My husband is driving me CRAZY!!! - Relationship Health Message Board

happymom28 · 03-19-2008, 07:11 AM

I have to vent my frustrations at this moment. Unfortunately, the person I should be vernting this to (my husband) is at work for the next 12 hours!

We have been in our new home for 2 1/2 weeks now. With the exception of the weekend we moved my husband has had 2 days off from work. One last Wednesday when he was in bed sick all day, and this past Sunday (which was his birthday) and my inlaws were here for a visit. Other than that he has been working every day all day. I knew that this was how it was going to be with this new job, at least in the beginning while he is still in the "setting up" stage.

I haven't had one day without children. Not even one hour to myself it seems. No matter what I am doing (even going to the bathroom) I have a child right there. That is part of motherhood and I accept that. However, I was looking forward to my husband having his day off today. Not because I was going to have any glamorous time alone or anything. I just wanted to go bring the recycling to the center (that he has promised for a week that hew would do) and do some shopping for Easter since we are having a house full of guests so our families can come see the new house. My plans were abruptly changed by my husband coming home early yesterday (which would normally be a good thing if he wasn't so grumpy) only to tell me he had to work today. There was absolutely no consideration on his end that his change of plans affected me. Apparently I'm just expected to go with the flow.

So I'm in a bad mood this morning. Why? Well, it's this snowy/sleety/rainy/wintery mix crap going on outside. It's really not the weather I should be bringing a 21 month old with a cold out in. Not to mention my car is not the best in this kind of weather and I get nervous when the kids are in the car with me. So the recycling (that is clogging my back hallway) has to wait another day. The shopping I have to do will now be done with at least one child (and tons more stress as any of you with children know). I can deal with that. But what REALLY put me over the edge this morning was my husband's attitude towards me.

I make him a lunch daily so he isn't spending money eating takeout. Do I get a thank you? No, I get a "don't worry, I found a knife at work for my lunch". That was a dig on how I didn't put a knife in with it and/or didn't cut his chicken yesterday. What, you don't know where the flatware is??? I had to hear about how the starch I bought smells like lavendar and how he will smell like an "old lady". It's not like he couldn't go to the store and buy it. He couldn't find himself a towel this morning even though they have been in the SAME linen closet for 2 weeks. The list goes on!

But, before my husband left this morning he says to me "we need come up with a plan for the recycling". The look on my face must have been priceless because I know it wasn't pretty. I said "well, the plan was for you to take care of it a week ago but that didn't happen and my plan to take care of it today is no longer because you have to work and I'm not taking a sick child out in this weather". Then I get the "I'm not going to argue before work" speech to which I have to say "then when will it be discussed?". You can't approach him before work because he is in a rush. By the time he gets home after a 12+ hour day all he wants to do is relax (which I totally understand). He just doesn't seem to see why I may be frustrated and aggrivated and yet can't seem to voice it to him!

So I had to vent. I'm sure I sound like a crazy woman but I just can't help how I feel right now. It's not like I know anybody around here to talk to at this point. I feel very isolated, but at the same time I knew it would be like this in the begining. I guess I just want my feelings to matter too. I mean, I spend all day worrying about the girls and him and I feel like nobody says "what about mom?". I feel so pathetic for even thinking like this but I can't help it. Anyway, thanks for listening.

ash519 · 03-19-2008, 07:47 AM

Aw Happymom, you are no longer a Masshole with me

At least NH isn't too far away.

I feel for you on your frustrations! Although I can't relate. I am sure your husband thinks that since he works and supports financially that you have it easier than him and that it is solely your responsibilty to take care of him and the kids and the house (which sounds like 3 jobs to me.)

I know you were just venting and therefore I really dont have advice persay. If you do get to the point where you may explode you definately need to talk to him about it and let him know it is important to you.

I hope you have a great Easter though! A new house is very exciting stuff!

cdn01 · 03-19-2008, 08:13 AM

I am new to the site

Do you have parents or inlaws close by? Would they be available to take the kids for maybe three hours every two weeks for you? Do you know any high school student that could babysit for you? They are often off school at lunch on Fridays and enjoy making some pocket money. You can then run your errands and get it done much quicker with less stress. How about curb side recycling where they come and pick it up every two weeks. When you factor your time, gas etc into the equation it can be a good deal to have it picked up.

happymom28 · 03-19-2008, 08:37 AM

My Masshole days are over for now ash519.

Thanks for your kind words. The blow up was coming on this morning, but I hate fighting with him before he goes to work. He always has such a bad day when that happens and I end up feeling guilty. I know we just need to adjust to everything. Could you imagine if we ended up in Oklahoma instead of New Hampshire? I probably would have seriously hurt him by now!

And thanks for your reply cdn01. Unfortunately both my parents and my inlaws live an hour away. My parents weren't much help when they lived 5 minutes away so I know that there is no help from them now. My inlaws camp about 20 minutes away from late spring until early fall every weekend though and they do plan on taking the girls overnight at least once a month to give my husband and I "our time". They have already visited us twice and they just take the girls right over when they are here. I have been looking into a hiring a college student since UNH isn't that far from here. Since I'm so new to the area I am a little nervous about it but I have to do what I have to do. As far as curbside pickup, that's not possible. I live in a town of 1700 people and we pay a private company to do garbage removal once a week. They only pick up a certain number of bags and don't pick up recycling. That is one thing I miss about the city, but that's it!

JulJul22 · 03-19-2008, 09:10 AM

Well, I can see why you are frustrated. You just had a big move (which congratulations by the way) and on top of that, his new job that requires 12 hours a day! You feel isolated in a new place and adjusting to a new life. I donâ€™t blame you; I would feel the same way. Well, your husbandâ€™s hours are just temporary right? Until he gets settled into the new job? Hopefully things will get better after things cool down at his work. It sounds as if heâ€™s under a lot of stress too and doesnâ€™t want to say anything because heâ€™s suppose be the â€˜manâ€™. But he takes his frustrations out in other ways. LoL (Just like a man)
Canâ€™t you have the recycling picked up at your house? I donâ€™t know if they do that in other states but I know I would go absolutely crazy if I didnâ€™t have that advantage. Also, remember Iâ€™m in the process of moving too and I donâ€™t know what I would do if there wasnâ€™t organizations that pick up donations right from my door. Letâ€™s just say that they need a really big truck to pick up the ten garbage bags that I packed last night.
As far as the children, I donâ€™t know if this would work but to keep K entertained while packing, I bought her a 5 foot Princess tent ($50 at Wal-Mart) and that pretty much keeps her busy. Maybe you can go to the next PTA meeting for your eldest daughter and meet some parents and start socializing?
You are a very strong and intelligent woman happymom and Iâ€™m sure youâ€™ll be just fine. You just have a lot going on right now but Iâ€™m sure things will get better.