As some of you may know, im scattered all over this board about my ex girlfriend, but after we broke up, about 3 weeks later the night before i left west virginia, to come to boston, we had sex it just seemed to happen, So why would be having sex if she wanted to ended like she said? that made me confused? my other threads are all over the board? So, to me that seems or feels like she is maybe confused? What do you think?
I've had sex with an ex that has meant absolutely nothing as I'm sure many others have. Try not to read too much into this. She made it very clear that she wants you to move on and you really need to do that. I know you have said you are one day at a time, but if that were true you wouldn't be disecting every moment you have spent together.
I'm not trying to be harsh, really I'm not. But you are really doing yourself more harm than good doing this. The sooner you accept that it is over and stop rehashing everything the sooner you will be able to get on with your life.
I've had sex with an ex that has meant absolutely nothing as I'm sure many others have. Try not to read too much into this. She made it very clear that she wants you to move on and you really need to do that. I know you have said you are one day at a time, but if that were true you wouldn't be disecting every moment you have spent together.
I'm not trying to be harsh, really I'm not. But you are really doing yourself more harm than good doing this. The sooner you accept that it is over and stop rehashing everything the sooner you will be able to get on with your life.
Hey thanks its not not easy at all, but like i said to have sex So quick, i dont know, all i can do is take it day by day, and what ever happends happends, but its not easy hahah HEART BREAK!!! gosh it sucks, 6 years and to drop it like that geez!
I can see if we met down the road, and bumped into each other about having sex? but breaking up soo quickly? if thats her way of saying good bye im going to do it all the time, that the problem i was her first, and she isnt that dirty girl, she is quiet and shy, and has alot of emotions but i dont know, even for her to walk by family down there while she was walking the dog my family said hi, she went home and was upset thinking the family hated? a little guilt?
As some of you may know, im scattered all over this board about my ex girlfriend, but after we broke up, about 3 weeks later the night before i left west virginia, to come to boston, we had sex it just seemed to happen, So why would be having sex if she wanted to ended like she said? that made me confused? my other threads are all over the board? So, to me that seems or feels like she is maybe confused? What do you think?
Hi Eric
I haven't read all your threads, just this one. Maybe I should before posting here. Anyway, from what little I am getting from this thread, I understand that you are entitled to be confused. I would be so, if I were in your place. Maybe it is because we, men, tend to think of us as being ready for sex all the time, whenever, whether there is feeling or not, whereas a girl would only make love to you if she were in love or something. This seems to be true most of time, but not always.
I am trying to figure out what was on her mind, if anything, when you went to bed. May I ask you if you had had some drinks before? If she wasn't totally sober, then don't give it too much attention. Maybe she was very needy in terms of sex, which is a possibility I wouldn't dismiss. Since you were available, why not? But your description of her doesn't much match with this conjecture. It could be that she is really unsure she wants to break up. Maybe she wanted a reality check. Maybe she wanted to play the hard to get afterwards, so that you would have to submit to her conditions. Maybe she is an insecure person. Maybe maybe maybe... I am confusing you even more, ain't I?
The best advice is for you to talk her as soon as possible (if you haven't already done so) and dot the i's and cross the t's. If she insists that she wants to part, take her words at face value, and move on. I don't think she just wants a sexual relationship with you. If I were you, I wouldn't let this detain me, but it's really up to you.
Who knows why she had sex with you. Maybe it was her version of the "final goodbye." Maybe she was horny and you were there and it was easy since you'd been together 6 years. Maybe it was her way of testing if the sparks were still there before making her final decision about the breakup. Maybe it was just sex. You can guess and guess but the only thing that you know for sure is that she broke up with you, has asked you to not contact her and to leave her alone and has then refused to talk to you when you've attempted to contact her. Her mother has even asked you not to contact her daughter. I think you just have to accept that your ex is your ex and doesn't want to stay in contact. It's completely understandable that you're confused and upset and want answers but no one but her knows what motivates her actions. Since she clearly doesn't want to talk to you all you can do is accept it's over and that you'll never have all the answers. She may have caused the hurt and confusion by breaking up with you, but you're the one who's keeping it going by obsessing about it. I'm sorry to be harsh - but it's true. You're not doing yourself any favours right now.
for full clarity on this situation for all that are responding to you Eric24, you might want to just continue this thread. you have 11 threads on 2 different boards and it seems that you are leaving things out each time you start a new thread. You seem to be searching for someone to justify this....there is no justification....the family and your ex have asked you to stop contacting her...respect that...you need to continue living...this is consuming you.
i have been married for 13 years now and have been separated from my wife (yes legally she is still my wife) and the day before i left we had sex....but i still left the next day.....sometimes there is no answer....but obsessing over this is going to take a large toll on you eventually....she is several states away.....has told you it is over, has asked you to stop contacting her......how much more of a hint do you need....
Does it hurt?...sure it does. Will you get by this?.....sure you will. But to seek answers and justification for why someone has done something? we can only guess what was going on in their minds.... you, along with the support of family and friends can get through this...
I haven't read all your threads, just this one. Maybe I should before posting here. Anyway, from what little I am getting from this thread, I understand that you are entitled to be confused. I would be so, if I were in your place. Maybe it is because we, men, tend to think of us as being ready for sex all the time, whenever, whether there is feeling or not, whereas a girl would only make love to you if she were in love or something. This seems to be true most of time, but not always.
I am trying to figure out what was on her mind, if anything, when you went to bed. May I ask you if you had had some drinks before? If she wasn't totally sober, then don't give it too much attention. Maybe she was very needy in terms of sex, which is a possibility I wouldn't dismiss. Since you were available, why not? But your description of her doesn't much match with this conjecture. It could be that she is really unsure she wants to break up. Maybe she wanted a reality check. Maybe she wanted to play the hard to get afterwards, so that you would have to submit to her conditions. Maybe she is an insecure person. Maybe maybe maybe... I am confusing you even more, ain't I?
The best advice is for you to talk her as soon as possible (if you haven't already done so) and dot the i's and cross the t's. If she insists that she wants to part, take her words at face value, and move on. I don't think she just wants a sexual relationship with you. If I were you, I wouldn't let this detain me, but it's really up to you.
Good luck.
Hey thanks, like i said she doesnt go to bars, drink, she is very quiet and shy girl,. very, i mean she goes to church she means well, but she doesnt handle pressure well like i said its been 6 years, no communication and that truly hurt us, she is depressed and doesnt see it her parents dont support her, and i believe if she didnt want to do it, she would point blank SAY no, but i would look at mother threads first, its a total mess and it sucks, being from boston her in west virginia is tough! but to drop 6 years like that no explanation gosh!
for full clarity on this situation for all that are responding to you Eric24, you might want to just continue this thread. you have 11 threads on 2 different boards and it seems that you are leaving things out each time you start a new thread. You seem to be searching for someone to justify this....there is no justification....the family and your ex have asked you to stop contacting her...respect that...you need to continue living...this is consuming you.
i have been married for 13 years now and have been separated from my wife (yes legally she is still my wife) and the day before i left we had sex....but i still left the next day.....sometimes there is no answer....but obsessing over this is going to take a large toll on you eventually....she is several states away.....has told you it is over, has asked you to stop contacting her......how much more of a hint do you need....
Does it hurt?...sure it does. Will you get by this?.....sure you will. But to seek answers and justification for why someone has done something? we can only guess what was going on in their minds.... you, along with the support of family and friends can get through this...
Yes thanks, im all over the scoreboard lol, but yes i understand everything like i said im taking it day by day, and what ever happens happens im a mess, but like i said to have sex That soon, i dont know, really i put to much thought into it, and im assuming you read everything, but why would she want to be my friend? after all of this you know, Im over the relationship truly iam, i just want to see her happy and feel supported and she doesnt have that, and needs help, and yes, she has to get it not me she has to, no one can make her, when im married or have a new girlfriend i will always want her to be happy, and its because im a kind hearted man, im not one of those guys that break up and say my ex sucked, and want her to fail in life, thats not me, but 6 years to end it boom, no explanation come on, but ya believ it or not im slowly moving on, good days bad days, just because i talk about it doesnt mean anything is there, but maybe i dont know lol
we can still be friends is a typical break-up line....how many of us really remain friends with our exes....kind-hearted i believ that...but you cannot be someone's savior...if she doesn't want you or doesn't want your help than it has to be...her family and friends need to step up....you keep saying they won't or aren't....how do you really know....are you there daily to verify this....refocus your life on yourself....keep her in mind if you feel you must, but you and this career...a challenging one at that....must be your focus....not her and her decisions.....move on my friend....
we can still be friends is a typical break-up line....how many of us really remain friends with our exes....kind-hearted i believ that...but you cannot be someone's savior...if she doesn't want you or doesn't want your help than it has to be...her family and friends need to step up....you keep saying they won't or aren't....how do you really know....are you there daily to verify this....refocus your life on yourself....keep her in mind if you feel you must, but you and this career...a challenging one at that....must be your focus....not her and her decisions.....move on my friend....
Well yes, Natasha has told me i cant talk to my mother she wants no part of it, but it never clicked with me when together really it never did, she is a drunk and drinks everynight very moody, we got along well but never talked about our relationship, i went down there 3 weeks ago talked to the father, he said Natasah is who she is and will never change! she was unahppy before me and during me and after me? well what does that mean, i told him her and i could seek help, he goes i dont believe in that this and that,.. She was in a car accident with my mother and her back hurt her father wouldtn even pay for pain pills!!, Her one friend interfers with the relationship when its bad, and the other one tries hooking her up with another man 2 week after break up. of 6 years
sounds to me that her friends are trying to support her, however they know best.... her family is who they are....but you can't change them either.... you are hanging on to every thread of hope here trying to salvage or change something that has been made quite clearly needs to be left alone....you cannot be her savior.....she has to make up her own mind.....Eric you are about to embark into training for the State Poloce...do you really want to stay stuck on this justification issue or do you think you might want to redirect your focus into the future.....yesterday was yesterday and you can't go back and change that.....you can only move forward in life....hanging on to theses straws is only going to impede your forward motion......Just remeber the good times and keep those close to you....go forward with life and if someday your lives should cross again and a relationship should ensue just remember where you were today....... otherwise...push forward. focus on this career and you will find that everyday will get easier...the less you dwell and search for things that may never be answered the better you will feel and the more you will accomplish.....
Hey, thanks yes, i know that, i mean my focus right now is preparing for the academy, Hopefully here within a month, So thats pretty much, i mean its still fresh, the break up,. So it makes things tough, and yes once the academy starts my focus will be on that, and once my career starts everything will fall in place. Her Friends Dont support her, in fact Natasha father was like dang i wish that Ashley girl wasnt her best friend, now when your father says that to me, what the heck? then the other girl that lives 2 hours away trying to hook her up gosh, thats quick, Your right i will never change her she has to change, for herself, like i said alot of people that know her seems to think she will contact me here some time, but i dont wait like i said if i met a girl 2moro, id be all over it, but like i have said even when im married or have another girlfriend id love to see her happy. The heck with the relationship just to see her happy, i have a heart i want her happy too. But gosh when the parents arent there to support the daughter that is very tough, look through my old threads its a messs
yes i know trust me i will be focused, but what do you think of the whole situation see, she has to come to me if that happends but i just move on take it day by day but some of the things she has done and said, makes me scratch my head, So i dont know
Who knows why she had sex with you. Maybe it was her version of the "final goodbye." Maybe she was horny and you were there and it was easy since you'd been together 6 years. Maybe it was her way of testing if the sparks were still there before making her final decision about the breakup. Maybe it was just sex. You can guess and guess but the only thing that you know for sure is that she broke up with you, has asked you to not contact her and to leave her alone and has then refused to talk to you when you've attempted to contact her. Her mother has even asked you not to contact her daughter. I think you just have to accept that your ex is your ex and doesn't want to stay in contact. It's completely understandable that you're confused and upset and want answers but no one but her knows what motivates her actions. Since she clearly doesn't want to talk to you all you can do is accept it's over and that you'll never have all the answers. She may have caused the hurt and confusion by breaking up with you, but you're the one who's keeping it going by obsessing about it. I'm sorry to be harsh - but it's true. You're not doing yourself any favours right now.
Hey, i dont really know, she is just a shy quiet girl, means well, but its very tough alot of this would be put to rest with closure, and most of all my family down there would have bet the house she would see me on that sunday night and just couldnt do it, i mean if there is no feelings or anything left Say goodbye thats how i feel, i havent talked to her in 3 weeks but like i said it would be easier to move on with some closure,.... her mother said dont contact her for ''now'' if she never wanted me to contact should have said dont contact her~! 6 years boom gone just like that, its weird, all over communicatioN!
"Don't contact her for now" doesn't mean wait around. It means NOW, today and for the foreseeable future, she doesn't want you to contact her. Maybe in the future she'll contact you, maybe she won't. Look, it just means don't contact her - period. Stop overanalysing. I absolutely guarantee you that her mom did not put a lot of thought into the exact wording. It wasn't a secret message saying to contact her daughter again at some unspecified future date. It's just a standard phrase. It's what peole say when people are hurting and getting over a break-up... it just seems less bleak than "never." It's more than obvious that you're having a hard time with the break-up so I assume the mom was just trying to be nice. Don't turn it into something that it's not. Her mom's main point was not to contact her daughter. The point was NOT to tell you to contact her daughter in the future. You're really missing her point and trying to turn it into something that it just wasn't. You can play all the semantic games you want ... but it doesn't change the reality of the situation - she doesn't want you to contact her. All you can do is live in the present - and in the present, your ex doesn't want to be with you and doesn't want to be contacted by you. No one here can say whether you'll ever get back together or not. But you can't live your life focussing on the "what if" of the future. Just deal with the reality as it is today. There is also no point in obsessing about the past. All you can do is deal with the present. And as hard as it may be ... in the present, your relationship is over. It doesn't matter if you would be okay with your version of the final goodbye (i.e. seeing her when you were in wv). What matters is that SHE didn't want to see you... for whatever reason. And she still doesn't want to see you or speak with you. She wants to remain broken-up and not talk with you. There are no answers. No matter how many different ways you ask the question. So what if she slept with you ... she doesn't want to now. That's the point you seem to be missing. No one can explain why your ex does the things she does - except your ex. Since she doesn't want to explain ... so you just have to deal with not knowing and try to move on.
All the details are irrelevant. She may be shy, go to church, have crummy family and friends, a drunk mom, a cheap dad, be depressed, need help ... but that doesn't change the fact that she chose to break up with you, chooses to stay broken up and has rebuffed all attempts at being contacted by you. At some point, you just have to accept that she's just not that into you anymore. At some point you have to abide by her wishes (whether they are rational or not) and accept that for whatever reason she wants you out of her life. You've just got to stop obsessing over details and looking for answers that aren't there.
And one other point, too, I didn't realize you were going to State Police academy. If you start all of these head games now over some stupid chick, then you're not going last long. The more you obsess over her and what used to be, the more you will potentially screw up your entire future. Do you really want to flush all of that down the toilet? Because that's exactly what's going to happen.
Your posts are almost manic and very obsessive. My parents have some friends with a son who went to police academy and had sort of a similar situation. Well, it turns out he ended up getting into a huge amount of trouble and he lost his job as a cop all because of all of the drama over this stupid girl who wasn't even worth it. He threw away his future over a stupid girl! Don't let that happen to you! Geez, man, seriously, don't ever let anyone get to you so much that you end up messing up any future chance you have for a career. This friend of the family, now he can't even get a job as a mall security guard because of all of this stuff! Is that what you want? Because you're totally heading down that path.
Stop obsessing. Stop it. You have to just stop this unless you want to throw your entire future away over a girl who has more than made it clear that she doesn't want anything else to do with you.
And one other point, too, I didn't realize you were going to State Police academy. If you start all of these head games now over some stupid chick, then you're not going last long. The more you obsess over her and what used to be, the more you will potentially screw up your entire future. Do you really want to flush all of that down the toilet? Because that's exactly what's going to happen.
Your posts are almost manic and very obsessive. My parents have some friends with a son who went to police academy and had sort of a similar situation. Well, it turns out he ended up getting into a huge amount of trouble and he lost his job as a cop all because of all of the drama over this stupid girl who wasn't even worth it. He threw away his future over a stupid girl! Don't let that happen to you! Geez, man, seriously, don't ever let anyone get to you so much that you end up messing up any future chance you have for a career. This friend of the family, now he can't even get a job as a mall security guard because of all of this stuff! Is that what you want? Because you're totally heading down that path.
Stop obsessing. Stop it. You have to just stop this unless you want to throw your entire future away over a girl who has more than made it clear that she doesn't want anything else to do with you.
thanks, no i appreciate its just very tough, hahah, im an easy going guy, but oh well, Heck, i totally believe i will use the academy has motavation and go through with it, and in fact im excited about it, it will get my mind off her, and then it'll be something to prove, but i also believe that once the career starts everything will follow, So yes, i know i probably come off as crazy lol, but its not that bad. I dont think i want a relationship with her, its just like damm, to send my personal feelings and emotions, through im's and emails to her friends thats a nono, and she did apologize for that. So
