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Old 11-19-2007, 02:07 PM   #1
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new outlook

Update.
What I am afraid of now, what makes me angry and hurt, is that i think about him never messaging me....ever. i am trying to face the fact that this is possible. if it is, then so be it because i will not be contacting him.

i am trying to get on with my life and be happy. i have done it before and i certainly will do it again- it just times some time.
i remember last time we broke up- a month and a half i was very miserable. but then i found out he was seeing someone new and whilst it made the pain worse, i know that was it. i started to move on. a month or so later, i was so happy with life, the person who i was etc. i was very happy with my life. i owe much of it to a friend who i had met and become very good friends with, but also had a lot to do with my schedule/ my life/ me taking charge of my life.

so i need to do that again. i need to be happy and content like i was before- i need to get that life back where with or without my ex, it will be still good, happy and ill feel content. im aiming for that now.

it is somewhat different than before tho, this current situation. before, i knew it was over, because he was seeing that girl. but right now, i dont know. i dont think itll make that much difference to my development this time.

i am trying to sort out some counselling. im not really depressed and i could get by without help, but it wont hurt and it may do me some good. im trying to organise something now.

also, i am going to start reading a few on breakups/ getting back together with your ex. not because i want to plan getting him back (that isnt in my hands anymore. if he wants to give things another go, he needs to contact me, and persist, because i have done all the work/ put in all the effort. it is up to him). you never know what youll pick up from reading books like that- it may help. i read people's reviews on such books, they all give good, encouraging reviews.

Moderator- there was no way of posting on the other thread you created (dating update). you could delete it.

 
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Old 11-20-2007, 06:25 AM   #2
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Re: new outlook

Good Morning Apple! I am in a similar situation as you except there IS NO CHANCE of my ex and I getting back together. I deserve better...and so do you.

A book I have been reading that I love is "It's Called a Breakup because it's Broke." Greg something wrote it, He also wrote "He's Just Not Than Into You". It is a light read, but eye opening.

I am trying to focus on me as well. I work a lot and hang out with my friends. I dont know if you live on ur own or not but redecorating and organizing and getting life the way you want it helps.

Shopping too! HAHA! 4 days after I found out my ex was a cheater...I bought a nice 42" LCD flate panel tv. OOPS! It is really nice....Gotta love credit cards.

Stop even fathoming "we may get back together". If he wanted to be with u, he would be...and it is as simple as that. You deserve better and you deserve a fresh start (once you are ready) with someone you dont have all this dramatic history with.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 08:48 AM   #3
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Re: new outlook

Oh AJ, you will be fine without him, I promise. You got there before and you will get there again. Be patient with yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day.

You have so much going on in your life which is a good thing. Lots of distraction from these consuming thoughts. Lots of potential to meet new people. And no, you may not be depressed, but I don't feel counselling ever hurt anyone. It may help you to be able to look at your situation you never were able to see before.

The books Ash mentioned, Greg's last name begins with a "B" I believe. They're good books to add to your personaly library.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 09:39 AM   #4
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Re: new outlook

Quote:
Originally Posted by ash519 View Post
Good Morning Apple!Hello ash! I am in a similar situation as you except there IS NO CHANCE of my ex and I getting back together.well, i should hope not! not after all the cheating and lies! evil man. I deserve better...and so do you.

A book I have been reading that I love is "It's Called a Breakup because it's Broke." Greg something wrote it, He also wrote "He's Just Not Than Into You". It is a light read, but eye opening.

I am trying to focus on me as well. I work a lot and hang out with my friends. I dont know if you live on ur own or not but redecorating and organizing and getting life the way you want it helps.i live with my parents, altho i am looking for a place nearer to university. will probably move out after the new year. youre on the right track ash- keeping busy, making new plans etc it all helps. i am organising a birthday party for myself next week lots of good friends will be there. thatll be so nice.

Shopping too! HAHA! 4 days after I found out my ex was a cheater...I bought a nice 42" LCD flate panel tv. OOPS! It is really nice....Gotta love credit cards. haha yeah, they do help, dont they? keep up the good work very proud of you for being so strong. keep it up.

Stop even fathoming "we may get back together". If he wanted to be with u, he would be...and it is as simple as that. it wasnt as simple as that. if it were, then i would have no hesistations with moving on. its not like he cheated on me or lied. we had issues. he had enough, broke up with me, but i believe we could have made it work. we would talk about getting back together, he would agree but then something would come up and i didnt want to jump back in so fast etc etc. if i REALLY wanted to be with him, we would be together yeah because id have just gone along with it when he said "yeah ok lets give it another go" but i felt the issues/ soluitions werent recognised so i prevented us from going back. i want to be with him, but didnt feel as though it was right at that time. once or twice he suggested picking up when he gets back. in hindsight, that does make sense.
its all one big mess because i dont know how things were left when he left. i didnt call him/ see him before he left. we had a huge argument the night before and i refused to see him or call him. now i regret it. because i dont know what is happening. im trying to put it to the back of my mind now. we'll see, its my birthday next week. if he doesnt message me, then i get the hint and can move on because things will be clear.
You deserve better and you deserve a fresh start (once you are ready) with someone you dont have all this dramatic history with.im still talking to the other guy. we have been very flirty with our messages over the past two days. looks like we will be meeting up on friday and he is coming to my birthday celebrations next thursday. and if it goes well, ill ask him to come to my friend's party the day after it is going to be a really posh event in central london, so ill be dressing up in my lovely dress and shoes things are looking up, feeling good. see?im not putting my life on hold.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 11:24 AM   #5
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Re: new outlook

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Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
You have so much going on in your life which is a good thing. Lots of distraction from these consuming thoughts. Lots of potential to meet new people. Im doing much more than that im flirting so much with my crush! we're meeting up on friday. hes coming to my birthday party and ive invited him to a friend's fancy party the day afte mine, so i can show him off he makes me feel very good. but at the same time, im a little disheartened. i feel guilty. what if my ex comes back and wants to give things another go? it would crush him that i started seeing this guy. he hates him- he really does. ive mentioned before that he sent him a message threatening him if he ever came near me. so im in a no win situation here. i want to go out and enjoy myself and start seeing new people- my ex broke my heart, really hurt me. it would be nice to start seeing this guy- there has always been a spark there. but at the same time, im a little sad and nervous because of the ex situation. i just dont want to remain single and lonely not having fun waiting for my ex to get back to me. what if he doesnt? then i would regret not seeing any new people. but at the same time, id feel guilty because i dont knw what is happening.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 04:11 AM   #6
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Re: new outlook

Ive been so stressed with deadlines, I went to bed very stressed and exhausted. I had a good sleep. Started work again so draining.
I dont knw if it was a nightmare or just a dream but i saw my ex last night. He was calling me from abroad (in my dream he was in a tropical place, but it was very poor, and i was really concerned for his welfare) and we were just talking. It was all very vivid.
Made me very sad

 
Old 11-21-2007, 06:50 AM   #7
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Re: new outlook

Dreams are the worst!!!! You wake up and once again feel this empty feeling and they bring the situation back to life.

I have very vivid dreams. After the break up, I wasnt having any dreams about my ex. But a week and a half ago, when I found out about the cheating and that he was dating that girl (my old friend...his best friends ex) I started having really violent dreams towards him, her and my brother. Such a bad feeling. I would wake up feeling so angry.

I didnt have one last night. They will pass...but I am sure they will come and go forever.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 11:42 AM   #8
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Re: new outlook

Quote:
Originally Posted by ash519 View Post
Dreams are the worst!!!! You wake up and once again feel this empty feeling and they bring the situation back to life.
Yeah, tell me about it!
Most of the time, I am doing ok. I really am. Im too busy not to be!

I get moments when I think, "oh gosh, this guy really likes me, how exciting" (in ref to the guy i may start seeing. not the unattractive one but the one i find too attractive. he has been on the scene for a long time) and I am happy but then I am niggled at by myself thinking "But what about my ex?" I can't seem to enjoy myself.

Then I get moments of doubt thinking, "this guy may not like me anymore." And I get upset thinking "Im so lonely. How could my ex have left like that" etc etc and I get miserable.

Im in a no win situation at times.

But I am trying to stay focused on my life as it is NOW! and my life now does not involve my ex because he is gone.
I will lead my life how i want now, with my ex out of the picture, because that is how he left it and he may never come back. who knows. i can only go on what i have now.
I will enjoy my life. I will go out. Go about my daily life, and yes, maybe start dating this guy.

 
Old 11-22-2007, 10:14 AM   #9
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Re: new outlook

The last two days, I have been missing him SO much. Ive never missed him like this before. I miss him calling me. I miss going to his place. I miss everything. He use to make me so happy
Because I was missing him so much, I unblocked him on facebook so I could look at some of his photos (it was easier to do that than search for the photos on my pc). I unblocked him and tried searching for him but couldnt find him. Tried searching for his friend who he is abroad with, couldnt find him either. And because I had unblocked him, there was no way of blocking him again because i find him to block him.
So Ive left my profile viewable to him but I cant view his.
This is either because he has blocked me, along with his friend blocking me, or they have both altered their security settings so their profiles do not appear in searches.

update- i have found out he has blocked me. his friend has blocked me too. but i dont understand how they could have done that because i wasnt appearing in their searches for them to block me. im so sad i guess its only fair since I blocked him long ago.


Before, I mentioned that I was waiting to see if I got a message from him on my birthday (monday), and if he doesnt, then I will take that as the sign that he does not care and that I should be moving on.
But lets say he does message me. That doesnt mean anything.
Its quite sad isnt it, that i feel there is a good chance that he won't.

How little must he care about me?
Before, I would excuse him not sending me a message. I kept thinking "this is a once in a lifetime experience, let him enjoy it, he shouldnt feel the need to send me messages that may get us into emotional negative discussions." I understood because even I needed a break away from him after the last few months.
But a simple "hi. i got here ok." message would have been nice.
This is because I miss him, and I am concerned about him (altho i neednt be). I just really hope he is ok and is having a wonderful time.

I miss him
And still, I am in limbo as to what is happening. But I guess, maybe i should just take it as he really doesnt care, and whilst im sitting here, missing him like crazy, he is off having a great time by the beach not wanting to speak to me at all.

I am meeting the new guy tomorrow- it should be a great evening, we planned a great evening together, I should be excited and happy. But I am not.
I am still in loe with someone else. I am still hurting from my recent relationship. it hurts a lot.

i dontknow if i am feeling especially low because it may be pms time, and the fact that i havent slept much at all this week due to deadlines (tho, it is all worth it in the end), or the fact that it has been 3 weeks and i havent heard from him.

larry, happymom, nina etc i need some words of encouragement.

Last edited by apple_juice; 11-22-2007 at 11:08 AM.

 
Old 11-22-2007, 03:47 PM   #10
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Re: new outlook

Hang in there chick. It has been 3 weeks since my ex boyfriend stopped staying with me and almost 2 weeks since he officially moved out. I have not heard or seen him since. Like you, I wonder if I will ever hear from him again; not that he deserves for me to even answer the phone. He was my best friend so a nice "Hope you are doing okay" would be something, but the truth is: Its over. All that has been left to say has been said. I MISS him horribly and the past week like you I have been having those damn dreams. Sleeping is the worst and then I wake up feeling sad and angry. The less good sleep you get the more intense these rollar coaster emotions tend to feel. Its just a bad cycle. I think it is great that you are going out on this date. Its okay you still love your ex. This is just a date; a nice distraction from all these thoughts of your ex and you deserve it. Like you, I am also trying to spend alot of times with my friends, etc. I WILL NOT contact my ex. I deleted his work number out of my phone and I WILL NOT make some appearance where he is staying..(which is with his ex wife). I take pride that even though I am miserable and sad. Can't sleep..blah blah blah...HE is unaware of how I am doing as well. He has not cared to check on me yet I think of him often knowng that he does not even deserve for me to be wondering if hes okay these days. So he has no idea how I feel either and I like it like that. It gives me dignity. He knows my number. He knows where I live. I am better off without him and like you am trying to get back to that happy place I was at before all this. It is taking time and very hard to do during the holidays. I don't have much advice other than sharing my story so you know you are not alone. Reading your posts sounds like reading my own thoughts. Sometimes it feels as if you are going insane? I guess its all part of the healing process, learning to let Go and holding on tight through the emotional rollar coaster ride. Remember its okay to love him. Its okay to miss him. He was an important part of your life. Someone once told me that "just because you love someone does not mean you are supposed to be with them"...simple but VERY true. Hang in there! Be Strong! And if you get weak think of me over here going through the same thing trying to be as strong as possible! Take care.

Last edited by elatedgiraffe; 11-22-2007 at 03:48 PM.

 
Old 11-24-2007, 02:04 PM   #11
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Re: new outlook

Went out with that guy last night. It was a lovely evening, but the spark isnt there anymore sadly! He really wanted me to stay the night at his place, but I just wasnt feeling. Oh well.
But I had such a good time anyway. We ended up at a houseparty, saw lots of old friends.
Planning my birthday party for next week And a second birthday party for my workplace. And don't forget my day trip to a european city.
Im feeling good
Im not missing him so much anymore. In fact, I would like nothing to do with him anymore.
Lets say he messages me on my birthday, it is very unlikely that I will ever respond to him ever again. And guess what? This feels great. I dont feel angry. I dont feel sad. I just feel...so over it, it doesnt bother me anymore. I a happy with my life. I dont need him. I will find someone who I can share my life and love with- I want to find my love but I know I cant pick when and where but I am sure he is no longer my ex

p.s when I go back and go over things again, when im here again moaning about my heartache and misery and how much i want my ex, please tell me to shut the hell up. and remind me what I am certainly not missing out on!

Last edited by apple_juice; 11-24-2007 at 03:21 PM.

 
Old 11-25-2007, 03:15 PM   #12
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Re: new outlook

i was the same! couldnt forget my ex etc and the thought of her moving on and some one replacing me etc hurt like hell, but u know what i thought to my self who cares her loss cos only i know what i had to offer and she passed it up to settle for someone less!
when i think of that it makes me laugh and that i know someday im gonna meet the right girl who will get to have what i have to offer!
its amazing what time does.
but you will have highs and lows but so does everyone!

 
Old 11-26-2007, 08:14 AM   #13
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Re: new outlook

maybe one day you will realize that people come and people go and things end......relationships end......the world doesn't end......
if you kept in contact with every person you've ever been in contact with there would be no time for new people.......it's the natural progression of things......people fall out of your life for a reason, to make room for the new ones who haven't entered it yet......
maybe one day you will realize that you can live without certain people......
I can live without a lot of people......I'm just not going to let their world and their problems infringe on my world.......i like my world peaceful.
hopefully one day you will get there........

 
Old 11-26-2007, 08:15 AM   #14
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Re: new outlook

Quote:
Originally Posted by apple_juice View Post
please tell me to shut the hell up. and remind me what I am certainly not missing out on!

you asked for it.......
gladly......AJ shut the hell up, you're not missing out on anything.

 
Old 11-26-2007, 08:15 AM   #15
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Re: new outlook

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
maybe one day you will realize that people come and people go and things end......relationships end......the world doesn't end......
if you kept in contact with every person you've ever been in contact with there would be no time for new people.......it's the natural progression of things......people fall out of your life for a reason, to make room for the new ones who haven't entered it yet......
maybe one day you will realize that you can live without certain people......
I can live without a lot of people......I'm just not going to let their world and their problems infringe on my world.......i like my world peaceful.
hopefully one day you will get there........
thank you rose x

 
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