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Old 11-29-2007, 08:59 AM   #1
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If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Okay, I’m not going to go into long details here but I have a friend, that I am interested in and he nonchalantly told me something that’s really bothering me.. He told me the other night that he has kissed another man before (many years ago) but he was just curious. ‘Ahhhh, Huh?’ He says that he’s not gay but, come on man, he’s gatta be gay! Men just don't go around kissing other men just because!

Help. Lol I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. Nothing against gay people just shocked and surprised!

 
Old 11-29-2007, 09:05 AM   #2
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Well there's a heck of a lot more to human sexuality than just gay or straight. There's a whole spectrum in between. But I think if someone is curious, then they do have homosexual tendancies. Perhaps he's bi-sexual to some degree. I am a pretty sexual person but have never in my life been at all curious about kissing a woman. I entertained the thought in my head once just to see if I could figure out what the attraction was, and I didn't see it at all. I think you have to have some homosexual leanings to begin with to be curious in the first place.

Since he's just a friend, I don't think it's anything to worry about. Maybe he'll tell you more information about who he is behind closed doors in time. Are you actively pursuing him? I'd say take it REALLY REALLY slow and really get to know him before you make any solid romantic moves. He may be the kind of guy has to have both men and women, and if he's in a relationship with a woman, maybe he's one of those guys who wouldn't consider it cheating if he had sex with other men. Just take your time and really get to know him.

 
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Old 11-29-2007, 09:29 AM   #3
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Yeah, do take it slow. Sounds like he's *still* curious is my guess. The 'many years ago' may be the key statement here. Makes you wonder why he mentions it years later unless he's still curious. Hopefully, he's just a really honest guy...

 
Old 11-29-2007, 09:40 AM   #4
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Is this the guy JulJul? You don't have to answer but I had to ask.

I think "curiousity" leads to a one time thing. For example, if he kissed a man once and he learned it isn't his thing then I would call that curiousity. However, if he says given the right guy or the right atmosphere he would try it again, well, I would say he probably has some bisexual tendencies.

I think it is hard to label "gay" or "straight" in these circumstances because in my opinion is isn't always black and white. Sexuality has a HUGE grey area.

If this is the guy (and again you don't have to answer) I would take things slowly and just kind of observe things. If you feel comfortable talking about it with him see if he is comfortable discussing things more with you. You never know, he may have been testing the waters by guaging your reaction before opening up more.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 09:47 AM   #5
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

is this the same guy you've been posting about?
the one that wants to be roommates?
if so, what does it matter.......don't waste your time.
does it matter what you label him? do you really want a guy who kisses another guy even if it WAS a long time ago?

 
Old 11-29-2007, 10:08 AM   #6
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

I don't think it necessarily makes him gay, or even all that curious.

I have kissed another girl before - my long time best friend. It happens kind of rarely, but I get crushes on other girls. I don't consider myself to be gay or even bi-sexual because I have no desire to do anything beyond kissing. To me, it just seems natural that once you have developed a mental or emotional connection with somebody, a physical attraction would follow, male or female.

Just because this friend of yours kissed a guy once, many years ago, it does not make him gay. I kissed a girl once, many years ago, but there is no doubt that I am absolutely, rum-humming boy crazy.
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Old 11-29-2007, 10:57 AM   #7
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Yes, he is the same guy. Lol, I have such good luck with men don’t I happymom! LMAO

I am taking it slowly. We only see each other for play dates for the kids. We had a nice talk about what I wanted and what he wanted and were just trying to get to know each other better. He is a gentlemen. He isn’t flirtatious at all. He’s very serious and very understanding of my feelings.

I look back now and remember the first time that I was in his apartment and just how clean and organized it was!! LOL I can’t help but laugh just because I have such bad luck. When he told me, I was in such shock that I went silent and changed the subject. I should have asked him more questions. I don’t want to offend him but, I need some more information. He doesn’t have the demeanor like he is gay. He doesn’t cross his legs when he sits and I have never seen him look at men. Although, I did see a picture of him wearing leather pants. I lectured him and begged him to never wear them around me! Lol

I have nothing against gay people at all! I just wanted to make that a point. I have a gay sister and a gay brother who I love very much.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 11:20 AM   #8
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul22 View Post
I look back now and remember the first time that I was in his apartment and just how clean and organized it was!! LOL
Be careful with those comments JulJul. It's my husband's neatness, love of wine, and his suits that has had my sister questioning his sexuality in the past. LOL Believe me when I tell you there is nothing to question!

But seriously, it could be a completely innocent one time thing or it could be more. You won't know unless you talk to him about it. Given that you changed the subject so quickly he may be reluctant to open up about it again in the near future, but you never know.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 12:13 PM   #9
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Lol I can’t help but go back in time and analyze his actions now that I’ve learned this information. I want to talk to him but I don’t know how to go about it. I understand that ‘straight’ men can be organized but I just found that to be funny. Personally, I think that if a man goes to the extent of kissing another man, than he has to be sexually attracted to men. I hope that he isn’t but hey, if he swings that way, that’s up to him.

I am not going to pursue him as a potential partner although I do like him, I obviously don’t know him well but I find him to be intriguing and comforting to me as we lean on each other about our very similar situations and actually understand one another. Maybe these feelings that I have are because he is the only guy that has been around my daughter besides her father. He treats her very well and I get a warm feeling inside when I see them engaging in conversation. I thought that she might have had trust issues when it comes to men because of her father but she is comfortable around him.

I myself have never experimented with the opposite sex. I don’t feel as though I am missing out on anything and have never felt the desire to be with another woman. I just don’t see how someone could be ‘curious’. Don’t you just know? Lol

 
Old 11-29-2007, 12:20 PM   #10
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul22 View Post
Personally, I think that if a man goes to the extent of kissing another man, than he has to be sexually attracted to men.
I do have to agree with you there. I mean, I wouldn't kiss someone unless I was sexually attracted to them, male or female (although I've never done the whole "curious" thing).

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul22 View Post
He treats her very well and I get a warm feeling inside when I see them engaging in conversation. I thought that she might have had trust issues when it comes to men because of her father but she is comfortable around him.
So it may be just as well that you don't pursue him romantically. There is nothing wrong with having a guy friend that you can be yourself with.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 12:52 PM   #11
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Yea, and if it turns out that he’s gay, (or Bi or whatever) he can always help me pick out cloths or a new hair color! LMAO
I’m sorry. Totally not funny but after all that I have endured, you would think that it would be nice if I could move on and find me a good one. And it turns out that he might be gay! What the heck am I doing wrong? I am a pretty good looking person with a bubbly personality.

Where are all the good/straight men hiding?????? Lol

 
Old 11-29-2007, 01:58 PM   #12
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Just have to say that being neat and tidy makes you a neat freak, not GAY! HAHAHA! My EX and my current husband are both neat and tidy and neither one has any gay tendencies whatsoever!
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 11-29-2007 at 04:55 PM.

 
Old 11-29-2007, 03:10 PM   #13
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

The very fact that it was "a long time ago" and he has not done it again tells me that he was just curious. I know many people who have given it a try to see what the fuss is all about so to speak. It speaks more of their overall love of all things sexual than any homosexual leanings. Clearly he didn't take to it as a preference, and he has been honest with you. Many men get turned on by the image of two women getting it on but there is nothing at all homosexual about this. Just saying that there is such a range and variety of sexual activities, that one incident means anything at all.

 
Old 12-07-2007, 08:46 PM   #14
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Hi JulJul22 -- I'm sorry but I tend to have the same question that the poster rosequartz raised on here - "do you really want a guy who kisses another guy even if it WAS a long time ago?"

It's JUST ME, but I'd feel uncomfortable with it, even though I tend to believe it was just "curiosity".

Again, it's just me, but I would wonder why would a man be curious enough to kiss another man? (and might the curiosity on his part to kiss another man raise its head again, even though that one instance was a long time ago)

 
Old 03-11-2010, 04:52 AM   #15
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Re: If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul22 View Post
If a man kisses another man, is he gay or just curious?

Okay, I’m not going to go into long details here but I have a friend, that I am interested in and he nonchalantly told me something that’s really bothering me.. He told me the other night that he has kissed another man before (many years ago) but he was just curious. ‘Ahhhh, Huh?’ He says that he’s not gay but, come on man, he’s gatta be gay! Men just don't go around kissing other men just because!

Help. Lol I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. Nothing against gay people just shocked and surprised!
I feel that he could be bi- sexual and is trying to hide its perference from family, friends , and himself. I'm not trying to be mean, but your response was to laugh or cry; and that is what he fears the most, being the talk of the town. When you really think about it , woman do it and its no problem. Oh no, let a man do it and it's a problem. I feel as an individual that person has the right to live the way they want to live.AS LONG, IT DOESN'T MISLEAD OR HURT THE OTHER PERSON!!!!!who are we to jugde.

 
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