All the male friends I've ever had, either they or I wanted it to develop into something more. Once I have/am told that I/they want something more, the friendship will never be the same again when the other does not feel the same way. In all honesty, the friendship dies slowly.
With my OH and my ex, we met and became a couple almost immediately. I've never experience dating a 'friend'.
What are your experiences of having friends of the opposite sex? (presuming you and they are both straight) Do you feel men and women really can be just friends? Have you ever thought of them romantically? And how does your OH feel about it?
All the male friends I've ever had, either they or I wanted it to develop into something more. Once I have/am told that I/they want something more, the friendship will never be the same again when the other does not feel the same way. In all honesty, the friendship dies slowly.
With my OH and my ex, we met and became a couple almost immediately. I've never experience dating a 'friend'.
What are your experiences of having friends of the opposite sex? (presuming you and they are both straight) Do you feel men and women really can be just friends? Have you ever thought of them romantically? And how does your OH feel about it?
First, what does OH stand for?!!
To address your question, even before the current situation that I've gotten myself into, I would say NO, men and women, in general, cannot just be platonic friends. Usually one or the other has more-than-platonic feelings for the other one, who has just platonic feelings, making a true friendship virtually impossible. It's a one-sided situation.
Like you said is the case with you, all the male friends I've ever had, either they or I wanted it to develop into something more. I'm currently in a situation where *I* am in a friendship with a guy, I want it to develop into something more but he doesn't (I posted a thread about it here).
My OH has friends of the opposite sex and to be completely honest, I do feel slightly uncomfortable about it which my OH knows about. I sometimes feel as though that people who do have friends of the opposit sex, have them as some sort of 'reserve' if that makes any sense.
My OH has friends of the opposite sex and to be completely honest, I do feel slightly uncomfortable about it which my OH knows about. I sometimes feel as though that people who do have friends of the opposit sex, have them as some sort of 'reserve' if that makes any sense.
I can understand your feeling slightly uncomfortable about your OH (thanks for explaining what this stands for, by the way!) having friends of the opposite sex. I'm not involved with anyone right now, but if I was and that person had friends of the opposite sex, I would also feel slightly uncomfortable.
I think it all boils down to TRUST (which in my opinion is the foundation of a good relationship) -- meaning if someone's signficant other has friends of the opposite sex, the person would have to TRUST the SO not to fool around with any of the friends of the opposite sex. And the SO would have to be TRUSTWORTHY and not fool around.
Also, I think it depends on the individual situation as to whether people who have friends of the opposite sex have them as some sort of "reserve" (although I know what you mean by this).
I was good friends with a guy for a few years. I was single at the time, but never thought of him in any other way. He was actually at the time engaged, so I surely hope he wasn't harboring secret thoughts for me. If so, it certainly never came into play.
We were friends for 2-3 yrs. He has since moved away, which is the reason we are no longer close. He is now married to the at the time finacee. A few times he has come into town, and we had a quick catch up visit.
So in my opinion, yes, men and women can be platonic friends.
I was good friends with a guy for a few years. I was single at the time, but never thought of him in any other way. He was actually at the time engaged, so I surely hope he wasn't harboring secret thoughts for me. If so, it certainly never came into play.
well that's the thing right there, one of you weren't single at the time. if both are single i'm pretty sure BOTH of you would have thought about it at least once and one will likely want more...so...i too will say NO, you can't be platonic friends and hanging out on a one on one basis for an extended period of time and have no feelings develop from at least one of you.
well i was friends with this guy for quite a while. he liked me but i didnt feel the same. i still had feelings for my ex at the time. he was a really nice guy, never made a move on me because he understood. i even stayed at his place, watched dvds with him and he tried NOTHING. well one day he invited me out to a friends birthday. he always invited me out places. anyway as the night ended he went to kiss me. i kissed him back. this was a year and a half ago and now im crazy about him lol. in two weeks we are going on out second interstate trip and are also talking about moving in together. its crazy but im now madly in love with the guy. we were friends for nearly a year when we got together.
well i was friends with this guy for quite a while. he liked me but i didnt feel the same. i still had feelings for my ex at the time. he was a really nice guy, never made a move on me because he understood. i even stayed at his place, watched dvds with him and he tried NOTHING. well one day he invited me out to a friends birthday. he always invited me out places. anyway as the night ended he went to kiss me. i kissed him back. this was a year and a half ago and now im crazy about him lol. in two weeks we are going on out second interstate trip and are also talking about moving in together. its crazy but im now madly in love with the guy. we were friends for nearly a year when we got together.
That's a lovely story which also goes to show that men and women can't just be paltonic friends as one or both of you would eventually want something more.
I agree with Paddler that there must be a level of trust involved but what I've found to be very very important in a relationship too is COMMUNICATION and HONESTY. Admittedly, I don't always trust my OH 100% (does any woman?) but I always tell him about my feelings and I trust that he will respect them. I tell him when I feel uncomfortable about a female friend he has and he does his best to reassure me but putting his phone on loudspeaker if she calls, and I've met most of his friends and colleagues.
Everybody's experiences and such will differ in this subject.
I've tried to have guy friends and have succeeded. However, I know if I gave them the chance they would have slept with me in a second. Most successful "male friend" relationships I have had where this hasn't been an issue have been with guys who have either been married or in a long-term relationship.
My husband, on the other hand, is really good friends with an ex. She is married and the four of us are great friends. There is no awkwardness there at all. I know not everyone can have that experience, but it can happen.
There definately has to be a level of trust involved. I can't even tell you how many people have thought I was crazy for "allowing" my husband to be friends with an ex. But she is a really nice and decent person. Both her and my husband described their relationship as "dating a sibling". Neither her husband nor I have any worries. I'm sure this is a pretty big exception to the norm.
Yes, they can be friends. I have quite a few men friends, my husband has a few women friends. A few of these friends have been around long before him, so why would I give that up jsut because I'm with someone? And no, I've never been keeping them on the back burner just in case, and I'm pretty sure they haven't either as a few of them are even married. I think of someone is really a friend, they are, and that shouldn't change just because you are with a partner. I'm sure sometimes things get messed up. I once had a great friend, we were friends for years. I had boyfreinds during this time, he had girlfriends, but that never changed our freindship. Then he met this girl ( who incidentally I set him up with), and she was the most insecure person I have ever met. And the sad part is, he ended up ending our freindship because of her. Honestly, I lost a lot of respect for him after that. I don't believe in ditching friends, men or women, because of a partner. It all comes down to trust, either you trust someone or you don't, and if you don't, why be with them? I have had boyfriends say they wouldn't " allow " me to continue these freinds, , and lets just say those boyfreinds didn't last long. I could never be with soemone who even attempted to tell me what I can and can't do.
What are your experiences of having friends of the opposite sex? (presuming you and they are both straight) Do you feel men and women really can be just friends? Have you ever thought of them romantically? And how does your OH feel about it?
This is a very difficult question to answer, because there are so many variables. In theory, I'd say it is quite possible for a man and a woman to be platonic friends or simply friends, but you don't find such a combination very frequently. Maybe friends, but very seldom best friends or intimate friends. I myself have a few female friends, all of them being from my workplace. I admit that I have occasionally thought, with regard to some of them, "what if...?" Maybe they thought about me in those terms, too, but none of us has ever crossed that line. I think it's maybe a question of accepting the rules and never breaking them: friends are not supposed to share a bed.
I like having female friends, it's good to have feedback from a woman friend, but my best friends have always been of the same sex. I'd feel clumsy to share all my problems and issues with a woman and only with a woman. The only exception seems to be this board.
I haven't read the other posts yet, so sorry for any repetition..
I'm gonna say no to that. Women may be more capable of having only friendly feelings towards a guy.. but all the straight men I know and have known, even if they don't have romantic feelings, would never turn down anything physical if it were to happen. So for that reason, I say that men and women cannot be platonic friends.
Edit: I'm adding more after having read some of the posts!!
I have a lot of male friends that are "just friends." But... if I (or both of us) were single, and I made a move on any of them, I know they wouldn't stop it from happening. Even if no romantic feelings are involved, I don't think that most men would turn down a chance for sex...even if with a good friend. Or maybe my friends just have poor morals!!
Same goes for my boyfriend. He has a lot of female friends, some are exes. Yes it makes me uneasy sometimes, but I trust him and know he would never do anything behind my back. BUT-- if he were single and (like above) if one was to make a move on the other, I don't think too many people would stop something from happening, even if just a kiss.
My point of view is just based on what I've seen...
I personally have never had a male friend that was purely platonic on both sides straight down the line, but my brother has had several female friends that he has had no romantic feelings or involvement with. But I think my brother is very very rare, he's much much more ethical and respectful than most men.
From my personal experiences, men and women can be JUST friends. However, almost always, one or the other WOULD pursue something. As sexist as it sounds, I think women like and want to have platonic friendships, and men don't. I am in a relationship and completely honest and faithful (always will be) but I have several male friends, some of them ex's. Many of the male friends I have would jump at the chance for something more if I offered but they are 100% respectful of me and my relationship. They know me very well and know there's not a chance I would ever cheat. One difference though, I don't see or hang out with them often at all. If I were going out with them a lot or spending a lot of time alone with them, I think it would be more of an issue with my bf. I am fairly close to some of my male friends, but our actual contact is usually limited to texts,ims, or the ocassional phone call. So, with all that said, yes, I do believe people can do it. However, when in a relationship, there is a fine line between acceptable friendship and unacceptable.
I think it could be possible sure...It's just not for me and I certainly wouldn't want my husband out and about with another woman. That would take away from the time we spend together. I consider my husband to be my very best friend. I have had associates that are male that I have really enjoyed sitting around in the break room chewing the fat with but I wouldn't want to hang out with them. I believe it's totally different if you are single though and you can be friends with anyone you dang well please. Don't expect your partner to think it's hunky dory to go out and chum around with someone of the opposite sex though!
__________________
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
No, I dont think were designed that way. I think as humans were made attracted to the opposite sex and even a relationship that starts out as a friendship at some point either one or the other develops a natural attraction to the other and even if you fool yourself into thinking were just friends you know deep down if something wasnt attractive about the other the friendship would be there. just my opinion but ive never seen a relationship that was always truly platonic, maybe there is but I would imagine it is very rare.
Hmmm, I'm still on the fence of this and am still leaning towards No.
Don't get me wrong, I do have male friends myself, but I don't really call them friends. They are much closer than aquaintances but if I need a shoulder to cry on or advice outside their working field, it would not be any of the male mates.
The other week a male colleague and I went to lunch together which he paid for, nothing unusual about that but a couple of days later at 4am I was awoken by a phone call, it was his wife! She had been through his mobile phone and found a text from me saying ''thanks for lunch and the next one is on me''. To be honest, I didn't know she existed as he failed to tell me he was married. She had confronted him and he confirmed he liked me. So his intentions in the first place was not to be just platonic friends.
I'd have to say no if both are single. I think people confuse the word "friend" with "acquaintance" in these situations.
I work with children, so obviously the field is heavily concentrated with women. There's lots of women that I know as acquaintances that are single, and I would't sleep with them and am not attracted to them. Yet I haven't taken the time to develop any type of real relationship with them; it's mainly just a hello here and there or some minimal and superfluous conversation about weather or whatever.
Looking back on the past, every girl I've had a real friendship with either we ended up eventually hooking up, dating, or one of us had feelings that weren't returned. I have some girl friends that are in relationships that I am attracted to as well, but as previously stated we rarely hang out alone and I don't try to pursue anything obviously out of respect for the relationship.
I think that if at any given point one of the people involved would pursue something, whether purely for sexual or other reasons, it isn't just a platonic friendship. I also agree with Mary83 and think she pretty much hit the nail on the head, from my experiences. Women are much more likely to enter friendships with either men or women for platonic reasons, while men usually have "ulterior motives" for developing a strong interest in a woman. There probably are lots of exceptions out there, but I think it mainly holds true.
I vote yes. A good friend of mine from high school is a man and to this day we still will email occasionally. His wife gave me their new email when they moved for him to email me!
As someone mentioned earlier, trust! Without trust, you don't have a marriage. I trust my husband 100% and he trusts me. We both know that if we would mess up, the other would boot you out the door!
Complete trust, no jealousy and communication. Those are the keys.
IMO, jealousy is the worst. I think it basically means you don't totally trust your spouse/boy/girl friend.
I've always had guy friends. I never really had female friends. I was always hanging around with guys, and it is possible for a guy and a girl to be platonic friends. Anyone who thinks otherwise, just doesn't have much experience of being good or close friends with someone of the opposite gender or either doesn't have much interaction with those of the opposite gender, in my opinion.
My own mother had this preconceived notion, until I explained it to her. When young, she didn't hang around with guys at all. It was always her sisters and female acquaintances and female classmates. I guess back then during her time as a child, boys really stuck with boys and girls stuck with girls, unless dating was involved.
