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Old 05-16-2008, 08:44 AM   #1
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Location: Philadelphia USA
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pa43 HB User
My brother and his wife are interfering in my wedding planning and I'm ******!

Background:
My brother got married 5 years ago. I was in graduate school 3 hours away at the time. I came home almost every weekend in the 2 months before the wedding to help then. I printed labels, I stuffed envelopes, I did ALOT. Everyone else at school was making friends (this was September and October) and I was home stuffing envelopes. I understood that they needed my help and I gave it to them.

Fast forward to the present. My brother and his wife have 2 kids, a 3-yr old and a 1 yr-old. I am getting married in 4 months and there is a lot to do. My fiance and I live about an hour from my parent's house and the wedding venue. The weekends are all we have because we can't drive 2 hours on the weekdays. My brother and his wife are being very selfish. They don't get it! They make all these plans with their friends on the weekends and leave their 2 kids at my mom's for babysitting. We can't do ANYTHING with 2 kids running around. Of course my mom can't say no to her grandkids and so the wedding planning is lagging behind. I doubt my brother and his wife will lift a finger for my wedding, but to drop their kids off at Grandma's at a very stressful time is very selfish.

Any advice? I have told my mom that this cannot continue but how can she choose between her grandkids and my wedding? I wouldn't want her to. I don't want to get into it with my brother since I know his reaction will be to stop going over to my mom's with the kids - and this will crush my mom. I want him to stop going over there EVERY weekend. Obviously he shouldn't stop altogether.

What should I do about this? We really need my mom's input on this wedding since she knows all the vendors and did an amazing job on my brother's wedding.

Last edited by pa43; 05-16-2008 at 08:49 AM.

 
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Old 05-16-2008, 08:50 AM   #2
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chiefan58 HB User
Re: My brother and his wife are interfering in my wedding planning and I'm ******!

Could you try talking to your brother and explaining that you are going to need your mother's help with your wedding and ask what weekends your mother would be available (without the kids) to assist you? I would try asking rather than telling him. May be worth a try.

 
Old 05-16-2008, 08:57 AM   #3
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pa43 HB User
Re: My brother and his wife are interfering in my wedding planning and I'm ******!

good advice - If I phrase it that way, then maybe he'll get the hint! Thanks.

Last edited by pa43; 05-16-2008 at 08:58 AM.

 
Old 05-16-2008, 09:08 AM   #4
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chiefan58 HB User
Re: My brother and his wife are interfering in my wedding planning and I'm ******!

I would always recommend asking over assuming!

Let me know if it works.

 
Old 05-16-2008, 01:18 PM   #5
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cmpgirl HB User
Re: My brother and his wife are interfering in my wedding planning and I'm ******!

I really think your mom should be the one to say something. After all, she is the one accepting the babysitting responsibilities. I also think if you say anything to your brother, he will just resent you for it, no matter how you phrase it.

Mom isn't really being asked to choose between her grandkids and your wedding. She can see them as often as she would like to after the wedding planning is done. Helping you, does not make her any less of a grandmother. It just makes your brother and his wife selfish and insensitive.

If they want to get mad at your mom for taking the same time and interest in your wedding as she did theirs, then they are very immature people.

I really think mom should be the one to say that she needs this time to help you out. She certainly has every right to. And it has no reflection on how much she loves her grandchildren.

Just my two cents.........

Much luck and have a wonderful wedding.

 
Old 05-16-2008, 01:47 PM   #6
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happymom28 HB User
Re: My brother and his wife are interfering in my wedding planning and I'm ******!

I have to agree with cmpgirl here. Your mother is the one who is taking on two things at once and needs to be the one to say "no" to your brother and his wife.

Call your mom and explain to her how you feel. Don't go calling your brother or SIL selfish or any names to her (even though that is exactly how they are acting), just tell her that you feel like you and your plans are not getting all the attention needed at this point and time is running out. She doesn't have to choose between you and the kids because there really isn't a choice being made. It's about priorities and your wedding is obviously higher on that list right now than your brother's social life.

As a mother (although my children are a lot younger), I would think that if you approached your mother as an adult and had an adult conversation about your feelings and needs it will come off a lot better than going to your brother. If he's anything like mine he will just do the exact opposite of what you want just to get under your skin.

 
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