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Old 11-25-2007, 02:25 PM   #1
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what should I do?

Hello all:

I've been separated from my husband for several months because of his emotional and verbal abuse. Doctors think he is either bipolar or borderline personality disorder but he refuse to get help. It has been a nightmare living with him and me and our child feel better since we left him. The thing is his harassment hasn't stopped. He calls non stop so I turn off the ringers. He used to do the same thing at my old job, but I have a new job and thank God he doesn't know where that is at. He does have to travel to the area where I live at, and last week he showed up on our door step. I asked our kid if he wanted to see him and he said no. That made it easy for me to tell him to leave. He then called and honestly I shouldn't have answered the phone but I did. Of course same routine where he blames me for everything that he does wrong or everything that goes wrong in his life. When I asked how am I responsible for your life when I don't see you or talk to you, his response was to cry and tell me how bad it hurts him to tell him he's an awful husband and an awful father. Well what did he expect? He lies all the time, cheats, verbally and emotionally abuses me and is a deadbeat dad. Ususally his tears soften me up....but this time I decided to stay strong. Also something Roseq from this board said before is that he is lying, he's a manipulator, and an abuser. Any way he contacts me a few days later and asks me to talk to someone at his work and explain why he needs to move to the city where he and our kid are (a transfer). He told them that the reason he has been messing up at work is because he is under stress from missing us. I refused to do this because he is abusive and he harasses me. I also figure if he's messing up at work its part of one of his mental conditions combined with the fact that he doesn't have me to take his anger out on anymore. After I refused he started screaming at me and once again threatened me. I know that because of his behavior I would be forced to try to relocate if his job transferred him here because it would be unbearable. I like my job and our kid likes it here and we really don't want to move. My question is since his boss wants to talk to me about wanting him to move up here, would it be inappropriate to contact his boss to tell him that transferring him up here would be a bad idea? If so should I just plan to relocate? It was hard staying in this relationship, but I can see he is going to make it even harder for me to get out of it.

 
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Old 11-26-2007, 06:42 AM   #2
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Re: what should I do?

don't discuss this with his boss.....get yourself a lawyer and get away from this relationship

 
Old 11-26-2007, 06:50 AM   #3
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Re: what should I do?

Hire a lawyer and be done with this mess. Believe me when I tell you he isn't going to stop. File for a divorce, seek sole physical and legal custody of your child, and demand a restraining order due to the harrassment. Once you have all that move and change all your contact info. All of your new information will be impounded by the court so he can't get access to it. It may seem drastic, but there is no telling what a desparate person (like your husband) will do. You need to do what you have to to keep you and your child safe.

 
Old 11-26-2007, 06:38 PM   #4
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Re: what should I do?

Thanks Rose and Happy for responding. I just thought that with his behavior it might be a good idea to talk to his boss since he is in the military and they seem to have some control over him. I mean in addition to a restraining order, wouldn't it be better if possible to find a way to keep him away from (ie his job keeping him in another state)? I know that I am going to get a lawyer so I can get out of this relationship but as I said before someone who was very precious to me died a few months ago and I am still grieving. I still try to stay busy but it feels like there is a hole in my heart from losing this person. On top of this, my husband's crap isn't making things any better. Maybe at the very least I could get a restraining order for now though something tells me he won't hesitate to violate it if we end up living in the same city.

 
Old 11-27-2007, 05:29 AM   #5
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Re: what should I do?

I think you should talk to your lawyer and see what he/she advises you about talking to his boss. True, it would be better to keep him in another state, but I think you should have someone to lean on and who knows the laws to help support you. Don't go at it alone.

 
Old 11-28-2007, 05:06 PM   #6
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Re: what should I do?

Thank you Happy Mom

 
Old 11-30-2007, 12:42 PM   #7
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Re: what should I do?

Unfortunately, you can't legally force him to be in another state.

I feel for you...I really do! My ex-wife is bipolar and I went through many if not more of the issues you describe. I had to get a restraining order against her. I could go on for hours describing the incredibly sick behavior. BUT with that said, there is light at the end of the tunnel. For me, she eventually ended up in the hospital...after trying to kill herself. That's not the good part of course, but in turn she ended up being officially diagnosed as bipolar and put on meds. She now leads a decent life and her and I get along fine. I hope you two end up in a similar situation where you both end up getting along for your childs sake. But unless he gets help...whether voluntary or involuntary, I feel for both of you.

Good luck,
Skarn

 
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