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Old 01-19-2008, 01:21 PM   #1
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My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Wow, well that’s kind of it in a nutshell… I’m kind of shocked to say the least, never mind the fact that I’ve got my first niece (15 months) who I didn’t even know existed until yesterday!

My sister has been living in England all this time. She is coming home to visit in a couple of weeks and for good in a couple of months and I’ve offered that she can stay with me till she gets on her feet. She doesn’t even sound like herself anymore; the English accent on her! It’s so bizarre to listen to! lol

God, I’m just so shocked and blown away right now. It’s been the maddest 24 hours I’ve had in quite some time. My sister is 27 now; she was 20 when she disappeared.. She just ran away. It is so sad, but this is what you can expect as a product of a family of severe dysfunction.

My other sister and I contacted the missing person bureau years ago and they eventually traced her and left her our numbers a few years ago. She said she didn’t want any contact with the family at that time, which was hurtful, but still we were just so relieved because at least then we knew she was alive.

So she’s finally coming home, thank God… Sorry folks, I just wanted to lay this crazy business out there. What a crazy (but crazily wonderful also) thing to happen… I’m still in a state of deep shock.

I have so many plans and ideas for my sister and my new little niece. I want them to move into my place and stay here after I’ve left so they’ll still be in the same area and I want her to go to college and, oh God, there’s just so much I have set up in my mind right now; I’m just determined that everything pans out ok for her and her little girl.

Wow! My heads kind of all over the place right now!... How mad?!... Thanks for listening.

 
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Old 01-19-2008, 02:10 PM   #2
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

That's great that your sister is safe and sound but I wouldn't be making plans for her. Remember this is a woman that hauled off for 7 years. Sounds like someone that has a mind of her own.
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Old 01-19-2008, 02:35 PM   #3
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Well that is great news that you have reconnected with your long lost sister. I sincerely hope that she sorted out what she needed too and this will be a new beginning and a wonderful homecoming for all of you.

 
Old 01-19-2008, 08:47 PM   #4
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

wow - interesting....you will have a lot of catching up to do.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 01:15 AM   #5
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Thanks everyone. Yeah, she certainly has a mind of her own Hoopty, no doubt about that, lol; but it is a new experience for her to have a child of her own; my child is in his teens and hers is in nappies so I feel there's a lot I can do for her.

We spoke on the phone for hours last night and she's very much into the idea of going to college. She's just been wasting her life over there living on some kip of a council estate scrimping and scraping to get through the week, so it's high time she got her head together. I'm going to order in a load of college prospectus's and go through them with her when she comes over for her break. I don't mind watching my own niece in the daytime while my sister betters herself. I can do my work in the evening-time or when she's napping or whatever; we'll work it out some way.

I'm delighted she's back on the scene but also very nervous for her because when she comes back here for good she's actually going to be leaving her child's father, who happens to be - wait for it - a sporadically violent paranoid schizophrenic who (among his other breathtaking charms) also happens to have a drink problem!!!

 
Old 01-20-2008, 04:18 AM   #6
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Wow Laylah, that is some story.

I would also caution about having so many expectations for her. I hope she does want to get her life on track. Allow her some time to breathe and adjust before she jumps into school and her new life. She may need a week just to recollect her thoughts.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 04:56 AM   #7
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Ah well the new college term doesn't start till september, so she'll have plenty of time to get her head round things. I just hope she manages to get away from this maniac without any hassle!

 
Old 01-20-2008, 05:19 AM   #8
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

I am really happy and excited for you... but I don't think you really grappled with KelToKel's point... she may NOT want to go to college. For god's sake are you going to risk alienating her as soon as she arrives? Give the woman a chance to find her own destiny. What she decides may fit with your ideas, it may not. You HAVE to accept that.

You have such a rare chance to establish BASIC contact here again, are you going to risk it by being overbearing? Be supportive, forgiving, sympathetic for the hard life she has had. Encourage her to find her own way forward (hell! it might be college all the way, but let her come round to it herself). Be non-judgemental (which means you REALLY have to tone it down - your way of describing the life she has led, I'm afraid sounds scornful and contemptuous. How is that going to make her feel?)

If she is desperate for help then she may agree with everything you suggest, for the sake of using you (not necessarily a huge sin, in the way we all use family, time to time). But if you abuse your position and dictate terms and conditions that she is not really happy with, you have the recepie for an unhappy relationship and her further removal from the family once the opportunity arises.

I know this was not the most diplomatic post and perhaps you will find a way to take offense, so be it. I wrote it only in your interest though and I hope you take even a little into consideration.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 05:42 AM   #9
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

I think that you should also use some caution when allowing her to live with you. Set down some rules and guidelines. For instance...will you expect her to pay you for groceries/rent/utilities/etc, how long will she be allowed to live with you...do all this before she's set roots in your home. Will you expect her to work...then who will babysit? YOU? There's really a lot to consider when allowing someone to live in your home! I suspect that she's only coming home because she has no other options as it's not working out with that guy. I know that you are excited but please use caution! Remember this is a woman that ran away for 7 years and did not want to contact anyone from the family...now all of a sudden she's running back home.
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Old 01-20-2008, 05:44 AM   #10
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

I'm sure you mean well Subbster, but I don't think you've interpreted my post correctly. I've said already that she is "very much into the idea of going to college". We discussed it for hours and she was more enthusiastic about the idea than I was and discussed in detail what types of areas she might choose to study in. She didn't feign any of that for the sake of "using" me, she knows she doesn't need to be sly; she directly asked for my help in assisting her to come home and set herself up here and of course I extended it. I don't see anything "overbearing" in that.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 05:54 AM   #11
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Thanks Hoopty. Yes, you're right, there is a lot to consider. She is coming home for a one week visit in two weeks time, and then she's coming home for good in the late spring. Now, the way things are going here, it's kind of complicated: I am currently waiting for my new home to be built. I would not consider taking her with me into my new home, but what I was thinking was that if it was not finished by April (which it ought to be) we could stay together here for a short time till it was, and then she could take over the lease here. This is a fantastic house for the rent that's being paid for it; I've got a very good deal here and I'd like for her to have it after I go, so if we could swing that way she'd be sorted out with a home, and if we got her enrolled around April or May for the college term starting in September it'd be a wonderful thing for her confidence and future prospects.

I understand where you're coming from with the "use caution" advice. I don't intend to have her live with me long term and I would only babysit her daughter in the case that she was out trying to make a better life for them both.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 05:58 AM   #12
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Yes, I can see on re reading more carefully that I got a misleading impression - you do seem to be responding to her ok. Apologies. I suppose I join hoopty on excercising caution, though, until you really get to know her again. I mean, if she has been in hard straights for years she may well have difficulty applying herself to college, or she may change her mind and maybe rightly so, etc etc. If you are the sort of person who is forgiving and supportive despites bumps in the road, I'm sure you'll get through. And although I know that you don't feel like you are being used, and I admire your trust, I really think you should wait til she proves it to you that this is not a temporary "change of heart" before really depending on a future with her.

Take it slow and best of luck.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 06:42 AM   #13
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Thank you Subbster; maybe you have a point and I ought to keep an eye on my propensity towards trust. The thing is, I know there have been mistakes made and all that, but the fact that she is my sister would cancel all that out in my mind; it's like her genes themselves have the ability to buy her limitless second chances. I guess that's family for you?!

I just want her back home and away from that schizo she involved herself with. I'll let you all know how it's going as operation 'so-long schizo' progresses.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 07:04 AM   #14
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Laylah, I can imagine your excitement, a 15-month-old niece.... your life is not half-eventful girl
It is a wonderful thing to happen, and well, it will at least distract you from your bf's grumpiness for a little while.
I have to say, in all honesty, you have a big heart Laylah ...For me, it would be extremely hurtful to have my sister put me through the agony of worrying about her and then choose to cut all contact with me for SEVEN YEARS. On the other hand, I totally understand that she had a very hard time, and at her age then, it would have been difficult not to rebel against such circumstances. I guess the past is past now and it is great that you are very willing to forget and forgive. I really admire you for that. I hope that you have a great reunion, Laylah.

PS, I am surprised your sister acquired the English accent ... Several years ago I had an Irish housemate who made us all speak with an Irish accent...

Last edited by Nina000; 01-20-2008 at 07:08 AM.

 
Old 01-20-2008, 08:15 AM   #15
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Re: My sister has reappeared after being missing for 7 years...

Thanks Nina honey; we have a saying here: 'You're a long time dead' which is of course self-explanatory and I try to bear that in mind in circumstances where a bit of sympathy is required. Anyway, no matter what has happened, I've got a little niece now who has done nothing wrong! This is my first niece, I don't have any other nieces or nephews, so it is great news indeed. I've been saying to my other sister for years, 'would you not have a daughter so I have a little girl dress up and play with without having to go through the whole rigmarole again myself'; to which of course she always laughed and told me to dream on.

As for the accent thing, I'm sure all the English people who speak to her hear her Irish accent; it's just that she has this English sort of twang to it now that probably only someone who wasn't English could decipher!

 
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