I think I am starting to fall for my best guy friend Jim. Should I try to see if I can take it to the next level?
So here's the scoop, Jim is my best guy friend and we have been friends for about a year and a half. He is someone that I consider to be one of my best friends in the whole world. We even had made one of those silly pacts to be eachothers back-up plan, if neither one of us gets married by the time we turn 33 then we would marry eachother. silly-yes.. but thats ok.
There have been times where his friends told me that they thought he liked me as more than a friend. There have been other incidences where I got the vibe that he was intersted in more. He has made a comment in the past "yeah, I'm always just the friend".
So Jim and I have never dated, but one time after leaving the bar I went back to his house to hang out and watch a movie (we've hung out many times after the bars closed) but this time was different. Back in December we ended up cuddling, then we started making out.. ended up almost naked then we stopped. Anyway, we continued being friends like always, like we had never messed around or anything. -just acted like it never happened and havent touched eachother since. I dont care that we did that, not saying that when I sobered up I didnt think "what did I do that for?" but its all good, i dont care, he means the world to me.
While we were laying together we talked about our friendship and stuff, and we talked about how things would be and that we shouldnt go any further with eachother. We also talked about how it would be if we saw the other one flirting with others after this, if we would be jealous or cool with it, since we do go out to the bar with each other quite often. Jim said he didnt care if I was interested in other guys and I agreed to the same, and ment it.
I wont go into details to spare a long story, but Jim and I went to the bar one night and this guy I used to date showed up there. I ended up leaving the bar with the guy and not with Jim. Jim strongly dislikes the guy because the guy didnt treat me very well while we were dating. Jim was mad at me and didnt talk to me for 2 weeks because he was mad that I left with that guy. It was just this last weekend that we started talking again, but we havent hung out again yet. If Jim didnt care about me or have feelings for me, why would he get that upset about it? I think I really hurt him when I did that.
During the time that Jim wasnt talking to me, I missed him so much. Jim is one of my best friends and my world just wasnt the same without him in it. Because we always talked, hung out every week, talked about everything and txted a bazillion times a week.
I think I am getting feelings for him that are more than just friends. And this will sound so shallow, but I am not physically attracted to him at all. But I do love his personality and have a lot of fun when I am with him.
I want to hug him and not let go when I finally do see him again, and cuddle and maybe even kiss. Yes, I am having those kind of thoughts about my best friend! Yikes!
I dont know if I should Initiate taking our friendship to the next level the next time I see him or not. Maybe start out with the hug (we do usually hug each other) and see how he reacts if I'm a little more touchy feely than usual. I was thinking about trying to get together with him on Thursday and hanging out.. maybe trying to see if things could go beyond friendship. Also I would talk to him about it and see how he feels.
Because what better than to have a boyfriend that is also your best friend? Being just friends for a year and a half is a long time and we know each other well. I think I love Jim, I already know I love him as a best friend, so I guess that means I can say I love him. I know that he would treat me good. He has looked out for me and hates it when he sees other guys treat me bad. He hasnt ever treated me bad.
Do I dare try doing this? I think I want to, I actually have true feelings for him and I know that he wouldnt use me like the guys I tend to pick out. I never thought I would want to date Jim, I always saw him as just a friend.. but our time apart has really gotten me thinking. And I have been thinking about wanting him a lot.
This is always kind of a "double-edged sword" situation. I've actually been in this same exact situation before (with my now ex-girlfriend).
We knew each other all throughout highschool, and she was always one of the most amazing, sweetest and most caring girls that I had ever met. Yet, like you are experiencing, she was a tad on the overweight side and I was never really physically attracted to her. We ended up going to the same local state college together, and had similar break times so we started hanging out even more. She pretty much broke down one day and told me that she couldn't hold it in anymore, and that she had had the hugest crush on me for as long as she could remember.
It actually was a pretty good relationship, we just kind of went in different directions as we grew older and neared the end of college and the beginning of our careers. The thing about dating a best friend is that once you cross the line into dating, things will never be the same again. You can't just "rewind" and make things how they were when you were best friends, because now you have a history and deeper feelings are involved. And despite what people say, breakups are never really "mutual" :P.
I don't talk to my her anymore, as I was the one to end it and she said that she could never just be my friend again. So, what else can I do but respect her decision and let her go. I wish I could just call her somedays to chat or to grab lunch or dinner, and it still hurts to think about the friendship that was lost, but time has helped things a bit.
Hopefully I'm not freaking you out, this is just my story. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing though. There's some risks that actually aren't worth not taking, follow your heart.
i was in the same situation as you but he is now my boyfriend. we had known each other for a year. i dated his best friend, then i was introduced to him. the best friend and i went our different ways but my current boyfriend wanted to be friends so we started being mates. i started staying at his house, watching dvds, no kissing, no nothing. he will go on dates with other girls, show me pictures and it wouldnt bother me till one day he invited me out to a work colleagues birthday. later that night we jumped in the back seat and started making out. we didnt have sex. but he texted me the very next day asking if i enjoyed the night. next minute we were dating and a year later we fully commited. now we are talking about moving in together. we just came back from our second interstate trip. in was fun as
I dated my best friend, and although it was really great at first because of how well we got along, it ended very badly with him cheating on me with 2 different girls, one of whom I thought was a friend of mine, but she proved otherwise by stabbing me in the back and sleeping with my bf.
I'm saying that yeah it seems like a great idea to date your best friend because you have some deeper feelings for him, and blah blah blah, I know, I've been there. But as you've already read, the problem is that once you go into a relationship, you can't ever go back. And if the relationship goes bad, it's very hard to get back the friendship, unless the breakup was amicable (which is rare as hell and I think we all know that), and even then there would always be some underlying tension in the friendship that wasn't there before the relationship was attempted.
So you have to ask yourself whether you're willing to sacrifice your friendship for the sake of attempting a relationship. I'm just saying, I had all of the same thoughts as you did when I went into it. But he turned out to be completely different than what I thought he would be, and he hid his true self from me the entire time we were together. And I got hurt really badly. I don't even talk to him anymore and that's a 10 year friendship down the drain, both because we tried a relationship that failed and also because he cheated and lied to me, so now I have no desire to ever see him or speak to him again.
Thank all of you for sharing your experiences you have had in your similar situations. I appriciate your input
I have been thinking a lot about this, and I just dont think that I am going to try to change anything. I am happy with the way our friendship has been and trying to take things to the next level might just mess everything up. Then again there is always the chance that it might not.
I think I am more open to the idea of us being more than just friends now than I have been in the past. If something ends up happening between us, I would be fine with it, I just dont think that I am going to push for it to happen... So I guess what ever happens between us happens, whether it be our friendship as it has been or something more.
Anyway, that is what I am thinking right now. Who knows maybe I will change my mind again, i dont know...
blue eyed angel
Last edited by blue_eyed_angel; 02-13-2008 at 12:49 PM.
Even if you go out with a best friend and break up and then the relationship changes and maybe even is lost..... that may happen anyway even if you stay friends. I think the older people get, the harder it is to keep up platonic male-female best friendships. For example, if he ended up getting a girlfriend, it might seem a bit wrong for him to be so close to another girl as he is to you. Things would be bound to change, and vice versa. I can't see it staying the same forever anyway - not that I know you guys, but just that of all the close male-female friendships I've known, this seems to happen eventually. Either they get together with each other, or with someone else and the relationship has to back off a little to make room for the new person. I'm not going to give you any advice one way or the other, but just thought I'd throw it out there that things might change anyway whatever happens!