i am newly married to my second husband, for almost a yr now and we are about to break up now because of my girls. my new husband doesnt like my girls and he treats them mean, and when he gets mad at them, he tells them how much he doesnt like them. my kids are 20, 18, 16, and my son who is 20 moved out before we got married because he knew already my husband didnt like him. my 18 yr old wants to move out now, because shes 18, but she has special needs and is not capable of living on her own yet.
my kids are all three very, very imature, like my two girls, 18 and 16 still like to sit and play dolls together, the are NOT having sleep overs, boyfriends,in trouble with the law etc.
i was a single mom for 8 long yrs before i met my husband and we dated a long time, i thought things where ok but since we said our vows my husband has slowly but surely torn my family apart.
i believe he really does love me and cares about my kids but he has been single for over 25 yrs, i dont believe he wants the kids, he just wants to be with me,
i dont like how my kids have changed and i need some suggestions
what should i do???
Last edited by liznip; 12-19-2007 at 07:45 AM.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: liznip tink2972 (01-31-2012)
You said: ~"i believe he really does love me and cares about my kids but he has been single for over 25 yrs". NO he doesn't love anyone in that family.
You said "i was a single mom for 8 long yrs before i met my husband and we dated a long time, i thought things where ok but since we said our vows my husband has slowly but surely torn my family apart." WHAT?...You knew things weren't ok...even your son moved out before you married him. You saw what he was doing before you married him...did you think he was going to change? He has disrespected you over and over and no mother would allow anyone to come between her and her children regardless of age. I can't believe you are so blind as to think he actually loves you ...You need to fix this by removing the problem...HIM.
Here's the way I see it, he knew you were a mother when you met him. If he had this feeling towards children then he NEVER should have gotten involved with a mother. Contrary to popular belief, motherhood doesn't end when the child turns 18. The role of motherhood just changes a little bit, but it is ALWAYS there. Why in the world would you consider staying with a man who tells your children how much he dislikes them?
I can understand that he may not have let you see his true feelings for your children before you married, but you know his true feelings now. Staying with this man is like saying "it's okay to treat my children like crap". I'm sure you don't feel that way and really don't want a man like this around your children. What decent mother would?
Realize one thing, he DOES NOT love your children. He already got your 20 year old out, your 18 year old is on her way, and your 16 year old is next. Your children are going to hate and resent you for allowing this man to destroy your family. Is he worth your children? I don't know one mother who would say any man should come at the expense of her children.
I don't think family therapy is going to do you any good. He has shown his true colors and IMO is very cold and heartless. It's only a matter of time before he turns that side on you. Let him go and repair the damage that has been done to your children before it's too late.
I have been married before and my wife died. She had 3 kids when we got together and they were 2,3,&4 years old. I never had a problem with my wife's kids. I have been told that i'm the consumate step-parent. I even take in kids from the neighborhood, not to raise but to help with advise and teaching them things about life. As a stepdad I can't imagine the kind of man that would marry a woman with kids and not feel married to the kids too. This man (and i use the term loosely) should be ashamed of himself. He should never married you or even dated you when he found out you had kids. There are worse things than being a single parent. I don't believe for a minute that he cares about you or your kids if he treats them bad enough to make them want to leave. I had 2 stepdads when i was young and i know the difference between a good 1 and a bad 1. The last stepdad i had threw me out at age 16. Don't make the mistake my mother did. You should get clear of this man asap IMHO. There may be a very good reason he was single for so long and i think you're finding out why. I would never counsel anybody to divorce but if the marriage is a mistake in the first place i don't see another choice. As a stepfather for over 16 years, i think you have a responcibility to your kids first and your own self next and any man in your life last. He should understand if he is a REAL man. Shane
This guy should never have been with you, and you shouldn't have married him. I'm sorry, but it's not fair to your kids. Why would you even consider someone who wasn't kidn to them? I'm part of a blended family, I was married before and had a child, and my husband was married and had a son. My child is with us all the time as his father moved away, and my husband's son is with us part time. My husband treats my child wonderfully, always respectful, takes him palces, watches him for me when I want to go out or go away, and is a great friend to him. I love you husband to death, but if he ever was mean to or disrespected the kids, I would leave. You can't put your kids through that. No man is worth it, and quite honestly he should be asthamed of himself for treating children th is way. If he didn't want kids around, he should have never even asked you on a date!!!! Please leave this guy.
I agree with most everything that's already been said. He wasn't just dating you, he was also dating your family. He didn't just marry you, he married your entire family.
I know that raising 3 kids on your own is hard (my mother did it for many years). Being married to anyone may make things easier at times, in regards to finances and such. But is it really worth it? What's more important, this man or your children?? He's not obligated to love your children the way you do, but at the very least he needs to respect them. As a mother, I don't know how you can considering staying with a man who doesn't respect what is a part of you.
You either need to open his eyes to his unacceptable behavior or kick him to the curb. Put your foot down. Have the respect for your children that they need and deserve. You're partially to blame for any hurt if you allow this man to continue staying in your life behaving the way he does.