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Old 05-28-2008, 11:58 AM   #1
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He hates my cooking

Hello, I have been seeing this guy for about 3 years. It's not super serious or "the one" but we get along well & have fun together. Recently we have been spending more time together (we don't live together) and he has asked me to cook for him. Well, the problem is, he hates almost everything I cook. He likes one or two things I make and that's it. He said he'd be perfectly happy if I made those one or two things every day. But I'm not! I would get so sick of eating the same things all the time! He usually gets fast food for himself and for us when we're together, but I don't like to do that. I much prefer cooking, and when I'm home with my son I make all kinds of healthy foods like fish, chicken and vegetables. All of which this guy hates. I've become frustrated and told him that it would be a waste of time for me to try to cook for him. Every time I suggest something other than those two things he says "no, I don't like that". Until I got frustrated and said "forget it, I just won't cook for you, since you hate everything I make!" And he tried to backpedal and say that he likes those one or two things...right back where we started!

So should I just give up and stop trying to cook for him? And just deal with driving through wherever each night for fast food (yuck)? He very generously offered to pay for all the food if I cooked, but how is that going to be possible? Should I make 2 meals, one for him (the one or two things he likes) and make something healthy for myself (twice the work)? Any suggestions are appreciated.

 
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Old 05-28-2008, 12:06 PM   #2
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Re: He hates my cooking

I was a single mom when I met my husband. When I was married to my ex he was very controlling about what I cooked and all of that so he liked it. When I was rid of him I really enjoyed making new things for me and my daughter and it was much healthier. As a result my daughter is one of the best eaters I've seen for her age.

Anyway, I cooked for my now husband on one of our "dates". He enjoyed it a lot and slowly I began cooking more. Some things he didn't particularly care for, but he ate it anyways because I put in the time and effort to make the meal. Now that we are married and have my older daughter and one of our own I always cook. My rule is I make one meal. If it turns out to be something he won't eat then he makes something else. I do not limit my cooking for him and I do not make multiple meals like a short order cook.

So my point is you do what is right for you. Either he likes it and he eats it or he doesn't. Don't cater to his picky ways and change your tastes. That's ridiculous in my opinion. You are not his personal chef. It's time for him to either 1)try something new, 2)cook for himself, or 3)eat out without you. I wouldn't change the way I cook for anyone ever again. It was too exhausting when I did it the first time around.

Last edited by happymom28; 05-28-2008 at 12:08 PM.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 12:25 PM   #3
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Re: He hates my cooking

I don't cook much myself.....does he cook? Maybe he can cook sometimes and show you how he likes it prepared, etc.....
maybe the 2 of you can take a cooking class together if you're interested.
my ex-husband used to always complain that I never cooked, and he never made it fun, he made it into a chore for me.....so that's probably why I don't cook a lot.....also my mom wasn't the worlds greatest cook......we didn't starve, but it's not gourmet stuff by any means
so my point is, IF you have an interest in cooking you can try to improve, BUT if you have no interest and it's turning into a chore and he's turning into a nag I just wouldn't do it........order pizza! or suggest he cook......he sounds a little controlling....what's he gonna want next....you to do his laundry and then he'll complain that you didn't use the right fabric softener?

 
Old 05-28-2008, 12:36 PM   #4
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Re: He hates my cooking

I think small sacrifices (or concessions) are in place for both parties here. I don't know how often you meet each other, but anyway... one time you would cook his favourite meals (I presume they are very simple and quick meals, so you won't spend a long time preparing them, but you could always ask him to help you, why not?) and whatever you want for yourself, and then the next time around he would eat what you have cooked for yourself. It's a deal, isn't it? It's high time he learned to enjoy various dishes. He can't live only on fast, junk food. This is very detrimental for his health. You don't have to tell him about this, though. Just set the example. But taste a bit of his food now and then.

I think that eating together is an essential part of a relationship. It doesn't matter if you don't eat the same food, but it's good at least to sit at the table together and talk while you are eating.

I hope you can find a balance in this situation.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 12:41 PM   #5
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Re: He hates my cooking

I had to laugh a little. He ABSOLUTELY does not cook and just drives through somewhere if he's on his own or if I'm not cooking. He won't take a cooking class and to be honest I'd be a little scared if he did, since his idea of cooking is heating up something frozen or leftover pizza. He thinks home cooking sounds so good but I think too many years of fast food has ruined him for anything decent. I actually LOVE to cook and would spend all day in the kitchen if I could. I prepare borderline gourmet meals for my son and I (who I have also taught to love all kinds of different foods), but my guy isn't interested in shrimp scampi or homemade Italian white bean soup.

I like the suggestion of just making what I want and if he doesn't like it he can drive through. The only problem with that is the fact that he pays for all the food & grocery items, so that does give him some say in what's for dinner. Maybe we should just agree to dasagree and on the nights I feel like eating the one or two things he does like, I can cook that and other nights just let him go through the confounded drive through and I can make myself something.

Pendelum, I read your reply after I made mine. Your suggestions are good ones, and we do sit down together when I cook for him and he always praises what I've made, but I've been careful to make what he likes. I think your advice is good, I will try it.

Last edited by Redneon82; 05-28-2008 at 12:43 PM.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 12:47 PM   #6
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Re: He hates my cooking

Sigh. I've been there. Three exes ago, a long-term relationship and he didn't like my cooking and we lived together. He would either cook his own thing or he would eat a lot of fast food (he was naturally slender and could do it). I still managed to try and cook for him on special occasions but he just wasn't all that thrilled. The funny thing was that his mother wasn't a great cook -- so perhaps he was just turned off of home cooking all together.

My family makes fun of me because I don't cook well. I didn't get to benefit from learning from my mother like my elder sisters did (6 and 8 years older). And actually nothing bothers me more about my non-cooking as the fact that my family (older brother too) all seem to think it is funny that I seem so completely non-domestic and incompetent in that realm. It actually hurts my feelings. Oh well, I'm the only that went off to university and then graduate school, so I guess that was my trade off :/

 
Old 05-28-2008, 01:49 PM   #7
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Re: He hates my cooking

Some people are brought up on convenience foods and never appreciate anything else. Since he isn't picky, cook what you want and keep frozen pizza (or other no fuss frozen food) on hand when he is over. That shouldn't be too much extra work.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 02:05 PM   #8
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Re: He hates my cooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
Hello, I have been seeing this guy for about 3 years. It's not super serious or "the one" but we get along well & have fun together. Recently we have been spending more time together (we don't live together) and he has asked me to cook for him. Well, the problem is, he hates almost everything I cook. He likes one or two things I make and that's it. He said he'd be perfectly happy if I made those one or two things every day. But I'm not! I would get so sick of eating the same things all the time! He usually gets fast food for himself and for us when we're together, but I don't like to do that. I much prefer cooking, and when I'm home with my son I make all kinds of healthy foods like fish, chicken and vegetables. All of which this guy hates. I've become frustrated and told him that it would be a waste of time for me to try to cook for him. Every time I suggest something other than those two things he says "no, I don't like that". Until I got frustrated and said "forget it, I just won't cook for you, since you hate everything I make!" And he tried to backpedal and say that he likes those one or two things...right back where we started!

So should I just give up and stop trying to cook for him? And just deal with driving through wherever each night for fast food (yuck)? He very generously offered to pay for all the food if I cooked, but how is that going to be possible? Should I make 2 meals, one for him (the one or two things he likes) and make something healthy for myself (twice the work)? Any suggestions are appreciated.
Tell him to cook for himself!

 
Old 05-28-2008, 02:14 PM   #9
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Re: He hates my cooking

Wow, I have the same problem. EXACT SAME. My live in boyfriend will only eat out of the foods I make- rigatoni or tortellini/pasta sauce, taco salad, steak sometimes, umm.. top ramen soup (yuck) and I don't consider that actually cooking lol, pancakes sometimes, oh and he likes his bacon and eggs.

That's it. I have recipes after recipes and I can't make any of them. I'm sorry but personally it's just not fun to cook for only me, so either we eat out or I make one of the above.

The only problem I have with him eating fast food which he tends to do a whole lot is I don't want him eating all that grease, msg and processed foods. It bothers me to know he is harming his body. So i'd rather make something healthier.


I'm sorry I didn't mean to make this about me....I just wanted you to know your not alone (I thought I was alone). Sometimes I want to cry out of frustration when he won't even want to try something, or when he says he doesn't like something without even knowing what it is.
It makes my blood boil sometimes and it's extremely hard to hold my tongue. He says it's his taste buds, but I think he's just stubborn and ugghh I don't know another word for his sorry taste. My ex used to love everything I made so I know it's just him.

The only thing I would recommend since you have a child is make what you and your son enjoy and if he doesn't like it he can make something else for himself. That's only fair, and you shouldn't have to suffer because his "taste buds" SUCK!

 
Old 05-28-2008, 02:15 PM   #10
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Re: He hates my cooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by matter of time View Post
Some people are brought up on convenience foods and never appreciate anything else. Since he isn't picky, cook what you want and keep frozen pizza (or other no fuss frozen food) on hand when he is over. That shouldn't be too much extra work.
That's a great suggestion!

Another thing I wanted to add is I used to love to cook for me and someone else. I never got negative comments from my cooking skills so it only encouraged me to keep trying new things out. Since being with my boyfriend he took the fun out of cooking for me so I don't enjoy it like I used to. Even when I do make something he likes he usually has a stupid comments.. "it's not as salty" "why is there too much cheese" "why does the lettuce taste funny".. I usually leave the room and eat on my own when he has these comments so they have sorta stopped..

My point being- don't let this happen to you. Enjoy cooking what you love and don't let him make you think otherwise.

Last edited by Ms_ENV27; 05-28-2008 at 02:21 PM.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 02:51 PM   #11
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Re: He hates my cooking

{Removed- Do not be negative about other's posts. If you do not want advice don't post. If you do you need to be aware that everyone has different opinions that they are entitled to share. Do not expect others to post only what you want to hear. Thank you! Moderator BAC}

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 05-29-2008 at 08:26 AM.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 03:44 PM   #12
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Re: He hates my cooking

You said in your first post that "it's not super serious" and you know he's not "the one," so why are you racking your brain and busting your butt for someone you know will be gone one day? Seems like going through all this drama over dinner defeats the purpose of dating someone you're not very serious about.

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 05-29-2008 at 08:27 AM. Reason: Removed Quote due to posting violation.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 03:51 PM   #13
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Re: He hates my cooking

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Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
You said in your first post that "it's not super serious" and you know he's not "the one," so why are you racking your brain and busting your butt for someone you know will be gone one day? Seems like going through all this drama over dinner defeats the purpose of dating someone you're not very serious about.
Because I'm not at a point in my life where I'm ready to look for someone to settle down with. I may never be. So what's wrong with spending pleasant time with someone whose company I enjoy, and who enjoys mine, and wanting to do something nice for him in return for the things he does for me? It's not like he's giving me all kinds of grief, but it has been a challenge to find a solution that works for us both, so we can enjoy dinner together.

I didn't know I'd have to defend the kind of relationship I have. If it works for us, what difference does it make?
{removed}

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 05-29-2008 at 08:22 AM. Reason: Do not be negative to others in your posts. Read and follow our rules. Thank you.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 04:06 PM   #14
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Re: He hates my cooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
Because I'm not at a point in my life where I'm ready to look for someone to settle down with. I may never be. So what's wrong with spending pleasant time with someone whose company I enjoy, and who enjoys mine, and wanting to do something nice for him in return for the things he does for me? It's not like he's giving me all kinds of grief, but it has been a challenge to find a solution that works for us both, so we can enjoy dinner together.
I didn't say anything was wrong with it, and you don't have to defend it at all. But finding a solution that works for both of you only works when both of you are looking for the solution, and it doesn't really sound like that. He wants to either eat junk food or the two dishes you make that he likes. It kind of sounds like your choices are limited to eating junk food, making the same two dishes over and over again, or maybe taking a cooking class to try to see if you can make other dishes he would like, or make variations on the dishes he does like. Find out what he likes about them and use that to make other dishes he might like, that you might like too.

I'm just saying, I don't think I'd go through all that trouble for someone I wasn't marriage minded about, but if that makes you happy, have at. Nothing wrong with it as long as you're happy.

 
Old 05-28-2008, 05:09 PM   #15
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Re: He hates my cooking

Well that does make a lot of sense. I was hoping to find some suggestions that I could bring up to him the next time he asks for a home cooked meal, and I think I've gotten some good ones here. I think the variation on his favorite dishes suggestion is a good one too. Maybe instead of (infernal) cheese enchiladas, maybe chicken or beef. He loves cheese so maybe I could make grilled ham & cheese, or lasagna (loads of cheese there!).

And I am concerned about his health, since a steady diet of fast food will certainly harm him sooner or later. I can't imagine what his arteries look like. His dad suffers from clogged arteries and high blood pressure, so he should be worried. But so many men are in denial about their health!

And I am definitely not marriage minded at this time. Tried it once, didn't work, have a wonderful son and a guy I enjoy spending time with, it's been 3 years and it's still working, so for now I have what I want and need. In the future, who knows!!??

Thanks again.

 
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