Ok now I dont even know were 2 start so im just gonna type and see were it gets me. Okay
here it goes.
Before this last relationship I had only been in one and it lasted close to a year and a half. Me and him were both military and I lost him to DRUGS
That hurted really bad for me and I didnt expect it at all because we were engaged and trying to have kids. I than found out that I have PCOS and my chances are pretty slim ouch rite yea i know. One day he was so in love with me telling me I was his Juliet and hed do anything for me the next I was obssessed and needed to move on and that hurted because I wasnt obssessed. I was in love and that made me sick. I actually had 2 get on anti- depressants and in the end I ended up getting discharged from the military for my depression sad huh? Yes I dont know how but it affected me that much 2 much was happening all at once I guess.
Now today I seriously regret my decision to give up on my career for him but military did stress me out even more at that time.
Ok so a year later I met Joey now when I first met him I wasnt really interested at all. I still had trust issues and I just had settled down with being alone. But I gave him my number and after our first conversation I decided to give him a chance after that it was like a fairy tale we were always 2 gether till now.
On Sunday nite me and him got into a really big fight over something very stupid and he was drunk and he was upset with me and I didnt want to talk about it cause I had to work in the morning and it was late and he was drunk. He started to talk alot of crap and in the end He decided to tell me that my friends arent my friends.
In the last several months everytime i walk out the door whether it be for work or just hanging with the girls he would flip out wondering what im doing ...
Okay back to the story so he said my friends arent my friends and to call my best friend cause she has something to tell me I blew it off because I didnt think he was serious I figured he was just trying to **** me off. So maybe like 5 min later I text my best friend and was just venting a lill to here and I decided to tell her what he said and she goes yes i do have something to tell u. He cheated on u in Janurary when u were in Cali visiting for the holidays (& this is now November) Ok basically thats it and now im lost. I dont have many friends cause I already had trust issues so I just keep it to a minimum they all seem to know each other. She was my friend whom i talked to everyday if she needed something i had her covered food money whatever. Now when I was gone she took this girl to my house whom she claims was married and she went with a guy she was talking to ??? hmmm so why did the girl come along good question to be comany for what was then my boyfriend and in what was than my house. krazie huh? I guess my female intuition came along when I got home cause I went straight to my trash can and sure enough there was a box of condoms The story i got back than was that she had messed with her guy friend in my bed. hmmm yes i was ****** but in time i forgave them all. The way I saw it was shed get hers in the end.
But now I know the truth and I feel so betrayed and it hurts I dont know if it hurts so bad cause he recently asked me to marry him and she knew I was thinking of doing this and we were gonna move to another state together.
Or if its just the fact that im fully alone no friend no boyfriend nothing but me. Im not giving up though and im nervous of how strondg ive been cause its been almost a week and i still havent cried and i know when i do its gonna be bad. Now im concentrating on my life so that i dont make the mistake i did last time and give up again. So once again Ive been engaged twice and now im beginning to think theres something wrong with me Maybe im to nice and easy to run over. Me and him had been together for 2 years and now I have to drink nyquil to go straight to sleep on my friends couch. My days seem so much longer and im so freakin lonely and i dunno anymore. I had no idea that he had cheated nor that he would have I mean he acted as if he was so in love with me I know now he blamed me for cheating all the time because of his own guilt and im nervous of whats next to come. I know already it can always get worst and that scares me. I guess I just need to find a hobby. but I cant seem to get him out of my mind and my heart thats even worst and her shes apologized a million times and she says she regrets not telling me.
But thats not enough. & I dont know what is............