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Old 11-13-2007, 01:21 PM   #16
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

I am going thru the same situation. We hardly ever do anything not even cuddle up together.
I bet i had the same ideas are what your talking about too. but I just don't feel that he is thinking of us when it comes to having sex anymore when we do do it. I cry everytime he talks while we are doing it cause he talks and asks me if i would want to watch and I just can't do it so therefore he makes me feel that I am not good enough for him.

I don't even want him to go to explore his sexuality before we get married cause I feel that it will change everything.

 
Old 11-13-2007, 02:17 PM   #17
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Just leave. Just gain your courage and get out NOW! Both of you. This is the not the life you want now....and it won't be down the road in years to come.

 
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Old 11-13-2007, 04:02 PM   #18
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

I agree with the others. Once or twice is curiousity, but anything more than that and it's like.... not so much. It's time to cut him loose and find a guy who is sure that he wants to be with you and not with a bunch of guys on the side.

 
Old 11-13-2007, 10:58 PM   #19
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Mine hasn't done it yet but just curious. Guess for the guys their Gspot is the anal area.

 
Old 11-26-2007, 10:42 AM   #20
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

It would take me years to explain how offensive this entire post is to me. I saw something that I must respond to, however. Simply for her sake.

"I am going thru the same situation. We hardly ever do anything not even cuddle up together.
I bet i had the same ideas are what your talking about too. but I just don't feel that he is thinking of us when it comes to having sex anymore when we do do it. I cry everytime he talks while we are doing it cause he talks and asks me if i would want to watch and I just can't do it so therefore he makes me feel that I am not good enough for him.

I don't even want him to go to explore his sexuality before we get married cause I feel that it will change everything."


Honey, if you're crying while you're making love, there is something terribly, terribly wrong. If he sees it and doesn't stop making love to you, there is something even more wrong. If he talks to you about making love to other men while making love to you, well, there are few words to express my sadness.

It sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing to you. He says these things to make you feel as though you are not good enough, because he gets off on that. If he continues to make love to you even though you are crying, I would almost promise you he gets off on that. He sounds as though he is a manipulative predator, most likely due to repressed homosexuality or abusive tendencies due to a traumatic event in his childhood, during which he was most likely molested, or even raped.

In my humble opinion, he is abusing you and you should seek help. Get out. Fast. At the very least, look into what makes an abusive relationship abusive, and keep watch for the signs. Seek couples counseling, and possibly even a sex therapist.

What makes you think he is going to stop wanting what he wants after you get married? What makes you think he is going to stop asking you for it? What makes you think the sex is going to get better? What makes you think that you are going to stop crying during sex after you get married? Marriage is NOT a solution to any problem, it in itself is a problem, one that can only be worked through by happy, loving people in a stable relationship. Do not get married unless you are sexually compatible. Right now, you are NOT sexually compatible.

If you do not allow him to explore now, his desire to get what he wants will only grow and manifest itself in different ways. Substance abuse is a very common thing that people turn to. Substance abuse can then turn to different kinds of abuse, verbal and physical abuse towards you. If you do not allow him to explore now, he WILL resent you for it. That resentment will only grow through the years and will most likely end in a divorce, or worse.

What if you do not let him explore, but he does anyway. How would you handle him cheating on you with another man? And knowing that it was partly your fault for not letting him go when you knew you could not be everything that he needed? Like my mother always said, it takes two to tango. If someone's cheating, that means that someone is not happy, and that there is something wrong with the relationship their in. I don't mean to say that one person can fulfill another person's every want and desire, but there should be some room for accomodation of both parties desires.

If you feel that you cannot be happy and successful with him after exploring his desires, and he feels that he cannot be happy with the way things are now, it is time for both of you to move on and find someone who you are truly happy with.

 
Old 11-26-2007, 12:49 PM   #21
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Dear God! There are times when I read these boards and think to myself: "You've nothing to worry about Laylah - at least things aren't that bad"! This is one of those times, and about all I can think of to say is - Dear God!

Just get out the pair of you. Clearly both of your men are bisexual and to be honest Kylee in your case honey that sounds like the least of your problems. And also Kylee, I wouldn't be taking any of that 'the anus in the male g-spot' nonsense as an excuse. I apologise for my candor, but it doesn't take a penis to stimulate the prostate gland.

Last edited by Laylah; 11-26-2007 at 12:53 PM. Reason: thought it might be an idea to actually add some advice!

 
Old 11-26-2007, 03:01 PM   #22
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Bi Curious Boyfriend

I Am Very Happy To Report That I Have, Since My First Post, Took The Overwhelming Advice From Most Of The Posts And Dumped Him. I Am Very, Very Relieved...thanks To All!

 
Old 11-26-2007, 03:29 PM   #23
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

I'm very glad to hear it Anajdlee, good for you. Here's to hoping Kylee follows your example.

What did he say when you told him he was in the rear view mirror? Did you tell him it was because of his escapades? Call me nosy, but I'm dying to hear what he had to say for himself!

Last edited by Laylah; 11-26-2007 at 03:31 PM. Reason: misspelling

 
Old 11-26-2007, 05:18 PM   #24
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

I usually agree with the advice given here, but I feel like I stepped into another dimension with this thread. How is this really different than him saying that he had a few night stands with women he met at a club six months ago? The risk for disease is the same. Being bisexual doesn't make a person any more likely to run off and cheat.

As for the belief that more than five times is a lifestyle choice, that's ridiculous. I have more lesbian experiences under my belt than sexual experience with men, but that doesn't make me a lesbian. Sexual orientation isn't so clearly defined for everyone that one night clears it all. Some people experiment for years.

I suppose that what was meant to happen happened, though. I'm sure he'll find a more accepting and open-minded person to be with. I applaud him for being so honest and open.

Last edited by Layla333; 11-26-2007 at 05:18 PM.

 
Old 11-26-2007, 06:00 PM   #25
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
I'm sure he'll find a more accepting and open-minded person to be with. I applaud him for being so honest and open.
I would also credit him for his having told the OP about his past experiences Layla333, but I think that that's where the honesty ended. He's not being honest with himself, never mind her, since he maintains he is not bisexual but rather "bi-curious". I'm sorry, but a man who's had almost half a dozen male sexual partners is not bi-curious; he's bisexual and in a deep state of denial. Why should she share in his confusion and take it on as a part of her own intimate life? Why should she accept in a partner what is unacceptable to her? In the name of tolerance? And if tolerance is so fundamental, where, in that equation, is the tolerance for her own thoughts, views and feelings? Is she not entitled to those? Or does 'acceptance' and 'open mindedness' strip her of them?

The world has gone PC mad, but lets face it; most heterosexual women do not want to conduct relationships with bisexual men. My sons godmother is a lesbian and has been a close friend of mine for over seventeen years. Another very close friend of mine has two teenaged homosexual sons. I'm a long way from being a homophobe, but there's just no way I'd even consider a relationship with a bi-sexual man. Being accepting and open minded does not dictate that we should give up our personal autonomy, and a big part of self-governance is having the right to choose who we invite into the most intimate facets of our lives.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 05:01 AM   #26
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Hi Layla333; I don't want you to think I'm hopping all over you or anything, I just wanted to respond to some portions of your post here. Firstly, yes, I will hold my hand up to an 'ick' reaction on my part here, but only when it comes to the point of a lovers area of sexual activity and interest; as far as the rest of the population of the world goes, I simply couldn't give a toss. To be 100% frank on the issue, and to put it as least crudely as I can; I am seriously turned off by the idea of having intimate sexual contact with a penis which was at any point inserted into another mans anus. That is how I feel and I have no apologies to make for it. I'd be willing to bet it is the majority feeling among heterosexual females. Above all that though, and I'm being 100% honest here, what would turn me off even more is that in the OP's case her partner wasn't even admitting to his own bi-sexuality. (and that was the basis of my advice for her to leave; if he'd told her outright that he was bi I'd have simply advised her to either stay or go depending on her own ability to accept that) If a man told me he'd had five male sexual partners and still maintained he was "be-curious" () I'd be thinking he had some serious growing up to do. I'd be disrespectful of his stage of mental maturity and his capacity for self-evaluation, and also his powers of honesty and logic, directed both inwards and outwards, and that in itself would exclude him from the remit of pleasing partner material for me.

Also, you said that:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
Being able to enjoy sex with the same gender is not the same as having a genuine preference or interest.
I don't agree with all of this Layla333; true, being able to enjoy sex with the same gender doesn't denote preference of one gender over the other, but it certainly denotes interest. How can anybody have sex with the same gender as themselves and then claim to have no interest in homosexual sex? That defies logic; it's the same as my saying I have sex with the opposite gender, but then attempting to claim I have displayed no interest in heterosexual sex!

I do agree with you in that sexuality is (at least for some people) more fluid than a lot of others imagine, but I don't go along with the ever more common beleif that "no one is 100% straight". I've heard that said many times and I really don't know where it comes from, but I suspect it is indulged in because it comforts some people to believe that. It does annoy me to a degree and I think I've a right to my annoyance; I know if I said to one of the confirmed gays in my life: "No one is a 100% gay" I'd be very sharply told where to go, and I think I'd deserve to be.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 09:16 AM   #27
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
To be 100% frank on the issue, and to put it as least crudely as I can; I am seriously turned off by the idea of having intimate sexual contact with a penis which was at any point inserted into another mans anus. That is how I feel and I have no apologies to make for it.
Personally, I think a vagina is a far ickier and more personal a thing than an anus. We'll have to disagree there. Truthfully, I'm one of those girls that find the thought of sex between men to be a turn on. I know we're not as common as our counterparts, the lesbian-loving men, but we've got some numbers. Neither of us have to apologize for how we feel, agreed.

Quote:
I don't agree with all of this Layla333; true, being able to enjoy sex with the same gender doesn't denote preference of one gender over the other, but it certainly denotes interest. How can anybody have sex with the same gender as themselves and then claim to have no interest in homosexual sex? That defies logic; it's the same as my saying I have sex with the opposite gender, but then attempting to claim I have displayed no interest in heterosexual sex!
A temporary interest doesn't amount to the same thing as a lifelong interest and a committment to the employment of that interest, though, which is probably the best example of the boundary between bicuriosity and bisexuality. There are women that experiment with lesbianism for a few years and then never go back. In fact, it's such a common phenomena among high school and college girls that I rarely take such self-proclaimed lesbians seriously until they're in their mid-twenties and have proven that their experimentation was more than that. There's no magic number of people you have to sleep with for experimentation to prove sexuality one way or the other. It takes as long as it takes to figure it out.

Obviously, we're coming from different places. I'm guessing you'd never consider questioning your sexuality, while I did a good bit of that a few years ago. I had to do some soul searching and came to the conclusion that though I could probably enjoy women on a physical level, it just wasn't the same as the mental and physical attraction I had for men. I do not crave a woman's touch, do not think about them, adore them, or idealize feminine beauty the way I do crave, adore and idealize men and male beauty. In other words, I could have sex with women in an empty relationship (if I were the sort to have one night-stands, which I'm not) but it just isn't something I need or that I'm after or that could ever lead to a fulfilling relationship, sexually or emotionally. I do consider myself a straight woman with, as you put it, a more fluid sexuality, but not a true bisexual. In my mind, a bisexual has an enduring and strong desire for and could engage in a satsifying, full relationship with either sex.

So, on that note, I could easily identify with the original statement of having done it and decided that it wasn't something that needed to be done again, and could recognize the existence of physical attraction without enduring desire or real interest.

I know we won't agree on this subject, but I'm satisfied with both of us having given our perspectives.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 09:21 AM   #28
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

You know another thing that bothers me on this whole issue? I was driving home in my car about an hour ago and I got to thinking about this thread and another one that I contributed to on a different site about two years ago; I had made the statement on that other thread that my sexual preference was for heterosexual males and the conversation got onto sexuality and discrimination/prejudice etc, and I was accused of being homophobic because I'd stated I wouldn't consider having a relationship with a bisexual male! I made a point then that I'd like to repeat here:

I once met a gay female, and friend of my sons godmother, who told me during a pub conversation that she wouldn't consider having a relationship with a bisexual female. I got where she was coming from immediatly and as far as I was concerned she was more than entitled to set that parameter in her own life; but the gas thing is, I cannot imagine anyone accusing her of being a heterophobe because of it!

I think liberalism has been taken several steps too far in many parts of the western world; it's often not even acceptable to state your own sexual preference for fear of offending somebody! I mean, come on! Christ on his throne! (that was for you StenoLady, lol) Seriously, for real, if it is ok for a homosexual person to state they are inclined to sleep with people of their own gender, then it is ok for me to state I am inclined to sleep with people of my own sexual orientation i.e. heterosexual males.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 09:46 AM   #29
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
I usually agree with the advice given here, but I feel like I stepped into another dimension with this thread. How is this really different than him saying that he had a few night stands with women he met at a club six months ago? The risk for disease is the same. Being bisexual doesn't make a person any more likely to run off and cheat.

As for the belief that more than five times is a lifestyle choice, that's ridiculous. I have more lesbian experiences under my belt than sexual experience with men, but that doesn't make me a lesbian. Sexual orientation isn't so clearly defined for everyone that one night clears it all. Some people experiment for years.

I suppose that what was meant to happen happened, though. I'm sure he'll find a more accepting and open-minded person to be with. I applaud him for being so honest and open.
I know exactly what you mean! I feel sorry for the poor guy.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 09:47 AM   #30
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Eh, don't turn it into that. In my own experience, people that say things are "too PC" and that "liberalism has gone too far" are those that think homosexuality is a stone's throw away from pedophilia and every other evil of the world, that valuing women means devaluing men, that promoting black culture means the destruction of white culture, etc. I know you're not saying that, which is my point--this isn't that thread.

Also, keep in mind... Maybe people wouldn't accuse your friend of being a heterophobe, but at the same time, people haven't been murdering and oppressing heterosexuals for thousands of years. You won't get beaten up in school for being straight. It seems petty to me to think it's so unfair if now and then you get accused of being intolerant while people are still being dragged from stores and beaten to death. Believe me, your heterosexuality is not being threatened. You have the majority of the world on your side.

 
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