Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
This happened yesterday and into today. A friend wanted to set me up with the sister of a coworker, just because they were talking about her and someone said that "she needs to find a guy". My friend thought of me. I went to see a picture of this person, but didn't find her physically attractive at all. Now, the friend is somewhat upset with me because I didn't want to meet this person. . . . ."because she has a great personality." Regardless of the fact that I didn't find her [in the picture] physically attractive, my friend thought I was . . . . . I don't know, whatever. . . . just because I didn't even want to meet this person.
Shouldn't I be physically attracted to someone before dating? Isn't that somewhat of a prerequisite? I'm not after a "model" [I know my limitations], but I want to be attracted to them in some way!
I'm not saying this is the case, but I SEE my friend subconsiously saying about me that "I'm not attractive enough to find someone I'm attracted to, and I'd be lucky to get anyone".
Bottom line is, . . . I just don't get it. If I wanted to set someone up, and they just was not attracted to the person, I would respect their opinion.
The other bottom line is, I'm not just going to date anyone just to have a girl in my life. I may BE too picky for they type of girl I can attract, but I'd rather stay single then be with someone who I don't really want to be with. I know that I'm not "Mr. GQ Man", but don't I have the right to be with someone that give me a "special feeling"?
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
you're absolutely right. I had the same situation a few years ago, a co-worker had a friend....yada yada, I said get me a picture. Same thing, I was totally NOT attracted. I told her no, she said why not? Meet the guy it's a free meal.....(I hate when people say that because that's basically using someone for a free meal, and I'm not stooping to that level). I told her no, I'm not that hungry, I have food at home.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light
This happened yesterday and into today. A friend wanted to set me up with the sister of a coworker, just because they were talking about her and someone said that "she needs to find a guy". My friend thought of me. I went to see a picture of this person, but didn't find her physically attractive at all. Now, the friend is somewhat upset with me because I didn't want to meet this person. . . . ."because she has a great personality." Regardless of the fact that I didn't find her [in the picture] physically attractive, my friend thought I was . . . . . I don't know, whatever. . . . just because I didn't even want to meet this person.
Shouldn't I be physically attracted to someone before dating? Isn't that somewhat of a prerequisite? I'm not after a "model" [I know my limitations], but I want to be attracted to them in some way!
I'm not saying this is the case, but I SEE my friend subconsiously saying about me that "I'm not attractive enough to find someone I'm attracted to, and I'd be lucky to get anyone".
Bottom line is, . . . I just don't get it. If I wanted to set someone up, and they just was not attracted to the person, I would respect their opinion.
The other bottom line is, I'm not just going to date anyone just to have a girl in my life. I may BE too picky for they type of girl I can attract, but I'd rather stay single then be with someone who I don't really want to be with. I know that I'm not "Mr. GQ Man", but don't I have the right to be with someone that give me a "special feeling"?
This happened to me once. A close friend of mine wanted me to go on a date with one of his friends. Apparently this guy is the only guy who deserves me, according to my friend. I got very excited but as soon as I saw his picture, that was it. No no no! I didnt find him attractive at all. There is nothing wrong with finding someone unattractive. It cannot be helped.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
This exactly why I always turned away from being "set up" when I was single. There is nothing worse than feeling like someone's charity case and them getting insulted when you don't find their friend/coworker/cousing/etc.
I went on a blind date ONCE. It was my friend's boyfriend's friend. I didn't see a picture beforehand (and I soooo wish I did). Needless to say, he was not the guy I would normally be attracted to. To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure if he showered before our "date". Our conversation consisted of all the things he did when he was younger to be put in a juvinile detetention center. I ordered dinner, excused myself to use the ladie's room, and left him sitting at the table. I was not nearly desparate enough to sit there any longer.
Your friend has no reason to be upset IMO. You have every right to choose who you want to date. If she doesn't like it that's too bad. I think when people become newly single their friends seem to think it's their duty to fill the void in your life like somehow you can't possibly go on unless you find someone else. I would thank her of thinking of you and leave it at that.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
I would never be comfortable going on a blind date, even if it wasn't totally blind, since I'd seen a picture first. I think it would be way too awkward, with too much pressure. Even if you did find the woman attractive, even if you said yes to the date, you could have met her and been totally turned off by something else, and it would make for a long, painful evening.
That is why I much prefer to go out with somebody I already know, where a mutual chemistry has already developed. Nobody should be giving you crap for not wanting to go on the date.
Quote:
Our conversation consisted of all the things he did when he was younger to be put in a juvinile detetention center.
LOL! I don't mean to laugh at what was obviously not a pleasant experience for you happymom, but geez, what a winner you had on your hands there! Maybe he was hoping you liked the bad boys
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Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Originally Posted by happymom28
I ordered dinner, excused myself to use the ladie's room, and left him sitting at the table.
Quote:
Originally Posted by apple_juice
LOL oh nooo! haha happymom thats so funny!
Oh, I'm right with you on that one. LOL Very funny, happymom!
Well, thanks for you all's (no, I'm not from the south) input into this. I was feeling bad about "letting my friend down", . . . . even my Mom, who was kinda in on all this too, . . . . And it really DOES feel like I'm some sort of "charity case", and when I don't just JUMP at the chance to be with someone, they become upset at me. I hope that, after Thanksgiving, my friend will be back to normal. She means well, but even her husband thought this woman wasn't attractive, . . and was on my side.
If/When I find someone who's interested in me, I'd like to have that special feeling inside.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
I don't think that you should feel obligated to go out with someone...whether they are attractive or not attractive...that's beside the point. They are trying to make you do something you don't want to, it's YOUR choice! If they want to invite her and you to a party and hope that you will meet eachother then maybe something like that would have been more appropriate on the part of your friends. I mean you already know you think she's ugly so how awkward will that be! It's awkward enough going out with someone you like the looks of!
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Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Quote:
Originally Posted by EDC_Light
This happened yesterday and into today. A friend wanted to set me up with the sister of a coworker, just because they were talking about her and someone said that "she needs to find a guy". My friend thought of me. I went to see a picture of this person, but didn't find her physically attractive at all. Now, the friend is somewhat upset with me because I didn't want to meet this person. . . . ."because she has a great personality." Regardless of the fact that I didn't find her [in the picture] physically attractive, my friend thought I was . . . . . I don't know, whatever. . . . just because I didn't even want to meet this person.
Shouldn't I be physically attracted to someone before dating? Isn't that somewhat of a prerequisite? I'm not after a "model" [I know my limitations], but I want to be attracted to them in some way!
I'm not saying this is the case, but I SEE my friend subconsiously saying about me that "I'm not attractive enough to find someone I'm attracted to, and I'd be lucky to get anyone".
Bottom line is, . . . I just don't get it. If I wanted to set someone up, and they just was not attracted to the person, I would respect their opinion.
The other bottom line is, I'm not just going to date anyone just to have a girl in my life. I may BE too picky for they type of girl I can attract, but I'd rather stay single then be with someone who I don't really want to be with. I know that I'm not "Mr. GQ Man", but don't I have the right to be with someone that give me a "special feeling"?
Hi
I totally respect your position in this situation. Who can avoid the bottom line in this case? The decision is really yours to start and end with.
I just thought I would add an interesting spin to the situation based on an experience by one of my close friends.
He, like you, was shown a picture of someone he was suppose to be hooking up with. Like you, he didn't like how she looked in the picture and decline the date. Unfortunately for him, he met up with his friend that was doing all the setting up who happened to be accompanied by the same girl in the photo he rejected.
As it turns out, the girl was smashing with a 'really great personality'.
When my friend confronted the matchmaker about her, the matchmaker confessed that when he asked her for a picture that was the picture she gave him.
The matchmaker went on to inform my friend that he had been instructed by the woman not to describe her in any way to just produce the picture. She wanted to make sure the interested individual wanted to get to know her mind as much as her body.
My friend failed the test and lost out on one sweet babe.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
EEEK! HA! Well I was going to say that a lot of people are not photogenic and I'm one of them! I swear I look hideous in pictures! People even tell me all the time that I don't take good pictures and that I don't look anything like my pictures. The only time my pictures turn out good are if they are done professionally! My husband is even worse! I swear if someone had shown me a pic of him I would have thought that he was not my type either. But in real life he's just adorable!
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My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Okay- forget the story.
But the point is, you deserve to be with someone you WANT to be with, not someone forced on you. You aren't a charity case, and even though I've only posted to you a couple times, I think you're very nice!
Last edited by PrincessSweetNS; 11-22-2007 at 12:49 PM.
Reason: forget it
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
The thing about the picture-switch stories is that at the end of the day, they seem to be saying that looks do matter! The moral of the story seems to be "pretend that looks don't matter because she might be attractive in real life." Even if the pic is a fake or she's not photogenic - the end result is that if she's attractive then you're interested and if she's not, you're not intersted. So what's the point is playing some game where you have to pretend looks don't matter just in case she actually is attractive? Are you supposed to meet up with the person who isn't attractive in the photo and hope that it's a fake or she's not photogenic? Then what - if she really looks like the photo then you don't go out with her again but if the photo was a fake or she's just not photogenic, you breathe a sigh of relief and pretend you didn't care if she looked like the picture when the truth is that you did??? That seems like a lot of game playing and stupidity (to be honest). I say just take a pass at the whole thing cause either she's not attractive or she's a game player -- either way, why waste your time?? Like you said - you're not a charity case!!! Stick to going out with people you actual like/find attractive. Forget about other people putting pressure on you to date their picks! I'm sure you're more than capable of choosing who you want to go out with for yourself!
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Again, forget my story.
And we BOTH said, that EDC Light isn't a charity case, and he should look for someone who HE is attracted to and forget about what other people think. He's is a very nice man who will be able to find someone who he is attracted to. We never said otherwise.
Last edited by PrincessSweetNS; 11-22-2007 at 12:51 PM.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Quote:
My close friend is a model who has no trouble meeting men, but has trouble finding men who don't just see her as a sex object. So, when I asked for a picture to show the guy, she gave me one of her sister's pictures (this sounds mean, but suffice it to say that my friend's sister wsn't nearly as blessed in the physical beauty department, and doesn't even try to groom herself.)
It does sound really mean. I'm sorry to say, but your friend sounds like a really stuck up person. What does it matter how well her sister takes care of herself - that is so cruel. To just assume that a guy will be so bowled over by her beauty - I would never be so vain, and I do believe myself to be quite beautiful. If someone ever pulled a picture-switch on me, I would not be thinking "Oh, what a mistake I made!" Instead I'd be thinking, "What is wrong with that person?" It's misleading, and that is no way to try and begin a relationship. Someone with a great personality would not do such a cruel thing to a family member, even if her sister wasn't aware of it.
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Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Quote:
My close friend is a model who has no trouble meeting men, but has trouble finding men who don't just see her as a sex object. So, when I asked for a picture to show the guy, she gave me one of her sister's pictures (this sounds mean, but suffice it to say that my friend's sister wsn't nearly as blessed in the physical beauty department, and doesn't even try to groom herself.)
I was once scouted on the street by a modelling agency, and I was asked by my newspaper to model for the fashion section...I am attractive, and I know a few beautiful women- none of usare treated like sex objects.
Maybe her problem meeting decent men isn't related to her looks. I think it is related to something else- like looking in the wrong places, or giving out the wrong signals.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Ok Im going to give a flip side to this that ended wonderfully.
I was dating my now dh and one of his friends asked me to set him up with one of my friends. I told him he had to tell me about himself so I could narrow it down to someone I thought would be good for him. A few minutes in I knew the perfect person for him. I had pics of her..I grew up across the street from her almost sisters. Anyway I didnt have a pic of him for her so she had to go by what I said about him. Their blind date was a double date with me and dh. They married two months after that blind date. This next month will be their 13th anniversary. Her mother still to this day thanks me for getting them together.
Now I know her and if she had seen a pic she probably would have shot the whole deal down. Not saying he was ugly just not her normal choice in guys. Matter of fact for the first hour or two of the date I thought the whole thing was a bust. We spent the day at the state fair. But as the day went on it showed that something was going on between them.
So you never know. A picture maybe worth a thousand words but sometimes those words are not the most accurate ones.
Not saying you have to go out on a date with her just giving another side on what can happen.
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Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
While I don't think you should do something you don't want to do because of what other people think, I also think that it's good to keep an open mind about this stuff. Photos are tough, as they don't always accurately depict someone. I know mine don't! And the fact is that you could go out and have a great time. Maybe you go out and neither of you is interested in each other romantically, but she knows another woman who you might like, or she end up being a good business contact, or you just have a pleasant dinner out of the house for the evening. Maybe you become great friends. Who knows? I know more than one person who went on a blind date and had it lead to something else, like a job, or a friendship, which THEN created a circumstance for that person to meet a significant other. Life can be really interesting and fun if you keep an open mind about people.
I also think you should get out of the mindset that people are looking at you as a 'charity case'. They are trying to help because they care. That's actually a really nice thing.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
I'm really sorry this happened, ECD. Kind of sounds like your friend was setting her up more than she was setting YOU up.
I do agree that pictures can sometimes be a bit misleading. I will go out, and have gone out, with many many guys whose pictures I really didn't like but decided I thought I'd take a chance and keep an open mind and see what happened. BUT there have been other guys whose pictues were just soooooo far off the mark that I knew right away it just wouldn't work. You know how you just get a "feeling" about people sometimes. Only you can be the judge of whether you were being a bit too closed off or if this woman's picture was just too far off the mark.
If your friend is that upset, well, all you can do is let her be upset. I had met a guy about 7 years ago at an open mike night and we had a musica association for a while. Unfortunately he ended up not being a person of his word and didn't come through with a lot o things he said we were planning on doing. He made no secret that he was attracted to me but I was not interested at all and wanted to just be friends and associates, and I think he made a lot of false promises to keep me around a little longer. Anyway, I reconnected with an old friend about 5 years later, and as coincidence would have it, this guy became my old friend's roommate. This guy still had a crush on my but I was sooo over it it wasn't funny. My friend kept trying to force me to go out with this guy until one night he actually got very angry with me and started yelling and screaming at me because I told him just why I didn't want to go out with this guy. I don't know why, but my "friend' had decided to take sides, when it really wasn't necessary, but he decided to be this other guys friend instead of mine. Nothing you can do when people decide to do that. I decided someone who couldn't respect my judgment, perception and what I know is best for me, had no place in my life and I broke off contact with this guy. I sure hope it doesn't come to that with you, but if you really felt this woman was just really really off the mark for you, no reason why you should go on a lousy date knowing you're going to have a bad time. Hopefully your friend will calm down and come to understand that you are still the best judge of who is right for you.
I know it can really feel like you're a charity case when your friends are shoving all kinds of geeks and losers your way. It really hurts your pride to know they think you don't deserve any better than that. But hang tough. Like I said, she was probably setting up this woman more than she was settig you up. Keep open, but keep your reasonable standards, and keep on keepin' on.
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom
I know it can really feel like you're a charity case when your friends are shoving all kinds of geeks and losers your way. It really hurts your pride to know they think you don't deserve any better than that.
Oh no, I think you should be happy to have friends like that. I think its a nice, friendly thing to do- set up your friends. There is nothing wrong with it. And you never know what may come of it!
My manager was introduced to my cousin through a mutual friend. Theyve been married two years and now have a baby
Re: Friend wanted to "set me up", I didn't like her pic, friend is upset...
Quote:
Originally Posted by apple_juice
Oh no, I think you should be happy to have friends like that. I think its a nice, friendly thing to do- set up your friends. There is nothing wrong with it. And you never know what may come of it!
My manager was introduced to my cousin through a mutual friend. Theyve been married two years and now have a baby
It's a nice htinkg to do if your friend is actually setting YOU up, with a sincere intent and effort to find someone who is truly a good and equal match for you. It's not so good when your friend pushes some geek loser off on you to do THEM or someone else besides you a favor.
