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Old 02-29-2008, 04:54 PM   #1
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joebloggs2 HB Userjoebloggs2 HB User
Feeling lonely/isolated after marriage

Hello. My wife and I are very young (20s) and I can't say that my life was thrilling before marriage (2 years ago), but lately I realized that I rarely go out anymore. I rarely do anything with others, actually. I feel there's nothing to do.

Going out with my wife gets boring. It's not like dating. Since we know we're together and always available, there's a sort of "eh, we can do that later" feeling. When your single, you seek going out and finding dates.

I have hobbies, plenty of them. When I say I spend all my time at home, I don't mean I moan around. I'm always busy reading or researching, creating things, studying (we're both in college) and etc, but 99% of what I do are things I do alone.

I talk to girls (my wife knows, and she talks to guys) but it's depressing knowing I can't (won't, actually) go far with the relationship. She feels the same way.

We love each other, and the problem isn't necessarily my marriage, because if I wasn't married I might have the same problem. I feel like I'm losing touch with reality. Not in a schizophrenic way, but I feel like my only connection to the rest of the world is through the Internet, and even here I rarely talk to anyone.

Nearly all my hobbies are solitary and most require me to sit down and concentrate. Programming, designing, repairing things, etc.. and when I'm not doing those, I'm reading. When I'm not reading I'm studying - and most of my classes are math/science classes, so I feel overwhelmed. I've become very introverted and restless lately.

 
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Old 02-29-2008, 06:41 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling lonely/isolated after marriage

Sounds like you've become complacent and that you and your wife are taking each other for granted.

Is there anything different you'd like to try with your wife? day trips like clay pigeon shooting, extreme sports for example. If money is an obstacle, a day trip to the beach, a picnic doesn't cost much.

Relationships and marriages need to be constantly worked on but there must be a natural 'want' from both sides.

Do you regret getting married? You speak as if being married holds youback in some way.

And have you spoken to your wife about how you feel?

 
Old 03-04-2008, 09:24 AM   #3
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Location: San Jose, CA
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OpenMind HB User
Re: Feeling lonely/isolated after marriage

Well i dont think the solution to your problems are going to be "getting out more" I think the root of your problem is exactly what you wrote in your post title "lonely/isolated in marriage" - Those 2 words mean to me that you dont feel like your connected with your wife at all and that you feel stuck in your marriage with her- kind of like being stuck with someone who you have no connection to kind of depressing just thinking of that, I think the solutions to your problem are - talk with your wife about how you feel, maybe she feels the same, and really take the time to think about whether or not your ready for marriage, and if that answer is a no, maybe its time to break off the marriage but dont do anything your going to regret 5 years from now, my advice is just pour out your feelings to your wife - instead of the internet and whatever response you get to that - think about it and take the next steps based on those results. Good Luck

 
Old 03-04-2008, 12:50 PM   #4
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jennie250 HB User
Re: Feeling lonely/isolated after marriage

Did you go out with you friends alone before you got married? Or were you a home body then too? If you used to go out, there is no reason you can't go out now without your wife. I"m married, but I never feel isolated, I still have my friends, go out on girls nights, have hobbies, take girls weekends away. my husband is the same. You say you are bored and isolated, well no kidding if you never do much...being married doesn't mean you have to stay home 24/7, or that you even have to spend all your time with your wife. YOu may also make the effort to make date nights with your wife.

 
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