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Old 01-29-2008, 07:37 PM   #1
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I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Hi everyone!
I just came out of a really bad relationship and I've been with a man who was dishonest and playing mind games and did a lot of things to get me confused.

This relationship got me quite isolated (due to abuse) and so I don't have any friends at the moment to ask and get honest opinions.

I'm hoping Men can answer a question for me because I'm trying to understand a man's point of view and their likes/dislikes in general.

PLEASE, this is not the type of post where I'm trying to look for answers to feel better about myself or expect to be stroked positively. I really want a man's honest opinion. I want to know, not to judge myself, but for many other reasons. And I really don't know what's a man's opinion on the following questions. I'm just trying to get an idea I guess!

So here we go:

1. How would you feel if you met or dated a woman that had significant facial hair and had to shave everyday (just like a man. The woman doesn't have visible beard, but she shaved and it can be felt by touching her face). Would you mind, would it repulse you, would you call her back, would you have sex with her?

2. How would you feel if you dated a woman and when you get intimate with her, you see A LOT of scars on a certain part of her body (for example, across her back and legs). She's not diseased or anything, it's just scars from the past (say...very severe acne) and there's no new ones. But they are there and you can feel them if you touch her. Would you mind, would that disgust you, would that ruin intimacy with her?

3. How does it feel to look at a nude woman whose physical appearance is less than the standards (standards being thin, soft skin, nice breast...you know...the model type or whatever men go for nowadays). Do you guys really truly care? Is it easy for a man to get past physical appearance? Is a man truly able to overlook that and appreciate another woman even though she is less than desirable physically?

Last one!
4. Can you love a woman who doesn't fit your physical standards or what you wished for. Let's say that, for example, you're the type of guy who likes a woman to look athletic, would you give a girl that didn't not look that way a chance, or you won't because you know it won't work because the physical attraction is not happening.

I am really looking forward to your opinions and I hope you guys answer truthfully. It would really help me to get a sense of man's opinion and how they view women physically. I don't think I understand yet and I would really like to.

Thanks soooooooooooo much for anyone answering, it's greatly appreciated!
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Old 01-29-2008, 08:01 PM   #2
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Quote:
Originally Posted by VoodooQueen View Post
Hi everyone!
I just came out of a really bad relationship and I've been with a man who was dishonest and playing mind games and did a lot of things to get me confused.

This relationship got me quite isolated (due to abuse) and so I don't have any friends at the moment to ask and get honest opinions.

I'm hoping Men can answer a question for me because I'm trying to understand a man's point of view and their likes/dislikes in general.

PLEASE, this is not the type of post where I'm trying to look for answers to feel better about myself or expect to be stroked positively. I really want a man's honest opinion. I want to know, not to judge myself, but for many other reasons. And I really don't know what's a man's opinion on the following questions. I'm just trying to get an idea I guess!

So here we go:

1. How would you feel if you met or dated a woman that had significant facial hair and had to shave everyday (just like a man. The woman doesn't have visible beard, but she shaved and it can be felt by touching her face). Would you mind, would it repulse you, would you call her back, would you have sex with her?

2. How would you feel if you dated a woman and when you get intimate with her, you see A LOT of scars on a certain part of her body (for example, across her back and legs). She's not diseased or anything, it's just scars from the past (say...very severe acne) and there's no new ones. But they are there and you can feel them if you touch her. Would you mind, would that disgust you, would that ruin intimacy with her?

3. How does it feel to look at a nude woman whose physical appearance is less than the standards (standards being thin, soft skin, nice breast...you know...the model type or whatever men go for nowadays). Do you guys really truly care? Is it easy for a man to get past physical appearance? Is a man truly able to overlook that and appreciate another woman even though she is less than desirable physically?

Last one!
4. Can you love a woman who doesn't fit your physical standards or what you wished for. Let's say that, for example, you're the type of guy who likes a woman to look athletic, would you give a girl that didn't not look that way a chance, or you won't because you know it won't work because the physical attraction is not happening.

I am really looking forward to your opinions and I hope you guys answer truthfully. It would really help me to get a sense of man's opinion and how they view women physically. I don't think I understand yet and I would really like to.

Thanks soooooooooooo much for anyone answering, it's greatly appreciated!
1. The facial hair issue to me, would not be to big of a deal if i was attracted to her face

2.The scar issue, if im that far along in a relationship with her that we are being intimate i would never bring that up in a negative tone, i would try to help her heal from that and let her know its ok. i wouldnt judge her

3.For the physical appearence issue, for me the most important feature is the face, so if im attracted to her face, then honestly the body doesnt matter so much

4.In terms of the typical girl you would go for, I've learned to be a little more open minded about all that, I think its a growth thing, As long as i find her attractive on some level and get along with her well, She can be far from perfect

An attractive women to me is one who i can get along with extra ordinarily and there has to be somthing unique about her, it has nothing to do with materialistic views or a "model" type body, in fact i usually stay away from those types of girls now because honestly there a waste of my time, yeah i might be judging them but u learn quickly by seeking the same result

 
Old 01-29-2008, 08:01 PM   #3
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

To the question...well of course a man can love a woman that you describe...absolutely! Can you get someone to love you that doesn't love you...NO! That's what I'm getting out of your post...and no I'm not a man. I am a woman and feel qualified to say that most certainly there are men that will love the non perfect woman! There are many married women that have facial hair and scars and aren't athletic...just look around you!
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Old 01-29-2008, 11:05 PM   #4
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

im not a man either so sorry but i have facial hair like, i get hair under my chin, lip and i have side burns. my boyfriend knows this and it doesnt bother him. what i do is i wax my chin and lip myself and only have to do that every few weeks so you cant notice the hair. one day i forgot to wax my chin and thats when he noticed but that hasnt changed his opinion of me. i used to bleach the side burns but i just leave that now.
also i used to be overweight and now that i have lost the weight my boobs sag a little. i usually hide my boobs when im naked with him, or hold them up with my hands because i really dont like them. he said to me why do u always cover your boobs with your hands and i said because they are ugly and he said, they arent as bad as what you think so stop worrying. he said im not a boob guy anyway, i prefer legs and butts.
so not all guys are worried about this.

 
Old 01-30-2008, 03:15 AM   #5
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

[QUOTE=VoodooQueen;3417336]Hi everyone!
I just came out of a really bad relationship and I've been with a man who was dishonest and playing mind games and did a lot of things to get me confused.

This relationship got me quite isolated (due to abuse) and so I don't have any friends at the moment to ask and get honest opinions.

Sorry, I'm not a man either, but I felt I had to post a reply. I was also in a bad relationship and it does leave you scared mentally regards your pressumed physical attraction or not to ANY other man. Once you have been classed the uglinest, fattest, thinnest, most scarred, hairest, whatever...............
it takes the stuffing out of you and you do believe all the crap that he has said about you, leading to a very low opinion of yourself. The majority of people are average looking, have scares etc. If a man loves you, none of it matters. What he said was said to hurt. Rise above his remarks. His opinion doesn't count.

 
Old 01-30-2008, 07:35 AM   #6
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

thanks for everybody's input so far.
bleaching hair doesn't work for me....i'm black!

I guess i went a little too far in my questions, because really, I'm not interested in love at this point at all. I have no time for this. But I want to know if I have a chance at dating and having sex with different men. And this is worst than looking for love because I know I'll be up against all these superficial men and I kinda wish I could get their opinions, because men who's don't care about physical are 1 in a trillion. And I do believe people make themselves nicer on the internet. Otherwise, I should be able to bump into men who don't care for physical all the time and be able to have sex again like a normal, but that doesn't happen. I also know that the fact that my self esteem is not as is best is not helping right now, but like I said, I'm not looking for love and really, want nothing to do with it right now.

I just really feel like I need to ***** myself for little while because I was forced to never have sex and it's been like that for a long time and I wasted the best years of my life being dried-up sexless pathetic person and so I need to change and I have a lot of catching up to do and I just want to be able to feel sexually good, period and feel that someone out there can be attracted to me. I guess love can make that happen and can make a man blind to the imperfections, but what are my chances at sex only and dating and enjoying myself like everyone else does? I just wish I could be given a chance at that for once you know.

I hope to get some more input from men....don't worry...you don't have to be nice. I want truth and that's all.

And please no advice on how to manage the hair. It's at the point where it's out of control and very severe already. And I don't have money to spend on this right now. My only solution is laser and it will take me years to be able to afford that. Please, no advice on the hair.....I've already been desperate enough to try everything in the book. This problem is here to stay until I have significaant amount of money to deal with it. Simple as that. That's why I have to stop thinking in terms of getting rid of it but how my life is going to be if I just accept that I have shave everyday like a man. It's just that right now and there's no making it better. The only thing that can make me feel better is to just have an immense amount of sex so that I can fool myself in thinking that i've caught up with lost year (I know it won't be really, but I want that).

Thanks and Later!!
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:07 PM   #7
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Anyone else would like to share their opinions for me.
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Old 01-31-2008, 09:14 AM   #8
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

The question is a know brainer. Of course every man wants a women/companion that looks attractive. To meet and date a women that has physical handicaps, the man would most likely have to know her for a while, getting to know her, there is a slim chance he will see beyond her handycaps and date her. If she hides her handycaps from him, revealing them later after he's asked her out, well she's lost the battle before it began. She has already got a mark against her as being dishonest, regardless of her reasons. Looks are always importants! Not always the determining factor in a decision to date a women, but looks are important. Example: Take an ugly women, fat women, are a women that's to skinny. The first thing I would wonder is, is this the best she can do to improve her looks? Does she think that a man should except her the way she is? Depending on how she answers these questions determinds if I would get involved with her. Question 1. If her answer is yes, this is the best she can do, then she may have a chance. Question 2. If she thinks that a man should except her the way she is, then, No, she would have a chance of me getting involved with her. We all strive to improve ourselves, and if she doesn't want to do that, then she doesn't want to be with me.
Very few men will fall in love with an ugly, disfigured, over weight, to skinny, or a handycapped women at first sight. They would have to get to know her,and see if she's beautiful on the inside. If this is true, that's what will win him over!

 
Old 01-31-2008, 09:37 AM   #9
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Okay, you said don't be nice, not that I would be rude to you or ugly, but I will tell you the truth! And yes I am a man, and if it will make any difference I am black just like you.
If you can't afford to better your appearance to appeal to a man, then this is not the time to start looking for one. First of all, work on your confidence/selfasteem. This is free. Go by a library in the non-fiction area and check out audio tapes on improving yourself! Making yourself marketable. Go to the central library in your town/state where you will have a large selection. I know many large, and unattractive women that has great selfasteem, and because of this, they have a man on their arm when ever desired! Many of these women are married! Just incase you don't get what I'm saying, it's your inner beauty that's going to win the man. Have you not noticed how many attractive men that are married too, or dating/sleeping with less attractive women??? Yes there are many. Starting with loving yourself, will get you to the place you are desiring to be. No man wants a women that feels ugly, one that's not optimistic! One that feels needy! You've got to offer him something! If not your looks, baby you've got to show him that these tv models don't nothing that you don't have! Girl lift up your head! Get your act together and you can have any man on this plannet! You have the power! Be a strong women! No, and I mean No man, black, white green or yellow wants, nor needs a weak women on his arm. I want a women I can be proud of. So, what I'm saying is work on your self! Be the best that you can be, and you can have what you want. Hey, if you just want some body to lay around with, that's all you will get! But even that type of man wants a women that have some kind of pride about herself, a women that do have a plan for her life. Girl, once you get that together, you're on your way! I wish you well (smile) because you really do have the power, and the resources to change your situation. I will pray for you today. Be blest...

 
Old 01-31-2008, 11:21 PM   #10
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

i Agree with what you're saying cleansweap. I've been told that so many times. I've read the books. All the Bell Hooks and the others. I ca't seem to apply anything to myself. I can't seem to understnad how i'm suppose to be confident and believe in my self when I know my personality is always going to be at my disadvantage. And I"ve always had a plan for my life, I just need to work a lot of years before I get there. I don't suffer from low ambition. That's why I can't have a simple life. Because I have to figure how to make the impossible happen all the time and out of nothing. I haen't achieved much, but I never stopped trying and it's hard when you're on your own and very different when people have some type of support system to rely on somehow. Just like now, I'd like to say, I want to get my act together, but I'm at home fightting because anyone I turn to wants to send me a shelter or put me on drugs and antidepressants for proven physiological problems and just send me backwards. I never move because it feels like all I do is fight against everything that wants to pull me back. And then I'm just too drained to move forward.

Well you're right than no one appreciates someone who's weak and you can only assume that i'm weak just by looking at me. Then if you talk to me, I'm so edgy for fighting with everyone that I never have anything good to say. I'm so focus and stressed and obsessed with getting my act together, I'm not even able to socialize. Trying to pull it together is all I've been doing. All my life. I don't know anything. That's why I'm so messed up. And now, I can't afford a life, I'm too weak and ugly (inside) for a relationship, cannot look forward to ever children, don't know how i will go back to school. I was stupid enough to let a man ruin my life once, and he did it well and I let him and I'm now paying for that and I'm not allowed to be happy again. I know that's what I'm paying for. I guess that's just what it is. I have to pay for being weak and letting someone do what they have to do so they can better themselves. My ex is now in school and doing better than when I met when he refused to do anything with his life or himself. I had to let him go because I didn't have any more that I could give him and he hates me for losing my energy and not being able to keep up anymore. I'm just so tired. I am weak. I don't even know what else to do. It's like a bloody curse. What happens when you're too weak for anything because every living wolf out there has been sucking everything out of you.

So is it that i'm not strong to be loved? How does one be strong without love. Who do you know that's achieve strenght without love, any type of love, just love whatsoever. Anybody that enters into a relationship is strong and has it together and all figured out? Or may you're sending this somewhre in anoother world, because i don't know anybody that has it together and is so strong and has no issues. The only difference me and someone else is that my weaknesses were exposed and after that it became so overwhelming that I couldn't hide it anymore. Now I also have to labelled weak for that. Well, hey, it's not like my great self is taking a blow from that. LOL. There's isn't much left to hurt or put down really.

And so I'm weak and lost and all screwed up in my head. People worst than me out there have at the very least one person that they know accepts them for who they are. And perhaps I had that, but I didn't quite understand that I couldn't ask for better than that, because I wasn't a good person or wasn't strong enough to keep it together throughout everything I had happening. I've considered this, that's why i was with him, because I knew I didn't deserve any better. Hey, if the guy is willing to put with with and all of asks for is not to be intimate with me, why should I complain? Why should I complain that he might violent once in a while, or while I should I complain that he cheats. Who wouldn't need to cheat on someone like me? I just can't keep it together. I just can't stop beating myself over not succeeding and being different from others.

I think I'm realizing that there's a point where you just become too needy to be able to ever make sense. There's like a point of no return. The vicious cycle is sealed and it can't be broken. It started way before me and it's still going and I don't know how to get out of it.

I'm just too drained to get through this, I'm just desperate for a time out or an opportunity to just take a break and refuel, since I know this is how the rest of my life is going to be and fighting everyday is what i'm going to keep doing. i just thought I could deserve at least feeling good for one time, even it is was fake and unreal and not heartfelt by the other person. That's why sometimes I wish I could pay for it, because I'm jutst in how it feels at this person, ot wether it's real or not.

Good night, maybe sleep will give me some strenght tonight (like I haven't wished for that before)!
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Old 02-01-2008, 08:19 AM   #11
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Physical beauty is the most important trait in a woman to the great majority of men (I'm a man). Being hairy or overwieght or having scars isn't a trait that most men find attractive. Different men have different standards of what they will accept and what they find attractive. And there's a big difference in standards for someone to just have sex with or someone we would be more serious about. If you just want sex with a man its gonna be pretty easy to find. If you want marrige with a good man its gonna be hard to find even for an super attractive woman.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 10:18 AM   #12
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Like an addict who has to hit bottom before he/she can be helped, it's then, when you're sick and tired of being tired that you can finally be helped. God loves you Voodoo lady, though you may not can see that at this point. If you can see that, then you have to know that as long as He is on your side, you will make it! Theirs not much more can be said to you by anyone. The ball is in your cort! It's like a child learning to ride a bike, who keeps falling. You can get back up for the million'th time, or you can lye there and cry.
Get up again Voodoo lady, and go look at your self in the mirror, and say, "self, I can make it! Yes, I've tried many times and failed, but guess what self! This is a new day, and I'm going to began again, and this just might be the day that I start my road to recovery." Stop saying negative things to yourself, and start making possitive confessions! You're not the worst person in the world! You're not the ugliest person! You're not the only women that has been beat, mistreated, and lied on! Hey, you can make it, I promise you can (smile) I wish you were close, I would give you a big hug.
I'm signing out, some of this might be deleated, but know this, you can make it....

 
Old 02-01-2008, 06:08 PM   #13
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

to honestly answer your questions..... here goes!

question 1
yes the facial hair would put me off, im sorry but it has to be smooth, if i wanted to kiss a man then i would!

question 2
depends how bad the scars are, if they were very bad eg. skingraft bad then yes it would put me off and i wouldnt call her again!

question 3
if the woman doesnt meet my standards then i wont go out with them! regardless of personality!

question 4
same as above really!

i am sorry about the shallowness but thats how i am and the world ive grown up in!
ive had my share and probly alot of other peoples share of rubbish relationships in my life so im not very optomistic atm!

 
Old 02-01-2008, 06:16 PM   #14
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

Quote:
Originally Posted by VoodooQueen View Post
Anyone else would like to share their opinions for me.
hi,
Iin my opinion thats the true way you can trully find out if a man loves you for you or lies to you to get what he wants and then your history heart/broken and the story goes on and on.

maybe you don't reralize the differance between love & lust?
no matter what you look like (flaws) facial hair, scars, loss of a limb, your race/color, in Gods eyes were all equal and we all have but one God and he loves us all, therefore with what your asking ,yes a man can love you with all of the ''supposably'' bad things about you or the person your meaning.

As for as what one poster mention ''you can't make another preson love you''
I disgree with that in this way...sometimes it just take some people longer to realize what love is and what they have, sometimes thats to late and some times not soon enough.
A person may not start out loving you or love at first sight ect,,ect,, but a person can learn to love you as time passes by, that perticular person starts to think... humm that was a nice thing he did for me today ,then more time passes and maybe it nerver enterd that persons mind about falling in love with you but, is starting to enjoy your company, have fun with you and is around you more and more, This may take months, years but in my opinion a person can grow right along side of you and fall in love with you.
one thing you need to remember....Never give up on Love
Love is the greatest gift God gave us all, its meant to be cherrised for the rest of our lives, theres nothing any greater thana true true Love AND WHEN YOU FIND IT YOU WILL KNOW IT ,THAT WORKS FOR BOTH INVOLVED.
Theres no doubt.

As male and female were not perfect, and we never will be.
learn to love and trust in your self then you may find the love of your life.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 06:41 PM   #15
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Re: I need honest opinions from men only and the truth only please

VoodooQueen
Sorry to but in and sorry I am not a man, but I just had to say something. I read your post and it really moved me-I could also relate in some ways. Please stop thinking so poorly of yourself. You are not someone to be "put up with", you do not deserve to be cheated on, physically abused, lied to or anything else. You are a wonderful person who deserves to be cherished, loved, treasured, respected and treated like the amazing woman that you are. So what if you don't have it all pulled together right now, that doesn't make you any less than anyone else. I am speaking as woman who is a former giant walking mess, you can pull yourself together. It isn't easy trust me, but you can and you deserve all the same success and happiness that everyone deserves. That voice in you that beats you down needs to be silenced, that is your ex's voice echoing your head. Stop letting him get you down, he only did that to make himself feel bigger-he's a bully and doesn't deserve you. You are a strong woman already, look at what you were put through and you survived!! That is an accomplishment. Stop worrying about what a man wants and take care of what you want. The men will come to you when you truely believe in yourself and carry your head high with pride. Woman are incredable, magnificent creatures and you are blessed to be one. Find peace within yourself, follow your and your dreams. You will triumph over all your hardships and find your spirit again. Believe in yourself as I believe in you and all you can acheive. Sorry again for butting in and sorry this is so long.

 
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