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Old 01-31-2008, 06:36 PM   #1
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Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

I put girlfriend in quotes because we're not really boyfriend, girlfriend. I guess the simplest way to put it is that we're doing the whole "talking" thing. You could say we both like each other but both have way too much going on to commit to a relationship.

This all started yesterday when I decided to tell her about a dream I had. She had mentioned before that she wanted to hear about any dreams I have. So I decided to indulge her last night, apparently it was a big mistake.

In this dream I told her about I was basically trying to this talk to this girl we both know, but she kept teleporting around, so I never actually got to. There were no sexual intentions with this dream, and I don't even like the girl in this dream. Hell, I barely even know her, and have only talked to her a few times.

Without even telling me why, at the end of our conversation she tells me shes really upset and nearly in tears (this all happened over the internet). I was completely clueless last night, and she wouldn't tell me what I did wrong. I then talked to her earlier today and was able to figure out it was the dream I told her about that made her upset. She pretty much said she doesn't want me to defend myself and doesn't want an apology and said "whats done is done". She then goes on to say she doesn't know if she doesn't want to deal with all this right now, and that our "thing" is stressing her out.

Did I do something wrong? I mean she herself said this was an "open" relationship so I don't see why she would be jealous (we're not sleeping around or anything. Its not that kind of open). She even talks to one of my friends on the phone all the time and I don't care. If I honestly thought it was going to upset her I never would have even told her about it. I thought she would just kind of be like "thats weird" since it was about a girl thats teleporting like a superhero. Why would she still be upset even though I told her the dream means nothing and I don't have any "thing" going for this girl. I mean if she we're to tell me about a dream she had in which some guy was involved in it, I don't think I would get upset about it. I may get a little jealous, but I also wouldn't hold it against her since we can't really control what type of dreams we have. I like her, and I don't want things to go sour because of this.

Last edited by Giant_Squid; 01-31-2008 at 06:37 PM.

 
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Old 01-31-2008, 06:53 PM   #2
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

dont worry, you have done nothing wrong, she is overreacting. you cant control your dreams, sometimes we dream about people we dont know very well and sometimes we dream about people we dont like. it means nothing. i had a dream that my boyfriend was pashing on with this female friend of his that i have met 3 time so i dont even know her that well but here i am dreaming about my boyfriend pashing on with her. he doesnt even concider her a close friend, would never get with her and finds her annoying anyway. i told him about the dream and we just laughed. we all have these weird dreams sometimes.

 
Old 01-31-2008, 08:22 PM   #3
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

I realize now that in my first post it seems like I don't like this person I dreamed about at all. I do like this person, just not in the way where I have feelings for her. I also had mentioned to my girlfriend that me and the other girl had exchanged a few e-mail messages talking about having divorced parents, but it never turned into anything more than that (it couldn't happen anyways since she lives over 1000 miles away).

I was thinking she would react the same way you said you and your boyfriend reacted to your dreams, obviously thats not the case. The way she was talking earlier tonight it sounded like she wanted to call this whole thing off. Something about how she feels like I don't care about her. This is definitely not the case.

I don't want to bombard her with constant calls, but I feel like I need to do something. Should I write it out in an e-mail telling her I care about her, or just let it play out and talk to her face to face the next time I see her (which might be a while with the way our work and schooling schedules play out)?

 
Old 01-31-2008, 08:52 PM   #4
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

oh god if i were you i would run. for her to be in tears and for this dream to have caused irreconcilable damages...?!? she's a psycho in my books

 
Old 01-31-2008, 09:00 PM   #5
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

well, do you feel confortable with talking to her to her face about these things? if she is wanting to see you again and catch up, then maybe just tell her then, otherwise you can explain it in an email. obviously dont keep calling her, maybe let it go for a few days and then you can text her saying, hey, how are ya, wanna see a movie or something?
maybe in future though, dont tell her about any sexual dreams you have or whether u masturbate over someone famous or whatever. you cant control your dreams and i dont think something like this should be a deal breaker in a relationship.

 
Old 01-31-2008, 09:17 PM   #6
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jozi209 View Post
oh god if i were you i would run. for her to be in tears and for this dream to have caused irreconcilable damages...?!? she's a psycho in my books
Alright, I don't think she's psycho, she wasn't crying her eyes out at any point. I just think she has a lot to learn.

I do feel comfortable talking to her face to face, and thats how I would prefer it, but like I said I don't know how long it will be before I actually get to see her again. But at the same time I don't want to wait too long before trying to talk to her again, I don't want it to seem like I don't care at all about how she's doing. I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking that part.

Yea, I've learned now not to even mention any other dreams with other girls in them. Its odd though, she's never come across as a jealous person.

 
Old 01-31-2008, 10:14 PM   #7
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giant_Squid View Post
Alright, I don't think she's psycho, she wasn't crying her eyes out at any point. I just think she has a lot to learn.

I do feel comfortable talking to her face to face, and thats how I would prefer it, but like I said I don't know how long it will be before I actually get to see her again. But at the same time I don't want to wait too long before trying to talk to her again, I don't want it to seem like I don't care at all about how she's doing. I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking that part.

Yea, I've learned now not to even mention any other dreams with other girls in them. Its odd though, she's never come across as a jealous person.
well its probably best not to drag these things on for too long so if you dont think you will see her over the weekend, then maybe send her an email saying that you care, that the dream meant nothing, it was simply just a dream and that you would like to discuss it properly when you catch up next. that way, least you have said something in an email but you are willing to talk to her properly when you see her. i hope that suggestion helps.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 03:27 AM   #8
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

It sounds like she is insecure. There's not much you can do about that to help her. She has to get over that herself. If I were you, I'd actually just leave her alone for a bit and maybe contact her sometime late next week. Give her some time to chill. I think she totally overreacted and there's no reason for her behavior, but you can't do anything about how she reacted, that's all on her. You really didn't do anything wrong, I don't see why you should have to apologize for anything?

 
Old 02-01-2008, 06:45 AM   #9
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

Do you live in the same area? Do you ever actually get to see eachother? Is the majority of your "relationship" over the internet?

I agree with Kszan, I would let her be for a bit. I think she overreacted to something that is harmless due to her insecurities. She has to figure that out. There is nothing you can do for her there.

I also want to caution you to be careful if you continue on to a more serious relationship. If she is this jealous and overreacts to a dream could you imagine how she would be about a female friend or coworker? Just a little something to think about. Whatever you do, don't appologize. You did nothing wrong and if you appologize she will think it is okay to act that way when it's not.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 07:14 AM   #10
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

I agree with jozi209. I think that she is over reacting and is being immature and childish. Why would you get upset over a dream? The fact that you two have an open relationship is confusing to me. There’s nothing set in stone here and I think that you need to NOT call her and give her time to realize how foolish she was acting. To call her is implying that you feel guilt and you shouldn’t because you did nothing wrong. How old is this girl if you mind me asking?
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Old 02-01-2008, 07:47 AM   #11
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
Do you live in the same area? Do you ever actually get to see eachother? Is the majority of your "relationship" over the internet?
No, most of it is face to face. Its just we get to points where either me or her has a lot of school work to get done (we go to two different colleges in the same town). We see each other at our part-time job as well but this week the schedules we're made to where I don't think I'll be seeing her at all until next week.

I really want to talk to her, and its going to be hard to try to wait till next week sometime to talk to her. She did say she was hoping we could talk about this next time we see each other, theres some sign of hope, I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul
How old is this girl if you mind me asking?
19
Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom
If she is this jealous and overreacts to a dream could you imagine how she would be about a female friend or coworker?
See, the thing is, I/we work with A LOT of girls, and interact with them regularly in front my girlfriend and she doesn't care at all. A lot of times my interactions with the other girls at work isn't work related either. Like I said, I've never thought her to be a jealous person, but for whatever reason this dream of mine seemed to press some sort of button. Now she's crushed and saying its adding more stress into her life.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 09:31 AM   #12
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

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Originally Posted by Giant_Squid View Post
Like I said, I've never thought her to be a jealous person, but for whatever reason this dream of mine seemed to press some sort of button. Now she's crushed and saying its adding more stress into her life.
But that is a really unfair statement for her to say for a couple of reasons.

1) You have no control over what you dream about.
2) She said she wanted to hear about any dreams you had.

Here's a thought, is she a pshych major? I know dream interpretation is one of the things we did when I was taking pshychology. We had to keep a dream journal and let me tell you, people dream about weird things! Could it be that maybe she is reading too much into this for this reason? I'm not trying to make excuses for her at all, but if the jealously is this out of character there must be something (even if it's only in her mind) triggering it.

The main thing is you can't take responsibility for her reaction to what she asked to hear. That is unfair to you. Maybe she will think the next time and realize there are some things you just don't need to know.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 10:09 AM   #13
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

Sounds to me like you're not reading between the lines. She also said your casual more than friends but not quite boyfriend/girlfriend "thing" is stressing her out.

Sounds to me like it sort of hit her in the face that she maybe cares for you more than she thought she would, more than she feels you care about her. If you really care for this girl, maybe you should revisit the whole "where are we, should we be boyfriend/girlfriend" issue. If you don't feel you are that into her and would like to continue dating other girls, then be straight with her.

 
Old 02-01-2008, 10:58 AM   #14
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

I agree with Larrylou’smom. Has this girl ever meet this girl that you dreamed about?

If so, maybe something happened that is still unsettled and/or she has some major jealousy issues with her.

Just something to think about.
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Old 02-01-2008, 02:03 PM   #15
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Re: Accidently made my "girlfriend" jealous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
Here's a thought, is she a pshych major? I know dream interpretation is one of the things we did when I was taking pshychology. We had to keep a dream journal and let me tell you, people dream about weird things! Could it be that maybe she is reading too much into this for this reason?
She's not a psych major, but she does take a class on psychology. After I told her the dream she said something like "in all honesty why would you tell me this" and I replied saying she had asked me to tell her about any dreams I had. So she said "ha, i did didn't I". She then goes on to ask me "what do you think Freud would think of all this", knowing Freud I said he would think it meant I want to have sex with this girl. But of course, Freud thinks every kind of dream is sexual in nature (I was still clueless at the time that she was now upset).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry
Sounds to me like it sort of hit her in the face that she maybe cares for you more than she thought she would, more than she feels you care about her. If you really care for this girl, maybe you should revisit the whole "where are we, should we be boyfriend/girlfriend" issue. If you don't feel you are that into her and would like to continue dating other girls, then be straight with her.
See, I do care about her, I would like to think just as much as she cares for me. I mean I'm constantly thinking about her and all the other signs to say I really do like this girl. And just a week ago she was saying how happy she was in this "talking" phase and that its funner than she thought it would be. Really, neither of us have the time required to commit to a full on relationship. The school I go to is very demanding as is the same with hers. I think we're both on the same page, its just I guess she doesn't feel like I care for her as much as she does for I. I'm just not sure what to do about that, I'm unfortunately not a super open person when I first get into relationships (we've seeing each other for only about a month). Like many things I do in life, I have to get warmed up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JulJul
Has this girl ever meet this girl that you dreamed about?
Yes, in fact she's known this girl I had a dream about for much much longer than I. She hasn't said much about her, but as far as I know they don't hate each other.

Last edited by Giant_Squid; 02-01-2008 at 02:04 PM.

 
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