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Old 01-11-2008, 01:09 PM   #16
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: canada
Posts: 178
jennie250 HB User
Re: Very exhausted and just need some opinions.

Honestly, I think this is inexcusible. Sorry, but they are his kids too, and he lives there too, he should be doing what you do. I think it's a cop out to say that " mean don't have to be responsible" or "most of it falls on the woman"..NOT TRUE. I know many many men who do their share and more. It's all about attitude. Your " job" during the day is taking care of the kids, his job during the day is to go to work, after hours and weekends, you are a family and BOTH should be contributing equally. I see it very clearly, your husband isn't pulling his weight because he doesn't want to. He is capable, knows you are doing most of it, but doesn't care. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's not rocket science. Let me put it this way, I'm married, my husband isn't even my children's biological father he is there step father, but he does every thing I do and more. Not only that, but he NEVER ever gets annoyed or angry if I want time out, I go out with friends dancing and to movies, I go on trips with freinds for a few days, and he takes over at home. During the regular week we take turns with everything, and weekends it's the same. I think only you can change things, if you want your own friends and own interests, get them. Don't ask your husbands permission, just tell him that you are going to start taking care of your own needs to. Tell him that you consider marriage a partnership, and you aren't there to be a servant. Just because you stay at home, doesn't mean he is off the hook for chores or parenting duties. I think it's fine that he has a sporting interest, but you should get interests to. My point is, you dno't need to put up with this nonsense, and it really is nonsense, men are just as capable as we are of parenting kids and doing chores, getting up with kids at night, doing baths, cooking, all of it, some of them just get lazy and take advantage ot their wives by acting like children. Sorry to be so blunt, but honestly I cannot understand why men think this is acceptable, and I wouldn't put up with it for one second. Either a marriage is a partnership or it's not, and if not, what is the point? Another thing, if he really loves you and cares about you and respects you, he will care that you are stressed and unhappy, and will do what it takes to make it a happier household and make his wife, the person he is supposed to love, a little bit more relaxed and un-stressed.

Last edited by jennie250; 01-11-2008 at 01:11 PM.

 
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Old 01-13-2008, 06:37 PM   #17
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: America
Posts: 85
MsInspiration HB User
Re: Very exhausted and just need some opinions.

Hi to everyone who so kindly gave me their opinions. It has helped greatly and made me realise that I am not as insane as I originally thought I was.

Okay here is the update. My husband and I talked (hmmm a very polite way of saying we argued) about this topic for a few days now and this is what it comes down to.

My husband says every fourth weekend he will take the Sunday off (irrespective of how tired I am). In response I have said that I will take a whole Saturday off also. Which now has us apart as family the Saturday I work, his Sunday of recreation and now my Saturday recreation. Which basically means that our kids will have ONE full weekend with us everyone month. Every other weekend will see us spend on day togeather. I don't think this is fair on the kids (especially while they are so young), but I don't want to be the one sitting at home with three kids compensating whilst husband is out fufilling his recreational needs.

Perhaps I am controlling and terrible and unreasonable (all the things he says I am). BUT I am also exhausted, pregnant and feel as though I can not cope with the pressure of being home all week and having no one to relieve a little of the pressure.

I have said that when I have the newborn that I don't agree to him leaving me on the weekend and that I expect him to be home with me for at least the first four months. I feel the first four months will be very demanding (sleep deprived - because I am breast feeding) and I will need his support. We have argued about this, but if he does not support me, then I will go to formula feeding and he can get up during the nights and see how sane he feels doing that.

Can someone please tell me if I am controlling and ridiculous because I want us home for the kids on the weekend?

 
Old 01-14-2008, 04:39 AM   #18
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: Very exhausted and just need some opinions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsInspiration View Post
Can someone please tell me if I am controlling and ridiculous because I want us home for the kids on the weekend?
You are not controlling and ridiculous because you want your husband to be more involved with your family on his "off hours". However, you do need some down time, and unfortunately, you are only going to be able to get that on the weekends. So you may not be fully together as a family both days on the weekend, but at least the kids will be with one of their parents, right?

I still think your husband is being absolutely ridiculous calling you controlling and demanding, etc.. This is the type of behavior you would expect from a young, first time dad, not a "veteran". He just can't see past his own needs and that is so unfortunate for you.

At least you came to some sort of agreement. Now whatever you do, DO NOT give up your day for yourself! I don't care if you feel guilty for leaving the kids for a while, you need time for you. Also, when he gets home during the week, take an hour to go "shopping" or lock the bathroom door and take a bath (after giving birth, of course). Take what little moments you can get for you. If you don't he isn't going to give them freely.

I do hope things get better for you, but I have a feeling you are going to have to keep pushing him along to get your way. It's too bad my husband couldn't give him an earful!

 
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