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Old 05-10-2008, 02:06 PM   #1
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binky32 HB User
Unhappy I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

I've been with this person for 8 months and things have been crazy. I fell in love with him and i thought he felt the same way. 2 months went by and he broke my heart by leaving me for my cousin. I know it's stupid of me for being with someone who would do this to me, but i cant believe how much I care about him... Anyways, the whole time he was with her, he was staying with me every night and we go to the same school. he only saw her once a week and i couldnt understand why he didnt want to be with me. I never did anything wrong but love him It made me so mad, ,and I dnt know why I put up with it, I guess it was because of love. They were together for about a month and 2 weeks. then they broke up, and me and him still spent every second together. We have had fights but told each other we'd never leave each other. I feel that he loves me but isnt in love with me... no matter how much he tells me he loves me, he wont make me his girlfriend, but i dont know why because he doesnt mess with anyone else. Now he wants to leave me and I dont know how to handle it, I can't let go, I thought he'd be the ONE for me, ya kno the one you'd spend the rest of your life with. When he says he doesnt want to be with me anymore, my stomach hurts and my heart beats real fast and uncontrollable tears start pouring out, i love him. I honestly dont know what to do without him. WHAT DO I DO???
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Old 05-10-2008, 03:14 PM   #2
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sum1sgirl155 HB User
Re: I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

It sounds like you need a reality check. I dont mean to be rude but he obviously does not want to be with you or he would be right now. The sooner you accept that the better off you'll be. He's giving you the run around, and maybe using you. You need to forget about him and move on. You sound like you're young and trust me there are going to be many other guys who brake your heart but you will get over it. It takes time. Don't let yourself be taken for a fool by this guy. Have some respect for yourself. Hope that helps (:

 
Old 05-11-2008, 07:32 AM   #3
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jennie250 HB User
Re: I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

This guy is using you when he has no one else. The minute he has someone else, he leaves, and then when it ends, he is back. This guy has no respect for you, none, and certainly doesn't love you. No offence but you are letting this guy walk all over you. THere is nothing to save here, no love, and no " relationship" other than he uses you for sex and whatever else when he has nothing else going on. Sorry but get some self esteem and get away from this guy. Honestly I can't even believe you would still be around when he left you for your cousin, it's rediculous...I don't care if you " love" him, love is never enough in a relationship anyways, and certainly won't make someone treat you right.

 
Old 05-11-2008, 08:41 AM   #4
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cmpgirl HB User
Re: I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

I'm sorry to be blunt, but I don't think you are in love with him at all. I think you are in love with the idea of being in love, and just don't want to accept that it isn't real. In order for real love to exist, it has to be mutual. This is not a mutual thing. He is absolutely using you, as the others have said. And you are letting him. Every time you believe one of his BS stories and turn around and accept him back, you are letting him know that he has your permission to walk all over you.

You do sound young, and Sum1sgirl is correct. There are lots of really good guys out there, who would respect you and not treat you like this. What he is doing is not acceptable. You need to give yourself the love and respect that he has absolutely no intention of ever giving you. Don't keep allowing yourself to be used by this guy or anyone else. Don't let this cycle start in your life. If you don't sart respecting yourself now, you will keep ending up with loser dirtbags, over and over again. Trust me, it's better to be alone for a while than to subject yourself to this kind of creep. When you have confidence and a set of standards, you will attract guys who will appreciate you, and treat you well.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

 
Old 05-11-2008, 09:48 AM   #5
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happymom28 HB User
Re: I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

You need to cut this guy loose and realize that HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU!

He is not a great guy. Any decent guy would not string you along this way. You are a way for him to pass the time until someone he really wants to be with comes along. He will never make you his girlfriend so please stop torturing yourself here.

I also think cmpgirl is right, you are in love with the idea of being in love. The problem is that you clearly don't love yourself enough otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation. You really can't love someone else or even know what love is until you learn to love yourself.

Take some time to be alone for a while. Love yourself WITHOUT a guy in your life. When that happens, find a decent guy who will love you for you and not for the gaps you fill in his schedule.

 
Old 05-11-2008, 10:01 AM   #6
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Re: I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

Quote:
Originally Posted by binky32 View Post
I've been with this person for 8 months and things have been crazy. I fell in love with him and i thought he felt the same way. 2 months went by and he broke my heart by leaving me for my cousin. I know it's stupid of me for being with someone who would do this to me, but i cant believe how much I care about him... Anyways, the whole time he was with her, he was staying with me every night and we go to the same school. he only saw her once a week and i couldnt understand why he didnt want to be with me. I never did anything wrong but love him It made me so mad, ,and I dnt know why I put up with it, I guess it was because of love. They were together for about a month and 2 weeks. then they broke up, and me and him still spent every second together. We have had fights but told each other we'd never leave each other. I feel that he loves me but isnt in love with me... no matter how much he tells me he loves me, he wont make me his girlfriend, but i dont know why because he doesnt mess with anyone else. Now he wants to leave me and I dont know how to handle it, I can't let go, I thought he'd be the ONE for me, ya kno the one you'd spend the rest of your life with. When he says he doesnt want to be with me anymore, my stomach hurts and my heart beats real fast and uncontrollable tears start pouring out, i love him. I honestly dont know what to do without him. WHAT DO I DO???
You mentioned school, can I assume this is high school? And therefor you are still pretty young?

First of all, I think you need to ask yourself just exactly what it is you love about a boy who runs off and takes up with your cousin after only being with you for two short months, and who plays with both your cousin and you and playing you both against each other, and a boy who takes and takes and takes from you but won't give anything back in return? Sorry, but I don't see anything to love there. I agree with the above poster who said you don't love him, because there's nothing there to love. How could you really love HIM when he hasn't given you any good reason to love him? It's not like he's been loyal, faithful, honest or respectful to you, so how could you really love him? You love the idea of having someone, you love the guy you keep hoping he'll magically turn into one day, but you don't really love HIM.

I highly highly recommend a book called He's Just Not That Into You. It's filled with what should be obvious advice, but unfortunately so many times we women can't see the forest for the trees. It will really open your eyes and I think it should be required reading for every high school girl in the country. This guy would make you his girlfiend, this guy would not have bailed out on the relationship two months in and take up with your cousin if he had any kind of love or respect for you. That's the hard, cold truth.

You are going to meet and date a LOT of men in your lifetime, and each and every single one of them will wipe their feet on you if you don't start learning how to stand up for yourself and not put up with such rotten treatment. You can't beg him into loving you, you can't fix him, save him, change him, you can't love him into loving you, and you can't wish or hope or pray him into the man you want him to be. He has a free will and a mind of his own and he will be who he chooses to be. And for whatever reason, he chooses to be the guy who cheats on you, holds you at arm's length, refuses to commit to you and treats you badly. It has nothing at all to do with your love. As hard as it is for us to realize, life is not the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale. Our love doesn't have the magical power to turn a beast into a loving, loyal prince. It doesn't matter how well or how hard or how much we love someone. That alone doesn't determine whether they love us back. There's so much more to it, compatibility, chemistry, the energy between the two people, etc. It doesn't mean your love isn't any good, it just means he's the wrong guy to spend it on.

He's made his choice and you can't unmake it for him. The only thing you can do now is to make YOUR choice - do you continue to be his victim and suffer heartache after heartache after heartache and let him play you for a fool until he's bored of it, begging him not to leave you so he can treat you like crap some more, OR do you say to yourself "this isn't what I want, I want and need and deserve more out of a relationship and I ain't gonna get it from this bozo, so I'm going to find a good guy who treats me like I deserve." The choice is yours and no one else's.

 
Old 05-11-2008, 12:47 PM   #7
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WorriednNervous HB User
Re: I am in a confusing relationship.. NEED HELP.. please read

Binky I have been where you are 10 years ago. I dated a guy for a bit fell in love then we broke up. I fell on hard times and stayed with him at his home in the same bed no less. Every time he met a new girl I was booted to the couch or spare room. When she left I was moved right back into the room. I put up with this for months because I thought I loved him. One day I just could not take it any more and left. If I had it to do all over again I would not have allowed myself to be used like that. Yes I learned a lesson from that experience but it also messed with my head and I ended up in similar relationships for awhile because of that experience.

My advice is to leave the relationship now before it messes with your mind to much. You are young there are other guys that will treat you so much better. I know it hard to leave someone that you "love" but why stay in a relationship when the other does not love you back? That has to hurt a lot more then leaving this guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by binky32 View Post
I've been with this person for 8 months and things have been crazy. I fell in love with him and i thought he felt the same way. 2 months went by and he broke my heart by leaving me for my cousin. I know it's stupid of me for being with someone who would do this to me, but i cant believe how much I care about him... Anyways, the whole time he was with her, he was staying with me every night and we go to the same school. he only saw her once a week and i couldnt understand why he didnt want to be with me. I never did anything wrong but love him It made me so mad, ,and I dnt know why I put up with it, I guess it was because of love. They were together for about a month and 2 weeks. then they broke up, and me and him still spent every second together. We have had fights but told each other we'd never leave each other. I feel that he loves me but isnt in love with me... no matter how much he tells me he loves me, he wont make me his girlfriend, but i dont know why because he doesnt mess with anyone else. Now he wants to leave me and I dont know how to handle it, I can't let go, I thought he'd be the ONE for me, ya kno the one you'd spend the rest of your life with. When he says he doesnt want to be with me anymore, my stomach hurts and my heart beats real fast and uncontrollable tears start pouring out, i love him. I honestly dont know what to do without him. WHAT DO I DO???

 
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