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Old 06-07-2008, 03:18 AM   #1
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Question Problem with this girl

I am in college right now and theres this girl that has showed interest in hanging out with me. We have been out a few times and recently I went with her to a bar. I assumed her interest in me was an intimate one but at the bar, I wasnt so sure if she wanted to be just friends or not. She clearly has alot of guy friends so I am not totally sure she sees me as just another guy friend or something more. I guess when she said she wanted to hang out with me I preceived that as meaning she wanted to be in an intimiate relationship. I guess I am in the state of mind where girls dont normally ask out guys to be just friends at my age at least.

Anyways so after we hung out a few nights ago at a bar, she came back to my place and we talked for many hours. I think that the reason she likes hanging out with me might be because she just perceives me as another friend and thus not feel awkward hanging out at my place very late at night after she has been drinking.

I guess the fact that she has alot of guy friends and that shes so open to hanging out at my place is just confusing to me. Also to complicate things, I dont have alot of experience with girls so I am very nervous about making a move on her or anything. However, I would also feel weird if I asked her about what she felt about our relationship.

To make a long story short, I have not seen any clear signals about whether she wants to be just friends or something more. I thought the fact that she wants to hang out with me mainly just the two of us was a clear signal but this theory was shot down by the number of guys friends she has. I realize since shes a girl that she is probably not going to make the first move either but since I dont know for sure the status of our friendship I am in a very confusing and complicated situation.

Anyone want to comment on this?

Thanks!

Last edited by Dang12; 06-07-2008 at 03:24 AM.

 
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Old 06-07-2008, 03:35 AM   #2
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daylight568 HB User
Re: Problem with this girl

Just a guess in the dark.Maybe the reason she has so many guy friends is because they are all thinking the same thing as you and are afraid to take it to the next level for the same reason.

 
Old 06-07-2008, 07:13 AM   #3
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Re: Problem with this girl

I think that a lot of young women don't realize that when a guy is hanging out with them and focusing attention on them, 9.99 times out of 10 it means he wants to bang them. I was that way when I was like 18-23. In my mind, if I wasn't attracted to a guy, then I didn't even consider the possibility that he might be attracted to me, and enjoyed just hanging out with him, because I've always preferred the company of and related better to men.

But young women often don't get that unless a guy is gay, he probably doesn't want to just be your buddy, or one of your honorary girlfriends. I think you need to clue this girl in. You're a man, you're attracted to her, you aren't a girl friend of hers.
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:02 AM   #4
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Re: Problem with this girl

I agree with Gypsy Archer.
Most of her guy friends really are not an actual friend. Young women nowadays seem to try to collect male friends For various reasons. I'm a "friend" to many women I hardly know.
Try asking her what's her intentions with you. If you want to be more than a friend and she doesn't. It's ok to move on. You don't have to be anything to her. You just met her.

 
Old 06-07-2008, 11:22 AM   #5
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Re: Problem with this girl

The longer it takes you to try to make the move from friend to bf, the harder it will be. They say it's hard to switch once you're solid in the "friend" category. I suggest you just make a move on her the next time you two are spending time alone. You'll get your answer pretty fast. Good luck.

 
Old 06-07-2008, 02:15 PM   #6
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Re: Problem with this girl

Thanks for the replies

The issue I have with making a move on her is that we work together a few days a week and I have a few classes with her in the fall. So its not like I wont see her again. I am afraid to make a move on her when I dont know if she wants to be more then just friends because I will see her weekly.

Her guys friends are not just acquaintances, they call her alot and based on how well they know each other, I am just not sure if I am also in that role as well. I guess I can see how everything we have done together could be in her mind as two friends hanging out together. She told me that she relates better to guys and mainly hangs out with guys and only a few girls. Unfortunately she hasnt done anything to show me clearly that she wants to be friends or something more.

I dont know if you guys think this is weird or not but it really just confuses me alot. We have been out a few times together. After we left the bar she came back to my place around 2 am and stayed until about 5 am. I just think this is really unusual because we havent known each other for that long and she sees nothing wrong with being over my place that late. This is the reason I think she might think were just friends because I dont think alot of girls would do this since we havent known each other for that long.

Thanks!

Last edited by Dang12; 06-07-2008 at 02:23 PM.

 
Old 06-07-2008, 03:34 PM   #7
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Re: Problem with this girl

How about asking her out on a date? I mean a true, romantic kind of date like dinner, a movie, wine tasting, etc. NOT hanging out at a bar. If she says yes, ask her to dress in something pretty, get yourself looking terrific, then take her to a nice restaurant or wine bar, then maybe a romantic comedy type movie. That would be clearly a date and not just "hanging out". If she says no, she'd rather just hang at the bar, she is probably wanting to just be good friends.

I'd never go on a "date" with any of my "guy friends' but if I wanted to be more than friends, I'd offer to cook the guy dinner at home, or to take him out to a nice restaurant to get the ball rolling. Just a suggestion!

 
Old 06-09-2008, 12:04 AM   #8
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Re: Problem with this girl

Sorry I have been away for a few days.......

I will try to ask her out to dinner sometime but she has a busy schedule and that usually includes dinnertime.

I forgot to mention this, but she was the one who initiated hanging out, she asked me a few times to go to lunch with her so I wasnt even the one who initiated anything. I guess I assumed if a girl goes out of her way to ask you to hang out then that means she wants to be more then just friends. Not only that, I actually said no the first time because I was extremely tired that day. But she kept on asking me and I started hanging out with her.

Since then we have hung out a few more times but she has some very close guy friends. I hung out with her and her guy friend for a while. He was a very good guy but this doesnt help my confusion. He has his own girlfriend so I know shes at least not seeing him. I guess the fact that shes unusual in that she has many extremely close guy friends that she hangs out with regularly just makes it hard for me to see how she feels about me.

She said out loud to me that she wanted to see a movie which I obviously said I would go with her to see one. I know she said that knowing that I would want to go with her. However, I am still confused about this whole situation. The amount of signals that she makes showing she wnats to be more then friends is about evenly matched with those that seem she just wants to be friends.
And to be honest, I am ok with being just friends but since shes asked me out I guess I just assumed she wanted to be more then just friends.

Last edited by Dang12; 06-09-2008 at 12:12 AM.

 
Old 06-09-2008, 09:41 AM   #9
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Re: Problem with this girl

I suggest you do something very simple like try to hold her hand. Or touch or rub her arm. If shes interested, she will open up to more touching and within minutes you will be kissing her and there will be no doubt.

If shes not interested, she will not respond to touch, or she will move away from it.

There is a very small possiblity (less than 1 percent) that she would say something like "what are you doing". Your response should be a very direct - I was just rubbing your hand" or whatever appropriate words to what you were doing. Her response is likely to be "Oh", and you go back to what you were doing. In extraordinarily rare circumstances this might lead to a conversation centered around her intentions with you, which would only clarify the situation. In most cases you end up making out with her and if you were to continue you would have a 30 percent chance of having sex with her based on my experience.

 
Old 06-09-2008, 09:58 AM   #10
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Re: Problem with this girl

If a guy is interested in me and I'm not, I usually won't go to his house except in a group. There's one guy who is a great friend of mine, but I had to stop going to his house alone because he kept suggesting that we start dating each other and I didn't want to. So if she already knows you are interested in being more than friends and she keeps coming around, you may have a shot. But I do NOT suggest trying to "make out" or anything more than that until you are very sure she wants more than friends, or you may end up in a very awkward situation.

 
Old 06-09-2008, 03:42 PM   #11
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Re: Problem with this girl

Interesting girl you are seeing lately Dang.
I say go to the movie. You will get a better read on her intentions.
Are you interested in any other women? That may get her to show how she really feels.
You may want to take it slow with this one. SOME women with as many guy friends as this woman, have relationship issues. There has to be some boundary lines she has between her guy friend and her guy. If not, feel free to set them.

The point is this. You need to feel comfortable with her and her friends. If not, There are many others to date.

 
Old 06-10-2008, 04:38 AM   #12
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Re: Problem with this girl

Quote:
Originally Posted by xted35 View Post
Or touch or rub her arm. If shes interested, she will open up to more touching and within minutes you will be kissing her and there will be no doubt.

.
Big update; you were entirely correct here. I had not read your post before hanging out again with her but it really did happen exactly this way. Now at least I am not confused. Fortunately she made a very blatant move that could not mean she just wanted to be friends.

Thanks alot guys!

Last edited by Dang12; 06-10-2008 at 04:39 AM.

 
Old 06-11-2008, 01:08 PM   #13
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Re: Problem with this girl

Dang,
I would still be careful with this girl. If you two were to start dating don’t you think that some problems may arise because of her being so close to all these men? Do you know the history as to why she has very little female friends? You said yourself that you two have not known each other that long and I really think that you need to push the brakes for a little while and get to know this girl better. From the get go it sounded to me like she’s was trying to see your reaction to her having all these male friends. (Possibly trying to make you a little jealous and playing games).

I honestly think, and I’m sure some may not agree but, since you are inexperienced with girls this would not be a healthy relationship for you. You sound very mature, calm and looking for a ‘good girl’ or something real. This girl sound wild and pretty lonely (as she needs constant attention from men) and just doesn’t sound like a good match if you ask me.
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Old 06-11-2008, 06:08 PM   #14
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Re: Problem with this girl

JulJul, I'm thinking the same thing.
I'm just being more subtle because his inexperience may lead him to make excuses for her behavior.
What's up with all the attention seeking?

 
Old 06-11-2008, 10:28 PM   #15
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Re: Problem with this girl

She has alot of guy friends but the majority of them are guys that she works with if that makes a difference. After hanging out with her more, she seems to be putting in alot more time for me and less for the other guy friends.

While I realize I am inexperienced, I dont believe she is playing games with me. I will definetly keep that in mind and watch out for that though.

Last edited by Dang12; 06-11-2008 at 10:29 PM.

 
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