I browse through the posts here and have not been able to pluck up the courage to post but tonight I could really do with insight.
For the second time, the love of my life has broken up with me due to difficulties in the relationship. We broke up a few months back .
Obviously, if he really loved me, then he would have gone counselling and made it work with me, but he didn't want to know.
I can see now, he didn't really love me. I loved him with all my heart. It hurt so much to love him, it was really difficult. I guess that was the sign we were never going to make it.
But I am still not moving on. I am angry at myself, and angry at him. I still cry.
We are still in contact. We still exchange texts and the occasional phone call.
We have seen each other a couple of times.
The first time since the break up, I wanted to prove to myself I didn't have feelings by facing him.
Indeed, I found him less attractive at that period in time and wanted to put it all behind me.
But then he kept insisting on dinner. I thought may be he changed his mind or he wanted to talk some more or may be he wanted to say sorry or something!! But he bailed out on my last minute. Since then, he has kept suggesting it, meeting up, but it never amounts to anything.
I am still so in love with him but I sicken myself. How can I still love him? Someone who treats me poorly. Why do I hope to see him again?
Part of me wonders, is he keeping me as a back up.
I admit, since the break up, I have been wondering whether or not we will reunite. But it sure as hell doesn't look that way.
I don't want to think that.
I want to push him away. I want to forget him.
I don't want to love someone who can dispose of me.
I wish I could hate him.
I wish I could move on.
Meet someone new.
But there is no one. No one I find remotely interesting.
My friends have told m to do online dating, but I am only 25. I need to get out more, but I am finding this difficult because I am working and studying. I have very little time. My studying has been damaged by this episode. I am feeling depressed and lost and worthless which makes me want to gag- how can a man make me feel this way?
I see myself being single for a long, long time. I am to graduate from my part time phd this year. All my friends, all my co- workers, everyone I know is in a relationship. Who will I have to be there for me on my graduation?
I had planned so much for my partner and I. This was meant to be my "year." Yes, my worst year. I even reflected on the possibility of marriage next year.
I can only imagine what it must be like to be at that point in your life and well encounter another relationship that ended, however with that being said, i know how tough it is to move on from someone, but i think in order to do that you need to remember who you are, and embrace the goals you have set out to achieve, you do not need a man to feel self-worth and accomplishment in your life, instead focus on your schooling, and get that ph.d, which i must add is a huge accomplishment, i can only hope to one day acquire such a goal, you seem to have alot going for you, you just need to remember all that you have gone through to be at where you are in your life, and embrace the strength and growth through out everything - then thinking about this man, wont seem like such a big deal in comparsion to who you are and what you have to offer this world.
I have to agree with open mind. If you keep defining yourself and your self-worth by who you are with, you'll never be happy.
I am not saying this to discourage you. You are only 25 and you have so much life ahead of you. You almost have your PhD! That's an amazing accomplishment at any age.
I noticed you said "who will be there at my graduation". Do you not have any family members who can attend? Or, did you just mean you'd be the only one of your friends and classmates without a significant other?
I'm 46 and the mother of a 23 year old daughter. I will say the same thing to you that I would say to her. Life is too short for headgames. Never let a man define you. A real and true partner in life is never someone who would treat you with disrespect. If you have to ask if he might be keeping you as a back-up, I think you already know the answer.
My advice is, graduate, celebrate, travel a little if you can and then start your new career and your new life. Someday, you'll look back on this time and wonder how you ever let a guy like that get to you. You'll find the person for you. I'm a firm believer in soul mates. Maybe that sounds old-fashioned to someone your age, but trust me, that person is out there for you. And as hard as it is, as much as it hurts right now, that person is not him.
I wish you the very best of luck in all you do. Take care and God Bless.
give it time...seriously..Tell him respectfully that you dont want to converse anymore until YOU are ready to. Let yourself sort out your feelings and figure out what you really want. Its gonna suck for a while, but separation and time can do wonders. As time goes by you might figure out you dont even have feelings for him anymore. Good luck.
Hell, I should be an expert by now on how to get over a broken heart. This has happened before.
But I do not know how I am going to crawl out of this one.
As you have suggested, may be I need to give myself more time. But I feel like a fool. We broke up months ago.
I feel more of a fool right now not only because this is the second time this has happened, but because it seems like this is going to take me longer to get over. I feel awful like such an idiot, what a fool!!!!
His comments "this happened months ago," sums it up. Clearly, he is over it. Again.
And still, I am in contact. I met up with him. We only meet on his terms, when he was "free." I think I'be suggested meeting up about 4/5 times, and he is always "busy." Then he is the one to keep insisting we meet soon.
I think I could be friends if he didn't cancel on me every time. That is frustrating in itself, careless. It doesn't help.
I understand friends cannot always make engagements but this is different.
I didn't even want to see him yesterday but I suggested it and I got the usual "I'm busy, how about next week" response. So, after keeping it in for so long, I snapped. I couldn't be nice and pretend everything was OK.
I sent him long messages, telling him all I wanted was a sorry and not to be messed around. I told him the issue wasn't not meeting up, but how even this friendship thing is worse than him being a boyfriend. I told him how I couldn't be reminded daily of his selfish behaviour.
Granted, I should not even be messaging him!
What am I doing?
I didn't even want to see him. I wonder, am I trying to make myself feel better by have him meet up with me, show he cares, not just to say he is "busy" yet again.
Obviously, this led to a heated exchange and he even callled me arguing but I put down the phone on him. In the end, I told him he could be nice because I wasn't going to take it the wrong way. That I had let him go months ago.
Last month, I was telling him about a man who I did like, but that didn't work out.
I don't think anything would work out now.
I can't seem to think positively.
I am not enjoying life.
I have nothing to look forward to.
I'm past caring if I finish my Phd.
I don't enjoy anything.
I have tried thinking positively.
But I just can't. I feel ever so hopeless, and I think worse because of it.
I have thought the following:
A) He'll come crawling back, like he normally does.
B) I have so much going for me. Don't forget that.
C) You'll meet someone new. Just give it time.
The list goes on.
I'm miserable.
I don't know what to do, or what to think, to get myself through this.
It is made worse because not only is the second time, this is effecting my work, my life. Summer is round the corner and things may pick up then, but it is going to be too late. I have a Phd. I'm not working enough. I can't even face work today.
I need to do or think something strong, something liberating, something to pick me up.
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