I want to vent a little.
I am especially close to several male friends of mine.
They now all have long term girlfriends, and I love listening to them about their love lives.
They are all so loving, committed and tender to their girlfriends. Some go to GREAT lengths to be with their girlfriends, the things they do, it is so heartwarming. I am proud of my friends. They are good people.
At times I get a little sad though. Ive just come out of a relationship with a selfish little boy who couldnt even sacrifice his weekends at home for me. Two years and VERY little to show for it. Not because of me.
I listen to my male friends talking about their lives with their girlfriends, and it is bittersweet. Whilst I am so happy they have ended up in happy relationships, I am also sad because I have come out of such a miserable relationship and now I see it for what it was- nothing. I wanted so much with my ex, i loved him so dearly. Shame I wasted myself on someone who is so young, selfish and inexperienced. It stings.
I was even thinking a few weeks back, Id go abroad (flyin 24 hours) to be with him for a week but I just know he wouldnt want me there even if we did get back together.
Im sad.
When will i meet my prince charming? I have not lost faith in men as my friends show me there are princes out there although they are hard to find.
Sometimes I get angry at my ex, and would love to tell him about my male friends- real men not like the little boy he is.
I dont know what the purpose of this post is. Just to vent, I suppose.
Thank you for taking the time out to read this.
I know how you feel. Everyone around you has great relationships and it makes it more difficult when you just got out of a bad one.
I was in a very violent relationship and while I am glad I am out of it, I look around and see happy couples in malls, library etc. I'm thinking geez when will my prince show up?
I find that when I am not actively looking for a man I somehow end up meeting one when I least expect it. Right now I am not looking for a relationship due to what I have been through but I know in my heart my Prince is out there somewhere and I believe there is one waiting for you.
I am especially close to several male friends of mine.
They now all have long term girlfriends, and I love listening to them about their love lives.
They are all so loving, committed and tender to their girlfriends. Some go to GREAT lengths to be with their girlfriends, the things they do, it is so heartwarming. I am proud of my friends. They are good people.
At times I get a little sad though. Ive just come out of a relationship with a selfish little boy who couldnt even sacrifice his weekends at home for me. Two years and VERY little to show for it. Not because of me.
I listen to my male friends talking about their lives with their girlfriends, and it is bittersweet. Whilst I am so happy they have ended up in happy relationships, I am also sad because I have come out of such a miserable relationship and now I see it for what it was- nothing. I wanted so much with my ex, i loved him so dearly. Shame I wasted myself on someone who is so young, selfish and inexperienced. It stings.
Hey, apple_juice I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling right now. But let me just say a couple of things to put it all in perspective. Firstly, remember that it is easy to idealise other couples' relationships. Your male friends will only tell you the good things that go on between them and their girlfriends; you won't get to hear about the petty squables they have, for which they're both to blame. To you, these guys might seem like Prince Charmings, and you might wish they were still on the shelf, but they're just as fallable as the rest of us.
I've been one of these guys to my female friends who are in relationships. I've had that drunken conversation where the girl says "You're the exact opposite of my boyfriend - why can't he be more like you?". And the truth is, I only appear to be the exact opposite of these girls' boyfriends because they only see the good side to me and they dwell on the bad side of their boyfriends. So don't compare your relationship to those of your male friends because you don't have the full story.
Secondly, good for you in recognising that your ex wasn't so good for you. But don't look back on the last two years as a waste of time; it was a learning process. You know now that you want a guy to show more commitment. So you won't accept anything less. And, like ptarm says, there is a guy out there waiting for you to bump into him. When that day comes you will look back and realise that your path has led you to him. When you meet a guy who extols the virtues that you identify in your male friends then you won't look back on the past with regret; instead you will look to the future with anticipation
I couldn't have said it better than EV. It only looks like your friends have great relationships but what goes on behind those walls, you may never know or may not want to know.
I remember when I was really young, a teenager, my mother who was not happy with my Dad, would say to me all the time "look at the neighbors across the street, they have the perfect marriage"... I would think about that and wonder if they really did, we only saw this married couple outside when they put on their "facades" and smiling faces.
Years later, I found out that same "perfect married couple" was not so perfect. The husband had been cheating on his wife for years, one of their kids ended up in jail, etc.
As EV stated, you have learned from this past relationship. I'm sure you now know what you do NOT want from a guy compared to what you DO want.
You survived the past 2 years, that's strength!
As far as Prince Charmings, I thought I met a Prince Charming but that was he was, all charm and no scruples. He was mentally ill but hid it so well with his charm. Be careful of those prince charming types. I got burnt by one with his lies, games, not being able to depend on him, etc.
I feel sorry for my ex-boyfriend's next "victim" for that's exactly what she will be, a victim just like I allowed myself to become a victim. He was that charming and manipulative.
And as Ptarm said, when you are not looking is probably when you will meet a great guy!
AJ - I probably shouldn't even respond to this post, as I'm not sure what I have to contribute positively.
It's good that you haven't given up all faith in men. There are good ones out there. It's just, there are so many bad ones out there, and the good ones like your friends, tend to get snatched up pretty quickly and once they are commited, they stay commited, so if you don't grab one by the time you're 30-35, well, my personal opinion, you're pretty much out of luck. As sad as the prospect is, and as much as no one wants to hear or believe it, not everyone is meant to have a great lifetime love. I've only had one boyfriend, and though he wasn't quite like yours, he too was dishonest, disrespectful, and caused me a great deal of pain. and ten years later, after I don't know how many hundreds of dollars, probably thousands, of dollars joining singles agencies and clubs, internet dating sites, going out on the town to clubs and flirting and whatnot two/three times a week, getting friends to fix me up, etc. I've never even had so much as a second date.
Sometimes I kick myself for not conducting myself more maturely, securely and intelligently in my relationship. If I had known at the time that would have been the only opportunity God would ever have given me to find love at all, I would have been more careful. But sometimes, it's not the thing we're after that we were meant to have, but rather, the lesson we learned from losing it. and I learned a LOT of lessons from having lost that love. I wasn't completely at fault, I think we just werent right for each other, though that doesn't stop it from hurting any less.
But the sad thing is, I just don't think everyone is supposed to know love in this lifetime. God has other plans for some of us. That lifelong, wonderful soul mate love like Paul and Linda McCartney, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, and like the loves your friends have, I think it's like being able to sing really really well, or being able to do math like Einstein. It's a gift, a blessing from God that He either chooses to give you or he doesn't, and he doesn't choose everyone, and there's just not a lot we can do about it if He decides He doesn't want it for us. All we can do is get through life the best way we can without it. I wish I could give you more hope, but I don't have any of my own to pass along to you. It just seems to be the truth based on what I myself have experienced and seen. I just cope with it anyway I can. It's not always easy. I'm actually going through quite a hard time right now. I'm a really huge Beatle fan, and I always loved their music, also loved the music of a band called Badfinger, but never had anyone to share my love of this music, or other things I loved, with. I never had many close friends, never really had much emotional closeness or intimacy with anyone, and spend a great deal of time alone all my life. Then I met this guy, and he loved all the things I did, all the music I did, and within three weeks, I felt like I'd known him all my life. We'd finish each other's sentences, he'd crack a joke and everyone else would be like "huh? aaaahhh, ooooohhh-kay" and I'd be rolling on the floor cracking up. For the only time in my life I felt understood, heard, appreciated, connected, like maybe there was some reason I was here after all. And of course the chemistry was there from the very first second we met. He bore a resemblance to Paul Mccartney even. But it didn't work out. My head knows we weren't really well suited for long term marriage-type commitment, but my heart still refuses to let go and still misses him. So I just allow myself my feelings, if I feel like crying, I do. I go see that movie Across the Universe and feel the loss and pain because the lead character Jude reminds me so much of him, moves like him, acts, walks like him, his hands even look the same. what else can I do but accept that this is the life I've been given and just do the best I can with it. I recently lost 20 pounds and I do my best to stay in shape, take care of my skin, my health, my looks, try to learn a little something every day to be a better person, and just hang on to the faith that I'm where I'm supposed to be and I'll have what God wants me to have.
I know that doesn't help much. Like I said, I don't have much positive to give you, it's not always positive when it comes to love. Millions of people get divorced or break up every year, and many of them never remarry or never find anyone else, it just doesn't work out that way. No fault of their own, not of their choosing, it just doesn't happen. We just have to work to find our bliss elsewhere. We've GOT to find some kind of satisfaction, peace and contentment in the journey, because the destination may not be where we wanted to go.
Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 10-22-2007 at 11:36 AM.
Millions of people get divorced or break up every year, and many of them never remarry or never find anyone else, it just doesn't work out that way. No fault of their own, not of their choosing, it just doesn't happen. We just have to work to find our bliss elsewhere. We've GOT to find some kind of satisfaction, peace and contentment in the journey, because the destination may not be where we wanted to go.
No, Im glad you posted. You had something very valuable to contribute.
Sadly, it seems, only a few amount of people remain in love and married. I am hoping that will be me one day- it is only natural, after all, everyone hopes dont they.
My parents are still together and in love. My cousin went through a divorce but got married two years ago to a good man and she is now in hospital giving birth to their first child! My aunt has also divorced a disgusting man, but she is better off without him but it is sad she will be alone (she wouldnt consider marriage again) and will hve to deal with the awful mess he put her through.
So youre right, relationships are not the be all and end all, and some people never find happiness in love, it shouldnt form the basis of one's entire happiness, although it plays a great part in it. Im just hoping one day Ill meet a good man with a good heart who loves me like i love him. Fingers crossed. And fingers crossed for you larry. I know youve heard it a million times, but you never know what is lurking around the corner.
Last edited by apple_juice; 10-22-2007 at 03:42 PM.
I am really glad to see that seeing your friends in love, gives you hope. But I also agree with EV..you only see the bright side of the story. I smile to myself when my friends back home think that Dave and I are having great times together...always!!!
Many relationships transcend the romance phase to become mutual respect/caring/friendship etc...These are other ways of love..
I truly believe that you WILL find someone who will treasure you soon .... You need someone who makes you happy..You are too young AJ, you will change your mind many more times..This is ok. Just enjoy your youth I wish I could go back in time to enjoy every moment being a single girl.
Been missing you here on these boards. Where have you been?
I will need to keep hoping I will meet that special guy one day. I think its the only thing that will keep me going (its the only thing that did last time) if I am to accept that my ex doesnt care about me and move on. Its the only thing that got me through last time, so Ill just use that mindset.
It dampens my spirits when others have had such a negative experience with love, but I shouldnt let it get me donw, should i? You just never know, and there is no harm in hoping.
Aj, thanks for your nice words hon, I also missed you
I honestly think that if your bf was to move on, it will suddenly hit him like thunder that he's a big loser. And you know what, I hope that you would have moved on, and would never accept him back then
My new neighbours are a couple who just moved here from London. They honestly remind me of you. I, funnily enough, sometimes think I wish it was AJ and her new lover. They look so happy and in love If your bf can't appreciate you then it is his loss.
Been missing you here on these boards. Where have you been?
I will need to keep hoping I will meet that special guy one day. I think its the only thing that will keep me going (its the only thing that did last time) if I am to accept that my ex doesnt care about me and move on. Its the only thing that got me through last time, so Ill just use that mindset.
It dampens my spirits when others have had such a negative experience with love, but I shouldnt let it get me donw, should i? You just never know, and there is no harm in hoping.
No, there's absolutely nothing wrong at all with hoping, as long as it isn't blind hope. As long as you go into relationshps with your eyes open and don't let that hope blind to the realities of the situation. But you must always keep hope alive.
Hi apple juice
I also know how you feel. I am also the only single person out of my batch of friends and it really sucks. I always get real sad when I hear about my friends talk about there signficant others or things they have planned. At the same time it is really sweet to hear some of there stories and it makes me so happy that they have the opportunity to share something as wonderful as love with someone. Heck, if thats not goin to happen for me, at least someone's got to have it! I really don't have anything positive to say but that I can relate to some of your feelings. You have already recieved some excellent advice here. I do agree that some of those folks in there "happy" relationships also have problems but only disclose the "good" things which makes it seem like they have these perfect relationships. It sux, I just feel like the society we live in has lost the real value in commitment, love, realtionships and so on. Divorce these days is like buying candy from the store that people don't invest enough to even try to make things work. They just run off and buy the candy instead. Different things work for everyone, some people do believe that there is such thing as a prince charming who will appear when you least expect it, or love will show up out of the blues on day, or that there are plenty of fish in the sea type of deal but to me those are just cliches-but for others they have significant meaning. I must admit, I really don't believe that there are plenty of fish in the see-the sea is just dirty to me. I am sure there are a few good ones left out there but having the opprotunity to have something like that who could share something like love, marriage, commitment and so forth is like winning the lottery in my world. Besides most of them are all taken or VERY VERY hard to find. Anyway, I don't want to burst your bubble with my crazy thoughts, but ask you to keep your head up and focus on things you enjoy doing and taking care of your self for. That is what I have been trying to do for quite some time now, I have been placing a lot more focus on my career and health for now because I have confidence and feel that I can control those things. Where as finding a man who could provide me love, be faithful, marriage, children etc...that is just a question mark for me....a loss...a fantasy...some sort of disney movie dream. Good luck to you and you are right there is no harm in hoping....if love is meant to be in your path, then it will happen take care.
Aj, thanks for your nice words hon, I also missed you
I honestly think that if your bf was to move on, it will suddenly hit him like thunder that he's a big loser. And you know what, I hope that you would have moved on, and would never accept him back then
My new neighbours are a couple who just moved here from London. They honestly remind me of you. I, funnily enough, sometimes think I wish it was AJ and her new lover. They look so happy and in love If your bf can't appreciate you then it is his loss.
Haha you make me laugh, nina. Post more often here, ive definately missed your posts.
Update on the guy thing. Well last night, I told him it was over, and he called me something like 20 times. I ignored. I messaged him today saying my cousin had given birth to a baby girl (we had been expecting a baby boy- thats what they said at the scan months ago!). he said he was so happy and was going to call me later. i dont really want to take his call. its time for my headache to go. im even giving up on posting on that other thread i have going. i just cant be bothered. things shouldnt be this hard. i want to stop thinking about it all together. he had another huge rant last night. it finally tipped me over the edge. i feel sorry for him now. i think he will realise what he has finally lost. poor him. oh well.
how are things your end?
Last edited by apple_juice; 10-23-2007 at 01:32 PM.
AJ if you don't want to continue talking to him, and don't want to take his calls, stop contacting/messaging him. It was not necessary to inform him of the sex of your cousins child.....was it?
you keep saying maybe he'll realize what he's losing, etc......don't hold your breath.....he isn't going to.
when are you going to stop torturing yourself and move on?
the only thing i had forgot to block him on was hotmail. i received two messages explaining how sorry he was and how he couldnt get out of bed because he was so sad of how he spoke to me and treated me last night. I called him to say well it is over but we had a friendly chat. Then towards the end, he screamed something like "youre the girl who is chasing a guy who doesnt care about in the slightest." and he hung up. so i blocked him on hotmail. that is it. third night in a row of abuse and him hanging up. if he calls, he will call on my mother's phone and my mother will pick it up if he calls again. ive warned him not to.
how to deal with the anger rose? i want to scream and scratch his eyes out. i dont know how to deal with the anger
it is truely over. new number. blocked him in every way possible. and he goes away next week. its all set up. i am fine with it.
im just SO angry. god, i cant deal with it, i really cant.
We've all been there AJ, it sucks to end a relationship - and it really sucks when you're the single one with all of the hooked up friends. It'll be okay though, while some people may never find that chemistry - I'd be willing to wager a much larger percentage of people do find love (during all times in life) than not. I know plenty of people in their 40's at my work who have remarried in the last few years after going through divorces (with teenage kids!) and are now in such healthier, happier relationships than the ones they chose to settle for. It's not unheard of. Though I do think it's sad when I hear people think the creator they believe in is actually wanting that lack of love for them Larry my heart goes out to you, that is so depressing... you sure sound like a sweet individual.
Anyhow, AJ, the fact is - you are YOUNG. Very young. You're in the prime right now, enjoy it.
its the kind of anger that makes me cry. sadly, i dont think runnning would help like it normally does. snapping pencils use to help. maybe ill try that.
im so angry and sad, i jsut feel like crying and screaming.
i guess i need to let it all out.
he is such a creep, he makes me shudder. the last three nights have been the worst ever. im not going to go into detail concerning the things he said.
i just feel like doing something to his car or punching him in the face- thats how angry i feel.
Last edited by apple_juice; 10-23-2007 at 03:02 PM.
Sometimes feeling angry is very important. It is ok to let you see what this phantom of a relationship is influencing you...consuming you fully in every way. Honestly AJ, what a waste of time talking to him. You see, talking does not help, you need to find a more convincing language: ignoring him a 100000% I know it sounds difficult but this is when he will appreciate you better. He won't believe you until you really cut him short of your life. He won't take what you say to him about break up seriously until you make him miss you, and he won't stop taking you for granted as long as you are talking together. Don't tell him you are breaking up. Just do it and leave him in limbo wondering.
I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling right now. But let me just say a couple of things to put it all in perspective. Firstly, remember that it is easy to idealise other couples' relationships. Your male friends will only tell you the good things that go on between them and their girlfriends; you won't get to hear about the petty squables they have, for which they're both to blame. To you, these guys might seem like Prince Charmings, and you might wish they were still on the shelf, but they're just as fallable as the rest of us.
It sure helped me w/ MY anger issues back in the day!
