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Old 11-19-2007, 04:36 PM   #1
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tater97531 HB User
obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

im not a **** and i dont sleep around and id never thought id be interested in umm someone this much older. frankly i find it kind of gross and it makes me feel very abnormal.

heres the story.
im a student in college and im going to be student teaching in the spring with my friend. her cooperating teacher, not mine, is the one im referring to. he bounces at a bar at our school and is a cool guy. hes dated much younger girls before, is divorced, and has 2 kids. one night i am more drunk than i want to be and he bought me shots ... i end up talkign to him for the rest of the night and we end up hooking up...to be honest i dont remember as much as id like to.

at first i was really grossed out about what happened. he got my number from my friend and texted me and asked if i wanted to hang out again...i told him it was inappropriate.

now i am beginning to feel really attracted to him and all i want to do is hook up with him again. this is a real problem bc i will see him every day of the spring next semester, i get jealous when he texts/talks to his own student teacher (my friend), and my friend swore she would never talk to me again if i ever hooked up with him (obviously she doesnt know about it).

buttt i cant stop thinking about it. i dont know if it is a power thing or what but i want it and i dont know how to stop thinking about it.

 
Old 11-19-2007, 08:52 PM   #2
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grayblue HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

I am seeing a guy who is 15 yr older. So what?
Actually the older you get the smaller the age difference will seem.
AND don't tell men this, but we women mature way faster than they do and for us to date a guy our age will end up turning into babysitting in the long run (case in point - my ex).
What bothers me about your story is that you were too drunk to know better. So, do you really like this guy or was it just the alcohol/ forbidden pleasure rush?

 
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:04 PM   #3
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tater97531 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

i dont think i really am interested in dating him persay...im more fascinated / obsessed with the idea of hooking up with him again....i couldnt tell you why...and i cannot persue it because he is my friends "boss" and indirectly mine..im hoping the feeling will just go away but who knows....im not exactly sure the best way to approach this

 
Old 11-20-2007, 12:40 AM   #4
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raedawn1 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

Check out the guys availablity make sure he is not married and in some long term relationship cause Honey you may be asking for trouble ...You are still young and unattached
you could be experiencing a lustful crush on the guy and he may even know if his radar is up.Older guys that attract youthful girls are either nice men hat know boundaries ,to busy to get invoved or completely involved with some one else.It is a private party I think you better gear down for whatever and do not sleep with the guy he is your boss almost.Take your time and find out what you can on your end do not get hurt he may look good on the outside but who knows what is up with the personal life...If you dive in to deep and cannot surface you drown ...if you tread you have a better chance of getting out of the water without to much problem and can still be on friendly terms ...use your head not your emotions ..Be awake and have fun you are still young ....just use common sense

 
Old 11-20-2007, 08:57 AM   #5
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happymom28 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

It's not the age difference that bothers me here at all. I just want to make that perfectly clear before I go any further in my post.

The thing that gets me is you are a student and he is a teacher and no matter how you spin it to make it sound better, the bottom line is his actions are innappropriate. He made sure you were good and drunk (buying you shots???) and then made his move. You barely even remember what happened that night.

I'm sorry, but this guy is divorced, has two young children, and he is hanging out at the local college bar with his students! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why this guy got divorced.

Look, you are young, impressionable, and you have your whole life ahead of you. The last thing you need to do is get mixed up with a sleeze like this who is probably involved with other students (or "student teachers") as well. I honestly think you just like the rush of being with a man who is "forbidden" or something to that effect.

Go out and find any other older guy you want. Trust me, I realize they are more of your maturity level than most of the guys your age. But he is in a possision of authority over you and he is taking advantage of the situation. I'm sure there are some sort of by-laws that forbid this type of thing and he could get himself into a lot of trouble acting this way.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 09:21 AM   #6
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Ms_ENV27 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

"Age ain't nothin' but a number, Age ain't nothin' but a thang" LOL I had to "sing" that song...haha

Honey the only thing abnormal about this situation is that for some reason this teacher hasn't lost his job already..

If he gets caught he will most likely lose his job..so that's on him if he wants to be a perv. If he was an honest man he wouldn't have to buy you shots after you were already drunk to get you more drunk. What a skeeze... So IMO don't waste anymore time on him..Something bad is bound to happen..

but wait let me get this clear? He is a teacher and also a bouncer at the bar, right? Okay hunny- you're so young. You weren't his first "student" he slept with or gotten drunk..you need to protect yourself and watch your back from sleezes like him..

Last edited by Ms_ENV27; 11-20-2007 at 09:21 AM.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 10:25 AM   #7
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amy2705 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

Like others have said - it's not the age difference ... it's that he's a SLEAZE!
He's 34 years old, divorced, a dad AND A TEACHER. And he hangs out at the student bar, buys young female students shots when they are already drunk and then sleeps with them when they are so drunk that they don't really remember what happened??? Then he texts (after getting the number off someone - I assume another student) to say "wanna hook up again" ..... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Again, it's not the age difference ... it's ... well ... read the above. Gross.

I'm wondering how this guy still has a job as a teacher!!!! He uses his position as teacher to hang with students, get girls drunk and sleep with them. That's just gross. Totally inappropriate. He's scum. There is WITHOUT A DOUBT a policy against this at your school for a reason! He should be reported to the school. What a sleaze.

 
Old 11-20-2007, 11:53 AM   #8
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JulJul22 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

I completely agree with the above posts. I mean WOW! What the he** is he doing? He is supposed to be a professional. He’s also a bouncer? That’s sounds fishy! It’s right there in your face that he’s using girls from the school. Who knows how many students he has slept with and I hope that you remembered to use protection!!!

Many women are attracted to older men. SOME are more mature and structured but, it may also be that you have missed out on that ‘male figure’ while growing up. I’m no therapist but I know that theres a link somewhere from childhood.

I am a single, 22 year old mother who happens to only date older men. I think it’s because of my lifestyle and my determination to have a better, more stably life for myself and child

I would advise you to let this one go. I understand that you are sexually attracted to him, (for reasons unknown) but you have to have more respect for yourself. He is obviously using women from the school and getting away with it. Making love to someone you love ,is far much better than ‘hooking up’.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 09:39 AM   #9
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tater97531 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

thank you. i have friends that have told me the same thing but it really helps to hear it from other people. reading your replies was definetly a nice wake up call.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 03:17 PM   #10
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

tater, I just had a thought about your situation.

I have gone through that experience before, where I got waaaay too drunk, had sex, and barely remembered it. It is such a bad feeling. It's like you had the experience, but didn't have the experience. Maybe you feel out of control, and you want to relive it - do it over again, but this time be present, be able to enjoy it, make it your experience instead of something cloudy and vague.

But like the others, I wouldn't suggest getting involved with this man again. Just try to make your peace with the situation as best you can, and move on.
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Old 11-21-2007, 05:08 PM   #11
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willingtosat HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

Quote:
Originally Posted by tater97531 View Post
im not a **** and i dont sleep around and id never thought id be interested in umm someone this much older. frankly i find it kind of gross and it makes me feel very abnormal.

heres the story.
im a student in college and im going to be student teaching in the spring with my friend. her cooperating teacher, not mine, is the one im referring to. he bounces at a bar at our school and is a cool guy. hes dated much younger girls before, is divorced, and has 2 kids. one night i am more drunk than i want to be and he bought me shots ... i end up talkign to him for the rest of the night and we end up hooking up...to be honest i dont remember as much as id like to.

at first i was really grossed out about what happened. he got my number from my friend and texted me and asked if i wanted to hang out again...i told him it was inappropriate.

now i am beginning to feel really attracted to him and all i want to do is hook up with him again. this is a real problem bc i will see him every day of the spring next semester, i get jealous when he texts/talks to his own student teacher (my friend), and my friend swore she would never talk to me again if i ever hooked up with him (obviously she doesnt know about it).

buttt i cant stop thinking about it. i dont know if it is a power thing or what but i want it and i dont know how to stop thinking about it.
I'm would never claim to be an expert at this; but I am human and male. I'm 31.

Hears what I think, you can't stop thinking about this situation because there are several issues/principles involved that you feel like you are personally violating. The fact that your friend has already warned you that your friendship will end should this happen again bothers you because you want to hook up, in spite of the threat.

Another thing you should consider, is why, if interacting with him grosses you out, do you want to hook up with him still?

I believe that you should ask yourself these questions to start getting to the bottom of what's really bothering you.

One more thing, please be honest with yourself.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 05:15 PM   #12
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willingtosat HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

Quote:
Originally Posted by GypsyArcher View Post
tater, I just had a thought about your situation.

I have gone through that experience before, where I got waaaay too drunk, had sex, and barely remembered it. It is such a bad feeling. It's like you had the experience, but didn't have the experience. Maybe you feel out of control, and you want to relive it - do it over again, but this time be present, be able to enjoy it, make it your experience instead of something cloudy and vague.

But like the others, I wouldn't suggest getting involved with this man again. Just try to make your peace with the situation as best you can, and move on.
I agree, she should definitely forgive herself.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 05:19 PM   #13
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willingtosat HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul22 View Post
I completely agree with the above posts. I mean WOW! What the he** is he doing? He is supposed to be a professional. He’s also a bouncer? That’s sounds fishy! It’s right there in your face that he’s using girls from the school. Who knows how many students he has slept with and I hope that you remembered to use protection!!!

Many women are attracted to older men. SOME are more mature and structured but, it may also be that you have missed out on that ‘male figure’ while growing up. I’m no therapist but I know that theres a link somewhere from childhood.

I am a single, 22 year old mother who happens to only date older men. I think it’s because of my lifestyle and my determination to have a better, more stably life for myself and child

I would advise you to let this one go. I understand that you are sexually attracted to him, (for reasons unknown) but you have to have more respect for yourself. He is obviously using women from the school and getting away with it. Making love to someone you love ,is far much better than ‘hooking up’.
I just wanted to give you kudos for mentioning the lack of professionalism on the part of the teacher.

Aren't there policies at institutions of education against this kind of thing. I'm hearing about these type of relationships so frequently, I'm beginning to wonder.

 
Old 11-21-2007, 08:29 PM   #14
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tater97531 HB User
Re: obsessed with a 34 year old man (im 21)

it is funny how right you are about the way i feel about it. a few of you mentioned that i want it because it is something "forbidden" and that is a big part of it....and another one of you just mentioned that i want to relive it --- that is also a huge part. i really really wish i could remember what exactly it felt like and everything that happened. I know that hooking up with him again is definetly the wrong way to fix this urge. it is extremely unprofessional how he texts, hits on us, etc. and im prepared if he ever crosses the line again.

 
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