my friend had her 25th bday yesterday. I have known her for 10 yrs. She wanted an intimate celebration, so I invited 12 of her best friends, including her 2 (younger) brothers.
I planned the whole surprise party. I spent 700 dollars, which is a lot for me. I had balloon service, a $200 cake, poster size pictures blown up of her and put around the apartment, and bought all the alcohol. We went for dinner which was slightly over $1000 and everybody paid a portion (thank god!!).
so we get back to my place, and her brother decides to stay after everyone leaves. Now....I thought he was gorgeous...I haven't seen him in about 7 years and he grew up...but bc he is her brother, i didn't initiate anything. HE decides to stay when everyone goes....and we start making out. half an hour goes by and my friend (guy's sister) and her bf come back...she was bawling her eyes out and saying she couldn't deal with this, and took her brother home.
did i do wrong? hould I call her or should I wait for her to call me?
What's her problem with her brother liking her best friend? Seems like she'd be thrilled? Are you like 10 years older and he's a kid or what? Is there something I'm missing? I can't see it being wrong at all.
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
Well, are you guys going to be a couple now, or was it just a casual one night hook up? She may have overreacted a bit, but I think it was also kind of bad form to do it on the night of her big party, I mean, that night was supposed to be about her and if she knew he was staying behind to hook up with you, chances are all or at least a portion of the guests did too, and I'm guessing perhaps there was an air of "oh, alright, we better clear out, jozi and friend's little brother want to get it on now!!" It might have been more obvious to them than you thought, and then suddenly the party becomes a little bit about jozi and friend's little brother getting it on rather than your friend's birthday. Especially since I'm sure he didn't just decide at the last minute to stay behind and make out with you. There was probably flirting and sexual energy between the two of you all night that everyone else could sense.
Again, she probably overreacted but the timing was inappropriate. If it were me, I'd call her and apologize for stepping on her day and for the timing, but I'd ask her why she has anything against you perhaps pursuing something with her brother, assuming you do have more in mind than just a one night hook up, and I'd hear her side of the story. Hopefully you guys can work it out. Good luck.
Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 03-09-2008 at 10:56 AM.
thanks for replying. LLM, you are wrong about the flirting. there was none at all...a bit of tension i guess, but I thought it was just me, its her little bro (2 yrs younger than us) and I haven't seen him in so long. I barely spoke to him all night, I was busy hostessing. He didn't ask if he could stay over...there were no secret glances or anything. I didn't know he was staying behind until he actually did and everybody else had gone.
As for anything further happening, I'm not sure as I don't know him well and he is probably too young for me.
she actually called this morning to apologize for overreacting, but I don't think she is happy. I just got in from work so I will call her tonight.
the only thing i can think of why she might be mad is that I date a alot of guys, and maybe she thinks I will get bored and drop him? or...I don't know???? she set me up with my ex who was my longest relationship, so I know she wants me to be happy but I guess it just came as a big shock and she probably doesn't think we would be a good couple....not sure....
thanks for replying. LLM, you are wrong about the flirting. there was none at all...
So did she an dher boyfriend just come back by coincidence for some other reason and found him there, or did she already know what was happening when she came back? How did the little brother know he would be "welcome to stay" if you know what I mean, after everyone else had gone?
Well, it's good that she apologized for overreacting. Yeah, just talk it out with her. Sounds like she's protective of her brother but a reasonable person who cares about you, so hopefully this will blow over with some understanding and communication. Good luck.
okay so I spoke with her and she said she was just in shock, bc she had no indication from any point of the night that there was anything bw me and her brother...however, her bf said he saw the brother was interested in me (the bf knows the brother way better than I do so I guess he could pick up on it better than me).
she spoke with both her brother and me yesterday and I think she got the feeling that he put her in her place, he told her she had no right to infringe on anyone else's decisions.
She freked out when her and her bf had left my place and she realized that her brother was not in the elevator with them and not coming with them. (she also had way too much to drink, so thats probably why she was so emotional and confused),
anyway she said all she could think about was how it might change the relationship for us "tomorrow" and she was sick with worry from that, and in fact could not eat at all yesterday...she is the type of person who likes to have control of everything so I can see that. She said the big thing for her was feeling like she was the last one to know (although I felt like that too).
he was texting and calling me yesterday....if I decide to get to know him I will definitely need to bring that up with her.
I think the worst is over....Hopefully. These type of situations happen because most people are overly sensitive when it comes to family members and don't always think rationally. You didn't do anything wrong.....She was just freaked out by the situation and didn't react well. Who knows....Was there alcohol @ the party? If so, that would explain a lot of it. People can get real emotional after a few drinks! Talk it through and all will be well.....Until you break up of course....Then, she'll probably back her bro, unless he cheats on you or something.
Good luck with everything....I think it will work itself out.
I agree with the other posts that she did indeed overreact but I think it was more because of the alcohol. I think that if you like this guy then you should try to get to know him better. If you two actually went out on a date your friend might feel more comfortable. All in all, I think old friends make really good lovers.
Best of luck‚Ä¶..Jules
Time does not heal. It simply provides distraction.
This is totally just my opinion here, but I think your friend was waaaay out of line. She doesn't own either you or her brother and what you to two do is not her concern. Sure, she can not like it, but to actually react like that was just out of line.
Now, if you were much older and preyed on him like a vulture and had your way with him purely for your amusement, then yeah, tsk tsk on you, but I'm not seeing it that way, right? She'll get over it.
thank you for everyone's input. I think she was out of line as well, and not to make excuses, but she was drunk and high, and she is neither very often so she was feeling out of control and felt left out I think.....but its over anyway. he was sending me some pretty explicit txts today (we couldn't talk since I worked from 8am to 11 pm straight), and i told him that unless this is going to be real, I don't want it to get between mine and his sister's friendship; she IS my best friend in this country (my best friend moved a couple of years ago to another country, and we talk everyday but obviously its nice to have a friend in the area)...he told me he admired that and said he'd be lying if he didn't want to just mess around.
i was really hesitant about him anyway since he is two yrs younger than me and I usually date men who are 10-15 yrs my senior...he is still a kid (23)...he lives with his parents, I don't even know if he has a job (he was in the military but is finished now I think). I have my life together, moved out when I was 18 (with this friend actually, we lived together for a year), I have a university degree, a good career, a nice place, and I am pretty much past the point of just messing around...my most recent ex was sooooo monotone and un-passionate and didn't make me feel wanted/special/desired at all and my friend's brother is so opposite so I was excited about that aspect....I know he's only two years younger but I felt very strange about the situation.
I wouldn't have normally brought up right away that I want something 'real' in the 'beginning' of a relationship but I felt needed to lay all my cards out on the table because of my friend. I had a previous best friend, and 7 years ago, her brother and i started to date, until I found out 10 months later that he was going back between me and his ex....that basically ruined our friendship because she took his and the ex's side and didn't care that I was hurt...we are still friends, but our friendship was never the same. I don't want a repeat of that situation, b/c she is a very good person.
again thanks to everyone who replied and i'll update if anything interesting happens
Okay everybody has been talking to everybody and he texted me last night (I erased his # by this point) and said that he doesn't want to lead me on and said he is mainly lusting right now. I just replied that i get it and thanks for being honest. I mean he IS 23 and its not like we were friends...how can it be more than lusting from just hanging out one night superficially? he wrote a couple of things again and I didn't reply. I feel a bit sad but also proud of myself that I put my needs first before I got emotionally involved with him.
The next step is erasing all his txts that made me feel special...its not like I need a reminder of what I am missing.