I am a cheater..... for the past 2 years, I have been telling myself that anyone can make a mistake, but deep down I know have a problem. I've sworn to myself that I would never cheat, but I violated my own commitment to myself.
I'm very successful in my professional life, but have allowed my infidelity to ruin my personal life. My problems began because I believed my wife and I were too different... that I needed someone that was more compatible. My wife and I decided that divorce was the right thing, and I moved out. I ended up getting into a new relationship, fathered a child... but never completely ended my relationship with my wife.
My wife and I have lived apart for several years now, and mother of my child lives in a different state. My wife knows about the relationship and child, and that I'm struggling with my feelings and the relationship, but still wants to get back together. I feel like I do love her, but I question if I've gone too far...I still have feelings for the "other woman", and know that my child needs his father. I question myself... and don't know what to do.
Well, I don't know if what you did can really be considered cheating in the narrower sense of the term. You were making plans to divorce and you had moved out. It's not like the little woman was at home thinking everything was peachy in the marriage, thinking you were working late while you were with some chippie at the No Tell Motel.
But you are right in that this is a bit of a pickle to sort out. The mother of your child lives in another state, but you and your wife live in the same state as each other? Do you and your wife have any children? Does the girlfriend know you're considering going back to your wife?
I admit, it was a mistake for her, it's a mistake for any woman, to get involved with a man who has a wife anywhere in the picture, when the divorce isn't final and complete and he's moved on, because this can happen, him going back to the wife. I'd say you have to think long and hard about why your marriage deteriorated and why you left. What's changed? If you go back to your wife, what is so different now that it will cause the marriage to be better than it was before, to guarantee you won't end up right back where you were, separated and headed for divorce? I'd say that's the first thing to work out. Do you love your girlfriend with the child? You say you have feelings for her, but not as significant as the feelings you have for your wife?
Of course the child is also a big consideration.
Take some time and figure out what you want, and what would be best for everyone involved. I know that's probably not much help, this is a tough one, but unfortunately one that no one else can tell you what to do about. You're going to have to ultimately figure out what's best for yourself. But feel free to talk it out. Good luck to you.
Your going back to your wife would not affect your fatherhood at all. If your wife loves you enough to forgive what you've done here my feeling is that no women will ever love you this much again. Trust me, I love my partner of 5+ years with all of my heart and every ounce of my being, but if he left me and fathered a child with another woman there is no force in this world or any other that would ever induce me to look in his face again without spitting in it. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that is the truth of how I'd feel. If your wife wants you back after that, if she has it in her to forgive after that, I think you'd be a fool to let her love go.
You don't have to be in a relationship with the mother of your child to be a good father.
If your wife is willing to take you back after all of this then you can get through it. It will take a lot of work on your part, and you will definately need some sort of marriage counselling, but it's not impossible.
You can't have them both. It's not fair to the wife, the girlfriend, the child, or you. I think before you make any major decisions you need to sort out what YOU truly want. Maybe you need some time to yourself for a while?
I don't think you truly love either of the women or else you would have not cheated on either of them.I think you should move on with the dating scene ,be a father to your kids, and not be so hasty on getting married next time.