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Old 04-22-2008, 02:58 AM   #1
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Unhappy My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

Hello 2 days ago my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend cut off contact with completely. He just broke up with about a week ago. And it all seems so hard to believe . He just spent the holidays with me and my family and told me 4 days ago when he told me he doesn't want to get back together so many mean things. I am completely dumbfounded actually.

Okay here's the situation in a nutshell: We have been dating 19 months, are in a long distance relationship. He told me 3 weeks ago on my voicemail- it is still on my phone that he loved me so much and that he would always be there for me no matter what. Then his Grandmother died, I don't know how close he was to her because he grew up in another state then she lived and he also has a large family .
When she became sick about 4 or 5 weeks ago, he said he needed space, so I gave him space and he said that he was thinking about breaking up with me but wanted to just try seperating first. Then 2 weeks ago he calls me and says that he realizes that he didn't miss me as much as he thought he would and that it wasn't that hard living without me. But that he still loves me. ???

I am so confused! Then I called him Saturday and I have been really, really depressed , but I pretended to be in good spirits when I called him. He answered and said 'what do you want?' very rudely, then I talked as nicely and sweetly as I could and we proceeded to talk about nothing for 2 hours.

I thought I had him back so I waited and waited for him to call me and 3 days later I finally called him again- I was upset about something. And we had a very emotional conversation for over an hour. And 3 days ago he sent me an email saying he was sorry but he was cutting off all contact from me.

He changed his phone number, I don't have his new address because he moved 3 months ago and didn't want to give me his new address which was the first sign to me that something was wrong, and he blocked me from email contact

I am heartbroken, but mostly just really really lost I don't know why all this happened. Did he meet somebody new?

 
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Old 04-22-2008, 05:17 AM   #2
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

Nobody can really tell you "why" he did it. He's really the only one that can answer that question. But does "why" really matter at this point. Despite his claiming to love you he broke up with you and cut all contact. Those actions are speaking much louder, aren't they?

If I had to make a guess, I would say he didn't have the balls to tell you that the distance thing wasn't working for him. He thought that his "needing space" would give you the hint and make you break up with him, but that didn't work. That's why it seemed so abrupt to you but not so much to him.

I know it hurts, but at least you are not with a man anymore who would toy with your heart like that. Saying he loves you but needs space is confusing and not right. Take some time to heal and then look for a guy who can be honest about his feelings with you.

 
Old 04-22-2008, 07:34 AM   #3
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

IT sounds as if he was planning this for a long, long time. His grandmother dying had little to do with it. He had already made the decision before then. Her passing just gave him the opportunity to do something about it.

He behaved very selfishly, but men are really good at shutting off any feelings they may have if something isn't working for them. For some reason, they don't think we deserve to know why. Maybe they're too cowardly to look us in the eye and answer our questions or deal with our feelings about it, who knows. Who cares?

I know it hurts, I've been there and I know it's a hurt like few other things in this world. But the worst thing you can do is chase after him looking for answers. There are no answers. He just wasn't that into you, and he was selfish and cowardly about it. That's really all you need to know. Busy yourself with your own life, family, friends, hobbies, work, your passions, etc. and do your best to put this behind you and move on. Good luck to you.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 06:19 AM   #4
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

Thank you for your response. Yes it seems like he has been planning this on one hand , and on the other hand I can't figure out if he is confused. He told me he wanted to break up with me in October and one other time. So I just can't figure him out. He goes back and forth. Why would someone go back and forth, do men normally do this? I am afraid I will never hear from him again, but I am also afraid he will show up on my doorstep asking me to do something for him, or ask me to commit to something too much for me to handle all in one second. Although that could be me, just being wishful.

I guess he was planning to break up but maybe he couldn't decide We talked about marriage and moving into together, I don't understand why he changed his mind. I'm not ready for marriage but I wanted to move in with him. If he was going to break up with me then I can't figure out why he bothered to come and see me. I am so confused

Last edited by starlight421; 04-23-2008 at 06:23 AM.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 06:40 AM   #5
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

he flaked out on you.....it happens.
don't waste your time trying to figure him out....if he's confused, that's his problem......time to move on.
you deserve better.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 07:11 AM   #6
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

starlight, I think your confusion comes from not wanting to see the whole truth, and from wanting to ready way too much into the nice things he said and did. The bottom line is, if he wanted you, if he were really that into you, he'd be with you. and he's not. And that's all you need to know.

There's really nothing at all to be confused about. I was with someone for two years who I loved very much and we shopped for rings, measured our ring fingers, talked about what part of town we'd live in, argued about what we'd name our kids, he told me he was proud and honored to be with me, and the next week we had a fight about Clinton and he dumped me, and turned around and shacked up with a woman who had many qualities he swore to me he'd never want in a million years.

Don't let it confuse you. It doesn't have to make sense. It's not fair, and it doesn't feel "right". All we need to know is, he's not the one. Period. And move on.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 08:17 AM   #7
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

The breaking up and getting back together cycle isn't normal. Usually that means that the person isn't that into you but wants to keep you around "just in case", like a back up plan. Believe me, he's not confused here. He wanted the freedom to see what else was out there while keeping you close by and not straying.

Stop trying to figure his motives out because it will drive you crazy. The bottom line is that he broke up with you and cut all contact. What else is there to know? If he came crawling back tomorrow begging for forgiveness would you want him back? Seriously, you deserve way better than to be holding on to someone else's whim like that.

I know it hurts but you have to just push forward and know he wasn't the one. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I suggest you cast your rod back out.

 
Old 04-23-2008, 10:45 AM   #8
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

Hi,
I haven't read any of the replies yet to this post but i just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking of you. your not alone. I've just had the same exact thing happen to me and i'm al such a loss. one day he's telling me how much he loves me, misses me and wants to spend his whole life showing me how much i meanto him. 4 days later he's "lost" his phone then af ew days later we're over..i just don't understand it..
Just wanted to say i hope your ok. we're both get through this and we deserve so much better to.

Edit: ok i've read the replies. i know eaxtly how your feeling. i was also in this back and forth cycle..its like your either want me or your don't make up ur flippin mind. then they tell you they want you more than anything then two weekslater they end it..i duno
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Last edited by emma j; 04-23-2008 at 10:48 AM.

 
Old 04-25-2008, 10:23 PM   #9
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Re: My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't really understand why

If there is one thing I have learned about guys is that they never know how to properly break up with someone. Even the nice ones end up acting like jerks because it's easier for them to just stop calling then actually tell you the truth. Only one guy I've dated actually had the balls to do it the right way, to sit me down and say he wasn't over his ex and wasn't into me (worded differently, of course). And you know what? I was totally cool with that! It's the other ones who just stop calling that drove me mad. But I've trained myself to get over it quickly. I guess I am a little jaded these days, but it's better than being depressed and constantly broken hearted.

Good luck.

 
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