My girlfriend of several years told me she needed time and space. I gave her some, but tried to fight for her back. We were back for a short while, I got her a great birthday gift and she seemed very happy with me, but after that, she was ignoring all my calls, texts, (I didnt call often at all, but she didnt even call back after I wished her happy birthday). A few days before Christmas, The one text she does respond to is: Why are you ignoring all my calls?
Then she tells me the news, she shouldn't of agreed to have given me a second chance so soon, and she needs more time and space. She doesnt know if she wanted to break up and she was acting distant and told me bad news that I could be patient with her to find out what she wants. But she said she still wants to be my friend.
So come Christmas, she called me up "Too busy to wish me Merry Christmas?" and I told her I wasnt I was just eating dinner, and she told me she wanted me to come over in the worst way, because her whole family was there and they wanted to see me. So I said fine, came over, and we had a great time that night. It almost felt like we were back together. She was making plans with me for new years, and I told her it was up to her.
But the gift I gave her, a DVD of our happiest moments spanning a year to the background of "Suite Judy Blue eyes" - a song that has huge meaning of breakups, and we did see a CSNY concert together. I threw a tiny piece of chocolate, and a letter explaining I cant just be friends with her. I told her she needs space from me and I will allow that possibility. Maybe the letter was a bit harsh, but I just thought I was doing what she wanted. I thought I was being strong.
She called me up and said I ruined her Christmas. My timing in delivery of the gift was horrible. She said she threw everything away, and doesn't want to be with me. She said I WAS the one to be trying to win HER back! (She told me I did nothing wrong in the first place -- now she is telling me I had to win her back!) I did everything right when she let me back, nothing wrong, and made her so happy. She said I ruined any chance I had and screwed up royally. This DVD took me 15 hours to create. I thought I was doing something great, by making all of our memories on a DVD then giving her the space she wanted. But she says what I did hurt her more than anyone or anything in the world. The last slide said GoodBye Baby, I love You, and miss you. This she said is what hurt her most.
She also is losing a ton of weight and is looking great! This makes me sad, I think she is just getting a big head from losing weight but im not sure. The fact I threw in that tiny bit of chocolate (just because it was reindeer shape and I thought she would think it was cute) made her REEEEEAAALLY mad.
She basically says its over, that she doesnt want to talk anymore, says that Ive jumped the gun. (After getting broken up w/ two times, how did I jump the gun??) but hopes in the distant future we can be friends.
I have a feeling that if I give her a ton of space and let her be, improve myself, she might come back. She meant the world to me and I cannot understand why she is acting like this =(
Well, I'm certainly no expert, but it seems to me that she expected you to kiss her ***. She claimed she wanted space, and then when you didn't call her first thing on Christmas, what did she do? She called with an attitude. She's being a spoiled little brat IMO. She wants you sulking and waiting by the phone. That DVD, gave her a big smack in the face . . . she said she wanted space, and you were going to give it to her . . . she got "her way" and she didn't like it one bit . . . She's playing with your emotions, and it might very well have something to do with the fact that she's losing weight. She's losing all this weight and now may be starting to think she's better than you and expecting you to fight for her. I'd leave her alone for a while. That last outburst was just another attempt to get you crying over her and begging for her to be with you. And she probably snapped over the "one" piece of chocolate thinking that you only gave her one, so she wouldn't get fat again. (just a possibility)
She sounds all over the map with her feelings, and how are you supposed to make someone happy and do what they ask when they don't even know what they want? She wants space, then gets miffed because you didn't call her on Christmas? You work hard on a thoughtful gift that in your eyes gives her just what she's been asking for and she gets mad???
I think the only thing you can do is take her at her word. If she says it's over for good and you blew any chance of ever getting back with her, believe her. Believe her, believe her. I'm sure there are plenty of nice girls out there who won't put you through this emotional wringer.
It sounds to me that SHE has absolutely no idea what SHE wants and expects you to hang in limbo until SHE figures out what SHE wants for HER. Look at her actions. She basically ignored you until she needed you to come over on Christmas because HER family was looking for you. Did your feelings factor in here at all?
I think you need to take what she said for what it is and let it be. For whatever reason (her losing weight, something that happened, etc..) she isn't ready to be in a relationship with her and you obviously know you can't force her. Throwing away such a wonderful memory is just cruel and one would have to question why you would want to be with someone who would intentionally hurt you in that way.
Do your best to move on without her. She seems to want everything on her terms which is pretty selfish on her part. You deserve a lot better than that. There are plenty of women out there who don't play this push and pull game.
saying you ruined her Christmas is just a guilt trip and manipulation. I think she's keeping you as a backup.....holding you at arms length so you don't go to far, but wanting to keep her options open. Could there be someone else in the picture? She's losing a lot of weight, probably feeling better about herself......I'd be wondering if she had another guy on the line and you're her safety net in case that doesn't work out.
I'd give her all the space she wants and THEN SOME.....if you get my drift.
Thanks for everyones responses. I will hope that she comes back, and hope she eventually realizes that she made a mistake. She's told me in the past she knows that I will marry her, and she loved me very much. Recently she said that her feelings for me were not the same - she probably wouldve married me, and that maybe im not the one. Then after this fiasco she told me we could never be together. I will give her the no contact treatment, and maybe she will rediscover her feelings. But I will not wait around forever. Maybe there is someone better than her. From what Ive described here she sounds mean, but usually she is very nice. I could notice that all of the problems were starting when I got into legal trouble (selling pot) last summer. I had a lot of money, but now not so much, and I think this is part of the reason. Im about to finish my computer engineering degree and so I dont think money would be a problem in the future.
The No Contact is hard, I sent one text "happy new year!" but dont plan on saying much more.
Oh well I'll keep everyone posted as to what happens.