How do you tell someone you're gay? - Relationship Health Message Board

Someone15 · 02-01-2008, 08:38 PM

How do you tell your strongly christian,anti-gay family that your gay?

OpenMind · 02-01-2008, 08:45 PM

Well, the only reason you feel like you cant tell them is because of the reaction you will recieve, so honestly when you dont fear that reaction then it is the right time, Im sure it wont be easy, but dont make it bigger then it needs to be, if you explain it with a clear level head and stand firm about your decision even if they dont like it, they will have to accept it, and then you can begin to live your life with a much needed weight off your chest. The choice is yours, but i wouldnt hide it any longer if i was you, Being afraid to live the way you want to because of others is one of the worst things you can do.

bulletproof · 02-01-2008, 11:27 PM

I have a cousin that had to deal with this. Her parents didn't know she was a lesbian and she brought a girl home with her to visit her parents. They didn't know the girl was anything more than a friend, but once they saw the two of them interact they suspected something. They confronted my cousin, and it was a very ugly scene. They are both born-again Christians, so that made it that much harder for them to even begin to understand it.

I tell you this story as a warning: don't put off telling them. Especially if you are in a relationship already. If you are too scared to tell them in person, maybe a hand-written letter would be a better choice. But in person is probably best. Is there anyone in your family at all that might support you? A sibling or a cousin? If there is, sometimes it helps to tell that person first.

They will probably be upset at first, but you are family, and people can be remarkably resilient. They might even be more accepting than you thought. But you have to at least give them the chance to either accept it or not.

I hope that it goes well for you and that you at least have a good group of friends that accept you for who you are.

Jack Smith · 02-02-2008, 01:32 AM

Never forget:

You are your own person. You belong to no one else. Be confident. Live how you want to live. No regrets.

wonderwoman4 · 02-03-2008, 10:20 AM

Having come out when I was 15 (now 41) those days are far behind me. You have to remember it may take your parents' just as long to deal with it as it took you.

Perhaps the idea of writing them a letter and giving them am opportunity to read it and process it a bit might feel safer to you. Who knows, maybe they already have an idea that you are gay.

Whatever their reaction - just remember they do love you and this may rattle their faith a bit. Given time they will come around. I remember asking my father if it would be better for him if I were tricking for drug money as long as I was doing it w/men - he said yes. That response was all about him. He told me my partner at the time wasn't allowed in his house - so we never went. That lasted maybe a year, then he got over it. My mother - well she was easy...

Good luck and just remember you are who you are - and it's not a choice.