It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-17-2008, 08:41 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6
Amethyst01 HB User
Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Hello All, I am newbie here and have never posted on any message board- and never thought I would- especially about something so personal. Just to be clear, I am not looking for someone to tell me what I want to hear, I am searching for strength to do the right thing. I feel guilt and humiliation surrounding my situation and don't feel comfortable confiding in anyone I am close with. I realize we are all human and even when we promise not to pass judgment, we all do. I certainly welcome any comments, good or bad, but I am simply hoping to gain some clarity and the kick in the butt I so desperately need. I apologize for the long post, but I want to provide enough information for you to understand how I came to the point I am now. If you can spare a few minutes to read it and offer a response, I would be very appreciative.

I am a divorced woman in my mid-thirties. I have been employed with my company for ten years now. I am one of about 90 employees who all work out of the same office. I have made many friends through my job, probably some of the closest in my life. In fact, we are all a very tight knit group, along with everyone’s wives, husbands, and significant others.

Well, I have now found myself tangled up in a torrid office affair. He is a very handsome man and about 8 years younger that me. The day he was hired and introduced to everyone, all of the women's mouths dropped. He is, without a doubt, the kind of man every girl dreams of. We developed a friendship right away, but it never extended beyond the office. He had a fiancé and brought her to all of our company parties and gatherings and she would sometimes meet us for happy hours after work.

He and his fiancé got married two years ago. He and I continued to maintain our friendship and we would discuss all aspects of our lives. Many of our conversations consisted of office politics and gossip, but we would discuss our personal lives as well. He would talk to me about his marriage; I knew he was not happy, but he refrained from divulging too many details explaining why. He would ask me about my previous marriage and the problems I had experienced, and also how it had ended.

There had always been an undeniable attraction between us which sometimes led to a little sexual tension, but we never acted upon it... until one day about a year ago. We had gone for drinks at a local bar like we had done many times before. After talking and sipping on wine for a couple of hours we paid our tab and left to walk to the deck in which we were both parked. He would always walk me to my car first and I would then drive him around to his before going our separate ways. This particular night I realized I had left a few items in my office that I would be needing that evening. He offered to walk back to the office with me. Once we got there he followed me into my office. I grabbed my things and turned to leave but he had closed the door. I know I had a blank, dumb look on my face as he slowly walked up to me and caressed my hair. He grabbed my waist with one arm and pulled me close as I dropped everything I was holding. He moved his hands to hold my face close to his. Then he kissed me... and kissed me hard. I felt like I was living out pages in a Harlequin Romance Novel. It was hot- very hot- and I found myself kissing him back, which was my first huge mistake. After about 5 minutes of heavily making out I backed away and told him we should leave before we do something we both regret.

At work the next day he seemed somewhat stand-offish to me. I assumed he had gone home the night before feeling tremendous guilt. Plus, I believed he was scared I might confide in a co-worker, which would not only jeopardize his marriage, but also his career. Once he realized I had no intentions of hurting him that way, our friendship regained its strength over the next several weeks. We met for drinks again many more times without incident and never discussed what happened that night. By this point I thought he wanted to leave our lapse of judgment in the past.

Then late one Saturday night after a night out with my girlfriends, he shows up at my front door unannounced. I was shocked to see him and opened the door to let him in. He had obviously been out with some guys that night and was about as intoxicated as I was. He slowly backed me up to a wall, put his hands on my face, and attacked me. This time I completely gave in to the excitement of the moment. Neither of us felt any inhibition and it was extremely passionate, but also raw. We had sex that night-- more than once and the experience was nothing short of phenomenal. After he left I spent the rest of the night trying to grasp what had just happened.

I expected him to again be stand-offish toward me at work, but he was not. On Monday he came into my office late in the afternoon and told me how he had never wanted someone more. He said he had always “tried” to control himself around me but now was overcome with lust and desire and wanted me to feel the same. He grabbed my hand to lift me off my chair and kissed me again. I was still reeling from the weekend. With my attraction to him even greater now, I had butterflies in my stomach as I foolishly agreed to live out our fantasy.

Our affair just took off from there. We never called each other outside of work or made plans to discretely meet each other at another location. It, for the most part, consisted of sex at work. Honestly, the risk of knowing we could get caught only added to the excitement of it all.

We still have great conversations but he has completely backed away from discussing his marriage. And, since we have become physical he no longer brings his wife to company gatherings or will find a way to avoid them completely. I know he is not happy, but wonder if her absence is directly related to me or simply coincidental.

No one at work is aware of our relationship other than knowing we are friends. I recently reached a moment of clarity when a male co-worker divulged to me the details of a conversation they had had. They were talking about work issues and the amount of stress they are currently under. Apparently, my guy said he was going through a difficult time in his life and was concerned about how it was all going to play out. He talked about possibly accepting another job offer, the problems in his marriage and how they were heading towards divorce, and the fact he was having an affair and scared that he might be falling in love with the other woman.

I was raised in a conservative and strict environment and certainly know the difference between right and wrong. What I am doing is absolutely wrong! With adultery there is no gray area, it is all black and white. Yet, I have found myself trying to justify my actions by claiming it’s only physical and nothing emotional. I have felt much guilt over the past year, but now I am riddled with guilt and regret for what I have done. I need to break this off immediately, but don’t know how to do it. I am not in love with this man, but am still very much attracted to him and don’t know if I am strong enough to look him in the eye and hurt him like that. Not to mention that I would still have to see him each day at work. I do care about him and value his friendship, but he had never informed me that he was considering another job, that his marriage may be ending soon, or that he might be falling in love with me. I know he is under a lot of stress, but I don’t want to add to it. Does anyone have any thoughts about how I should go about handling this? I need help… please!

Wow, this post ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be, so if I have been able to hold your attention long enough for you to make it down to here… I Thank You.

Last edited by Amethyst01; 05-18-2008 at 10:37 AM. Reason: Spelling

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-17-2008, 09:26 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: north west
Posts: 108
travinda HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

hi amethyst01
its great you are able to talk about this, the worst feeling is having no one to confide in.
you cant help your feelings, you get on witrh this guy, you are single, he makes you feel happy and special, its no wonder you have feelings for him! the only thing you have done wrong is letting it go further knowing he is married.
it takes 2, you havent forced yourself on him,
he is more to blame than you are. he is married and its morally wrong on his part. there must have been problems there, or he wouldnt have come to you.
if he leaves his job or his wife, then thats his choice. as long as you dont influence his decisions you cant be blamed.
he is a grown man and what ever decisions he makes, he will have his own reasons for making them.

i would tell him how you feel, then back away, and let him come to his own conclusions. you can still be friendly as you work together,

 
Old 05-17-2008, 11:20 AM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: bakersfield
Posts: 5
thumbman HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

You are in a position I have been before and it only gets worse, believe me. So if you can't stop get ready for a bumpy ride.

I would just tell him that there is someone else or your not interested in him anymore, but want to be friends. He will probably not like any of that, but in time should accept it.

You can't control how he will react but at least you can be honest, even if he is not and then live with yourself as a better person. Grow and learn, fall down and get back up!

Last edited by thumbman; 05-17-2008 at 11:21 AM. Reason: grammer

 
Old 05-17-2008, 12:59 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,369
AnnD HB UserAnnD HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

You can add all the fluff words you want but the bottom line is you are having an affair with a married man. He is very aware of his good looks and this is not the first time he has done this nor will it be his last. All he has to do is look around his work environment to see who is the most available to his looks and after trying out others you fell into his trap. I wonder how many diseases he is taking from one women to the other. I am sorry his wife has to go through this...he has already starting to leak out details of his affair and it won't be long until everyone you are close to will never trust you again. I am guessing he is getting ready to move on to another affair...meanwhile you are the keeper of his secrets...it will be you that suffers the most from this. Men seem to get away with these kinds of things but women pay a very big price. Good luck.

 
Old 05-17-2008, 02:21 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

I obviously believe he is more to blame than you since he is the one who is married, but it does take two to tango. You entered into this affair knowing very well that he was married and you let it continue on.

The best thing you can do for all involved is just stop, cold turkey. He really isn't your "friend". He is using you to escape his marriage woes. You don't owe him any explanations. You just have to have enough respect for yoursef and his wife NOT to give into the tempation anymore. If that means no longer speaking to him because it is "too hard" so be it.

You can't go back to how things use to be. That line was crossed. Pray that he takes that job offer so you can get back to a normal work environment.

 
Old 05-17-2008, 05:23 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

You can be sure that everyone at work knows. I've had jobs where people were having affairs and thought no one knew, but EVERYONE knew. I've even been a brand new employee and by the end of the first month, knew who was having affairs with whom. And it always ended up being true.

You might consider leaving the job. Even though it might be a great job, a great company, great pay & benefits, you love the work, it's convenient to home or whatever reason can be given to not want to leave, if you value your career you need to leave. Otherwise you will forever be known as the lady who had the affair with Mr. X.

 
Old 05-18-2008, 09:26 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Amethyst, it could be your divorce has thrown you a bit off center, and that's to be expected, but I'm glad you can see it's time to get some clear thinking.

First of all you say you're not in love with this man. Look at it this way, why do you want to take his time and attention away from someone who is in love with him? You met this woman, socialized with her, I suggest you allow yourself to think about her and what part you are playing in hurting her. Yes, it's his marriage, yes, HE'S the one cheating on her, but he's doing it with YOU, and that does make you an accessory. That's not a judgment, just an unpleasant fact.

It may feel like a romance novel, but it isn't. You are in the middle of something very real that has the potential to be very very messy, and very dangerous to your career as well. There are no consequences to be paid in a romance novel and the good guys win, the cheated on wife is always a shrew who gets what she deserves, and the brave heroine lives happily ever after, but real life just ain't that way.

His marriage problems are not your concern, so don't feel you have to be there to support him or be his friend. You've actually crossed a line that now makes it pretty impossible for you to really be friends now anyway. I think you need to end it but you need to be very very careful. It's been my experience that people try all kinds of tricks to find out what they want to know, and it could be your lover actually sent this co-worker to say the things he did about their "confidential conversation" as kind of a trial balloon to see how you'd react. If he's leaving his job and his wife anyway, if he doesn't like the way you react, he now has the power to tell everyone at work, tell his wife, and have everyone think you helped wreck his marriage, and then he skips town and leaves you and his wife holding the bag. Don't think he would ever do such a thing? You'd be surprised.

I think if it were me, I'd tell him you just can't do this anymore, you feel guilty, scared of what would happen at work if anyone found out, and you can't be the reason he leaves his wife. Let him down easy, that you care for him and the time you had together was special, blah blah blah, but he's married and it has to end for both your sakes. But you really do need to end it before it gets any messier. Good luck.

 
Old 05-18-2008, 10:40 AM   #8
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6
Amethyst01 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Quote:
Originally Posted by travinda View Post
hi amethyst01
its great you are able to talk about this, the worst feeling is having no one to confide in.
you cant help your feelings, you get on witrh this guy, you are single, he makes you feel happy and special, its no wonder you have feelings for him! the only thing you have done wrong is letting it go further knowing he is married.
it takes 2, you havent forced yourself on him,
he is more to blame than you are. he is married and its morally wrong on his part. there must have been problems there, or he wouldnt have come to you.
if he leaves his job or his wife, then thats his choice. as long as you dont influence his decisions you cant be blamed.
he is a grown man and what ever decisions he makes, he will have his own reasons for making them.
Hi Travinda,
You are right, having no one to confide in can certainly lead to a feeling of despair. My mother who lives five states away is probably my best friend, but my family would disown me if they knew of the type of relationship in which I am engaging. And since most of my closest friends are also my co-workers, talking to them is not an option. As for the other friends that remain, I am not willing to take the chance they will never trust or respect me again. That is why I have turned to this board.

I have heard many times that you can’t help your feelings or who you fall in love with, but I do know we are all given the ability to exercise restraint, which I seem to have completely ignored. As for who is to blame, many of you believe he is more to blame than I since he was the one to make the first move, but I don’t know if I am fully convinced. Had I been deceived and made to believe he was single, then maybe. But that is not the case. I am just as much accountable for this as he. I am hoping I might be fortunate enough to side step karma when it comes back around. But I would not be a bit surprised if I someday the roles are reversed and I find myself the loving wife of a cheating husband.

As far as his decisions are concerned, I am afraid I will never be made aware of the influence I may have had. I have never consciously said anything to encourage one choice over another. But, maybe instead it’s what I’ve done. When I do talk to him I would love to reference some of the things I learned from his conversation with our friend, but I cannot betray that friend’s confidence. I am interested to understand all his reasons for possibly considering another position, or exactly why and what problems exist in his marriage that would allow him to leave his wife. I am afraid I will never know, but for the simple fact he never shared them with me, I cannot assume that my presence in his life hasn’t influenced him at least to a slight degree.

Last edited by Amethyst01; 05-18-2008 at 04:16 PM. Reason: Spelling

 
Old 05-18-2008, 10:44 AM   #9
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6
Amethyst01 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Quote:
Originally Posted by thumbman View Post
You are in a position I have been before and it only gets worse, believe me. So if you can't stop get ready for a bumpy ride.

I would just tell him that there is someone else or your not interested in him anymore, but want to be friends. He will probably not like any of that, but in time should accept it.

You can't control how he will react but at least you can be honest, even if he is not and then live with yourself as a better person. Grow and learn, fall down and get back up!
Thank you Thumbman. It is comforting to know you have been in the same position as well. Would you be willing to elaborate on that? I would be interested in your experience and how it all played out.

I have considered the option of telling him that I am now dating another man. This would be the easiest way out, but I fear it will only backfire on me. I have been single for the last two years and love it, and all my friends know that. Because I always attend company gatherings and many times meet up with work friends on a Saturday night, I would be expected to produce this man. Also, our circle of friends are the same and if he truly believes I am dating someone else, he would think nothing of mentioning it to someone else. Then I am really in a pickle. I might have to tell him that Iíve simply lost interest. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Am I strong enough to reject his advances if there should be any in the future? I want to be strong, but I donít know if I can realistically answer that question yet.

 
Old 05-18-2008, 10:45 AM   #10
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6
Amethyst01 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnD View Post
You can add all the fluff words you want but the bottom line is you are having an affair with a married man.   He is very aware of his good looks and this is not the first time he has done this nor will it be his last.  All he has to do is look around his work environment to see who is the most available to his looks and after trying out others you fell into his trap. I wonder how many diseases he is taking from one women to the other.    I am sorry his wife has to go through this...he has already starting to leak out details of his affair and it won't be long until everyone you are close to will never trust you again.  I am guessing he is getting ready to move on to another affair...meanwhile you are the keeper of his secrets...it will be you that suffers the most from this.  Men seem to get away with these kinds of things but women pay a very big price.  Good luck.
AnnD - Your post brought me to tears. 

I am a little confused about the “fluff words”.  Are you referencing my style of writing, or are you saying I wrote my post in a manner to gain sympathy?  As I basically said in my first paragraph, I’m not looking for sympathy, rather I am seeking honest advice. The details I provided-- though many-- were included so that you could form an educated and honest opinion.

As for his good looks… yes, he is gorgeous and that is not just my opinion.  He also has a very magnetic personality which draws both men and women, wherever he goes.  He always finds himself the center of attention.  He has a deep, sexy voice that can be detected in a crowd and speaks in an highly educated manner.  He has a great sense of humor and I have never seen him in a bad mood.  Many times I can hear his laugh echoing in the hallways. Also, he is a kind man who will help anyone whenever needed.  This man could have any woman he wanted.  When we go to a restaurant with others or even when it’s just he and I at the bar after work, women will approach him when he gets up to go to the bathroom.  They will flirt with him when he walks up to the bar to order me another drink, and sometimes he will even buy them one too.  I can’t say whether we equal each other physically.  I am not unattractive, but I refuse to classify myself.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  If he thinks I am beautiful (which he has told me), then I am beautiful.  But if the man that lives next door thinks I look like doggy doo doo, then guess what that makes me?

I am hesitant to think he has had an affair before me.  It could be possible, but our company hired him into a senior ranking position straight from college.  He and his wife were dating a year (possibly a little longer) before they were married and I witnessed him reject many women then.  Because of his executive position, he is held to a higher standard and level of accountability than others.  He has said that there were a few instances he was tempted by other women, but found it wasn’t worth the risk.  I guess somehow he can justify the risks while carrying on with me.  I don’t understand what it is about me that allowed him to cross that line.  Maybe you are right that he set a trap that I fell right into and was too weak to even realize it.

You mentioned that you thought he was getting ready to move on to another affair.  What gave you that indication?  Because he might be changing jobs?  Because he confided in someone about the affair?  By the way, after being probed about it, he would not give up the name or any information about the woman.  I don’t think he would ever expose me.  I am not a vindictive person, but he is aware that with my knowledge of many aspects of his life I could tear him apart. Allthough, if he were to move on to another affair, that would mean an easier break for me. It certainly wouldn't benefit his wife, but it would take me out of the picture.

Even though it’s terribly hypocritical for me to say this… I feel sorry for his wife as well.  I wish I could remove myself as a source of her pain.  I don’t know whether she is aware he is having an affair, but if she is, I doubt she realizes it’s me.  But, that dreadful day may come.

Thank you for wishing me luck; I will be needing it.  But, I think I am just as confused, if not more so now…

Last edited by Amethyst01; 05-18-2008 at 04:15 PM. Reason: Clarity

 
Old 05-18-2008, 10:47 AM   #11
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6
Amethyst01 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
I obviously believe he is more to blame than you since he is the one who is married, but it does take two to tango. You entered into this affair knowing very well that he was married and you let it continue on.

The best thing you can do for all involved is just stop, cold turkey. He really isn't your "friend". He is using you to escape his marriage woes. You don't owe him any explanations. You just have to have enough respect for yoursef and his wife NOT to give into the tempation anymore. If that means no longer speaking to him because it is "too hard" so be it.

You can't go back to how things use to be. That line was crossed. Pray that he takes that job offer so you can get back to a normal work environment.
Happy mom - You are absolutely right! I do pray that he does take the job offer so that his presence in my life is not a constant. It saddens me to think our friendship will be sacrificed due to our stupidity, but as you said, that line has been crossed and it will never be the same again. I suppose that line was actually crossed after the first encounter, and our continuing friendship only paved the way to the eventual affair.

I understand what you were saying about him using me to escape his marital woes. That may be true, but we were friends long before we were intimate. He would vent to me many times and then be content waving goodbye to me in parking lot. Why would his marital issues lead him to need a sexual relationship with me after two years of simple friendship? He could have found sexual gratification from any number of women. Why me, and why then?

Last edited by Amethyst01; 05-18-2008 at 03:44 PM. Reason: Spelling & Grammar

 
Old 05-18-2008, 11:05 AM   #12
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst01 View Post
I suppose that line was actually crossed after the first encounter, and our continuing friendship only paved the way to the eventual affair.
I think that is a very thoughtful way of looking at it. Sometimes you don't even realize how far things really got until you are in the middle of it and are wondering "what just happened here?".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst01:3573620
I understand what you were saying about him using me to escape his marriage woes. That may be true, but we were friends long before we were intimate. He would vent to me many times and then be content waving goodbye to me in parking lot. Why would his marital issues lead him to need a sexual relationship with me after two years of simple friendship? He could have found sexual gratification from any number of women. Why me, and why then?
I understand you were friends long before you were intimate, but lets face facts, all men notice when they find another woman attractive whether they are married or not. Marriage doesn't make you immune to finding someone else attractive. I'm guessing he "chose" you to have a sexual relationship with because it was easy. Meaning, you got on well and there was obvious sexual tension. Not to mention he also said he thought he was falling in love with you. I'm not sure what that means to him, but I'm inclined to think he was looking for more than just sex and may not have realized it at the time.

The sad thing here is that he will probably end up staying married to his unsuspecting wife because it is easy. Why rock the boat if he can get his gratification elsewhere? I'm sure once you put an end to things he will eventually move on to someone else. That's usually how men like this opperate. They rarely divorce because they are comfortable with how things are.

But I do agree when you said you shouldn't lie about another guy. Why lie? You don't owe him anything. All you have to do is tell him you're done and then be done. Why add more deception into this mess?

 
Old 05-18-2008, 11:16 AM   #13
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6
Amethyst01 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Amethyst, it could be your divorce has thrown you a bit off center, and that's to be expected, but I'm glad you can see it's time to get some clear thinking.

First of all you say you're not in love with this man. Look at it this way, why do you want to take his time and attention away from someone who is in love with him? You met this woman, socialized with her, I suggest you allow yourself to think about her and what part you are playing in hurting her. Yes, it's his marriage, yes, HE'S the one cheating on her, but he's doing it with YOU, and that does make you an accessory. That's not a judgment, just an unpleasant fact.

It may feel like a romance novel, but it isn't. You are in the middle of something very real that has the potential to be very very messy, and very dangerous to your career as well. There are no consequences to be paid in a romance novel and the good guys win, the cheated on wife is always a shrew who gets what she deserves, and the brave heroine lives happily ever after, but real life just ain't that way.

His marriage problems are not your concern, so don't feel you have to be there to support him or be his friend. You've actually crossed a line that now makes it pretty impossible for you to really be friends now anyway. I think you need to end it but you need to be very very careful. It's been my experience that people try all kinds of tricks to find out what they want to know, and it could be your lover actually sent this co-worker to say the things he did about their "confidential conversation" as kind of a trial balloon to see how you'd react. If he's leaving his job and his wife anyway, if he doesn't like the way you react, he now has the power to tell everyone at work, tell his wife, and have everyone think you helped wreck his marriage, and then he skips town and leaves you and his wife holding the bag. Don't think he would ever do such a thing? You'd be surprised.

I think if it were me, I'd tell him you just can't do this anymore, you feel guilty, scared of what would happen at work if anyone found out, and you can't be the reason he leaves his wife. Let him down easy, that you care for him and the time you had together was special, blah blah blah, but he's married and it has to end for both your sakes. But you really do need to end it before it gets any messier. Good luck.
Hello LarryLou'sMom,
I had never considered that the "confidential conversation" might have been a set up. I would hate to think he would do that to me, but I'm sure there are a lot of things I don't know or realize about him. I feel there are so many what, why's, and how's that I want answered, but I have to be resigned to the fact they never will be. And, you're right, they don't need to be. They are not pertinent and don't matter. What does matter is his wife, bottom line.

I am uncertain if my divorce has influenced me in this situation. My marriage ended several years ago and I am well past it. As sad as it is that am using these words to describe my marriage... it was an incredible learning experience. I call it the best mistake I ever made. There are also many aspects of me that I'm sure would make a great psychological case study, but blame is not to be placed on any of them. As long as I know the difference between right and wrong, nothing else matters. I have never considered myself the type of person who would do this, ever. Before this happened, my only concern was that a boyfriend or husband would make a fool out of me by cheating. But here I am-- the other woman-- guilty and ashamed of my behaviour. I feel as though I should be shocked and enraged by this, but instead I feel numb. By nature, I have never been a confrontational person. I wish I could make myself so and use it to make a point that leaves him with no questions. Somehow I will have to muster up the strength to do this.

Thank you for your advice. I am not looking for someone to hold my hand through this, I need someone to slap the sense back into me and give me a swift kick in the butt. I'm getting there... but I still haven't gotten to the point can rip that bandaid right off. I'm still scared of the pain... and not just my own.

Last edited by Amethyst01; 05-18-2008 at 04:26 PM. Reason: Clarity and additional info

 
Old 10-11-2008, 07:29 PM   #14
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 50
vicky20012 HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

hi here whats happened since your last post ?????

 
Old 10-11-2008, 09:31 PM   #15
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,040
realguy HB User
Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

Time to quit this guy and forget the friendship part. He isn't your friend. He's just having sex with you and maybe others.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
~ need a man's advice ~ mariagar Relationship Health 20 04-20-2010 08:41 AM
long for another man after DH's affair....any insight?? JustMeSilly Relationship Health 7 01-24-2008 02:50 AM
Having an affair Lucien77 Relationship Health 24 11-30-2007 05:25 PM
What is really going on? Emotional Affair or not? nikki92 Relationship Health 86 10-19-2007 02:38 PM
Mania, affair.... the lot!!! TheNewNut Bipolar Disorder 40 10-18-2007 12:26 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:34 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!