It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-14-2008, 04:45 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: US
Posts: 23
countrygirl2008 HB User
If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

This question is for the guys who feel they are fairly attractive. Only guys feel they are fairly attractive can answer this question for me. It's this certain attitude they have, and guys you know what I'm talking about, it's an ego thing.

If a really beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, and then she wanted to go out with you, and you thought she was really hot, would that bother you? Could you be in love with her even though she dated the very ugly guy?

What if she dated this ugly guy at the age of 15-16, and now she's 18, would that bother you? Would you go out with her but not be that into her because of it? What if loads of other guys thought she was really hot and wanted to go out with her, would it still bother you?

I just have to know the answer to this question. I think it may be why a guy I dated wasn't that into me, but he said it was because he didn't want to get hurt. I know he thought my ex was horribly ugly, because he made comments that I "could have done better", although he didn't think my ex "contaminated me". Both these guys I'm talking about, (the one who made the comments and my long ago ex) are anglosaxon, and I never thought my ex was that ugly, but other guys do I guess. Is it an ego blow to them to date a girl who dated a guy they think is ugly?

And, I don't think of myself as beautiful, I've just had a few friends tell me guys are telling them that, and think I'm really, really hot and want my number.

What do you think? Thanks.

Last edited by countrygirl2008; 05-14-2008 at 05:05 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-14-2008, 05:27 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 790
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

This is like one of the funniest post in a while...HEEHEE...I'm not a guy but guys just don't give a **** about stuff like that! Now women on the other hand may think of stuff like that, in fact I was greatly disturbed when I found out about this HIDEOUS woman that my husband once dated. I swear she looked like a scarecrow! HEEHEE! All of his other past GFs were very attractive, I saw some pictures but this one...OMG "the horror!"
__________________
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

 
Old 05-14-2008, 06:15 PM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 386
Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

I have to agree with Bea. I have NEVER in my life heard of someone not wanting to date someone or love them because their ex was ugly. That really is ridiculous. The only time an ex's physical appearance will affect the current bf/gf is if the ex was extremely attractive and the current bf/gf feels they can't compare. It can create a jealousy/competition type of thing. But never because the ex was UGLY.

Countrygirl, I think you're grasping at straws here. I can almost guarantee you that the reason he doesn't wanna be with you has NOTHING to do with your ex being unattractive...

 
Old 05-14-2008, 06:31 PM   #4
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Upper Marlboro MD
Posts: 13
Hazelnut1968 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

I have to agree with Mary83. It's crazy!

 
Old 05-14-2008, 09:41 PM   #5
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: US
Posts: 23
countrygirl2008 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

You all are saying it's crazy, but he MADE those comments about my ex.

I got really upset and didn't talk to him again after that. I mean "contaminated"? I couldn't believe he said he didn't think I was contaminated!

You all are so nice to tell me that's not the reason. And it's not funny when he said those things. So what you're telling me, is it's better if the ex is ugly? I would think it's better if attractive so they'll feel jealous. I don't know.

I want to hear from some guys also, guys please tell me, what do guys think of this? Why did he say those things to me? He seemed very interested to know if I had done the "deed" with my ex also.

Help guys, let me know about this. I'm at the age where I'm just now learning about men. If I ask my brother he'll laugh at me and say something mean, so I feel like this isn't something I can ask friends or brothers.

Last edited by countrygirl2008; 05-14-2008 at 09:46 PM.

 
Old 05-14-2008, 10:31 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: australia
Posts: 586
Trixibel HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

I think most men would like you more if you'd been out with an 'ugly' guy - it would show that you're not shallow and just interested in looks.


Are you the very beautiful girl? Happy for you if you are - lol.

And you did get a guy's opinion - he said it was a crazy question.

 
Old 05-14-2008, 10:37 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,884
cmpgirl HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

I asked my husband.....His first response was "Huh?" And then he said, "What the he** does that have to do with anything?" So, there's one man's opinion.

 
Old 05-14-2008, 11:01 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: US
Posts: 23
countrygirl2008 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

Thanks CMPgirl, and everyone. I feel a little better.

I don't think I'm beautiful. I've had friends tell me ---guys ---tell them I'm really hot. They don't tell me, lol. They talk to me friends instead of me.

What if a guy knows said "ugly ex", does not like him, thinks he's repulsive, and knew him way before I ever dated him? Maybe that could have something to do with it?

Everyone's laughing at this, but there's a reason this guy wasn't into me that much, and I didn't really buy his "afraid of getting hurt" explanation.

 
Old 05-14-2008, 11:28 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: vancouver
Posts: 509
jozi209 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

If I went out with a guy who had a hideous ex i would think - "oh my god what an amazing person she must have been if he could get past her looks" but mostly "what an amazing person he is because he obviously cares about the person more than the looks"...and i might even be worried that my looks got me to be with him this far because they could have been a trade off for an amazing personality the ex had. i'd probably be interested in getting to know her if she was such an amazing person.

another thought though is that if he thought she was attractive and I didn't, it would just make me realize even more that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

furthermore, i like a range of looks in guys, and I have dated some guys that my girl and guy friends thought was ugly, but hell, I was the one that had to look at him and be with him and if we had a connection I wouldn't care what anybody thought.

As you get older you will most likely become more discriminatory in the men you choose to date, and a REAL connection is so rare that when you find it looks and all that superficial stuff fades away.

If this new guy thinks you're contaminated by a previous relationship....wow, well he sounds like a potential abusive, manipulative and immature jerk who has such low self-esteem that he thinks your dating HISTORY will affect how people view him. LOSER!!!

 
Old 05-15-2008, 06:08 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,049
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by countrygirl2008 View Post
So what you're telling me, is it's better if the ex is ugly?
Actually, no, what they are all saying is that it has no impact on anything. It just doesn't matter whether your ex was ugly or not. I realize the guy said that but it doesn't mean anything, not to the extent that you're apparently obsessing over it. Sometimes guys say stupid things, it's because boys are stupid. You just need to learn to shrug it off and accept that boys will be boys and they do and say stupid things very often.

Quote:
Why did he say those things to me? He seemed very interested to know if I had done the "deed" with my ex also.
This is something that you'll learn when you get older. It's none of his business whether or not you did anything with your ex. And it's very disrespectful for him to ask you about it. Don't put up with it! Tell him to mind his own business and that he doesn't need to know about it. Frankly, so far this guy sounds like a tool, I'm not sure why you're so freaked out that he said these things? Why would you want to date someone like him?

I understand you're wondering why he said this stuff, because you think it had something to do with the situation. But I'm telling you from experience that guys are way, way more superficial than women, and they honestly don't think on such a deep level as you're going into about it. Especially younger guys, they're like incapable of deep thoughts until they reach about 40, and even then some of them really don't have a clue. So I really think you're putting way too much thought into why he said what he said, when instead you should just quit chasing a guy who seems like he wouldn't be that great of a bf in the first place.

And another thing, it's true that guys are completely more superficial than women when they choose dating partners. Whereas a woman would overlook appearance issues in a man in favor of someone who has a personality and sense of humor, a guy would take one look at a girl that isn't quite as attractive and run in the other direction. That's just how it is. And it all goes back to the fact that guys are so superficial, they have a really hard time looking past the surface to see what's really on the inside. The sooner you learn that about guys, the sooner you'll understand why this guy said this to you.

 
Old 05-15-2008, 06:17 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 790
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

Hey I have an idea...maybe you need to stop worrying about what this strange guy(LOSER!) thinks and move on from this guy! He sounds like someone you should NOT want to get involved with! There are probably some other fish in the sea don't you think!
__________________
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

Last edited by BeaTrade; 05-15-2008 at 06:24 AM.

 
Old 05-15-2008, 06:38 AM   #12
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: West Palm Beach, Florida, United States
Posts: 6
ReadyTo Listen HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

Well said jozi209!

Guys may have a wide variety of reactions to the looks of your ex-, or none at all.

The big message that guys should be hearing is: If they are interested in a long-term relationship with you, then they had better consider what they "bring to the table."

Even though women have a tendency (more than men) to see beyond the superficial and discover more valuable qualities about a person; it is still good to see that those newer to adulthood already have a healthy outlook on people. Appearance is simply part on the overall package.

If you have ever found yourself not attracted to a guy who your friends thought was gorgeous, because you sensed something else that you didn't like, you may already have the tools needed for a lifetime of healthy relationships.

Remember: Ending a relationship after discovering that the situation was unacceptable is not unhealthy; but continuing in an abusive or unsatisfying relationship, IS!

That is why you take the time required to get to know someone before your commit.

Your question is important, because it is important to you.

Hopefully for most of us, it is simply a reminder.

 
Old 05-15-2008, 06:48 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

My exhusband use to pick apart the guys I dated before him for one thing or another. He was a total ego maniac and honestly thought he was God's gift to women (which is why he couldn't stay faithful). It all boiled down to his insecurity in himself. That is why he always felt the need to compare himself to my exes and any other guy within his line of sight that he deemed "threatening".

So my opinion, a person who would do this is Trouble with a capital "T". I would forget about him unless you want the job of constantly stroking his ego (ie. "no, you have a much bigger one than he does", "you look much better in that shirt than he does", etc.). It gets very old very fast.

 
Old 05-15-2008, 09:34 AM   #14
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 386
Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by countrygirl2008 View Post
Everyone's laughing at this, but there's a reason this guy wasn't into me that much, and I didn't really buy his "afraid of getting hurt" explanation.
You've said yourself that you're just learning about men and relationships. There could be a thousand different reasons why he wasn't that into you, but I can almost guarantee it has nothing to do with your ex. I think as I said before "you're grasping at straws". Is it possible your ego is damaged a bit because this guy wasn't that into you, so you're looking for reasons outside of yourself for why he's not that into you? Because that's what it sounds like to me...

As I said, it could be a thousand different reasons. Maybe he's not ready to date seriously yet. Maybe he found someone else. Maybe he felt you guys didn't click. Maybe he doesn't trust you. Maybe he was intimidated by you. All of these plus many more could be your answer.

I'm not saying that anything is WRONG with you. Just because he's not that into you doesn't mean there's anything wrong or that you're not beautiful. Men, especially young ones, are very confusing and have a hard time being straight forward. The whole "I don't wanna get hurt" excuse is classic. Of course, it's possible that's the real reason, but very unlikely. It's just an easy way out for guys to say things like that.

As other posters have said, let it go. If you are as beautiful (not only on the outside) as people seem to think you are, you will have no trouble moving on and finding someone better than him.

 
Old 05-15-2008, 05:59 PM   #15
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: US
Posts: 23
countrygirl2008 HB User
Re: If a very beautiful girl dated a very ugly guy before you, could you love her?

You're right it could be anything. He seemed really "in love" when we were together, but he didn't have a car, and not much going for him.

He invited me on our last "rendezvou" and we stayed out really late, and my father went nuts on me over it, and he heard about it?

I spoke to him one last time after that, didn't invite him out, and he didn't invite me. I asked him why we weren't more serious, and he said he didn't want to get hurt again, (his ex-girlfriend broke up with him for another guy) and that I was "just going to dump him for a college guy".

He didn't get off the phone to me. We talked for hours then we hung up. I then started seeing other guys immediately. I'm sure he heard that I did.

Thoughts on this anyone? Why would he always be alone? (never with another girl) I've recently heard that he now has a decent job working for a large equipment company and I'm happy for him.

Last edited by countrygirl2008; 05-16-2008 at 08:10 AM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Depressed? Maybe not. Just very messed up. SophieDolly Depression 2 08-19-2008 08:33 PM
I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine Jack Smith Relationship Health 110 08-15-2007 02:24 PM
Girl of my dreams? bendb Relationship Health 8 09-08-2006 12:23 PM
I am very hurt, he treats me like rubbish Nina000 Relationship Health 10 02-11-2006 08:06 AM
Not feeling very good about myself beshybee123 Relationship Health 45 08-14-2005 09:40 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:28 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!