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Old 03-02-2008, 11:15 PM   #1
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husband still sleeps on couch...

I'm just sick of it! I've written in the past about my husband sleeping on the couch, giving me no intimacy - rare sex, no displays of affection unless I ask for a back rub or something which is kind of humiliating at this point, etc. Yes I've talked to him til I'm blue in the face about why he sleeps on the couch...he plays it down like "I was working," "I feel asleep in front of the TV" etc. But that is BS b/c there have been times when I've heard him get up from the couch in the middle of the night, go to the bathroom, then go BACK to the couch and go back to sleep! We have 2 kids and yes it is exhausting but that's no excuse in my opinion (in fact I'm very concerned what kind of example we are setting for them when they never see us hugging or showing each other affection). I'm sick of talking, it gets me nowhere...what can I DO about this?! I'm sorry I'm in my 30s, at my sexual peak here, is it so wrong to want a man to WANT me? I don't like feeling rejected by my own husband...my self esteem is plummeting...

 
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Old 03-03-2008, 12:22 PM   #2
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

This was happening to my former boss years ago. Her hubby slept on the couch for close to three years and refused to talk about it. They never had sex and he was never intimate with her. We all knew he had to be cheating, but my boss refused to think this. Well, after three years of this nonsense, she found out he was cheating and finally divorced him. Now she is happily married to a great guy and they are expecting their first baby together.

Moral of the story, don't wait around for him to come to bed!

 
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Old 03-03-2008, 12:31 PM   #3
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

Hello

My husband sleeps on the couch also but it is because our room is hot. That could be the reason in a way. Our love making have not stop because of him sleeping on the couch. Try talking to him about it ask him what is wrong.

 
Old 03-03-2008, 01:49 PM   #4
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

I have thought about the possibility of him cheating, but he literally does not have time...when he's not at work he's home helping with kids, etc. I don't know when it would happen, he never really has the opportunity. He goes on errands during the weekend but they are quick...they'd have to be pretty quick "dates" if that's what he was really doing! So I'm not that worried about that...but you raise a good point, there is obviously a reason why he is sleeping on the couch that he is not telling me.

 
Old 03-03-2008, 07:22 PM   #5
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

You know what CKL, I have this same problem. And I just wrote about it a week or two ago on this board.

It kills me too. I think the same thing. I'm only in my 30's, do I really want to live the rest of my life this way? It's terrible. I don't know why men act the way they do. Mine is always home also, never goes out at night so go figure. I don't like to ask for things either. What's the point if you have to ask, right?

I sympathize with you, and I know how it feels.

I have a girlfriend who tells me he's probably cheating during the day! She has an ex who told her he cheated on his wife every Sunday morning, and it only took and hour! Who knows.

Last edited by UnluckyInLove; 03-03-2008 at 07:24 PM.

 
Old 03-04-2008, 11:15 AM   #6
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

Wow I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. That is crazy about the guy who cheats on Sunday mornings in one hour - what is he going to hookers or something?! Yikes I suppose that is a remote possibility. Don't know how I would ever find out - not like I can follow him with 2 kids and only one car!

I read your other post about the fight with your husband - I do that too, provoke fights to try to get some information out of him, or at least some kind of reaction to figure out what he's thinking. What your husband said was extremely harsh - glad you had a comeback at least.

So what do we do?? I have tried to talk to him a million times. Last night he came to bed but only after our daughter started crying and he brought her into our bed. He did put his hand around me a little so I guess maybe trying to make an effort? Although I had just given him a hard time for sleeping on the couch the other day so he's just reacting to that - like you said if you have to ask for it it kind of loses it's validity, like he doesn't really want to do it but will just to keep the peace or something. Anyway please keep me posted and let me know what your plan is...we are too young to live like this aren't we?

 
Old 03-04-2008, 03:54 PM   #7
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

Let me tell you that my husband was living with a woman for many years and she also slept on the sofa. Let me tell ya, this woman never went anywhere in fact she did not even drive a car. But she was having an affair with a guy that went on for years and years and she only was with the guy once every two weeks...he'd come over to THEIR apartment when he was away at work and they'd have sex in HIS bed because she didn't sleep in the bed...remember! So I tell ya...anything is possible! But she kept pretending they were a couple even though I cannot imagine why my husband would have thought this if she didn't even sleep in their bed anymore...but it's like you girls are going through....I mean you just don't know what to think ya know? You'd think that if a person didn't want to be with you anymore then they would have the decency to just freakin' move out and let you get on with your lives instead of stringing you on thinking things will somehow straighten themselves out.

You know the only legitimate reason I can think of is if one of you snores or kicks and one of you cannot sleep at night but if it was that then you'd know it. Has he stopped touching and kissing completely? Like what is his response if you go up to him and hug him and kiss him? Does he act repulsed? My husband told me that woman did NOT want him to touch her! This would be a huge red flag as to him being in love with someone else or just not being in love with you anymore.
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 03-04-2008 at 04:48 PM.

 
Old 03-04-2008, 04:00 PM   #8
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

He sleeps on the couch and won't touch you? Is he gay?

 
Old 03-04-2008, 04:10 PM   #9
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

Take care.

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 03-07-2008 at 02:44 AM.

 
Old 03-04-2008, 05:01 PM   #10
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

How do I find out if he is cheating then? Obviously he will deny it if I ask him (I have jokingly asked him in the past - maybe it's no joke!)

I've tried to talk to him many times and he always has an excuse - working, fell asleep in front of the TV, stressed, etc. etc.

I just want an answer - whether he's cheating, finds me repulsive, is gay, whatever. Exactly right that the only decent thing to do is tell your significant other so they can move on rather than waste years wondering...

 
Old 03-04-2008, 05:05 PM   #11
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

If someone wants to have an affair, where there is a will there is a way.

Someone told me about a woman who thought her husband seemed odd but he was home on time everyday for dinner and with her all weekend...he was doing his secretary at lunch time!

Your husband claims he loves you but he has a funny way of showing it. I can only suggest marital counseling and be prepared to leave.

It is just not normal to sleep all night on the couch when you're married.

 
Old 03-04-2008, 08:30 PM   #12
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

I can understand somebody sleeping on the couch if there's been some conversation about why...he needs the tv on to fall asleep but you need silence, one of you snores, one likes it to be hot and the other cold in the room...things like that. But for no good reason? If he can't give you a valid reason then there HAS to be something he's hiding. Nobody in their right mind would choose a couch over a bed with their spouse.

If there isn't much chance of him cheating, perhaps he is gay.

Can you call up a friend who knows your trouble and maybe do a little investigating? Look for his car at work, see where he goes at lunchtime, see what time he leaves...things like that? Do you have those cell phone things for your kids that tell where they are at all times? You could "accidentally" leave one in his car? Look in the internet history on your computer, see if there's anything odd. Also, check all your credit card bills, see where the charges came from, see if there's anything suspicious, even lunches out that seem to cost more than just for him...don't lie down and let him string you along. Take charge of your marriage and make him tell you why he is this way.

 
Old 03-05-2008, 12:47 AM   #13
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

Take care.

Phoenix

Last edited by Phoenix; 03-07-2008 at 02:45 AM.

 
Old 03-05-2008, 08:13 AM   #14
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

wow. how quickly we jump from he's a good husband to, "oh he must be cheating."

have you tried joining him on the couch?

one of my friend's husband was the same way. always slept on the couch. he wasn't cheating on her, he was just tired and would fall asleep watching tv. then he wouldn't want to go get in their bed in the middle of the night because he didn't want to wake her up. she got tired of what it was doing to their relationship, so she started watching tv with him and falling asleep on the couch with him. and she told him, "if you won't come to me, then what choice do i have but to come to you???" he finally got tired of having to share the couch with her and started waking her up so they could go to bed together. it did wonders for their relationship.

 
Old 03-05-2008, 09:09 AM   #15
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Re: husband still sleeps on couch...

Well she says that her husband is not affectionate at all anymore either. And I didn't catch the part about him starting out as a "good husband". What I saw is she's sick of being rejected.
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 03-05-2008 at 09:18 AM.

 
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