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Old 11-01-2007, 06:54 AM   #1
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eric24 HB User
Why did we have sex>? after break up

As some of you may know, im scattered all over this board about my ex girlfriend, but after we broke up, about 3 weeks later the night before i left west virginia, to come to boston, we had sex it just seemed to happen, So why would be having sex if she wanted to ended like she said? that made me confused? my other threads are all over the board? So, to me that seems or feels like she is maybe confused? What do you think?

 
Old 11-01-2007, 07:06 AM   #2
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

I've had sex with an ex that has meant absolutely nothing as I'm sure many others have. Try not to read too much into this. She made it very clear that she wants you to move on and you really need to do that. I know you have said you are one day at a time, but if that were true you wouldn't be disecting every moment you have spent together.

I'm not trying to be harsh, really I'm not. But you are really doing yourself more harm than good doing this. The sooner you accept that it is over and stop rehashing everything the sooner you will be able to get on with your life.

 
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Old 11-01-2007, 07:16 AM   #3
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

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Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
I've had sex with an ex that has meant absolutely nothing as I'm sure many others have. Try not to read too much into this. She made it very clear that she wants you to move on and you really need to do that. I know you have said you are one day at a time, but if that were true you wouldn't be disecting every moment you have spent together.

I'm not trying to be harsh, really I'm not. But you are really doing yourself more harm than good doing this. The sooner you accept that it is over and stop rehashing everything the sooner you will be able to get on with your life.
Hey thanks its not not easy at all, but like i said to have sex So quick, i dont know, all i can do is take it day by day, and what ever happends happends, but its not easy hahah HEART BREAK!!! gosh it sucks, 6 years and to drop it like that geez!

 
Old 11-01-2007, 07:23 AM   #4
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

I can see if we met down the road, and bumped into each other about having sex? but breaking up soo quickly? if thats her way of saying good bye im going to do it all the time, that the problem i was her first, and she isnt that dirty girl, she is quiet and shy, and has alot of emotions but i dont know, even for her to walk by family down there while she was walking the dog my family said hi, she went home and was upset thinking the family hated? a little guilt?

 
Old 11-01-2007, 08:02 AM   #5
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

Quote:
Originally Posted by eric24 View Post
As some of you may know, im scattered all over this board about my ex girlfriend, but after we broke up, about 3 weeks later the night before i left west virginia, to come to boston, we had sex it just seemed to happen, So why would be having sex if she wanted to ended like she said? that made me confused? my other threads are all over the board? So, to me that seems or feels like she is maybe confused? What do you think?
Hi Eric

I haven't read all your threads, just this one. Maybe I should before posting here. Anyway, from what little I am getting from this thread, I understand that you are entitled to be confused. I would be so, if I were in your place. Maybe it is because we, men, tend to think of us as being ready for sex all the time, whenever, whether there is feeling or not, whereas a girl would only make love to you if she were in love or something. This seems to be true most of time, but not always.

I am trying to figure out what was on her mind, if anything, when you went to bed. May I ask you if you had had some drinks before? If she wasn't totally sober, then don't give it too much attention. Maybe she was very needy in terms of sex, which is a possibility I wouldn't dismiss. Since you were available, why not? But your description of her doesn't much match with this conjecture. It could be that she is really unsure she wants to break up. Maybe she wanted a reality check. Maybe she wanted to play the hard to get afterwards, so that you would have to submit to her conditions. Maybe she is an insecure person. Maybe maybe maybe... I am confusing you even more, ain't I?

The best advice is for you to talk her as soon as possible (if you haven't already done so) and dot the i's and cross the t's. If she insists that she wants to part, take her words at face value, and move on. I don't think she just wants a sexual relationship with you. If I were you, I wouldn't let this detain me, but it's really up to you.

Good luck.

 
Old 11-01-2007, 08:18 AM   #6
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

Who knows why she had sex with you. Maybe it was her version of the "final goodbye." Maybe she was horny and you were there and it was easy since you'd been together 6 years. Maybe it was her way of testing if the sparks were still there before making her final decision about the breakup. Maybe it was just sex. You can guess and guess but the only thing that you know for sure is that she broke up with you, has asked you to not contact her and to leave her alone and has then refused to talk to you when you've attempted to contact her. Her mother has even asked you not to contact her daughter. I think you just have to accept that your ex is your ex and doesn't want to stay in contact. It's completely understandable that you're confused and upset and want answers but no one but her knows what motivates her actions. Since she clearly doesn't want to talk to you all you can do is accept it's over and that you'll never have all the answers. She may have caused the hurt and confusion by breaking up with you, but you're the one who's keeping it going by obsessing about it. I'm sorry to be harsh - but it's true. You're not doing yourself any favours right now.

 
Old 11-01-2007, 08:30 AM   #7
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

for full clarity on this situation for all that are responding to you Eric24, you might want to just continue this thread. you have 11 threads on 2 different boards and it seems that you are leaving things out each time you start a new thread. You seem to be searching for someone to justify this....there is no justification....the family and your ex have asked you to stop contacting her...respect that...you need to continue living...this is consuming you.

i have been married for 13 years now and have been separated from my wife (yes legally she is still my wife) and the day before i left we had sex....but i still left the next day.....sometimes there is no answer....but obsessing over this is going to take a large toll on you eventually....she is several states away.....has told you it is over, has asked you to stop contacting her......how much more of a hint do you need....

Does it hurt?...sure it does. Will you get by this?.....sure you will. But to seek answers and justification for why someone has done something? we can only guess what was going on in their minds.... you, along with the support of family and friends can get through this...

 
Old 11-01-2007, 08:43 AM   #8
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eric24 HB User
Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

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Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
Hi Eric

I haven't read all your threads, just this one. Maybe I should before posting here. Anyway, from what little I am getting from this thread, I understand that you are entitled to be confused. I would be so, if I were in your place. Maybe it is because we, men, tend to think of us as being ready for sex all the time, whenever, whether there is feeling or not, whereas a girl would only make love to you if she were in love or something. This seems to be true most of time, but not always.

I am trying to figure out what was on her mind, if anything, when you went to bed. May I ask you if you had had some drinks before? If she wasn't totally sober, then don't give it too much attention. Maybe she was very needy in terms of sex, which is a possibility I wouldn't dismiss. Since you were available, why not? But your description of her doesn't much match with this conjecture. It could be that she is really unsure she wants to break up. Maybe she wanted a reality check. Maybe she wanted to play the hard to get afterwards, so that you would have to submit to her conditions. Maybe she is an insecure person. Maybe maybe maybe... I am confusing you even more, ain't I?

The best advice is for you to talk her as soon as possible (if you haven't already done so) and dot the i's and cross the t's. If she insists that she wants to part, take her words at face value, and move on. I don't think she just wants a sexual relationship with you. If I were you, I wouldn't let this detain me, but it's really up to you.

Good luck.

Hey thanks, like i said she doesnt go to bars, drink, she is very quiet and shy girl,. very, i mean she goes to church she means well, but she doesnt handle pressure well like i said its been 6 years, no communication and that truly hurt us, she is depressed and doesnt see it her parents dont support her, and i believe if she didnt want to do it, she would point blank SAY no, but i would look at mother threads first, its a total mess and it sucks, being from boston her in west virginia is tough! but to drop 6 years like that no explanation gosh!

 
Old 11-01-2007, 08:47 AM   #9
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

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Originally Posted by mgneer65 View Post
for full clarity on this situation for all that are responding to you Eric24, you might want to just continue this thread. you have 11 threads on 2 different boards and it seems that you are leaving things out each time you start a new thread. You seem to be searching for someone to justify this....there is no justification....the family and your ex have asked you to stop contacting her...respect that...you need to continue living...this is consuming you.

i have been married for 13 years now and have been separated from my wife (yes legally she is still my wife) and the day before i left we had sex....but i still left the next day.....sometimes there is no answer....but obsessing over this is going to take a large toll on you eventually....she is several states away.....has told you it is over, has asked you to stop contacting her......how much more of a hint do you need....

Does it hurt?...sure it does. Will you get by this?.....sure you will. But to seek answers and justification for why someone has done something? we can only guess what was going on in their minds.... you, along with the support of family and friends can get through this...
Yes thanks, im all over the scoreboard lol, but yes i understand everything like i said im taking it day by day, and what ever happens happens im a mess, but like i said to have sex That soon, i dont know, really i put to much thought into it, and im assuming you read everything, but why would she want to be my friend? after all of this you know, Im over the relationship truly iam, i just want to see her happy and feel supported and she doesnt have that, and needs help, and yes, she has to get it not me she has to, no one can make her, when im married or have a new girlfriend i will always want her to be happy, and its because im a kind hearted man, im not one of those guys that break up and say my ex sucked, and want her to fail in life, thats not me, but 6 years to end it boom, no explanation come on, but ya believ it or not im slowly moving on, good days bad days, just because i talk about it doesnt mean anything is there, but maybe i dont know lol

 
Old 11-01-2007, 09:03 AM   #10
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

we can still be friends is a typical break-up line....how many of us really remain friends with our exes....kind-hearted i believ that...but you cannot be someone's savior...if she doesn't want you or doesn't want your help than it has to be...her family and friends need to step up....you keep saying they won't or aren't....how do you really know....are you there daily to verify this....refocus your life on yourself....keep her in mind if you feel you must, but you and this career...a challenging one at that....must be your focus....not her and her decisions.....move on my friend....

 
Old 11-01-2007, 09:09 AM   #11
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

Quote:
Originally Posted by mgneer65 View Post
we can still be friends is a typical break-up line....how many of us really remain friends with our exes....kind-hearted i believ that...but you cannot be someone's savior...if she doesn't want you or doesn't want your help than it has to be...her family and friends need to step up....you keep saying they won't or aren't....how do you really know....are you there daily to verify this....refocus your life on yourself....keep her in mind if you feel you must, but you and this career...a challenging one at that....must be your focus....not her and her decisions.....move on my friend....
Well yes, Natasha has told me i cant talk to my mother she wants no part of it, but it never clicked with me when together really it never did, she is a drunk and drinks everynight very moody, we got along well but never talked about our relationship, i went down there 3 weeks ago talked to the father, he said Natasah is who she is and will never change! she was unahppy before me and during me and after me? well what does that mean, i told him her and i could seek help, he goes i dont believe in that this and that,.. She was in a car accident with my mother and her back hurt her father wouldtn even pay for pain pills!!, Her one friend interfers with the relationship when its bad, and the other one tries hooking her up with another man 2 week after break up. of 6 years

 
Old 11-01-2007, 09:50 AM   #12
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

sounds to me that her friends are trying to support her, however they know best.... her family is who they are....but you can't change them either.... you are hanging on to every thread of hope here trying to salvage or change something that has been made quite clearly needs to be left alone....you cannot be her savior.....she has to make up her own mind.....Eric you are about to embark into training for the State Poloce...do you really want to stay stuck on this justification issue or do you think you might want to redirect your focus into the future.....yesterday was yesterday and you can't go back and change that.....you can only move forward in life....hanging on to theses straws is only going to impede your forward motion......Just remeber the good times and keep those close to you....go forward with life and if someday your lives should cross again and a relationship should ensue just remember where you were today....... otherwise...push forward. focus on this career and you will find that everyday will get easier...the less you dwell and search for things that may never be answered the better you will feel and the more you will accomplish.....

 
Old 11-01-2007, 10:12 AM   #13
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

Hey, thanks yes, i know that, i mean my focus right now is preparing for the academy, Hopefully here within a month, So thats pretty much, i mean its still fresh, the break up,. So it makes things tough, and yes once the academy starts my focus will be on that, and once my career starts everything will fall in place. Her Friends Dont support her, in fact Natasha father was like dang i wish that Ashley girl wasnt her best friend, now when your father says that to me, what the heck? then the other girl that lives 2 hours away trying to hook her up gosh, thats quick, Your right i will never change her she has to change, for herself, like i said alot of people that know her seems to think she will contact me here some time, but i dont wait like i said if i met a girl 2moro, id be all over it, but like i have said even when im married or have another girlfriend id love to see her happy. The heck with the relationship just to see her happy, i have a heart i want her happy too. But gosh when the parents arent there to support the daughter that is very tough, look through my old threads its a messs

 
Old 11-01-2007, 10:21 AM   #14
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

i have read all your threads. i can see the mess....but if you don't get beyond this before the academy it is going to hurt you.....focus you need to

 
Old 11-01-2007, 11:08 AM   #15
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Re: Why did we have sex>? after break up

yes i know trust me i will be focused, but what do you think of the whole situation see, she has to come to me if that happends but i just move on take it day by day but some of the things she has done and said, makes me scratch my head, So i dont know

 
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