Here is a little recap and then on to what I am feeling right now:
See...my ex and I were together 2.5 years. We broke up due to me having 'trust issues" and we just couldnt seem to make it work. We wanted different life styles etc. (The trust issues were on my end, I didnt trust him...he lied a lot). Well, we broke up in the beginning of October. A month later....(going on 3 weeks ago) i find out that he cheated on me quite a few times, and also that he is sleeping with his best friends ex. They are no longer best friends. ( I am 25, he is 29 going on 22). I wrote him a letter last week, very tasteful, no regrets in that. He responded through text begging me to call, he regrets the ONE TIME he cheated, he loves me and always will etc etc etc.
Then today I am hearing just all this stuff about him and I get thrown back into it.
It is so stressful. You know, I am really strong ( i was stronger before I found out about the cheating though), but this all hurt so much. I havent been very intimate with anyone in 7 or 8 weeks (since him) but he is banging up a storm. And I just want to scream at him, but I wont. I loved him, more than anyone before, and it hurts more than anything to find out how bad of a person he was because well, it is confusing! He has confused all past feelings and memories ya know.
I wont get back with him, I wont even be civil with him...I deserve better, but I still have these feelings of missing and loving who i thought we were and it just makes it so hard for me.
I think that is the hardest part of being betrayed in that way. You have this image of your relationship. It may not be perfect, but it's your image and it makes you happy and comfortable. Then you get the shocking news of it not being at all what you thought it was. It is confusing and very hard!
You will be okay ash. Only time is going to help at this point. It sucks that he couldn't even own up to all his lies at this point, but I guess you really can't expect that from a person like him.
Thanks Happymom! I know, time will heal and everything.
I am having so much anger build up though. One moment I am sad about him cheating and angry at that and consumed by it...Then I get furious and overwhelmed with the fact that he is sleeping with the girl he is sleeping with (his best friends ex...well, they arent friends now). I have this URGE to be like "SHe is fat and gross and that is what you deserve" or "she was an easy target" "WHy couldnt u not f*** her...she was the wrong person to choose and you are just messed up".
Basically, in the letter I sent i said nothing about her and him because I didnt want to give her any credit although it makes my skin crawl!!!!! BEcause I know her well...and I know she is getting a power trip from this and she thinks that I am wrong and she is right for sleeping with him and AUGH! I know. I wont say anything or do anything, i just wish I could stop it from eating at me.
I dont always feel this way. I am doing ok considering!
I think that's the hardest part about breaking up.. not necessarily missing that specific person, but missing what was, the routine, the familiarity... its definitely tough.
I'm happy to read that you know you deserve better. Alot of people make the mistake of thinking the person will change and never cheat again. I'm glad you're not letting emotions cloud your judgement.
My sister is currently going through a similar situation. She doesn't want to be with him, she knows she deserves better and can never look at him the same way again. But at the same time you're missing what you did know of that person, and a part of you is wanting them to be begging you to come back, wanting to be with you, and being completely miserable without out. You want them to be in the same pain that you are. And it's horribly unfair when you know they're going out, meeting people as if they're alright, like nothing major happened. It sucks! And maybe that's one draw back of females being more emotional. We hold on to things longer than we should, we dwell and ponder what was and what could have been... when really we should look at it less complicated.. see it for what it is.. He f'ed up, you deserve better, you move on.
Sorry, rambled a bit there!
The best thing you can do now is to always remind yourself of what you said in your post, that you deserve better... and focus on making yourself happy. Look forward, not back.