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Old 11-27-2007, 09:55 AM   #31
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
A temporary interest doesn't amount to the same thing as a lifelong interest and a committment to the employment of that interest, though, which is probably the best example of the boundary between bicuriosity and bisexuality. There are women that experiment with lesbianism for a few years and then never go back.
You know, I hadn't noticed that your last post was yours Layla333, I thought it was mine, since our names are so similar (great minds think alike ) In reference to the above quote, I wouldn't agree with that as a barometer of the difference between bi-curiosity and bisexuality. To be curious is to be eager to experience something; therefore, I cannot be curious as to what pepperoni pizza tastes like; I've had that in my mouth a time or two, so I know what it tastes like. I knew after the very first time, and every time I ate it after that it was because I knew what it tasted like, knew I enjoyed it, and was in the mood of some more. Sex is no different as far as I'm concerned, though I understand there are many people who genuinely think so and others who seem to prefer to think so.

In fact, bisexuality is the only single experience I've ever in my entire life heard described as something that can be experienced and re-experienced time and time again and yet the person experiencing it is somehow still considered to remain within the remit of 'curiosity'! I'm sorry, but curious about what? That does not make logical sense to me. It's the sexual equivalent of me buying a new pair of white shoes every week on the back of a curiosity as to whether white shoes might suit me. If I told you that's what I was at every week, wouldn't you think I was a bit mental?! I bet you would, and it wouldn't be because I was buying white shoes every week; it'd be because I felt justified in saying I was still 'curious' about them after having regularly had white shoes on my feet week in, week out.

I'm sorry, I know we do not agree here, but I have always felt that that never ending 'curiosity' re bi-curiosity/bisexuality was a cop out for people who were unready or unwilling to admit to themselves that, at the very least, they were living a bi-sexual lifestyle at that time. No, it doesn't mean to say a person will be practice bisexuality in their longterm future, as you point out; but it doesn't change the facts as they exist in the present either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
I know we won't agree on this subject, but I'm satisfied with both of us having given our perspectives.
So am I.

 
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Old 11-27-2007, 10:02 AM   #32
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
Eh, don't turn it into that. In my own experience, people that say things are "too PC" and that "liberalism has gone too far" are those that think homosexuality is a stone's throw away from pedophilia and every other evil of the world, that valuing women means devaluing men, that promoting black culture means the destruction of white culture, etc. I know you're not saying that, which is my point--this isn't that thread.

Also, keep in mind... Maybe people wouldn't accuse your friend of being a heterophobe, but at the same time, people haven't been murdering and oppressing heterosexuals for thousands of years. You won't get beaten up in school for being straight. It seems petty to me to think it's so unfair if now and then you get accused of being intolerant while people are still being dragged from stores and beaten to death. Believe me, your heterosexuality is not being threatened. You have the majority of the world on your side.
Wow! Our posts have crossed over and you were obviously writing that as I was writing mine. I don't know why you'd want to take the thread in that direction. My point was simply this: I have a right to state that my sexual preference is for heterosexual males, and I have a right to practice the sexual preference that is naturally inherent to me without being referred to in derogatory terms, just as any gay person does.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 10:29 AM   #33
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Layla333 HB User
Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
It's the sexual equivalent of me buying a new pair of white shoes every week on the back of a curiosity as to whether white shoes might suit me. If I told you that's what I was at every week, wouldn't you think I was a bit mental?!
Well, following the white shoes example, would a single pair of shoes really give you an idea of everything you needed to know about how you look in white shoes? Or what if you decide that you like them enough, but after a few weeks you come to the conclusion that they just aren't you?

Quote:
Wow! Our posts have crossed over and you were obviously writing that as I was writing mine. I don't know why you'd want to take the thread in that direction. My point was simply this: I have a right to state that my sexual preference is for heterosexual males, and I have a right to practice the sexual preference that is naturally inherent to me without being referred to in derogatory terms, just as any gay person does.
Lol! I don't want to take it there, that was my point. I think you were responding to an attitude you don't like that you've encountered elsewhere and likewise your response brought up a lot more of what I've encountered elsewhere. You do have a right to your sexual preference, whatever it is! I certainly won't argue that. My original, "Man, what's wrong with you people!?" attitude had more to do with this guy's treatment as some kind of loose, sex-craving monster, which it turns out he was! I should formally retract that and apologize.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 10:59 AM   #34
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
Well, following the white shoes example, would a single pair of shoes really give you an idea of everything you needed to know about how you look in white shoes?
I'd know at a glance whether their colour suited me (which I'll equate to sexual gender) and, having decided upon that important point, assuming I felt it did, I'd then start wondering about different shoe styles (which I'll equate to the individual personalities of prospective same-sex partners) - My point being, if I wasn't happy with the colour I wouldn't get as far as considering different styles i.e. if being sexually intimate with women wasn't something I enjoyed I'd hardly be likely to go looking around for future individual females to continue on my bi-curious quest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
Or what if you decide that you like them enough, but after a few weeks you come to the conclusion that they just aren't you?
Then I'd get rid of the shoes, lol; but I cant imagine a situation where I was walking down the street in my fifth pair of new white shoes while proudly proclaiming to the world that I was not a wearer of white shoes, ha ha.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Layla333 View Post
You do have a right to your sexual preference, whatever it is! I certainly won't argue that.
Thank you; my point is that many people do actually expect me to apologise, and it bothers me Layla333, and I don't think it's "petty" that I ought to be annoyed by being tarred as intolerant because of it. I think people should cop on and afford me the same right that liberalism now dictates ought be afforded to gays. Liberalism, as far as I can see, is often anything but liberal. It is liberal depending upon what direction it's pointed, and in the cases where that is true, it is undeserving of its name.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 11:07 AM   #35
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

To those who were curious about how things went with me telling my "friend" that I didn't want to pursue a relationship with him....He was very gracious about it. He said he understood why I needed to end it and was sorry that I chose to do so. He said that he truly had feelings for me, however after my reaction he said he felt like he lost some feelings for me. Meaning to say that if he did love me he doesn't anymore. I guess he expected me to take it with a grain of salt and that life would continue as usual. Unfortunatley for him, he picked the wrong person to tell. I will leave saying this...some secrets should remain in the closet.

Last edited by anajdlee1964; 11-29-2007 at 11:09 AM. Reason: duplicate

 
Old 11-29-2007, 11:08 AM   #36
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

To those who were curious about how things went with me telling my "friend" that I didn't want to pursue a relationship with him....He was very gracious about it. He said he understood why I needed to end it and was sorry that I chose to do so. He said that he truly had feelings for me, however after my reaction he said he felt like he lost some feelings for me. Meaning to say that if he did love me he doesn't anymore. I guess he expected me to take it with a grain of salt and that life would continue as usual. Unfortunatley for him, he picked the wrong person to tell. I will leave saying this...some secrets should remain in the closet.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 12:11 PM   #37
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
I will leave saying this...some secrets should remain in the closet.
Well, I'm glad that you were honest with him and now both of you will be able to move on to more appropriate partners. However, do you really wish that he would have kept it a secret?

One of my ex-boyfriends, after we dated on and off for nearly nine months, confessed to me that he was a crossdresser. I tried to be cool about it, because I really don't care what people do, but the truth was that it made me lose all attraction to him, and I was angry that he kept something like this secret for so long. I understand it's not an easy thing to confess...but it still felt like a betrayal.

My other, most recent ex is bi-sexual. I know it's hypocritical - I find it hot to watch two guys together, but I don't think I could really be attracted to a guy who is bi-sexual. It took me awhile to realize that he was. He tried to use me to get to other guys, like he would want me to seduce them, and then bring the guy to him. In a way it kind of creeped me out.

So I think things worked out the best for you, and like I said before now you can both move on and find partners that are better for each of you.
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Old 11-29-2007, 06:07 PM   #38
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Laylah HB User
Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by anajdlee1964 View Post
To those who were curious about how things went with me telling my "friend" that I didn't want to pursue a relationship with him....He was very gracious about it. He said he understood why I needed to end it and was sorry that I chose to do so. He said that he truly had feelings for me, however after my reaction he said he felt like he lost some feelings for me. Meaning to say that if he did love me he doesn't anymore.
In other words he's attempting to punish you by declaring you unlovable because you're not attracted to the reality of his bisexuality. There's another reason to leave, as if you needed one. You did the right thing for you Anajdlee.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 06:15 PM   #39
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher View Post
He tried to use me to get to other guys, like he would want me to seduce them, and then bring the guy to him. In a way it kind of creeped me out.
Eh, that would creep me out too Gypsy, in a plethora of ways!

I think I would have different reactions depending on how a man approached discussing his bisexuality with me. It’s not that I would be a total cow about it all across the board. What I’m saying is, if a prospective partner came to me and said (as the OP's did, in so many words): “I’ve had five male sexual partners, but I’m not bi-sexual, I’m just bi-curious”. I’d say: “Hold up, cop on, and start telling the truth to yourself; because as you’ve demonstrated here in fine style, if you are not capable of being honest with yourself, there’s no way you’re going to be capable of being honest with me”.

I’d have a different attitude towards a man, and approach the conversation in an entirely different way, if he were to say: “I’ve had five male sexual partners and I’m not sure if I’m bisexual or bi-curious”. You see, to me, the second statement denotes the willingness to probe ones own inclinations, whereas the first simply denotes denial.

If another man were to say: “I’ve had five male sexual partners and I’m as bi as they come – I like my bread buttered on both sides”! I’d probably laugh and say: “Good for you, good luck with that, goodbye”.

In none of the above cases would these men be partner material suited to me, but I’d have a hell of a lot more respect for the men who made the second and third statements. (Then no doubt I’d go off and try to figure out why I’d attracted three bisexual men, lol)

 
Old 11-30-2007, 02:51 AM   #40
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Smile Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

You made the right decision Anajdlee.

Your ex-boyfriend clearly didn't know what he wanted in life in terms of a relationship, he's obviously very confused about his sexuality; dating a woman while having sex with men?

Anyway, good luck in the future. I imagine an experience like this might really mess you up and make you very suspicious of any future boyfriends you may have. But don't worry, you'll find a man deserving of you soon enough, one who doesn't have any nasty skeletons in his closet.

 
Old 11-30-2007, 06:59 AM   #41
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

Thank you Jonathan. I have decided to saddle up and start dating again. I will not let this beat me. I deserve better and I will find it. It has truly been a learning experience. Thanks again for your kind words.

 
Old 11-30-2007, 11:52 AM   #42
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Re: Bi Curious Boyfriend

I can only imagine how much you are hurting at this time but take comfort in knowing the pain will ease with each passing day. If it would help think about it as a 2 month vacation where you had a wonderful time with a great guy and it's time to come back to reality. It's going to be hard but keep yourself very active. If you are not a member of a gym, join one and work out very hard each day. It will keep you healthy and you will feel good at the end. If you are not a person to work out sign up for some classes you have always wanted to take or something you wanted to do for a long time and just do it.

Something similar happened to me recently and I begin to go to the gym more often and now at my age I have the figure of a 20 year old.

Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

 
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