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Old 11-10-2007, 01:07 AM   #1
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inastate HB User
i feel so hard done by! isit all out of desperation now?? Ladies i need your opinion?

im a good looking 21 year old, own my own house and have a good job!
for some reason ive never found it easy to get girls (maybe cos im shy i dont know) but when i finally met this amazing girl i felt my luck had changed!
i have a very high sex drive and sex means alot to a relationship (in my eyes)! i had basically been waiting 5 years to meet a woman like this, i can honestly say i loved her and she was mairrage material except she harboured a deep secret (i think) which she never told me or any one! She didnt like sex, she saw it as degrading dirty and inhumane! I took it personally as we only had sex once in 5 months and blamed myself but deep in my head i feel something had happened to her in her childhood! her mum died when she was 15 maybe that can have an effect???
But now its over im back to square one again!
5 or 6 girls have come and gone since her but nothing ever going past 2 or 3 dates!
all my m8's have long term girlfriends now and i just dont see what they've got that im missing!
Most girls tell me im the perfect bloke etc but cant get a girl to save my life at the moment!
i even joined a dating website, went on a few dates but i dont think anything will come of it!
I should still be with miss x (il call her) and just feel so cheated, hows ur luck, u finaly have a girl interested in you and wanting to be with u (so she said) and she doesnt like sex! the percentage must be 10% of the population who dont have/like sex and i found 1 of that 10%!
Ive just got a sick feeling that i will die alone! i waited 5 years to meet her, what if it takes another 5 years and another one doesnt come in that time il be 26 and still single! it scares the life out of me!
now i just feel so desperate to have someone even though they are wrong for me just so i feel that maybe it will work out so i wont die alone!

 
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Old 11-10-2007, 03:20 AM   #2
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Re: i feel so hard done by! isit all out of desperation now?? Ladies i need your opin

Hey there inastate -

I'm so sorry it didn't work out with your lady. I'm probably going to tell you a whole bunch of stuff you probably dont' want to hear right now, but hopefully in time you'll be able to take heart to some of it.

First of all, it's really important that you DON'T take your lady's attitude toward sex personally. I can 99.99% guarantee you it had absolutely NOTHING at all to do with you!!! There could be a few reasons for her aversion to sex - she could have had some kind of sexual abuse or other traumatic drama in her childhood, she could have had some kind of medical condition where it was just very very painful or not very enjoyable, she could have been raised in a very strictly religious home where sex was looked upon as a grave sin. It's a shame, but if someone has an issue that really inhibits their lifestyle and can't or won't address it, and you just can't live with the result, not much else really you can do.


Another thing you probably don't want to hear right now, but you're still SOOOOO SOOOOO young!!! 21 is just a baby!! I know you don't feel like it and you want to get the next phase of your life started, but it's possible you may not find "the one" till your 30s. I don't want to discourage you, but I'm 42 and still haven't found the right guy. In fact, I've only had one boyfriend my whole life, who I met when I was 30, and that's how old I was the first time I ever was kissed, ever had a date, any of that stuff. It was on and off for two years, and actually wasn't much of a relationship. I loved him very much to him I was just a transitional time killer. So far, that's the only story in my love history. It's incredibly painful, a pain that few people can really understand, but the fact of the matter is, happiness, love with the right person, is not promised to us. It's not something everyone finds, it's not something everyone is meant to find. some of us just have to find other ways of getting fulfillment out of life.

But you have many many many years before you have to worry about that. My advice is that instead of worrying that you'll never find a mate, spend the next five years getting to know yourself. No matter who well you may know yourself, there is always room for growth, improvement, strength, etc. Learn how to enjoy getting to know different kinds of people, but also how to enjoy your own company. Date around, honestly and honorably, be good but honest to every woman you go out with, and get to know women a little better. AND most importantly, I HIGHLY STRONGLY advice against dating or marrying someone out of desperation or for convenience's sake. Those kinds of relationships hardly ever work out, and you are almost assuring yourself a lifetime of dissatisfaction, unhappiness and discontentment. Hold out for the lady of your dreams. If you never find her, at least you will have had the pleasure of the journey.

 
Old 11-10-2007, 05:39 AM   #3
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Re: i feel so hard done by! isit all out of desperation now?? Ladies i need your opin

Trust me, at 21 you are not destined to "die alone". Honestly, I think the main reason you are having such a hard time meeting someone right now is because you keep measuring all the "potentials" to Miss X. That's not a bad thing. That means you have standards and you know what you are looking for. You should never settle for someone who isn't all that you want, even if that means you spend a few lonely nights in bed. A warm body isn't worth being tied down to someone you don't want to be with.

Take your time and enjoy yourself. You seem like you really have your act together so go out and enjoy your youth. Be the best you that you can be. Don't compare your situation with your friends because everyone is different. I mean, they could be envious of you not having to answer to someone and having the freedom to come and go as you please.

 
Old 11-12-2007, 05:27 PM   #4
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inastate HB User
Re: i feel so hard done by! isit all out of desperation now?? Ladies i need your opin

just wanted to say thankyou for your replies!

I do have very high standards and she met and passed them standards and i admitt i do compare every girl to my ex and no one has even come close.
I know it wont ever work because of her problem but i cant forget about her, everything felt so right with her and i find it hard to let go!
i just think il never have the same feelings for anyone else again!
we broke up mutually and she was crying saying she didnt want to break up but there was no other way. the week previously she was asking me never to leave her, but as soon as we were over she went cold and she acted like me and her never happened! which hurts!
In my mind i know she was the one but cant accept that its over.
Most songs remind me of her and so on and so on, i just cant get her out of my head.
i keep thinking if we were together she'd be living with me by now, id be happy and settling down slowly!
i told her how i felt about 3months ago, i wrote her a letter saying how i felt, we kissed afterwards and was looking good she said the letter was lovely and she cried when she read it, but then a few days later she didnt call when shed say she would and then she text me saying she still fancied me but didnt feel the same and said she felt unconfortable in herself and wasn't ready for another relationship, but then 1 month later started seeing a new bloke which means she lied to me and that was a personal insult basically saying i wasnt good enough for her and that this new guy was!
but they split up last week!

Maybe im angry and jealous of my friends?? i saw them every weekend heard from them everyday but now they have girlfriends it seems like my friendship was only there to pass time for them, maybe deepdown knowing i failed but they succeeded that keeps me clawing back to her tryin to regain something?? i really dont know!
my head just feels a mess and it has since i broke up with her nearly a year ago!

Im a very very independant person but for some reason i depended on her for happiness and deepdown ive been unhappy everyday since i havent been with her!

 
Old 11-12-2007, 08:33 PM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Michigan
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WeAllFallDown7 HB User
Re: i feel so hard done by! isit all out of desperation now?? Ladies i need your opin

Thanks for responding to my post earlier.. I sometimes feel the same way, I feel like I am the only one of my friends who is single.. I've only had one serious relationship, granted it was almost 2 years.. but still many of my friends have had a lot of those types of relationships.. Don't waste your time on a girl who isn't willing to do the same.. Try not to be too down on yourself, maybe it's just that you (and maybe even myself) are looking TOO hard for something that needs to happen on it's own time.. Relationships and love take time to find and to develop! Give that a little thought Keep in touch...

 
Old 11-14-2007, 03:23 PM   #6
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inastate HB User
Re: i feel so hard done by! isit all out of desperation now?? Ladies i need your opin

hey weallfalldown ur welcome! how are you?
yeah she was my first love but i dont think she loved me but oh well just gotta keep going!
I am looking too hard just gotta let happen in time hopefully!

Hope ur ok and things are going well for ya!

 
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