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Old 11-01-2007, 11:04 PM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 145
Giant_Squid HB User
Can't get past the "friend" stage.

I'm 20 years old and pretty much my whole life I can't seem to get past the "friend" stage with any girls. I'm not afraid to talk to girls, and as far as I can tell, I can hold conversations with them without boring anyone. But I can never get past being their friend.

I've only had one girlfriend, and that was back in high school. Any other girl I've met doesn't seem to be interested in me in any other way, and I'm wondering if its something I'm doing wrong? Do I need to flirt with girls more? Do I need to become the badass? Do I need to tell them they're going to the movies with me, and don't take no for an answer? I sometimes tell myself I have too much respect for women and don't hit on them because I don't want to **** them off and have them think I'm a bad person. Or I don't want to be laughed at.

And even the girls I do talk to, I have trouble getting them to do things with me outside of the normal places I see them (class, work). At times we've even mutually agreed to set dates to do something together outside of where ever it is that we normally see each other just as friends. But 98% of the time when that time rolls around the girl magically has something else they have to do. I can't even count how many times in high school "dates" were canceled.

I'm starting to meet a few girls at my new college, but I'm afraid that I'm just going to become another friend. While they all run off and get boyfriends, while I just become "the nice guy".

While it may seem unreasonable to think this, I just can't help but be slightly scared that I'm going to be like this the rest of my life Doomed to the eternal stage of friendship. Sure its easy to say "don't worry, you'll find someone eventually", but I don't sure don't feel like that, and I don't want to wait for eventually.

 
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Old 11-01-2007, 11:13 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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SnoWhite HB User
Re: Can't get past the "friend" stage.

Read my thread. Sometimes being the friend is a million times than being stuck in the middle of their ****.

What should you do? Be very outgoing and just flirt... not much else. Be very casual if you want to do something with them, if you're nice you are probably making them feel too wanted. So be spontaneous and low key if possible.

 
Old 11-02-2007, 09:29 AM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maryland
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JulJul22 HB User
Re: Can't get past the "friend" stage.

Okay, Iím not sure if this will help you at all but Iíll at least give it a shot.
It depends on which kind of women that you are talking to. If you know that that particular woman is in and out of a relationship with another manÖ.I wouldnít get too excited that she would say yes to a date. Or, you just might not be their type but they donít want to hurt your feelings. It all depends. Every woman has their own particular turn oneís in a man. Granted, I am only 22 and have my own love issues but someone that will appreciate you will eventually come along. You have to stop looking for love. It will happen when the time is right. You can always go to a club, probably not like the oneís where I live, but just dance with a girl. That always seems to lightens the mood.

 
Old 11-02-2007, 11:36 PM   #4
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Giant_Squid HB User
Re: Can't get past the "friend" stage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowhite
. Be very casual if you want to do something with them, if you're nice you are probably making them feel too wanted
I don't quite understand what your saying. Are you saying be mean if I ask someone to do something with me? I mean, I'm not going to be rude about it if thats what your suggesting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul
If you know that that particular woman is in and out of a relationship with another man….I wouldn’t get too excited that she would say yes to a date
I'm not thinking of any particular woman. Its just that 99% of the girls I've grown to like I have not been able to get past the friend stage. And as far as I can tell all they've ever liked me as is a friend, unless they're really really good at hiding their feelings.
Quote:
You have to stop looking for love. It will happen when the time is right. You can always go to a club, probably not like the one’s where I live, but just dance with a girl. That always seems to lightens the mood.
I wouldn't say I'm looking for love love. As in I've fallen in love with this person, lets get married. I just want companionship if thats the right word for it. And I'm not really the club going, dancing sort of person, so thats kinda out of the question for me.

Last edited by Giant_Squid; 11-02-2007 at 11:37 PM.

 
Old 04-17-2011, 11:47 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 6
Nyxks HB User
Re: Can't get past the "friend" stage.

Your still young, in my 20s all I was looking for with any gender was friends, anything more was not going to happen, I know many guys who wonted to date me in university yet all I was looking to be was their friend, so they moved on to other girls o date but we stayed friends (till more times then naught their new girl got wind of it and gave a choice them or me ::rolls eyes:

Anyhow, many males go though various stages of being the friend yet not getting the girl, but you will find that one person who is right for you in time. I know my husband thought he'd never find the person of his dreams, the one who could be his best friend, lover and eventually his wife, took him being other girls friends for many years till we meet and even then he though I was just going to be another friend of his that would move on once I found another I liked better but still keep in occasional touch.

Little did we know what the future was to hold for us as a couple. Yes we are each other's best friend, yes we are each other's lover and we are now married. But before all else we are friends, I can't imagin being with anyone who wasn't a good and strong friend first before all else, the idea of making love or having sex with someone you are not connected with just doesn't work for me.

So be the friend, be the gentalman and in short be who you are in time someone who is right for you will be there when you least think of it and you'll wonder whyit took so long, but in the end you will be glad for the time it took.

 
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