......
that's sad that his grandaughter didn't even care enough to go see him.
I guess it's confirmation that you're better off without her....
what kind of person would write off their own grandparents?
I hope you stay in contact with Mary, it sounds like she could use some support......

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-10-2007, 10:01 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 617
tarheel247 HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

rose are you going soft on us?

you really shouldn't be in contact with her family at all. i know its hard. i'm going through that withdrawl too. but is best to break away. best for you for sure. you can put all the blame on your ex all you want too. if it makes you feel better...then go for it. whatever it takes for you to move on and get over this.

so have you found any lady friend prospects yet? any good news to tell us? i'm waiting for the "i'm finally out and about" thread from you...
__________________
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
Those who forget the past are destined to repeat it.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 10:04 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,224
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
rose are you going soft on us?

you really shouldn't be in contact with her family at all. i know its hard. i'm going through that withdrawl too. but is best to break away. best for you for sure. you can put all the blame on your ex all you want too. if it makes you feel better...then go for it. whatever it takes for you to move on and get over this.

so have you found any lady friend prospects yet? any good news to tell us? i'm waiting for the "i'm finally out and about" thread from you...

LOL you're onto me.....I DO have a soft spot for elderly people and animals.....LOL
Although I can see both sides....in a way maybe he shouldn't be in contact with her family.....I don't know.....

 
Old 10-10-2007, 11:13 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Missouri
Posts: 791
EDC_Light HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
rose are you going soft on us?

you really shouldn't be in contact with her family at all. i know its hard. i'm going through that withdrawl too. but is best to break away. best for you for sure. you can put all the blame on your ex all you want too. if it makes you feel better...then go for it. whatever it takes for you to move on and get over this.

so have you found any lady friend prospects yet? any good news to tell us? i'm waiting for the "i'm finally out and about" thread from you...
It is a tough call, but Mary still considers me family. These past few weeks have made me realize that I am best being out of the ex's life. It is a **** poor thing to do to your grandparents, so I have no desire to have the ex in my life again. But for Mary, she's an old lady and needs to enjoy the few remaining days of her life. There's no telling how long that will be. It may be best to break off contact, but in this case, she's had enough loss in her life and if she still considers me family, on some level, I will do what I can while she's still here.

As for "lady friend prospects", there is absolutely no one. Not even any "possible prospects". I may find myself surprised, in the future, with a "special someone", but as of now, the well is dry.

 
Old 10-10-2007, 11:06 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: SF
Posts: 542
bulletproof HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

While it's great that you are now seeing that your relationship with your ex was unhealthy, I think that you are also grasping for reasons why she was totally in the wrong. When a couple breaks up, we each have to accept our responsibility for our part. Continuing to label her as selfish and screwed up might be doing you a greater disservice than you think.

When you are truly over it, chances are you won't care about what Diane is doing or not doing with her family. You will be indifferent.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 08:29 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Missouri
Posts: 791
EDC_Light HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bulletproof View Post
While it's great that you are now seeing that your relationship with your ex was unhealthy, I think that you are also grasping for reasons why she was totally in the wrong. When a couple breaks up, we each have to accept our responsibility for our part. Continuing to label her as selfish and screwed up might be doing you a greater disservice than you think.

When you are truly over it, chances are you won't care about what Diane is doing or not doing with her family. You will be indifferent.
I care because I know how it hurts them. I would feel the same if anyone did such things. Fact is, she is in the wrong and there is no question about it. To be honest, I have no desire for her to be in my life, or to even see her again. But Mary deserves better, and Jack certainly deserved better as he lay dying in the hospital. It is horrible to think of him dying while in grief.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 09:46 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

How terrible and shameful of Diane to treat her grandparents in such a way! It's just more proof of how much better off you are without her.

I don't see any reason why you shouldn't stay in contact with Mary. She is an innocent victim to her granddaughter, just as you are. Just because your marriage didn't work out doesn't mean you have to cut all ties with her family. Diane is the one the messed up, why should you and Mary have to not speak because of that? I'm sure she could use a good friend right now.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 10:49 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Missouri
Posts: 791
EDC_Light HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

Thanks, happymom28. Fortunately, Mary has neices that have done a lot for her during this time. One doesn't work and is able to keep her busy. They will be in North Carolina this weekend.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 01:04 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: SF
Posts: 542
bulletproof HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

I certainly don't think anyone is right to treat her grandparents that way. But like I said, I think that you are looking for other examples of her bad behavior so you can continue to cast her as the villian in your previous relationship. It sounds like you are a long way from forgiving her, which is perfectly understandable as it hasn't been much time. But once you are able to forgive her and also accept whatever your role was in the demise of the relationship, you will feel so much more at peace with yourself.

None of this is meant to hurt, only to help.

 
Old 10-11-2007, 02:18 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Missouri
Posts: 791
EDC_Light HB User
Re: Another "ex-wife related story". What is your thoughts on this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bulletproof View Post
I certainly don't think anyone is right to treat her grandparents that way. But like I said, I think that you are looking for other examples of her bad behavior so you can continue to cast her as the villian in your previous relationship. It sounds like you are a long way from forgiving her, which is perfectly understandable as it hasn't been much time. But once you are able to forgive her and also accept whatever your role was in the demise of the relationship, you will feel so much more at peace with yourself.

None of this is meant to hurt, only to help.
IF . . . I had a role in it, . . . it was very small, almost not worth being called "a role". This isn't just "my side of the issue". My counselor, who didn't take sides, and was trying to make things work out, recognized that she had absolutely no desire to save the marriage, and it was litterally all her doing. There was nothing I did that warranted her response. She just wanted to be on her own. So, she IS "the villian" here, in that she caused it.

Now, I can forgive her for what she did, but unless she changes her ways, I will have nothing to do with her. I really wish she would because she is living a self destructive life.

I know you're trying to help, and I do appreciate it! Just trying to clear up some possible confusion about what actually happened.


 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I got placed on a "pain med HOLIDAY" tbreeze27 Pain Management 79 03-13-2011 12:58 PM
Intrusive thoughts - Do you act upon them? Please read post for ex. randomid132 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 8 02-12-2010 01:21 AM
Does stress, even "good" stress, accelerate this process? jojo1109 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 16 11-28-2009 10:56 PM
GF's "Ex" Keeps Calling micro Relationship Health 15 03-13-2009 04:42 PM
saw ex on subway...its been 2 years lady346 Relationship Health 17 12-10-2007 09:17 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (260), rosequartz (245), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (87), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (856), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (771), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:13 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!